What does it mean to "embrace your shape"? - YouLookFab Forum

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What does it mean to "embrace your shape"?

catgirl

Veteran

I have been pondering this today with all the apple threads and my own Allsaints post. I see some here working to de-emphasize what they see as the downsides to their shape, which I get, or to accentuate their favorite body parts. And a lot of us are obviously transitioning to new outlooks on certain styles - like Sona giving me the benefit of the doubt on my slouchy pants, or me changing my mind on Natalie's ink jacket, or me wearing the Bailey 44 dress despite my constant fear of belly pooch.

But what about the WHOLE you? I've noticed I'm more likely to ignore my usual concerns when I feel something is truly me. For example, I gave up on wrap dresses ages ago, but have never stopped questing for slouchy pants. They may not "flatter" in the expected way, but that's not always my goal and I often feel negatively obsessed with my body when I fixate on flattery. So I feel I am embracing my shape by not allowing it to control every decision I make. I want to look my best, and at the same time I want to be myself. When those things come together, I am at fashion peace!

How about you? I realize this post is a bit rambling and possibly pointless, but I wanted to to spill it so I could think it out with all of you wise women...

Body Type

28 replies

Latest reply was from Vix

D'Ellen

Veteran

It means "give yourself a big hug"! : )

Jonesy

Veteran

Embracing my shape, to me, means feeling generous and loving towards my body. Having respect for what it can do, and not obsessing or fretting over what society tells me I should fret or obsess over. Avoiding pointless body-based comparisons with other women. Focusing on fit and the look of something rather than the particular number or size on the tag. Taking care of my body through exercise, yoga, eating well, sleeping well. It makes me feel happiest when I can see that I am modeling this sort of self-love for my daughter, as she is heading toward puberty :).

I am totally with you on gravitating toward shapes and silhouettes that aren't necessarily "figure flattering," but those sorts of looks sometimes seem the edgiest or the most modern to me. I think it also takes some confidence to sport looks that don't necessarily "highlight" every body part. It's about marching to your own drummer, rather than always focusing on how others will perceive you.

fauxpas

You know, I think "embrace your shape" is a call to apprceciate that we all have different bodies and we should be dressing them to be our best. Rather than distressing over one trend or shape that you CANNOT wear, treat yourself to knowing what all is out there for who you are. To me, this is part of "personal style". I think most of us "just know" when something is truly not right for us; it's just that sometimes we need someone else to be the bad guy and say "not sure that is the best...how about this?" so we can let go of what we don't have and EMBRACE what we've got! Love the post and what you shared.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

Ah yes, Alaskagirl. You said it. Wanting the freedom to express your sartorial loves without the shackles of "body type rules". I love it. I think all it takes is pure confidence. Also, and this may sound bizarre, but when we are loved & appreciated for our unique inner selves, I think ultimately it has an amazing freeing effect, letting us take fashion risks that intrigue us, instead of wondering, "Will my date find me attractive, or dowdy?". Or the high school insecurity of, "Will the other girls think I'm weird? Will no one want to be my friend?" Etc. You know what I mean. And I always come back to Angie's Home post: Rules: 1. Have Fun With Fashion. 2. There are no rules.

So, yes embrace and accept, and express oneself. It's a process, but it's a great goal!

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Thank you for this post, Una! I know I have caused a bit of (literal) navel-gazing today with my tongue-in-cheek apple post (I just thought it would be funny, didn't expect such a strong reaction!). I don't hate my body and didn't mean to make people feel bad about their bodies at all. I really am trying to "embrace" and work with, not against, my body shape. I love Angie's posts on how to dress your body shape. For me that means being aware of my shape and ways to flatter it, for example using waist definition with belts, tucking, or ruching to distract the eye, and avoiding styles that call negative attention to the area, like tight jersey shirts and dresses. Except the Bailey 44 dress, I decided to live with a little tummy showing there! And the ink jacket too. I think when the item makes me feel totally fab and fits my style, I can feel more comfortable about revealing my shape. When I am not sure about it or don't feel totally comfortable, that's when I feel self conscious.

catgirl

Veteran

Helen, exactly! And yet does that mean I've come full circle back to wearing what I want regardless of what looks good on me, as I did pre-YLF? That's what's confounding me!

And yes, I have more fun here than should be legal.

catgirl

Veteran

GP, not at all - your post was cathartic and that is always a good way to grow and learn!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Hmm, I do think that being truly okay with your body will let you deviate from the known flattering shapes into those you are drawn to, despite whether or not they flatter you traditionally.
For instance, it was really hard for me to don the circle print mod shift dress even though I loved the dress in an abstract way. It was loving it ON me that was the hard part I tried and tried to belt it to tame it into my hourglass preconceptions but alas it was meant to be freee lol.

