venting about my wedding outfit search - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

venting about my wedding outfit search

anne

Veteran

I have posted before about a search for a wedding outfit to wear to my brother's wedding
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ppreciated
Perhaps you'll indulge me in a little venting. It is probably enhanced by the fact that I am back at home after 2 weeks holidays and am having to confront "real life again"!!

So found a dress that I thought looked good and a serious possibility for the wedding
(posted again below). My Mum however, who I sent the photo to, thinks it too formal and difficult to wear something over (in fairness, both points that people on the other thread made too)

The thing is, my mum is on the underdressing rather than overdressing end of the spectrum. Also I feel so in the dark about this wedding. My brother is 7 years younger and quite different from me. Although our relationship is good, and I enjoy catching up with him and his fiancee and their baby, I don't hang out with his friends. (Until recently he was the sort of person who lives for his snowboarding/surfing/boating/diving/iceclimbing overseas trips. I have never met any of his fiancee's family. (She is a professional, from an upper middleclass area).

So I have no idea if Mum is right and I will be too formal, or if everyone will actually decide that since this is a wedding they will actually dress up. I do know my brother is planning to wear a suit. My DH says he will wear his suit without a tie.

I don't expect to be back in the city until the wedding, although I could ask a rellie to return the dress for me if needed. I am going to see if I can get to another regional city soon, and see if I can find some more options. Am feeling a bit frustrated!

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Dressing

27 replies

Latest reply was from anne

Anonymous

How annoying for you. Anne, I'd go ahead and wear the dress as planned and know that you are suitably dressed for a summer wedding. The only danger i can think of would be that you may outshine the bride. If really in doubt, could you email a photo to your future SIL? Her's would be opinion that really matters since she's the bride.

anne

Veteran

Joy, thanks for the empathy and reassurance! I am really glad you chimed in because I have been thinking of you and your son's wedding, especially when I was shopping with my Mum for her outfit.
I am not sure about asking my SIL about the dress directly - I might just ask her how her dress search for herself is going. They only set the date a couple of weeks ago, and were a bit overwhelmed by it all when I last saw them! I guess her dress choices will be a bit circumscribed by the nearness of the wedding date.

Deborah

Veteran

Anne I totally support Joy's comments. Though I tend to think they only way you can really outshine the bride is by wearing white lol. I think you look STUNNING in this dress and if you feel as good as you look in it... wear it. I would so much rather be over dressed than under dressed for an event such as this. And if your DH is wearing a suit (even without a tie) you will both look very smart together. Please don't worry too much, I think this is lovely.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Oh My, this is absolutely gorgeous, and perfectly suitable for a wedding.
I think you should be able to find several occasions to wear this dress in times to come too. Please go with your instincts and KEEP!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I think the dress is perfect on you & I don't feel you need to worry about it being too dressy. If on the other hand you want your mum to feel better you could let her know you are taking a cropped cardigan & some flat shoes to dress it down if needed. Good luck.

anne

Veteran

Thanks Lyn and Caro.
Caro I am on the lookout for cardis or jackets and some shoes. Since I am looking for wedges (on YLF advice, since it is an outdoor wedding) I hope that will dress down the look a bit too.

Also, I have just been looking at the bride to be's facebook photos, and it is clear that she has had lots of occasions where she and her friends have got quite dressed up, (eg NYE parties) and this makes me feel easier about the dress, and about selling the idea to Mum!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

That's great Anne - you look fantastic in the dress.

Scarlet

Veteran

That dress looks so gorgeous on you, you should just wear it. I don't think it is ever wrong to dress up for a wedding, and I wouldn't worry about "outshining" the bride. The bride is the center of the show. I just wouldn't wear white (regardless of whether she actually does or not). My mother is the type who greats every non-jeans outfit with a "are you going to be comfortable in that?" I just wouldn't worry about it.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Anne, you look beautiful.

I just did a quick google image search on 'garden wedding guest attire' and your dress looks very in keeping with the results
http://www.google.co.uk/search.....38;bih=559
How do you feel about a shawls for a cover up Anne?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

So frustrating!

I think this dress looks lovely on you, and heck, if it turns out the event is going to be REALLY casual (a bit doubtful) you could always grab a white denim jacket as a topper!

Joking, but you know what I mean. Your choice of topper can influence the feel of this quiet a bit. It's true that with the single shoulder it might be tougher to cover up (apart from a shawl) but that sort of depends on the fabrication and whether it would be badly crushed by a jacket.

If you feel great in this dress, that will come across to others, and you will look natural and wonderful, and no one will think anything except that you look great!

Glory

Veteran

My two cents worth. I went to my brothers wedding this past year (had to fly to it) and had exactly the same issue. The venue was so eclectic, as were the quests.
The bride wore a non traditional dress in an ivory colour. She did not have a bridal party. The food was via food trucks. My brother wore a suit. The guests clothing ranged from jeans, shorts, track pants, leather pants, dresses, long formal dresses.

I overthought so much and ended up buying at least 4 different dresses. At the end anything would have been fine. I ended up with a fancier dress with a ruffle down the front. I wore pumps and brought sandals with me. I also brought a denim jacket in cream with me.

I decided on fancy because at the end I would rather be a tiny bit overdressed than underdressed. I think this comes from years of living in Europe where I found people dressed to do even grocery shopping. If you are overdressed you can always make is somewhat casual with sandals jacket etc.

