The Wedding Guest - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing

The Wedding Guest

FayeCat

Member

Good Morning Everyone..I'm a brand new member to YLF and am in need of desperate help. I joined specifically to ask this question - what can I wear to as a wedding guest?!?

Let me give you the background -

I am 27, 5ft 6in, plus sized with no definition between bust/waist/hips, and rarely dress up because of it. I wear heels even less than I wear dresses (mainly I just stumble and fall in them). Definitely a jeans/pants and t-shirt/blouse kinda girl. Country farm girl the whole way. Gimme a pair of cowboy boots and a pair of work gloves any day over dresses and heels...Now that being said...I've always wanted to be able to wear dresses without feeling like the fat girl in skinny dress.

Well my best friend's going to a wedding (October 5th) and asked me to go with him so that he's not the only single guy in a room full of very churchy people...too many set-ups waiting to happen! So now...I need a dress. EEK!

The only thing I know is that the wedding colors are royal purple and mint green and I'm shooting for a semi-formal look. I'm willing to spend about $150 on a dress (more possibly if it makes me feel THAT fabulous) and I love accessories...My favorite colors are blue (all shades...) and silver. Also my BF asked me to not wear heels since he shorter than I am and doesn't want me to tower over him (it was a hallelujah moment for me!).

Here are two links to some LBD's I was thinking about...any and all suggestions/advice are wonderfully appreciated.

http://www.torrid.com/torrid/C.....515957.jsp

http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStor.....s+Plus.jsp

Help YLF! I'm in desperate need of it!

Dressing

18 replies

Latest reply was from JR

rute

Veteran

I would not wear black unless it's an evening/night wedding!

I would go for a dress like this one:

http://www1.macys.com/shop/pro.....Type=PDPZ1

http://www1.macys.com/shop/pro.....otId%3D256

with gold flats:
http://www1.macys.com/shop/pro.....Color=Gold Mesh Glitter#fn=COLOR%3DGold%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D25%26ruleId%3D69%26slotId%3D16

JR

Veteran

It's hard to know which one would be better for you, not having see you in them. I'm guessing the first.

Metallic ballet flats or some glitzy flat sandals with some showy earrings in the same colour would be great. Of course, that would also depend on your climate. Ankle boots might work, although flat ones with a dress might be difficult to pull off in this context. Would a bit of a heel be okay?

If you can't find a dress that works, a straight maxi skirt with a matching top would be both classy and slimming, especially in black or navy, again, depending on what colour works better for you.

Here's me in a black skirt at an October wedding last year. The cardigan isn't the greatest with this, but what can I say? It was pre-YLF. I am, of course, twice your age, so you probably wouldn't want to duplicate this look, but perhaps it could provide a little inspiration.

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FayeCat

Member

Hi again...
THANK YOU for the confidence boost

Guess I forgot to mention that i'm in Upstate New York and the wedding is at a country club on a Friday afternoon with reception immediately following.

I love that first blue dress though! I just didn't think that the bright colors like that would be okay at a wedding...

What about a wrap or cardi for if when it gets chilly at night? Yes? no? HELL no?

JR

Veteran

Bright colours are fine at a wedding. Black used to be frowned on, but not anymore, really. Especially if you glitz it up so it doesn't look like you're at a funeral. Just don't wear white! It's a celebration, so dress to celebrate.

You absolutely need a wrap/jacket/cardigan. Upstate NY? In October? Who are we trying to kid? You might even need a wool coat. I was at two October weddings last year and we froze! The first one was the first cold day of the year, and most of the women were in summer gowns. The reception hall felt like a meat freezer, and I felt unbearably smug for having planned for autumn weather. Mind you, it was two particularly cold days, but those can happen in October. After that picture, I put my wool coat right back on. Brrr... I'm in Canada, just north of NY, so pretty much the same climate.

Being plus-sized doesn't mean you can't dress up, you know. You just have to find what works for you. I wasted years dressing poorly far too often, when I could have been the best I could be. I wish I had found YLF back then, but I absolutely wasn't looking.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Definitely a wrap or a cardi or some sort of topper...although if you are going to be indoors, maybe it's not necessary.

Black is worn more often at weddings these days, but the old tradition advises not to wear it. Colours are definitely appropriate.

