What does it mean to dress Little Old Lady and when? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

What does it mean to dress Little Old Lady and when?

Joy

Veteran

In this thread: https://youlookfab.com/welookfab/topic/kr-ef-pumps
Jenni NZ asked a question I have been wondering about myself, "But when do you feel you will be allowed to look old lady?" When is it time?
Some gave thought filled answers on that thread. A couple asked me to start a new thread with this question. This is it.
I have a niece that is in her 50's and can't wait to dress little old lady. I think that to her it means Iris Apfel or wearing outrageous outfits. I feel that one can do that at any age if they have the flair and desire.
I already dress for own happiness most of the time, but don't feel ready for Advanced Style although I will be 71 this summer. I suspect that the Baby Boomer generation is going to dress differently in their dotage than those before them. What that will be will be somewhat determined by fabrics and design available...like hot water and dryer friendly. The big issue is what one's body will demand. Will one need clothing to hide Depend lines? Easy on and off for arthritis and quick trips to the restroom? Wheelchair friendly styles with coverage but will not get caught in the wheels? I am thinking of a few things I had to consider when shopping for my mother when she was in her 80's. So my answer is that as long as my body allows, I want sensible clothing but should be thinking ahead. I have already allowed my hair to be its natural grey and given up sandals and heels ( although I miss both and wear a bit of stable heel when I can such as the shoes in question.). I would love to hear what you think about when it is ok to look old lady and what does that mean? Are you longing for a time when it is acceptable to wear tons of accessories and put together lots of unusual combinations?

General

66 replies

Latest reply was from jill58

Laura G

Veteran

I think of Little Old Lady as the time when you dress with no regard for the shape of the body under the clothes (maybe because it doesn't have a shape anymore, maybe just because you're tired). Or the time when you *stop* putting together unusual combinations...Lumpy and colorless. Can't imagine waiting to be allowed to look like that, or like anything, for that matter.

At 60 I'm investigating comfort brand shoes, but only so I can keep wearing heels without pain. I can imagine someday needing to wear the frankly ugly old-lady shoes, but I can't imagine looking forward to it!

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the question...

Joy

Veteran

Laura, I don't feel that you have misunderstood the question. I think some feel that one reaches an age where they don't care how others feel about their outfit. There is that famous poem about when I'm old I shall wear purple and a red hat ( imagining breaking some old fashion rule about not wearing red and purple together, I suppose).
http://www.luvzbluez.com/purple.html
I am at an age ( and look it) where I could go full crazy gypsy and probably get away with it, but have no desire to do so.

Gigi

Veteran

Joy, I would love to see you in full crazy gypsy garb!

My reaction to the question was the same as Laura's. I view "dressing little old lady" as not caring about whether the fit of your clothes is flattering; dressing has become only a practical consideration, something to put on to cover the body.

As far as not caring what people think, I try to do that now. I really work to wear what I like and not what I think will "fit in." My choice of what I wear is first and foremost for myself. I do find that I get a lot of compliments being true to my own style, though. I really think people enjoy seeing outfits that are off the beaten path, even if they wouldn't wear them themselves.

rachylou

Veteran

Well now, see, I think Little Old Lady is a personality type. And it's different from Old Lady, for example, and Old Broad, and Grandma. Or that it's a style that requires having a certain personality.

So for example, you have to be the sort that carries a handbag. No fanny packs. Because you have to be ready to swing it at gangstas. Because Little Old Lady goes up to big scowling dudes, with tattoos crawling up their neck and over their shaven skulls, and wallops - in a severe and prim fashion - while they scream like a little girl.

So it's like you're old enough when you're mean enough. You can't just be tough - that would be Old Broad...

I'm jus' sayin'... There are some young 20 year olds that can do Little Old Lady. And I find Alabama not a bad training ground for this... it's the soft accent.

Gaylene

Veteran

OK, I'm one who asked for this thread because I'm not amused at being told it's fine to be an old lady, as long as I don't look like one. Seriously? Would this "advice" be given to women of other shapes and sizes?

What does it mean to dress like an old lady? It means dressing like me--a 68 year-old woman who doesn't take kindly to being stereotyped and who is perfectly capable of determining what she wants to put on her body.

rachylou

Veteran

Ps: I went and looked at the shoes. Those are not old lady. They COULD be part of a femme fatale look (which is a handbag whacker look too). I liked them a lot. Did you try with an insert?

