That quote also reminds of of a John Updike quote about a woman's life being about waiting and wanting.

What a terrific thread -- thanks, Helena, and all who have posted.

Do you know what you are brilliant at, Helena? (Besides looking extremely classically lovely, that is.) You send out the best invitations to self-reflection. I'm still using (years later) a book you recommended (Best Year Yet) for my own yearly self-inventory -- and I LOVE the effect it has had in my life. I sit down with it every New Year's Day and answer the questions and set an intention for the year and I can honestly say it has made an enormous difference to my happiness and sense of achievement.

Also, Cardiff Girl -- you are so right about those well-placed compliments and kind words. Why wouldn't we choose to make someone's day when we can? It's free and it gives them such a glow.

Anyway. Onwards. What am I past, in a fashionable way?

Well, like Cardiff Girl, I'm older, so I've already made peace with wrinkles and some other frustrations of aging...and some I've always been ignorant of. Hooded eyes? The ads seem to target me about them but I don't even know what they are. Just as well, I guess....

So...my own list. It's short.

1. I'm over feeling guilty about enjoying fashion. Yes, I want to enjoy it responsibly. I don't want to harm the planet by clogging up the landfill. And I don't want to contribute to the exploitation of workers in other countries. So a certain amount of mindfulness and consideration is in order. But dressing well and stylishly brings me joy. And my retired items probably give someone else joy. So there.

Such a thoughtful post and comments. It is interesting to see how we view ourselves vs what others see. The things I am moving on from in 2020 are:
-Following fashion blogs that are about pushing trends and encouraging consumption. I want to focus on blogs that celebrate all women and their uniqueness and individuality.
-focusing on how I look vs how I feel. I have been taking a strength training class for over a year. I have not lost any weight but I am so much stronger and healthier. Strong and healthy is how I want to feel/look not skinny.
-Fast fashion. The momentary bit of happiness is not worth the environmental impact
-Being "age appropriate". I am going to wear what makes me happy even if others think a trend/style is only for young people.
-And lastly, high heels. I recently purged 40 pair of shoes from my closet because the heel heights no longer worked for me. And I am not sad about this at all!
I think 2020 is going to be a great fashion year!

Thank you, TG for such a thought provoking thread. "And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!" Audrey Hepburn.

Thank you for this thought-provoking post. I'm going through chemotherapy this fall (almost done!) and have given up caring about:

1. Having my hair look perfect and investing the time/money to make it so. I'm extremely lucky to have enough hair left that I have not needed to wear a wig. I am so thankful for my hair and no longer care that I can't wash it daily, use a hair dryer/flat iron, or have my hair colored while I'm in treatment and for several months afterward. I'm off-the-chart grateful for the hair that I have and think it looks pretty great considering everything it has been through since August! I found a nearly-organic gentle shampoo/conditioner line and have pledged to not ever take my hair for granted again. I will be coloring it less often, using fewer heat tools on it, and celebrating my hair for the rest of my life.

2. Makeup: I was always someone who used eye makeup but not lip color (or very subtle lip color) and have not used mascara, eyebrow powder, eyeliner, or eyeshadow since treatment began, so that I could give my eyelashes and eyebrows a break from chemicals and keep as much of them as possible. I would never have considered going to work without eye makeup before and while I will probably resume wearing eye makeup again after treatment ends, I no longer feel that it is essential. I can change the world even without eye makeup.

Grace, having been aside my mom when she faced chemo a few years ago, I know you are a WARRIOR and my hero. Sending healing thoughts your way!

Nuance, what a beautiful quote.

Everyone, THANK you so much for your kind, wise and encouraging words. I love these threads and so glad that it's been a boost to others as it has to me.

Things I've given up worrying about:

1. Aging. I still take care of myself and try to look good (I'm 46), but I'm not overly concerned about it anymore. If I'm honest with myself, I really don't want to look like I'm in my twenties. I have knowledge and experience that a twentysomething doesn't have, and I don't mind my visible age being a marker of that. I am also becoming more appreciative of the beauty people have on the inside, and I would rather spend my money on nurturing that.

2. Having long, gorgeous hair with perfect, frizz-free waves. There are so many unachievable things in that heading that I don't know where to start! I have begun to accept that I just don't look good in long hair (it looks heavy on me) and that my weak waves aren't going to be Instagram worthy, no matter what I do with product, technique, and special curly cuts. Over the past year I have gotten my hair cut progressively shorter, and the trend will probably continue in 2020. And I will probably go back to bangs, since I am also starting to accept that I have a textbook face shape for bangs, and not having bangs has been a huge headache for me (my hair is always falling in my face). I'll still do the curly cuts, but I'm not going to be so angry with myself if my hair doesn't turn out the way I want it to for the day.

Fun thread! Thanks for starting it!

What a wonderful thread! I tend to come to YLF after reading the news for a pick me up, but this was more like a complete tonic. So thank you Helena!
Still I have to make a joke: I no longer worry about the small wrinkle nobody else could see 10 years ago and instead worry about the large one that is apparent to all. But every time I notice a new sign of my endurance in this life I do try to remind myself that in 10 years, or even 1 year, it will seem like nothing to me.

Helena, thank you for this wonderful, thoughtful and honest post. I really appreciate your healthy outlook and authenticity. Reading all the thoughtful responses makes me feel grateful to be included in a group of such amazing forum members. Gems of wisdom from each journey.
I wish I had learned to let go of things decades ago. I am closing in on 60 and very slow to let things go. While slow, when I am ready to move forward, I seem to do so without regret.

You people give me hope re the future of humanity.

...Dammit !

fabulous and engaging read. need more time to think thru it and process all of it. and perhaps put together my own list.
TG, thanks for starting this conversation.