HelenInCanada

Veteran

GP - "literal" naval gazing! LOL! Tongue is bursting out of cheek now! If you ever decide to change professions... I have to admit your Apple thread is one of my favourites so far!

Some great thoughts here.

Una, I haven't had the benefit of seeing your pre-YLF get-ups, but I honestly doubt you can "go back" after the education and vision-training of YLF. I think it almost becomes second nature now to notice good fabrications, special details, to ask yourself if you'll get plenty of wear out of an item, what it will look great with, etc... I think you're striking a balance between finding your true style and being able to pull off a look that pleases you consistently, rather than haphazardly. I hope that makes sense!

And yes, YLF is at the top of my passions list right now - too much fun indeed!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

LOL, Blonda!!

Good question, Una.

Ornella wrote a lovely post recently about feeling at peace with her shape at long last (after years of not feeling that way.) http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....completely

"No wishing for smaller hips, broader shoulders, tinier waist. Nothing. Simply put, my body is just a collection of parts I know now how to dress and shopping or dressing are no longer draining my mental energy or wasting my time. No desperation. Just the right attitude - it's not my body that's wrong, it's the clothes. I now move on and look for something better. Happy."

Sometimes she dresses to de-emphasize those parts that make her a "pear" and sometimes she dresses to showcase them, but in neither case is she obsessing about not being right or not fitting some ideal.

In other words, knowledge is power.

I think that's all the body type recommendations are meant to do. Give us that power. What we do with it and how we use it is up to us.

For instance, in my case, stumpifaction is my big fear. So, in theory, anything that shortens my already short legs is not a good look for me.

But yesterday I was wearing a midi dress with light coloured tights and black booties! (I should have snapped a pic; will try to do that tomorrow and add to the thread.)

Was it my most figure flattering look?

Probably not.

Did it look horrible?

I don't think so.

For just the reason you gave. The midi worn with pumps would have been too dressy and too prim for me (for a daytime look) and I preferred to look more fashion forward.

I like to think I wore it with the right attitude. As in, "Look dude. I was at cross fit this morning. You don't like my muscular calves? Tough."

Suz

(website)

Veteran

BTW, just wanted to add that I love every word that Jonesy said. I think it's about treating ourselves kindly and well and living a healthy life...

Aziraphale

Veteran

Hm. This is an interesting question. After some thought, I decided that, for me, 'embracing my shape' means enjoying the things I like about my body, and genuinely not caring about the things that I would change if I could wave a magic wand. I bet we all would change a few things if it were really that simple.

For me, focusing on figure flattery helps me embrace my shape, but isn't the be-all end-all. When I wear stuff that makes me look good, I feel good. But looking good doesn't necessarily mean looking more traditionally hourglass, despite the fact that it's considered the 'ideal' shape. Sure, I feel great when I wear a skinny top with an A-line skirt and studded belt slung across my hips, and such an outfit does help give the impression that I'm a slender hourglass rather than the rectangle that I really am! But I feel equally great in a waist-surrendering black button-front shirt and skintight jeans, or baggy, rolled-up jeans and Converse, even though both of those outfits me look even more boyish - not hourglassy at all. The common theme in these different types of outfits is that I think they look cool, and they feel like 'me' -- and on this, I think you and I can agree. You like your figure when you feel like 'you'. Is that what you mean?

Anonymous

Una, your words, "And yet does that mean I've come full circle back to wearing what I want regardless of what looks good on me, as I did pre-YLF?" here have some real merit.

Take the way Angie dresses, for instance. She doesn't always focus on figure-flattery, and most of the time she can figure out a pleasing way to wear something she really loves. So maybe you will go back to the fashion you love for it's own sake, but this time knowing *how* to make it work a little better for you. You can judiciously choose to shorten a legline here or surrender a waist or even broaden a shoulder if the whole package works for you.

FWIW my style hasn't really changed from what I've always loved, sure I've tried a few wacky (for me) things, but I have learned a TON about how to shop for, buy and create a great workable wardrobe. I don't think you had an innate love for wrap dresses pre-YLF but everyone was probably wearing them here. OTH, you have probably ALWAYS loved a slouchy trouser. Am I right?

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

To me, embracing my shape does not mean wearing all the trends and being ok with not looking great in them. As in, I don't look great but I'm proud of it because it's me and I accept myself. That sounds like empowerment but it will look like denial or giving up.

To me it means adapting the trends, tweaking them so they DO work on me and look, if not great, at least good. Top and jacket lengths, necklines and sleeves can go a long way in making something look either awful, so-so, or amazing on each and every one of us. The same holds for the cut, color, pattern, construction and size of a garment.

catgirl

Veteran

Claire, you are absolutely right. I can't unlearn what I know now, nor would I want to - much like learning to read. Perhaps this is the next leg of my style journey, figuring out how to mesh what I've learned so far with about techniques and PPL and so forth to make what I love work for me... Thanks for the validation - you always say the right thing.

rachylou

Veteran

Made me think, you have to be able to see your shape for what it is. Like, sacks look best on bean poles. But I don't know how well I'm able to do that. I suspect I think I'm a "fat" bean pole.