Pps: I have to say, I don't see you becoming Little Old Lady, Joy. You're going to have to shoot for Sweet Little Old Lady or spend the next couple of decades studying Beverly Hillbillies reruns...

rachylou

Veteran

Ok, and one more... Gaylene, I highly suspect that no one tells a genuine Little Old Lady she shouldn't look like one, because they'd get whacked with the handbag. I don't mean this as a joke, actually. So I think comments like that are really really about power. The fashion might as well be substituted with kitchen appliances...

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Well of course since it was me who asked the question... I was kind of thinking of the most stylish old lady I have ever known. When I met her she was at least mid 80s, but I remember admiring her clothing at age 88 and saying to her and others that if I could look anything like that at 88 I would be so happy! She wore these rich jewel colours, deep teals and blues and purples and reds, with brooches and earrings and scarves. She wasn't quirky like Iris Apfel but such an individual. She invited me to her 90th. Here is a photo of us on that occasion in 2011. Perhaps 2 or 3 years later she began to fade and arrive with the clothes not looking so well cared for, and died after another year or two. So I think she was absolutely true to herself until she couldn't be due to illness and not being able to care about it. And so if we all get to a point of not being able to dress with our own style, maybe some people will help us to still show some little individual quirks to make us feel like ourselves still?

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Anonymous

Jenni => So if we all get to a point of not being able to dress with our own style, maybe some people will help us to still show some little individual quirks to make us feel like ourselves still?

I certainly hope so!!!

Amy Isabella

Veteran

I would help others to do this in a heartbeat.

Staysfit

Veteran

Do people differentiate between "old lady" and "dowdy" or "frumpy"? It seems like all three terms get lumped together and interchanged for one another.

It seems to me that some people get stuck wearing the same things without refreshing them, but what they are wearing is not particularly noteworthy in the vein of Iris Apfel. I think the world is filled with people who are not preoccupied with style, and think about it even less as they age. There are also those who do think about it and manage to maintain themselves to the very last.

My mother and my aunt both had polio, and both lived with significant handicaps. My aunt used a walker and motorized wheelchair to get around, my mother has braces on her legs. My aunt was one of the most stylish women I know. Impeccable in every way. My mother also cares greatly about her appearance and always presents herself well. I do not see age, frailty or disability as a reason for style to deteriorate, or to change into something people would designate as "old lady". People who dress like Iris Apfel, in my thinking, are creative and artistic, and they embrace this style as part of their personality, not because they are old and need to change what they are wearing. They love what they wear, it's their passion. They probably have always had some of this tendency and it has consolidated and become intensified and well defined as they aged. I think the changes in ones wardrobe as one ages are a matter of priority and personality.

gryffin

Veteran

Hum....this is an interesting question Joy but I think we might each interpret the meaning differently. I don't see Advanced Style as "old Lady" per se. To me those lovely ladies are actually no different than the 50 yo man who ditches the minivan to buy a two seat hugely expensive sports car. I don't see that as "midlife crisis" I see this, and the sartorial version, as a reward for delaying gratification and doing what was "expected" or felt to be necessary at a particular age and now they are both reclaiming what they've always loved. I'm not sure Old Lady would convey that to me, rather dressing your true self or some such. "Old Lady" to me is that same as "new mommy" "the despondent/depressed" 'the overworked and miserable" poorly fitting cheap unkept clothes, no grooming because life has become to overwhelming to make an attempt at that. I don't think there is a person alive who has that as a goal, rather it's a default setting. Personally I think my goal is to dress my truth. My clothes are mostly new and my "vintage" pieces, oh yeah coming on 20 yrs for some blazers, would still look appropriate on an upscale sales rack today, so somebody who makes clothes thinks I'm in style!! But I don't look cookie cutter and if I wear a trend it's in a way that is appropriate to me not necessarily main stream. At 57 yo, I don't feel that's old lady so much as embracing and owning my style and not caring what others consider "fashionable" but always having a fine eye and respect for place, activity, appropriate, understated, elegantl but totally my own. If you want to call that "old lady" I'm on board. I've grown into that privilege!

Liz

Veteran

I don't equate "little old lady" with wearing outrageous clothes. That's surely an individual choice. Maybe because women like Iris Apfel are more obvious, they have become icons of a sort.

I wish we could not identify clothes with labels like "little old lady" or "soccer mom" or "yummy mummy" or whatever the next or latest term is. Surely we're individuals, dressing however we dress, at whatever age we are. And I'd very much prefer not to be labeled, or to be told that i must look "youthful" or adopt trends in order to be acceptable.

