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Thoughts on a name change?

MsMary

Veteran

As I've posted, Mr. K and I have separated and unlikely to reconcile. I've had several people ask me if I was going to change my name, and my answer has generally been, "No, because I've already changed it twice and I don't want to go back to any of my old names." A few weeks ago somebody suggested picking out a brand new name for myself, and I kind of laughed it off.

But. Today I was joking around with my colleagues at lunch, and the perfect new name just kind of came up out of the blue. And I am really, really tempted to give myself one last new name, one that I picked out and that belongs only to me.

One of the reasons a change is appealing is that Mr. K's last name is associated with a certain religious/ethnic group, and people tend to assume I belong to that group, which I do not (although I hasten to add that I love and respect the group and its traditions). And another reason is that his name doesn't necessarily flow trippingly off the tongue with my first name. And I kind of love the idea of a new name to go with my new life.

Your thoughts? Is it just crazy to pick a new name out of thin air? Anybody ever done it? Inquiring minds want to know...

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60 replies

Latest reply was from CocoLion

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I know a patient who did this - he had a name associated with painful past experiences (trauma/abuse) - so he picked a brand new name that he created - the first name was from someone inspirational and his last name was from a kind stranger who stopped to save his life with CPR.

MsMary

Veteran

Wow, lyn*! What a great story!

I'd only change my last name, of course. (Well, maybe not "of course," but that's what I'd do. )

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

What about your job - do you build up a big rep around your name that way? I know a lot of docs won't change their last name (ever) because of that.

Isabel

Veteran

Is it crazy to pick a new name out of thin air ? Absolutely not ! Why would it be ? It is such a wonderful luxury, as women, to be able to control our identities and sense of self. I speak as an immigrant who completely changed her name around several years ago to a combination of various family names , with an Irish name stuck on the end of it all ( where did that come from ? ) ! Our "labels"/our names, are deeply personal and intimate to us. Studies show that our names influence how other people treat us. They affect our self-confidence and self-worth. This is why so many Native Americans have kept their Native names. It is important. Also as an immigrant, I remember stories of people coming through Ellis Island and being assigned names. I have a friend who's father was given the name " Italiano" because his was too "hard".

I would only suggest one thing, that you start by using your current name as a "middle" name for professional reasons. It doesn't have to be legal. Just say or sign your name as" K Smith" for a short period of time. Then as people get used to " K Smith" , you can then start dropping the K when referring to yourself and just say Smith. That helped me tremendously when all of a sudden I switched 3 , yes, 3 of my names and added 2 more all in the middle of my career with a huge customer base.

I leave you with one thought, I saw an interview recently with a couple that has 7 kids. They couldn't think of a name for the fifth, so they named him Five. Be a role model for that child. : )

MsMary

Veteran

I don't need to worry about clients because I work for the government, and I checked and there is nobody in my organization at my level with the proposed new name, so there's no worry about confusion. I guess I would leave the "K" name as my middle name for at least a while.

Maybe. If I felt like it.

Which, honestly, I totally don't.

MsMary

Veteran

LOL, Isabel we were posting at the same time!

Yes, that's probably what I would do. That's what I always do when I change my name! ROFL

My experience was that people get used to it surprisingly quickly and life goes on. Is that what you found to be the case?

Isabel

Veteran

Then don't. I am a big believer in doing what gives you peace of mind and inner balance to move on. It is a form of taking care of yourself. Let me guess, it is going to be Isabel, right ???? Though that doesn't bring my husband inner peace. Hahaa.

And yes..it was very quick. I found that people ( at least in the US ) hate more than two names. In fact, if they can give you a nickname, they will. Since your work world is rather "small", I think that it won't take long at all. It sounds as if you identify with it already. That says a lot.

Isabel

Veteran

MaryK, just for the record....I drastically changed my name but NOT to cover anything up. Just for the record. : )

MsMary

Veteran

So noted.