I would go with the blue dress. The colour is fantastic and chances are good the bride wont be wearing that colour. It looks so great on you.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Ditto to what the others have said. I've never regretted being a little overdressed for en event, but I hate feeling underdressed. The times I've been talked into casual-izing an outfit, I've been sorry I did.

The blue dress looks beautiful on you. If you feel fab in it, wear and enjoy!

anne

Veteran

thanks for all the blue dress love everyone!

Scarlet - thanks for the encouragement and for telling me about your mum. My dear Mum is SUCH a negative shopper - she is a lesson to me on what I don't want to become (as I know I have tendencies in the same ultracritical direction - YLF has really helped with that). I wish I could get Angie to have her as a client! (We did get some way towards finding something for her though, thank goodness)

Julie - thanks for the google search and the affirmation it provides. And shawls are a possibility!!

Suz - thanks for your wisdom re toppers - I think you are quite right. I am not sure if I want to go as far as a white denim jacket though it would be a great opportunity to get one as I have wanted one for ages!!

Glory - thanks so much for telling me about your experience with your brother's wedding. I am glad someone else understands how uncertain I am about it!! thanks for the reassurance that you were fine!

Janet - as others have said I think it is a good point about it being ok to be a bit overdressed. And I think I am. Last year I had my HS reunion and wore a dress when many others turned up in jeans and I felt fine! So I can probably manage this.

Scarlet

Veteran

I can just add to this that when my brother got married I was a poor student with literally no dress-up clothes. I spent months hunting down appropriate outfits for the rehearsal dinner and wedding. Then the week beforehand he sent an e-mail mentioning it would be "casual". I was so PO'd about that, but just wore what I had bought anyway. I felt fantastic and I totally fit in with most of the other guests who just assumed one dresses up for a wedding as the invitation said nothing to the contrary. If there even was a real invitation, actually--I can't remember. The bride was chic in a white Theory shift dress and a black velvet coat. My brother wore a suit, though possibly not a tie. I can't remember for sure. He likes to play at being laid back. We all had fun in the end.
Gosh, I am wordy today.

Anonymous

Oh Anne, I share your frustration! You've found a beautiful dress that is situation appropriate and makes you look smashing and now Mum wants you to take it down a notch. In the end, you have to please yourself. You'll feel like a million bucks in this dress and who cares if you're one of the dressier guests?

Just the other day I found a gorgeous cocktail dress for a DFS fundraiser event next month. I phoned DH to ask him if it was okay to spend $50 on said dress. It would have worked with hose, shoes, and coat that I already have. He pushed me in the more casual direction as well, since the invitation read "cocktail or business professional attire" as it's on a Thursday night and many people will be coming directly from work. He said I could do whatever I wanted, but wondered if it was *wise* to spend $50 on a dress I will likely only wear once or twice. It was like a stab wound to my soul, I swear. I left the dress behind. All the fun was sucked out of that purchase opportunity!

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

Agree with rather being over dressed than underdressed. I love this dress on you! Feeling your frustration...

rachylou

Veteran

A dress, and a pretty one at that, can't ruin a wedding. If it's too much, laugh, and use the fact as a great conversation starter. If it's too little, do the same.

If it's just right... oh, then you're out of luck ;>

Anonymous

I second Caro's suggestion, but feel you should wear what you want. I always think it's better to be overdressed than underdressed.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I would wear the dress and feel fab - it's hard not to when you look smashing, no matter what others are wearing! It's a wedding; it's not like you're wearing it to paint the house or make a dump run! It's perfectly appropriate. No need to fuss about subtleties of spectrum of dressy vs. casual.

Ariadne

Veteran

That's a gorgeous dress, Anne. Wear it and enjoy. I have a hard time imagining it looking out of place at a garden wedding--and I'm sure you can find a topper that will work.

Lynne

Veteran

Anne, so lovely to "see" you again! FWIW, here's my take:

Please don't return the dress. It. Is. Stunning.

And most people are really honoured when others dress up for them on their special occassions. There is a difference between over-dressing and dressing up to stay true to your style.

I think it will be lovely with flat shoes and a clutch for a garden wedding, or dressed up with heels for other times.

anne

Veteran

Thanks to all of you for being so encouraging! I'll break the news to Mum that I am going ahead!

Rachylou - good thinking. I am working out conversational gambits!

Lynne - great to hear from you too!

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

You look gorgeous in the cobalt dress, Anne! Hope you do wear it to the wedding. I wore a cobalt dress to my sister's wedding last weekend too!

April

Veteran

Anne, these posts might be helpful:

http://youlookfab.com/2006/05/.....de-primer/

http://youlookfab.com/2012/05/.....o-wedding/

http://youlookfab.com/2012/03/.....ain-event/

http://youlookfab.com/2010/05/.....g-outfits/

anne

Veteran

Natalie - which of those 3 cobalt dresses did you end up wearing?

April - thanks for links

I talked to Mum and told her my reasoning and she is now fine about my going with this dress so that is good!! She did tell me that the bride has not yet decided if she is going to wear white !! I kind of hope she does !

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Anne, I wore the mermaid dress. I'll put the pics up soon!

I think you'll look great in your cobalt dress!

anne

Veteran

Ooh Natalie - that was my favourite