It’s threads like this one that I like to read best. So much insight and you all are an eloquent bunch. Many nuggets here to be had and I appreciate it.

A friend and I often do a word of the year or mantra. I think this year I’d like to do a Let It Go list. Thanks TG for helping me reflect from this perspective.

Cee, amen sister!! Will respond more later, but you guys are good people. Actually welling up at the thought xoxox

Thanks for sharing such thoughtfulness, TG.

It's freeing to let go!! I love this thought; thanks for a great thread and for everyone's ideas.

In 2020 I'm letting go of my seemingly endless desire to control everything. Seriously, I can be SUCH a control freak, running around trying to make everything perfect for everyone else. Now that I think about it, it's exhausting! And no one is asking me to do it! I need to let it go!

TG, you are lovely inside and out. Your posts are always so kind, thoughtful and insightful. This is a gem of a thread because of all the wisdom and support gathered here. Thanks for this!

For myself I would like to give up guilt. I am navigating one of the most stressful years of my life caring for elderly parents, and continue to make it harder by feeling I should have done this or that better. How liberating it would be to accept that I am doing the best I can, and I am a flawed human still learning as I go, and appreciating the precious moments of this life.

As others have said, the quest for perfection is futile, and Vildy's comment about happiness being where one stands - so true.

Loving this thread too... so much wisdom here. Shevia's comments made me laugh because when I get a passport I am horrified at the photo and then as I get to the end of the 10 year period, I start liking the picture, only to have it replaced by a new hideous photo...the cycle continues. Not sure if I am mentally able to embrace the current passport photo just yet!

I will let go of three things:

1. The need to have the 'perfect outfit'. I can make do with what I have and maybe it won't be 100% right, but I can live with that. Participating and enjoying what I am doing is what counts, most people will not even pay attention to what I am wearing.

2. Don't second guess myself. Instinctively I know what I like and what suits me. Trust myself and don't feel pressured by trends.

3. Emotional shopping. When I feel stressed, sad or bored, taking my dogs for a walk is much better therapy and makes them happy too.

Greetings from my vacation! I didn’t want to let this thread pass without chiming in during my down time. You all are inspiring me!

Re: the hooded eyes - it's a trait on one side of my family ... hoods and downturning as the years pass - so maybe I'm just seeing the first inkling but I know where it's going lol! However, I'm trying to change my perspective - that's a piece of my Daddo that I carry right on my face - how can that be a bad thing??

Great thread, and eloquent, thoughtful posts.

Love this- and ditto Angie! Hugs Grace! We have a close family member experiencing chemo now too
Will have to think more on mine, but yes to aging. I'm not about to spend $$$ for some "miracle in a bottle", despite being "middle aged." Also, I don't need "things you shouldn't wear/eat/buy over 40" lists!
I also discard the idea that I need to fit into some casual norm. Skirts, dresses, and (comfortable of course) heels make me happy. Jeans (except my embroidered ones), tshirts, and tennis shoes make me unhappy. If that makes me "overdressed" at the grocery store- so be it.

Mainelady - I loved reading your thoughts. I nodded along to much of them , especially the comments on your relationship with your mother. I still am not at peace with my relationship with my late mother, and think about it all the time. It haunts me in my dreams, and I try to figure out what it was all about. I try to refocus by making sure the bond I have with my daughter remains as strong as ever.

And can I say one thing here? I have occasionally talked about transparency and honesty on the forum - commenting on threads where I've suspected a (often new) poster to be less than *real*, if you know what I mean. It's because of discussions like this, where being open and real about intentions, thoughts, motives , fears etc is so important. I really feel that most of us actually know each other !

I agree Lisa - it's such a wonderful space where I feel I can be honest, even though it's just a portion of us that is shared here. Kudos to Angie for creating that because that is NOT easy irl, never mind on the Internet.

Love this thread!

I have come to accept that I will never be 23, 33, 43, or even 53 ever gain. Instead of mourning the passing of those years, I have learned to embrace the person that I have become at age 63 - ever changing each and every new year.

I choose comfort without sabotaging style when it comes to fashion. I choose a "less is more" mentality when it comes to makeup and hair.

I don't care about having "guns" or a "six pack". I only care about being independent as I age and that means maintaining a strong body and active life.

It feels great not to stress about achieving perfection and embracing imperfection which makes us all unique.

Nice work Helena - you have a motivational thread here that makes me feel positive going in to the New Year. So many great role models on the forum - we might have our own stuff going on but we support each other.

So much wisdom here. thank youHelena for sharing your thoughts, and to everyone else for chiming in. This is was keeps me reading YLF even when not able to post or comment as much as I’d like. You are all amazing and I have learned so much here in the past 5 years.

Sal, re: your original comment - and sorry that I didn't mention before - but I am so sorry that your friend has let you down in this way. I have been surprised by the people that have and have not come through with my Mom this year - mostly good surprises, but a few let downs for sure. I wonder if some people can't cope with sadness - and I also wonder if I've let friends down in a similar way; it breaks my heart to think so. Hope you are are feeling supported in other ways, and definitely not something you can just "not care about" - but something to let go of in time. xx

Such a beautiful thread, so many excellent points raised.
At this time I have let go of wearing jeans lol- unless they are the elastic waisted stretchy kind. Too uncomfortable at the waist. And I don’t enjoy jeans shopping so I’m just not doing it.
Also I just passed on a heap of dresses that were no longer doing me any favors. Even though they were beautiful garments, they no longer worked for my body and face.
As for certain relationships..... well..... that’s a chat for another day!
And I agree there’s a lot of happiness to be gained with age. I don’t miss jeans.