I do remember when I hit my 40s being so grateful that the way I wanted to dress finally matched myage. Un til then, I'd always felt like my natural inclinations always skewed older than my age group.

Anonymous

The stereotypical "old lady" look generally involves outdated clothing. I doubt anyone on YLF will be dressing that way because we're always updating our wardrobes!

always trying

Veteran

I am probably the oldest one on this board, and one thing for sure is I do not dress old lady! I am very thankful that I can do all the things I do, and my body lets me dress the way I want to. I am 77.....

To me looking "old lady" is as xtabay said outdated clothing. another thing is old lady hair styles. On the other hand IMO, dressing too young can be worse.-

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think there are more than one "little old lady" style stereotypes (you have the wacky old lady type, the more typical grandmotherly type, the very proper Queen type...), and I feel like we all just need to own whatever style it is that feels best to us, at whatever age we are.

Even though I certainly don't have outrageous or crazy style, I just don't dress like most 52yo's I know. And that's great. I'm comfortable in my style (even though I'm not having an easy time of the physical changes I see in the mirror as a result of aging). I've never been anxious to embrace anything that indicates a more "mature" style than what I have, so for me, I will stay far away from anything that evokes any kind of "little old lady" style as I identify it -- it's just not *me.*

On the other hand, as AT mentions above, I'm not trying to dress younger either, even though I embrace styles that a lot of women younger than me like. I'm simply dressing as *me.*

As time goes on, I may change some of my ways, and that's fine. I think we all have that prerogative. I bristle at "rules" and doubt that will get any better as I get older, so who knows? Perhaps by the time I'm 80, I'll be mixing crazy patterns and have wild multicolor hair.

Anonymous

I've dredged up the word "dowager," like Lady Violet on Downton Abbey. Now that's an old lady look I could really go for. Very regal and intimidating! A bejeweled cane for whacking surly underlings is de rigueur, of course.

Classically Casual

Veteran

I second Gryffin's comment of "dressing one's truth".. At age 70 (gulp) I have a better grasp of my truth than I did a few decades ago. We're all fortunate to live in a time when there's so much variety in clothing that there's more than enough for everyone to express themselves if they're so inclined. And hasn't "comfort shoe" styling improved immensely? I love my metallic sneakers.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

To me it seems more of the overall "look" than the clothing choices in a lot of cases. The hair, expression, demeanor, physical condition, etc. Someone in their 50's can seem much older and sort of out of the fashion groove than someone in their 80's. I see this all the time where I live. I think people wearing ill fitting and sort of uncomfortable looking outfits, paired with unkempt hair and skin can often appear much older than they are. A lifetime of no real regular exercise can certainly age a person as well.

Many people out here in their 80's wear jeans- and not stretchy waist jeans but normal jeans. Most of them are still hard working - one 80+ year old neighbor was climbing up a tall latter to get on his roof just last year doing some work. Another friend (in her 80's) always dresses fashionably and loves to shop at the outlets where she has the knack of finding things that are perfect for her. She also has a great way with jewelry,always tasteful and blending with the colors of her chosen outfits. I value her fashion opinion and she openly gives it to me.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What an interesting thread! I was chuckling along with Rachylou -- I think we have a variety of stereotypes about age and appearance and the phrase "little old lady" conjures one set of stereotypes while "dowager" would conjure another.

I hope we all grow more fully into our own personal styles, whatever those are, as we age. I hope to be myself, but more so.

It is true I will likely have to make concessions to physical changes. I may have to wear footwear that is extremely stable, I may not manage buttons if I have arthritis, etc.

Then the trick will be finding clothes as close to possible for my own style preferences that still accommodate my needs.

I did my best to help my mother do that as she aged. She maintained her modern classic style and her love of clothes and fashion right to the end.

Joy

Veteran

I have loved reading all these varied and thoughtful responses, and will come back later to comment more. Got to do a preschool run.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

(Jenni, LOVE THAT PHOTO).

QUICK response:

As someone who dresses clients in their 70s, has an 80 year old client, and an 85 year old client - it's no different. They shop at all the same stores as I do, taking extra care to select comfortable shoes and fabrics, clothing that is unfussy, and in flattering current silhouettes. That's my own style requirement at age 47!

No matter your age - the goal is to look healthy, stylish and modern, and not to look younger than you are. You want to look like you care, that you matter, and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

My Papa at 85: Levis jeans, Gap shirt, J.Crew pullover, BR belt, Ecco shoes. And fab specs too.

GO TEAM STYLISH AT ANY AGE.

