Oh geez, count me as another who's still working out issues with my thighs and hips. And I'm not crazy about my nose either, but my jawline is really bother me -- heredity and the gravity/time continuum are starting to take their toll. There's a reason why I smile for my photos: my emerging jowls are much less apparent!

But I'm much kinder to myself and my body than at any other time in my life, and YLF is part of my healing, along with exercise and taking care of myself. I'm so grateful!

MaryK, thank you for starting this thread. I teared up when I read your example. I've never heard your voice but I imagine it in my head. You are the girl with the big smile and infectious laugh who everyone wants for their BFF. I hope I get to hear your voice in person some day.

Quite a few of my hangups have been age-related. It's been wonderful to know that I CAN wear skinny jeans and boots, and yes, I CAN go bare legged with dresses, and I CAN wear pencil skirts at my age. The list goes on and on. Thank you to all of you and to Angie for your support and encouragement. It means the world.

Wow, this is a terrific thread! What a fabulous testament to this site. I definitely struggle with "too much weight around the middles issues", but this site has helped me learn how to dress so that I worry about that much less. Also, I consider myself short and a bit "stocky" with legs that are a bit trunk-like, from years of soccer, dance, running, etc. I was sort of blown away when I posted the other day and got so many positive comments about my legs, of all things - Angie sets a tone, and everyone follows her positive, supportive lead! That was VERY therapeutic for me. Most importantly, seeing so many different body types represented on this site, all of whom are stylish in their own way, has made me much more accepting of my own body. I'm closer to accepting that even if I don't have a body that is lithe and model-like that I can still be stylish in a way that suits the body that I do have. It's terrific that everyone is treated with respect and given constructive feedback regardless of (and appropriate to) their shape.

My "hang-up" is that, like Mitzy, I crave conversation about fashion and none of my friends/family members care that much about it.

In my family, intelligence and fashion were seen as mutually exclusive, and women who "cared too much" about how they looked were derided by my mom and sisters as bubbleheads. I long ago accepted my role as the clotheshorse of the family...but I get tired of the snide complimentary-while-really-being-critical remarks about my interest in looking good. As if looking good eliminates intelligence! yeesh.

So, thank you YLF ladies for confirming that smart and attractive do indeed go together!

Kari and Rae I happily join Team Asymmetrical/Crooked Face Thanks for the compliment Kari, who wouldn't love to be compared to a gorgeous French lady ^^ (Actually, I'm amused that these days when people ask my nationality French has been coming up quite often...)

I've been thin and straight for as long as I can remember and was teased about it in high school when everyone else had developed curves. But here I've learned it's ok and maybe even a positive thing. I've also learned to dress my body better to create more curves when I want them and embrace my shape when I don't.

I've also learned I can be stylish, after a long hiatus of feeling pretty blah about my looks and style. Even once I started to care it still took a long time, I used to cry getting dressed! A co-worker recently called me a fashionista (in the nicest way). I'm not sure she's right but still, me?? It felt good to realize someone might see me as stylish.

Kitty, I'm with you on being very young and having a husband that had my self esteem run into the ground. It's very damaging to the soul to be married to, and have kids with, a man who says such terrible things to you. For instance, when my kids were toddlers, their father (a party guy who didn't come home Friday night, but came home Sunday night instead) had a party with all of his work mates at our rented house. I followed along trying to be a nice hostess. I should say also that we had no money to pay bills but he liked to have parties. After everyone left he looked at me with disgust, I asked what? He said "why don't you go look at yourself in the mirror". I was only 24.

In my immediate family there are a few very beautiful women, which I never matched up to. A few of them have black hearts, but the beauty seems to have everyone gasping and in denial of the black heart. I learned from Angie and YLF that I am not that bad, in fact I'm OK.

Also I've learned that it's just fine to get older.

There have been several other jabs at my looks over the years but too many to go into.