ButterflyLady

(website)

Veteran

I think it's like Ornella said in the thread Suz linked to - to stop wishing your body was some other way - thinner, taller, smaller waist, bigger bust - etc etc and to be at peace with it, to be 'bien dans votre peau' (French may be a little off there, sorry!).

I've always thought that trying to make decisions about living healthily, dressing well and taking care of yourself from the negative position of 'I hate myself the way I am' is doomed to failure. First, love yourself, then you'll want to nurture yourself with healthy food, dress yourself with care, have fun.

I am working on it (I have a whole list of things I'm 'working on' right now!).

Di

(website)

Veteran

I'm a busty hourglass, and pretty much all through my 20s I dressed like I was terrified that I'd offend someone by looking like myself, or by calling any attention to myself or my figure. For me, embracing my shape means having more respect for myself-- not trying to hide myself. (Obviously, for me, this is about embracing a lot more than just my shape. But that's definitely a part of it.)

KikiG

Veteran

For me, embracing my shape means to take my figure lemons and make lemonaide. I am unlikely to ever have the defined waist of my youth, but I can take care of this body and create some pleasing illusions that make me feel confident if I am careful and clever. I can work what I have, improve what I can, and finesse the rest.

I had a roommate once who was a bit odd in many ways. She wasn't heavy--the worst I would say about her figure was that she was perhaps a little chunky. She often bought cute outfits--in the size she "really" was--that happened to be two sizes smaller than her actual size. I am confident that she never, ever wore any of those outfits, and never became her "real" size. And what a waste of joy (not to mention money.)

I see that so often--women who hate their bodies and punish their bodies by dressing them badly. It breaks my heart to think of the self-hate they live with.

Claudia

Veteran

AG wrote: "They may not "flatter" in the expected way, but that's not always my goal and I often feel negatively obsessed with my body when I fixate on flattery. So I feel I am embracing my shape by not allowing it to control every decision I make. I want to look my best, and at the same time I want to be myself. When those things come together, I am at fashion peace!"

This has been a recent revelation for me, too. It is powerful and very liberating. I finally get what Angie has been subtly saying in her blog and on the forum.

For me, with my body, it use to always be playing up my small waist and trying to hide my large boobage.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

AMEN TO EVERYTHING ON THIS THREAD.

I know this sounds like a cop out but I am gong to say it anyway. Life is too short to wallow about the body that you wished you had (I realize that this is easy to say). You have to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about your body - which is one of the reasons that YLF was created. You have to find the wardrobe items and a style that make you feel fabulous. It's entirely possible! And I have devoted my life to showing women how to do this.

STYLE IS NOT A DRESS SIZE. It's a sum of it's parts - and that includes every part of you. From the sparkle in your eye, the dimple in your cheek and your cleavage, to your tummy, your scars, your calves and your cute toes.

(Okay. This was entirely too preachy for first thing in the morning).

Una, I find your new slouchy pants very flattering. How are they not flattering? I love them!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

For me, embracing my shape has become synonymous with "dress the body I have now". I've stopped thinking "when I lost 15 pounds I'll wear...." I've accepted the shape of my body, am slowly coming around to wearing belts to add some waist definition rather than always trying to hide that area, and am now willing to wear outfits that I feel great in even if it means it might draw some attention to me, when previously I would want to hide in the background.

Claudia

Veteran

Hugs to you, Angie.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Hugs right back to you, Claudia

catgirl

Veteran

Thanks, Angie! It took me this long to figure out that it's okay to dress like me... like I said, I'm a slow learner! Never would have gotten this far without you and this site. SO grateful! Preach away any time - it's like a shot of fashion vitamins!

And thanks to everyone who posted on this thread - so much incredible insight and support for being ourselves.

Carole

Veteran

Someone already said it but I'll say it too, give yourself a hug, and love and accept your body as is!

Sylvie

Veteran

Coming late to this thread but I wanted to say. Embracing your shape means never looking at an outfit and saying "if only my body was x, I could wear that" OR "I just need to have y change happen before I can wear this".

Embracing your shape means saying "this shirt is messed up and doesn't work for me, I'm going to find something better".

The emphasis is on finding/altering clothes off the rack to fit you, rather than trying to fit your body into the clothes on the rack.

I fully admit that I'm still not fully at the point where I can embrace my shape yet, but I'm working on it.

Vix

Veteran

To me it means:

-- Work with, not against, what you have

-- Wear what you love (even if it other silhouettes might work better with what you have)

Note the contradiction. Whoever coined that phrase/philosophy has us coming *or* going.