Well, final nail in the coffin - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Off Topic

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Well, final nail in the coffin

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Remember the widower that I was ambivalent about. I got the sense that's he wasn't interested because I haven't seen him since the concert. Well today he messaged me asking about bars to meet someone from Okcupid.
I also got no replies from my last batch of message sent out on Okcupid.
I think I've entered the resignation stage. Maybe I'll get a cat.

Off Topic

53 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

bj1111

Veteran

Ummm, miao?

Really tho, the dating scene sucks and guys are getting flakier all the time.

celia

Veteran

What???
Why would he ask you for bars to meet other people?
I am indignant in your behalf.
Hold on the cat idea. No need for that yet.

kellygirl

Veteran

Cats are great. I bought a house after deciding that I would never get married. Then, guess what? I got married. Get the cat.

Anonymous

That's a loser for you there!
I hope you recommended him the worst joint you could be possibly come up with.

LACeleste

Veteran

What a dumbbell!

Anna,

The more exceptional you are, the harder it is to meet your match.

El Cee

Veteran

That was so rude of him. I am with celia on this. That behavior disgusts me. You know Anna, on a personal note, it was when I quit trying to "find" someone (esp. using the traditional routes) and started to just enjoy my everyday existence that I met my husband. I don't think that everyone "fits" the online or traditional dating mold. I know I did not. You seem to be a very interesting woman, one who tends to break the mold rather than yield to it. I see this as a really good quality, and any man worth your time will see this too. BTW -- Cats are great (I have one!), but do not give up on guys altogether. You may find some really good ones in unexpected places -- when you are not looking.

Carla

Veteran

What a dumba**! That said, there's noting wrong with cats.

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Kristin L

Veteran

What was he thinking asking something like that? You're definitely better off without him.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

So I messaged my friend who set me up. I may have dodged a bullet. She said he's really whiny & negative.
One of my good friends found a boyfriend & she wasn't even actively looking. My Facebook feed is full of babies. I just feel that like everyone is moving forward in life except me.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

It wasn't meant to be. I so vote get a cat.

MsMary

Veteran

You're not alone, Anna. I feel as stuck as stuck can be!

But I'm looking forward to getting a cat AND a house when the time is right!

Adelfa

Veteran

No advice on the love life. But cats are wonderful.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I also recommend the cat. I feel like a much better person after I got my cat equivalent (property).

My Facebook feed is full of babies and toddlers and weddings. I just go on YLF more.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Ok so I checked my email. I had a message from some guy on OKCupid. Except it was from a bogus account.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

I agree, get a cat! The right guy will come along when you least expect him. You are too kind and intelligent and beautiful to let some dimwit get you down.

Jeanie

Veteran

That was one rude dude! Get a cat. Men always show up when you are not looking.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Better to know what a rude fool he is than to be thinking it was you - he isn't good enough for you Anna.

Anonymous

Anna, my newsfeed is full of babies too. Eeee, you are not alone

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I dunno if babies are a sign of people moving forward, honestly.

You dodged a bullet. I ditto everything El Cee said.

My strange formula for finding love: Adopt two cats. Move into a tiny, broke-down house by yourself. Have a brief but fun relationship with a guy you are already friends with. Break up. The next night go hang out a bookstore cafe.

But in all seriousness, even though I know it is a total cliche, but I could not have been further from actively looking when I met the man who would become my husband. And on paper, he would not have sounded appealing to me (twice divorced, two kids, unemployed musician, living on a boat, yadda yadda yadda...). I know OKC and the like can work for some people, but sometimes I feel like the most interesting people (people like you and my niece) aren't finding much success with these online machines. You're also extremely busy.

I do not envy anyone trying to date in this day and age. I feel like an old fart saying that, but it's true.

Keep being your fabulous self, Anna, and you will find someone you truly connect with. Hugs to you.

Eliza

Veteran

This may be one of those take a deep breath and let it go moments. Not worthy. Cat, things you love, organic connections and friends, these may be your focus for a bit. I do have a daughter who met her partner of 10 months on OKC. There is a bit of serendipity with those pairings, so when you're ready, could be worth another try. Hang in there and sorry for how much rudeness is out there.

Laurinda

Veteran

I wish I had gotten a cat before I met Mr. Laurinda -- because it was nigh onto impossible to get one afterwards.

Same thing with wood floors... dang!

Unsolicited advice:
Live the life you want to live NOW

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

...and if I know you, you probably gave him some excellent advise instead of blowing him off or telling him off as I would have? (-:

rachylou

Veteran

Can I say WTF on YLF? WTF.

Anyways, but why not a dog? Great hiking companions who take you out and introduce you to good people.

MsMary

Veteran

Laurinda, I've had a lot of people say that to me, and I get that it's coming from a place of concern and wanting to be helpful. And I am all about going out and doing things and not waiting for Mr. Right to come along. As, I happen to know for a fact, is Anna.

But honestly? The life I want to live includes somebody with whom to share that life. And quite honestly, hearing somebody who is happily coupled advise me (or anybody) to just give that up build this awesome life all on my own (with my single income, by the way, paying the 100% single supplement for all those fabulous vacations that are also part of the life I want to live) is, perhaps, not always exactly what the doctor ordered.

Just sayin'.

And yes, I'm a tiny bit blue with the holidays approaching.

MsMary

Veteran

Can't edit, but coming back to say heh. I'm not even divorced yet, or dating or ready to date, and that STILL struck a nerve! LOL

DonnaF

Veteran

Word of caution: Some people are DEATHLY allergic to cats (and somewhat, albeit not deathly, allergic to dogs). I would hope that somewhere down the line you would not have to choose between a beloved cat and a guy. Even after years of allergy shots and even if I take allergy meds ahead of time, I cannot be in a cat home for longer than an hour, same with DD who dearly loves cats. Guinea pigs and rabbits are also no fun for me.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

What MaryK said times 1000.
I really don't think a lot of you get it. In the last five years I've been on match.com, eHarmony and now OkCupid. I paid a small fortune to join a local singles activity club because the recruiter said look what happened to me, and flashed her big diamond ring. Since I got suckered into a lifetime membership I still go to their events. I met one really good friend through the group and I call her jokingly my very expensive friend.
Work is not conducive to meeting people, I don't do the bar scene.
I hike, I ski; both hugely Seattle activities. I have friends, I go out with friends. I can make new friends so I'm not completely socially inept.
There is huge practical aspect to this. I have very little family in the US. My father, a maternal uncle and second cousin (my father's cousin), and that's it.
I remember there was a patient in my hospital who had no family and the hospital took over decision making.
If I got really ill I could easily end up in the situation Tanya is facing right now.

Anonymous

If you want a cat, get a cat.

I'd rather be alone than be with someone who makes my life miserable, and the guy you describe sounds like the ultimate jerk. You're better off without him.

Mochi

Veteran

Ouch, I get it, and you're right, you're not even divorced (but may as well be) and the approaching holidays must weigh heavily.

I also wanted to go back to the church thing because I remembered something that is at least amusing to me. My cousin was born and raised Jewish (in that secular way a lot of us have, but still, it's a cultural marker). And she and her Catholic husband wanted some kind of spirituality or community or something and shopped around for a church. They ended up becoming Baptists basically because people in that church were nice to them! To me it's kind of ridiculous, but on the other hand if that's what was important to her....

(just stay away from Scientology, please

12