I am so sorry to hear that so many have encountered catty women. I hate that women treat other women that way, and I personally rarely encounter women like that, or maybe I just repel them somehow. I've had the opposite experience - criticism and rude comments from men, nothing but support from women.

crazyone, alicat- thank you so very much I couldn't agree with you more!

san- As someone who has lived with that kind of pain I'm truly sorry that happened to you. We are all more than just okay we are all beautiful and no matter what anyone has said or will say that will not change ever. I have been learning from YLF how to show case that beauty so Thank you Angie for all you have done and all you continue to do.

Okay I will step off the soap box now hehehe...

Although I have specific 'wounds' my healing here has been of a more general kind. I have learned that I deserve to look nice. That a garment that does not look right on me just means I shouldn't buy it. It is not making a personal judgement about me. That when you have a fashion 'home' that is encouraging and constructive (YLF) it is very easy to take that out into the world and share it with others.

My goodness, Kitty and San, I was rushing and didn't see those posts before, but I'm horrified that some people treat their mates that way - especially when there are so many lonely people in the world who have not found someone to be with.

A lot of these stories really get my goat, actually, but I guess I have to remember that they are all past tense, and that the point is to celebrate the healing process.

Thank you Rae for pointing out the healing process. That helps very much to forget about the wound.

So many things.

I am still rather self conscious about my eyes--they are noticeably asymmetrical, and I fear they stick out too much. Apparently I am the only one who is bothered by these things though, because they have won me numerous YLF compliments.

Hair used to be a sore spot for me. Not anymore (although I have to give myself some credit with that).

I HATED my bum and legs when I first started posting here and now I feel both are among my best features.

Some of these stories are really heartbreaking. Big healing hugs to those of you who have been subject to hurtful words, especially from loved ones. That is so painful. Thank goodness we have an outlet like YLF for healing, as Rae mentioned.

It is such and interesting topic. Kitty and San, that is so cruel to come from you partner - it is hard to imagine the pain it caused you. I am glad it is all behind you now and you are happy.
I think majority of women have some hang-ups about their appearance. We tend to overlook our good features and focus on the flaws which somehow look much bigger that they really are. Other thing is that we tend to look at separate features - nose, legs, belly, thighs, etc. instead of looking at the whole. When I was a teenager I lamented my wide shoulders. I thought than combined with my height they make me very masculine compared to other girls. I focused on that so much that I did not notice that these wide shoulders balance out my hips and thighs and overall look is proportionate.
I got to accept my flaws and love my body with age even before YLF except for my legs. I always hated them - thick ankled / chunky calved / huge thighed monstrosities. For years I was hiding hem under wider pants and flared skirts. I did not even consider skinnies and thought pencil skirts and sheath dresses look dreadful with them. When I got the first feedback here that I look OK in skinnies it was like revelation, like I was freed. I still think my legs are not my best features but I made peace with them now and we happily sport skinnies, bermudas and pencil skirts.:-)
YLF is a phenomenal community where we all feel so comfortable and at ease and it is such fun to watch women loosing their body perceptions and joining Loise in the kingdom of Positive Body Image!

Omigosh, I'm so very insecure it's ridiculous. Hair, face in general and chin (or lack thereof) in particular, feeling flabby and over weight, gummy smile, messy, total lack of style... I'm a mess! (Not to mention that I constantly worry that I am also professionally incompetent. Arg. I was thrilled when a client was happy to see me out of the work environment!) In a tattoo forum I had a few people swear I was male and commented that I looked awfully buff to be female. Huh?? One feature about which I am very confident at least - my feet! I have great feet.

What a joy it is to have the fabulous ladies of YLF give me compliments on a few good outfits I manage to put together!

I also cannot stand my photo taken and generally find that I freeze up when I know a camera is pointed at me. All of my favorite photos are ones where I am completely unaware of the camera. I also like myself on video better.

san, that is so awful, and when you are young, you don't always know enough to question or think otherwise. Hugs to you and everyone else here who has suffered that way.

