When I was in grad school studying Creative Writing, our professor told us of his many friends, all published or aspiring authors, who would ask him for feedback on their work. The type of critique he gave, on a fundamental level, would differ based on whether it had been published, or was in unfinished form. Once a book was a done deal, there was nothing that could be altered, so he was always particularly kind and positive in his feedback.

I was just reminded of that while thinking about a recent critique. The item in question was something the person was considering. Now I'm wondering if perhaps the person didn't appreciate my comments, which weren't rude but simply adamant. (In that I mentioned misgivings in two separate posts.)

So it occurred to me that if someone had purchased some clothes I didn't like, I'd be less likely to say anything honestly negative about them. I still might if they themselves were expressing doubts (clothes, unlike published novels, can be taken back!). But if they seemed to like what they'd bought, I am 99.9% sure I would just say nothing.

But if the purchase hadn't been made yet, I would probably chime in if I didn't like the item (I mean for the intended person, taking into consideration their differing tastes, body, lifestyle, etc.)

I don't feel like in general I'm rubbing people the wrong way, but of course on a meta level I'm always curious about these things. Do you have any principles about when to come down against something? Is it better not to? I always feel that if I'm only yessing all the time, the occasions when I actually like something, my compliments will be watered down, have less value. OTOH I try not to be negative for the most part, or at least diplomatically so. It's interesting to think about it, anyway.