Just for the record.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Nothing to add except if I were you I'd do it too:) You could celebrate with a naming day:)

MsMary

Veteran

I was thinking of trying to make it official on my birthday in September, Caro! But if that doesn't pan out I am totally doing a naming day!! Great idea!!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Oooooh, are you gonna get a new outfit for Naming Day?

Anonymous

I think that's a really cool idea, MaryK! Will your name here on the board change?

MsMary

Veteran

Nah. I like my interwebs name!

Gaylene

Veteran

I think it makes perfect sense to change your name. If I were separated or divorced, I can't think of any reason why I'd want to be known by the name that belonged to my former partner.

I think Isabel's suggestion of putting your former name in brackets for the first couple of months would be sensible if you thought it would avoid confusion, but, on the other hand, most people seem to have no problem adjusting to a name change after a wedding so I can't see why it would be any different in this case. If changing your name helps you move on with your life, I'd say go for it!

Marley

Veteran

Ooooh! Great idea! Can't wait to find out what you've come up with!

Marley

Veteran

I take it that you don't want to use your maiden name?

Anonymous

What a fabulous idea Mary! We can have a special thread for you on your naming day here on YLF. Go for it

Irene

Veteran

Wow, I didn't know that was actually doable, except for some exceptions.

We don't adopt the husband's surname when we marry (in Spain) so it's not very common for people to change surnames. I guess if my surname brought me bad memories or a bad reputation (but the issues would be regarding my father, not my husband), I would change it.

It's crazy that even to this day women adopt their husband's surname, especially with all the divorces and separations. That must feel really confusing for you. After all, a name (and surname) is an important part of your personality and who you are. Can't imagine having another surname (or name), even though actually hate mine.

Is going back to your family last name an option for you or you just want a really clean slate?

Astrid

Veteran

I didn't know that was doable either! You made me curious and I looked up the German right to a name and it's very restrictive, changes are only possible for very specific reasons. I did already know that our law was different to the US when it comes to first names, names like the one Isabel mentioned wouldn't be allowed here.

I like the idea for you, if it feels right. It's good that you have that option.

Anonymous

Not crazy. I have a number of friends, who changed both their first and last names, upon gaining American citizenship. Their birth names were hard to pronounce. If you are sure, go for it.

Laurinda

Veteran

I think it sounds like a great idea!

*******
The US seems to go back and forth on women taking their husband's family name. It was pretty much standard until the 60s and 70s - to the point that women became Mrs. John Smith, even losing their given names. In my cohort (born in the early 60s) many of us kept our names at marriage. Now it seems more women are taking their husband's family name again, or they use a hyphenated version of both (while he does not change his). I kept my name but I'm not bothered if people call me Mrs. Xyz - I can tell right away they are advertisers.

Anonymous

Well gee, movie stars and famous people do it all the time (before they become famous, usually). So why not?

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I personally love this idea Mary - a new name for a new beginning

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My gut says to go with your maiden name. I am a traditionalist in this respect I guess!

ramya

Veteran

Well, I think name change is right given the situation.
But then I have used my father's name as my surname all my life. Even after my wedding I haven't changed it.

pil

Veteran

For what it's worth I heard something on the radio the other day that people with short names earn more : )

http://www.bizjournals.com/atl.....-earn.html

MsMary

Veteran

Wow! Thanks so much for all the great input!

Angie, theoretically I am also in favor of restoring my maiden name. However, I think my maiden name sounds and looks just awful with my first name, and I hated it for every day of the 26 years I had it! So I don't want to go back there!

After thinking about it over night, I'm currently leaning in the direction of having my previous married name, which is my son's name, restored. That would be the easiest way to go because it could be done as part of the divorce, and also it wouldn't wipe me off the face of the earth professionally the way chosing a completely new name would. Also, I liked it. Also, the initials are the same as Major League Baseball, which I loved. Also, I would really like having the same name as my son. His dad probably wouldn't be all that thrilled, but that's not my issue.

Still thinking... Keep those comments coming!!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think it's a wonderful, empowering idea! You've reinvented yourself in so many ways, and what could be more personal than your name? I say go for it.

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