On another note, the fact that you're a carpenter is possibly the coolest thing I have heard in a while!

really good thread, sorry to read what some of you have been through.

ok, I'm going to go into some personal stuff here, hope this isn't too much to share, but I really appreciate what a warm community YLF is.

I don't have many body shape hang-ups, though I do occasionally wish my thighs could be thinner, but it's fairly occasional. But this isn't to say I don't have tons of hang-ups about my looks--I really, really do--I have bad skin and am really hairy and was convinced for a long time that I was really ugly because of these things, and was sometimes told so by classmates (male) growing up. I feel better about these things now, but to be perfectly honest I don't think I'll feel entirely comfortable about it until I have a partner who appreciates the way I look. My biggest hangup really is that I'm 26 and never had a boyfriend or even really had many men interested in me (it's only been in the last year that I even had my first kiss--imagine that, most girls my age have had 10 or more years of experience with boys), and it's really hard to shake the feeling that had I been prettier, things would be different. I'm reasonably social, fairly put-together in life, I don't know what's wrong with me otherwise--I don't even really get asked out on dates! I've been on probably 6 in my entire life.

And to be perfectly honest, YLF doesn't help me heal this hang-up, as well meaning girls and older women have always told me that I'm pretty, but what I crave is being desirable to guys my own age :-/

C1, your life sounds very similar to my own experiences at that age (and I'm nearly twice yours!)... I was lucky to have wonderful girlfriends in high school, but with guys I was always the friend, never the date. Partly it was because I was shy and quiet and chubby, and partly because there was definitely a standard of beauty at my very upper class white school that I did not fit. I had a huge number of complexes about body hair, skin color, not being tall and thin and blonde... and those were all reinforced by the messages I got from guys.

Then perversely I got older and it turned into the opposite and equally unpleasant situation of guys thinking I was exotic and foreign, therefore somehow kinky or who knows what. Ugh.

It is too easy to turn on yourself and blame your looks, as women do in so many situations, but that's not going to get you anywhere. You surely have been told you are stunning, as you very much are. In fact, I've looked at you and wondered if my life in high school would have been different if I'd looked like YOU!

Do you have friends who you'd trust to ask about dating and meeting nice guys? Are you doing things to get you out there? You're at the age when guys finally finish brain development and look past the "girls gone wild" fantasies to healthier options.

I'm happy to talk to you more about it - growing up when I did, I didn't know many Indian women who grew up in the US and knew about the issues I faced...

Oh my goodness, did I start this!!!

I have read all your comments and am just so glad that this forum with Angie (the women with the largest heart in the world) is here.

I have never read anything from any member that sounded catty or disapproving, only warmth and encouragement. Also a very large helping of humour which we all need. Perhaps we are the start of people being kinder more considerate and tolerant to each other. Because if we take it forward the people we touch will touch others and it should eventually encompass the world!!

How’s that Angie you are going to change the world!!! Lord knows if anyone can it is you and the fabulous people you have brought together xx

When I was growing up I was always the chubby kid, even though in retrospect I wasn't all that chubby! However, my cousin was (and still is) a super skinny kid and when we were together I was always referred to by adults as the chubby or even fat one. To this day I feel chubby when I'm around her. I must say though that I don't remember being teased by my peers, the adult's were hurtful enough with their talking among themselves about me or just admiring my skinny cousin (never directly to me, though).
It brings tears to my eyes remembering that I slept with a vibrating massage belt on hoping and praying to lose weight. When I started high school those extra pounds just fell off in a few months and I was thin (too thin if I think of it now).

MY skinny cousin on the other hand, who I wanted to resemble, got picked at in school beacuse of her ears and teeth by schoolmates and it wasn't after she had those things fixed in college that she could smile or wear her hair up confidently. Just goes to show how cruel kids can be and how you can never win ...

However, the thing I AM healing here at YLF is that I can trust my own sense of style. Through high school and college I never had money to buy pieces that were in a way special, now that I do, I had to learn to combine them and make them work for my own body and style. By reading style blogs and adjusting my eye to certain trends I learned to apply them to my body and my aesthetic. But putting photos of myself on YLF where super stylish ladies complimented me was the proof that I indeed knew how to dress my body and that I CAN trust my fashion taste and my eye.