This post has 2 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

We also cower away from the word OLD when it relates to our age, and we shouldn't. It's nothing to be ashamed about. It's a privilege!

Dana

(website)

Veteran

So many great thoughts here. I will have to come back to study it more and process my own thoughts. As a quick answer...I can't imagine ever getting to the place where I won't want to be stylish or have fun with clothes. I'll be sad if I ever get there.

Anonymous

Obviously, health and financial challenges will have a significant impact on whether someone can continue to seek out "stylish" attire in her later years. But apart from those issues, this seems like a particularly good time in the fashion world for women to stay current as we age. As Angie has pointed out to us recently - and just emphasized again in this thread - this seems to be a period in which one can wear any of a variety of styles and looks and still appear "current". There are silhouettes available that are not particularly body-conscious and accommodate a variety of body types. Comfortable and walkable shoes seem to be popular with all ages and readily available.

At age 59, I shop many of the same stores and designers as my 27- and 30-year-old daughters and my 86-year-old MIL. In fact, I own and wear a decent number of the exact same items as all of them.

I will admit I was a little surprised when the 27-year-old told me recently that most of her friends own at least a couple of pieces of Eileen Fisher.

Who knows if these trends will continue until I am in my 80s, but I certainly hope so!

JAileen

Veteran

I asked my son if I were an old lady and he said no. He was probably thinking of his 92 YO grandma who is genuinely old. However, mentally, she's still sharp as a tack. Sharper than me, for sure. After her terrible accident last year, which was her first hospitalization since I was born, her body is not 100 percent. She has given up laced shoes. But she dresses pretty much like her cohorts at the retirement home. Not how I would dress, but she does look like she knows what's going on. That's my goal, too.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

This is such a good topic. I think the definition of an old lady depends on the individual. You know like they say granny panties who actually wears granny panties probably pregnant people in pregnant people I know cuz I'm a pregnant people or at least I was granny panties save the day I don't know where the term comes from frankly I don't care dressing like a little old lady my grandmother was a little old lady and she turned that mother out. I think people really get highly offended and as one person said is there a difference between dumpy Dowdy or just plain old and what is old I think the younger people are the more they consider something little old lady ish. I remember being in my twenties and having a good good friend in his sixties and I said I'm the youngest one here blah blah blah blah blah blah. And you know what happened he said just when you get old you're going to get old. And you know what I don't feel the same now I look crazy cat lady Gypsy crazy. I've always wanted to dress that way I think that we put too many titles on too many people I think that's why I lot of people on this wonderful form are afraid to comment because it may be taken the wrong way or in the wrong context personally I like weird ugly shoes beautiful. But I kind of go against the grain I wouldn't want to offend anybody but what I said so I kind of Drive tension to myself I said the things that maybe other people wouldn't want to say. I think it's okay to have differences of opinions but when we start calling something or someone old lady as we have to decide what that really means and if we're going to let it affect us everyday life my mom used to dress for Comfort she had bunion surgery on both feet it was hard for her to put on clothes at the end so she had to dress for comfort she wanted to be fashionable so she turned it out she dressed in gym shoes and dresses you have to do what your body allows it to do you can be old or young doesn't matter whatever season you find yourself in what matters he is to me is that I look stylish whatever my version of stylish ears may not be your version and that's okay.

Gaylene

Veteran

Gryffin nailed it. Thinking of "old" dressing as a series of stereotypes doesn't do anything to help us navigate the sometimes rocky realities we face as older women in a culture which glorifies youth. In fact, using these stereotypes on the forum to offer advice to older women on how "not to look old" seems to run counter to the very spirit of what Angie has tried so hard to create here.

And I second Ledonna's "you have to do what your body allows it to do". As she so astutely reminds us " my version of stylish...might not be your version and that's okay". Words to remember at any age.

Laurel

My Gram is 102 years old, and has always been attentive to her wardrobe---which is quite small. I visit her every day, and I am intimately familiar with everything she owns----she would SLAY the 30x30 challenge, as she is the queen of accessories and "making do" with what she has. For that matter, she could do a 10 X30 and kill it.

She has several pairs of keds, in floral and print patterns and she has a pair of Toms with a pink floral pattern which are the envy of all the young workers in her home. After fracturing her ankle in her 90s, her doctor insisted she wear Rockports for better support---I bought her a pair, which she promptly gave away because she wasn't about to start wearing "man shoes".

She is a little, old, lady---with a sparkle in her blue eyes, a countenance of kindness and compassion, pull on pants and button down shirts with a folded hankie in her breast pocket. She is the epitome of style and grace.

12 3