Trying to analyze why I'm stalled on the fashion journey... - YouLookFab Forum

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Trying to analyze why I'm stalled on the fashion journey...

catgirl

Veteran

It's on my list to do Aida's brilliant list before I end this whole SYC experiment in a few weeks. I have been having a hard time with my wardrobe.

On the plus side, I've cleared out a ton of wardrobe debris. I've refrained from purchasing massive amounts of useless replacement items. I'm slowly learning what looks good on me and why. I think I've accepted that I'm truly "eclectic", which fits with my interests and personality - I'm easily bored but I still need some kind of theme or structure.

Hoever, I am left with a closet of either boring workhorse items, fab orphans, and special occasion frocks. Finding too much black, not enough tops, no alternatives to jeans...

*cue tiny violins*

Overall, I'm still struggling to find a consistent groove. I feel I can put together an acceptable outfit (like today's WIW), but it lacks some element that makes it feel like ME or fab. I can't put my finger on what it is. And (I'm just realizing this as I type!) it could very well be unrelated to wardrobe, but about dissatisfaction with my growing-out hair, or my no-longer-30 body.

I'm having fun, but it's the way you're having fun in the middle of your really strenuous workout. Anyone else feel this way?

General

23 replies

Latest reply was from Stephanie

sinead

I think reconfiguring your style, really choosing and learning not only what looks good but WHICH style works for your life and personality is a long road. It might take some people a few months, but I think for most of us it takes longer. We might be limited by funds and/or time and have to work with what we have, which is hard.

I've been surprised by how much effort it has taken me to figure out some of this. "Effortless chic" isn't! It just looks that way, I guess. But I'm plowing on through, because when I do come up with something decent, that feels good and I know works and I get complimented on- I just feel fab. Doesn't happen that often, I have to admit, but every season transition I'm planning on stepping up the style a little bit more than the previous year. Last summer I only had a few casual summer dresses. This year, I want to have more dress options. (I love getting back into dresses!) I really envy those who can revamp a wardrobe in a matter of weeks, but maybe with the slow and steady approach we get to spend more time figuring out what works, what we like.

So, yes I have and still do sometimes 'feel the burn'. I guess our 'style muscles' are still developing. (Sorry to take the analogy so far)

Beth

Veteran

YES! I'm putting my outfits together in more interesting ways than I used to, but they're not interesting enough to even post. I feel like "me" but not in as fab a way as I'd like to look. And I don't know exactly where/how to amp it up.

Using your workout analogy, it's like hitting a plateau.

Of course, a hot pink Burberry trench might be just the thing for getting you over the hump. Right?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Una, I think you are at the perfect place in your journey! You have pinpointed your style, what type of product and outfit lights your fire, and more practically, identified the holes in your closet. Now, it's a question of filling up those holes CAREFULLY to get to your aspirational style.

We are all on a constant style journey. Sometimes the journeys are small. Sometimes big. I went on a big style journey 5 years ago. This was followed by much smaller journeys. Now, I'm on a biggish journey again as I *really* simplify my style.

Beth, I demand to see pictures of these so called not interesting outfits.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I have seen you evolve in the few months I have been here. You look more stylish and interesting to me. I also think new eyewear might be called for, a few different pairs to complement your different moods. I also like you without glasses.

I like how your hair is growing out.

Just my observations.

catgirl

Veteran

Ah, CL, my eyewear is all fun! I don't think I can justify another pair at the cost. But I should rotate more often. Thank you for the compliments!

taylor

Veteran

stalled??? I think you have been looking FABulous and creative:)

rae

(website)

Veteran

Girl, you are not stalled! You are totally plugging away steadily in my book - always asking questions, not settling for something that isn't you... stalled is more like being in a rut, or trapped in a past decade, but having no idea! Don't sell yourself short!

I highly recommend Aida's list if you are having a hard time zeroing in on what is "you." To me, your style is saturated, bold, edgy, dynamic, and you like things that are unexpected. That's coming from an outside perspective, though. You can also go back through your WIW posts and make a list of what you like about your favorite outfits.

Lisa

Veteran

I think you are making great progress to hit this point in the style journey. As you make a list of items you wish you had and cross them off, your style will streamline nicely.

catgirl

Veteran

Rae, you and Aida are such smarties! That's it - I like something unexpected, and I feel these outfits work well but need a little more "grrr" to them. Aida pointed out in my WIW that it's more polished than I usually am. What a problem to have, eh?

Now, to think what could add edge? Maybe a new pair of glasses IS the key...

Vix

Veteran

Hi AG --

>I feel I can put together an acceptable outfit (like today's WIW), but it lacks some element that makes it feel like ME or fab.

I think once a person gets to a certain point where they're doing what you are, it's really normal to hit (as Beth said) that plateau. God knows I did! It's kind of a nice spot in some ways, because one gets to "pass" for whatever is normal in one's circle(s) without too much effort!

But as Sinead said, effortless style is an illusion, and now (alas!) it's time for you to put in more effort.