(Thank you for your kind words, Aunty).

Oh, ladies. I really hope that YLF continues to bring out your beauty and boost your inner spirit. Remember that so-called figure flaws are just differences from a societal norm. Don't get caught up with those types of comparisons. It's wasted energy. Get caught up with YOU and your inner and outer fabness. That's worthy of all your energy, and all of my energy too.

Kitty and Sandy. I cannot begin to understand the hardship that you have endured, and my heart goes out to you. Feel blessed that you are rid of your verbally abusive relationships. No one deserves that. We will always help you celebrate the beauty that is you here on YLF.

Crazyone, you are beautiful and there is no doubt about it. And you know, blossoming later on in life is a good thing. More to look forward to as you become even more beautiful! You don't need lots of guys interested in you. All it takes is one special person, and that person is out there waiting to be with wonderful you.

AG: thanks for your post! I don't want to hijack this thread, so I'll PM you. I think generally though it's been much easier be Indian nowadays than it was when you were growing up, simply because there are so many more Indians and other non-white immigrants around.

ETA: Angie, thank you too! I really don't care about attracting "lots of guys", but I guess that knowing that guys do find me attractive would help me feel more confident about approaching someone I think might be good for me? If that makes sense.

YLF has certainly made me feel better about myself and has a very noticeable impact on how I dress, and I get complimented on it all the time! Thank you, Angie, for creating this community and being so generous with your advice!

A little late to a great thread. I'm in awe of what some of you have had to endure and you've all come out champs in my book! Wonderful examples of strength that I will keep.

My body issues include that pre-menopausal middle spread and da cellulite - oy vay. Working on taking it off as I don't want to end up more plump. As far as tweaking my style YLF has been a very real blessing because of all the beautiful women here - encouraging, insightful and supportive. WE ALL LOOK FAB!

Very true, C1, and I am grateful for that - I have lots of friends of all ages, ethnicities and races who appreciate me for who I am and vice versa. What Angie said is absolutely true, it only takes that one person...

C1, I can relate very much to what you wrote. I'm very furry and got relentlessly teased about that, along with countless other things regarding my appearance, when growing up. Looking at your pictures I wouldn't have guessed you had such a similar experience.

At present, I have been single for eight years. It's amazing the range of reactions I get when I reveal this to people, but the real reason for this is actually remarkably simple: I just haven't met anyone I like. Not even to go on a date with. Let me reassure you that in my experience, most women our age tend to do a LOT of settling and date a lot of losers So out of the 10 relationships most women our age have had, 9 of them were probably a disaster. On the other hand, I have one friend who never had a boyfriend until she was 25. They are now married. And I might add she is just gorgeous. So the actual number of relationships you have had has absolutely NOTHING to do with either your attractiveness or your ability to find a solid, loving relationship (if anything, I'd think the more relationships you have had, the less likely you are to find a loving, stable relationship).

I know my reason is not the same thing as what you are describing, but my coping mechanism might work for you. All of those friends of mine who settle: One thing that always astounds me is just how much time and energy they put into finding a mate. Personally, I think it's a lot more productive to put that time and energy into YOURSELF--making yourself into a better human being. I figured as long as I'm in this for the long haul, I may as well be my own one true love. I have freedom now that people in relationships just don't have. This is my opportunity to develop a personality, learn new skills, travel, volunteer etc. Ok, money's a little tight for travel, but the rest is in full swing. Perhaps somewhere in that process, I'll find someone I like, whom I don't have to "settle for." As Angie and Una have said, it takes just one person. Rather than combing through OkCupid or sitting at a bar and exchanging glances with total strangers, I'd rather engage in activities which bring me together with people I have SOME commonality with. And if I don't find anyone that way, that's ok too! I think too many people serial date and sleep around with the hopes of finding someone to fill a void. I'd rather be a complete, happy person from the start. Believe it or not, that will give you the truest form of self confidence because it will be coming from within--not from some external source. I can't deny the power of a dude telling you you're gorgeous, but it's temporary and superficial compared to the power of finding that confidence within yourself.