You've been having soooooo much fun in that closet of yours, but if you truly have nothing but swanky dresses, boring basics and fab orphans then maybe it's time to get down to business. Find/start scouting for items that make the basics less boring and the orphans usable -- in ways that feel like you!

I think Rae has a great idea about going through your photos and picking out outfits you liked, and I'll pile on MORE work and say you should jot down words that come to mind when you see your favorites so you can make some headway on that list you say you want to do.

[However, if you'd rather keep being purely an experiential/instinctive learner with all this, I have no doubt you'll get to your goal in the end.]

FWIW, I agree with the words Rae has generated about your style and think you could explore all that more. Though I have an urge to add "unfettered" -- a word that doesn't bode well for getting you to settle down to your style chores, ha!

catgirl

Veteran

Good gosh, Vix, you are like a fashion therapist! And you are spot on. Thanks for giving me homework. I feel I've lost any sense of where I was going with all this effort, and Aida's list, Rae's description, and your assignment as well as all the encouragement is giving me a compass. Avast, mateys!

I am so thankful for all of you sassy yet sensible women here to give me the sweet smackdown I need now and then. *sniffle*

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Una, you and me can be twins. I am feeling the same thing lately. I can easily put together an outfit which looks good but it should also feel good, feel like me. If this does not happen I feel frumpy.
I think I should start on Aida's list too to pinpoint what exactly makes me own the look vs. just look good. Right now I am groping in the dark...

catgirl

Veteran

Sveta, you are always looking stellar to me, so it HAS to be the weather. But let's commit to doing Aida's list together. Because (to misquote a bad 80s movie), it's not just how you look, it's how you feel. Right?

tarzy

Veteran

For what it's worth, I think you have mad style skilz!

I like what Vix said. I think you do know your style - you just don't have the pieces you need! I like the idea of looking at photos of your outfits and identifying what you like and what you don't.

I'm right there next to you on the "stalled" bench. There are some days when absolutely nothing feels right to me, but I'm trying to fight through it!

celia

Veteran

I think you have great style and the fact you know what you like or not comes trough in your outfits.
You already have some great advice here. I think maybe you're feeling tired because of the weather.
To me you look fab and very YOU.

Isabel

Veteran

AG - it makes sense that you are having trouble. You're hair is changing, your body is changing AND you are trying to capture "you" through clothes. That is a tall order, girlfriend.

I also believe that their is much trial and error. I know that for me, the real test is for me to go out in public with a look or a piece a couple of times. But don't force a look on yourself. Maybe there is just too much going on.

Hang in there !!! You inspire the rest of us, so therefore, I really don't want to know your insecurities. I like my heroes to be flawless.... : 0

catgirl

Veteran

Isabel, next time I'm in Boston, I'mma come give you a hug. I find it hard to believe I inspire anyone to do more than flail. Thank you.

Aida

Veteran

Una I'm glad you're getting all sorted out, this forum really is wonderful! I don't see your journey as stalled at all, you seem to be constantly refining and honing in. You'll get there! And then you'll change it up

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I've seen this referenced a few times but don't know where to find Aida's list?

Thanks for anyone who can provide the link.

Aunty

Veteran

AG you have been looking great! I think you just have a very small case of the winter blue's. Get out those colours that you wear so well & strutt your stuff Summer is coming, promise.

April

Veteran

Una, I have been hanging out here for several years now, and I'm still learning. I am not what you would call a natural at this. At least you're not alone!

And to re-quote a movie I've quoted here before: "The illusion of effortlessness requires a great effort indeed," (the unnamed Helena Bonham-Carter character in Conversations With Other Women).

Jonesy

Veteran

Not to minimize your feelings, but I wonder if a big part of it is the time of year! It seems like many of us are feeling a bit out of sorts, stalled, in limbo, etc.--makes me think it might involve a factor that we all have in common, and that could be contributing to your malaise. Re. your specific style journey: To get sort of armchair social scientist/therapist about it :), I think it's like you have two different parts of yourself that are sort of in conflict. You have the very daring, I'm-gonna-wear-this-cuz-I-love-it-and-to-heck-with-what-others-think side of you, but then you also have the self-doubting, questioning, critical part. Sometimes these parts can co-exist in relative harmony, but sometimes they do battle and one comes out on top (but then the other is waiting in the wings to second-guess). So the journey might be about trying to look at these and examine them: what's going on with me with the critical part is looming large? Can I find a style that somewhat satisfies both parts, or find a way to get the critical part to pipe down? Etc.

(feel free to completely disregard any of this if you think it's nonsense!!)

Stephanie

Veteran

Una, would it be helpful to put together a list of ways to add edge (i.e. what feels edgy/right to you) to an outfit? I have a few pieces--like a black moto jacket, fierce gladiator booties, a chain/rhinestone necklace, a corset belt--that I can add whenever my outfit feels too demure. This can also work for other fashion moods (like casual, quirky, etc.) I'm not pretending I have it all figured out, but I find this to be a solution to the 'this outfit is okay but it doesn't reflect ME (or me today)' feeling.