Hopefully I don't sound like a nut. I know very well that my choices are rife with controversy and I have entirely too many people "worrying" about me in my life, but it's just something to think about.

Maya: I didn't want to drag the thread too much OT but since I already started this process I'll just respond to you here. I think you and I agree a lot more than you think I do--if I really just wanted to "fill the void", I could go out and do it, but that's not me and I'd rather be myself and doing things I enjoy rather than dating to just fill the void. I think I'm actually far more comfortable about this than many other girls I know who have dated a lot more but haven't found the one. But that doesn't mean that I sometimes don't feel bad about, especially now when I see that my most of my female *and* male friends both are getting into (mostly) solid, meaningful relationships and I feel like that's just passing me by (and of course, the old fear that "all the good ones are taken"). But like you, I don't fall in "like" very often--though of course, when I do like someone, as happened last year, I get very attached because the experience is so rare. That said, last year's experience showed me that it was still quite fun and life-affirming to have your feelings for someone reciprocated to a certain extent, to experience romance, and to work on interpersonal relations in a romantic context, even if it didn't work out in the end. Also, one interesting thing with me is that I get called upon to be the listener and advice giver for a lot of relationship related advice...sometimes I'd like to be the one on the experiencing end rather than the listening end!

Anyway, I really appreciated your post! It's good to know I'm not alone

I have all sorts of issues about what I look like - stemming from when I was younger, I think. My parents are the kind of people that think that compliments lead to vanity and being too big for your boots, which is a bad thing. I can remember being about 16 or 17, in Venice (on holiday) in a restaurant. The waiter was doing that lovely Italian thing, fussing around me, saying 'bella, bella' etc LOL And then he turned to my father and said something along the lines of 'you must be so proud, you have a beautiful daughter' and my father said 'No, she's not beautiful'. (For the record, I don't think I am, either, but, you know, he could have played along!). And most of the time, that's how they were. It did lead to some ... erm ... unsuitable relationships because I think I was desperate for someone to like and admire me (that does sound very vain, sorry). Oh, and I had a 'friend' who would go on and on about how my mouth was 'too big' for my face. It's not done Angelina Jolie any harm, has it?! (not that I am like the lovely Angelina).

And I am very, very harsh on myself, I know. But it's very supportive here, and I can see that people gradually begin to see themselves as others see them, and that's got to be a good thing.

Wow I have been at work today and only just logged on. I am moved to tears by everyone's willingness to open up and be vulnerable. I am not sure if its age but now in my 40's I find I am pretty much at peace with how I look. Sure I would like to be slimmer, more confident about having my photo taken etc, however one thing I have encountered all my adult life is an attitude from other women in relation to the fact that I really like and enjoy dressing well and enjoy fashion. Of course my close friends are great but random women and acquaintences often make very backhanded compliments! I just let them go and recently I have relocated and started to develop a friendship group with some women of varying ages and life stages who all love to look smart and demonstrate a great caring and respect for one another which is great. This leads me to what I think is the most wonderful thing about YLF which is the beautiful, care and compassion the members, and the lovely Angie, show towards one another. Beauty on the outside is nothing if there is no beauty on the inside. The continual affirmation of one another and the fact that this blog does not promote the same idea of "perfection' as the fashion magazines, etc (as much as I do love reading them!). Each and every woman on this Forum is beautiful and stunning...I love that this forum promotes that all women, no matter what shape, size, age can look fantastic - and you all do:) I can't tell you how much I enjoy everyone's WIW. So for me finding a community of women who are as passionate about fashion as I am, and who focus on the positive and encourage each other so much is an incredible blessing. Forgive me for "raving on" but I really believe this is a very unique ennvironment and I feel very privileged to be part of it. Thank you to all of you.