It might be a good idea to start trying dresses on - not necessarily ones you are thinking of buying, but just to figure out the shapes that look best on you. If you're in upstate New York, what's the closest shopping city? Can you get there for a bit of brick and mortor shopping?

BethL

(website)

Veteran

Being a former plus size gal, and originally hailing from rural northwest NJ, then from central NJ (I'm in Massachusetts now), I'm going to say go for a black dress IF it's what you're most comfortable in. I've been to so many weddings where black dresses were the color of choice for many of the female guests. It seems totally acceptable these days, at least in the tri-state area. Not, I'm sure, in the south. JR's right: you don't want to look like you're at a funeral, so have fun with it if that's what color you decide upon.

Linda

Hi FayeCat!

I was unable to look at the two links that you provided because I'm at work and our network blocks some websites. I am able to get to the Nordstrom website and searched on Women, Dresses, Plus. The have a link to wedding guest dresses. I saw a lot of nice dresses but this one really stands out. (I realized that it's $8 over your price, but it's really beautiful and a lovely blue color, so perfect for an October wedding.)

My cousin wore the teal version to her sister's wedding last June and she looked fabulous. Check out the Nordstroms website. I could see the dress below with silver flats and a silver clutch.

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LadyBirdK

(website)

Hi there, FayeCat, and welcome!
I know what you mean about the black for weddings. I am in New York, too, and it seems like that IS the dress code, doesn't it? Last year, we went to a wedding, and I was one of only TWO guests not wearing black - and the other was my mother in law! To be fair, I was 8 months pregnant at the time, and if I had had a black maternity dress, I probably would have worn it. That said, sc**w black! Colours are so much more fun and flattering, if that is the way you want to go.
Friday evening country club weddings tend to be pretty formal, so a little sparkle is definitely in order. I love the idea of glittery flats! What is your favorite feature of yours? Do you have shapely legs or slender ankles? Is your hair your crowning glory? Do men stare in awe at your cleavage? Pick something (or a couple of somethings) and play them up! The dress rute suggested is great for this sort of thing because it creates the illusion of a nipped in waist if you don't have one, skims over curvy hips, and the vneck flatters a generous bust line. Something like that is also really easy to dress up with accessories. Something like those sparkly shoes, some dangly earrings, and a luxurious wrap would be perfect - and hopefully not too far out of your comfort zone.
Let us know what you come up with!

ETA: oh my god, JR, if you hadn't said so, I would never in a million years have believed that was a picture of you! You have got it going ON these days, girl!

Mama Susie

Hi FayeCat,

I don't have any dress suggestions (I'm also going to a wedding in October but in California and I haven't even begun to look for dresses... thanks for the reminder!!! ) But I want to cast a vote for the blue dress that Linda put up... it's beautiful and with the right accessories would look amazing. However, like everyone else wrote if you feel more comfortable in black then I think I like the first dress you provided (sparkly number) just because it is black but feels more glitzy and fun.

Anonymous

Welcome, Fayecat!

Angie did a blog post that might help:

http://youlookfab.com/2006/05/.....de-primer/

I would personally not get overly sparkly for an afternoon wedding, but things may be different in your part of the country. Have fun!

Gaylene

Veteran

My sister is using Angie for her wedding outfit inspiration. She is about your size and shape and also has a casual lifestyle. Instead of looking for a dress, she now plans to wear an interesting black skirt with a soft blouse and kitten heels. She'll make the outfit wedding-worthy with a necklace, earrings, and clutch. While she'll consider a jacket or coat if she finds one she likes, her backup plan is to use a pashmina for an outer layer.

Angie's idea of a skirt/shirt combo more closely fits my sister's style preferences because she'll be able to incorporate the pieces into her wardrobe after the wedding. She was dreading the thought of trying to find a suitable dress.

FayeCat

Member

LadyBirdK - When it comes to my best features...I don't think I have any I mean I just feel so awkward all the time that I just wear long pants and sleeves and sweaters and just...stuff I can hide in, I guess.

If you forced me to pick I'd pick my hair, stick straight, long passed my shoulder blades and a dirty-ish blonde/light brunette (i'm getting it trimmed/shaped in two weeks) and my calves, they're shapely (i think?) and solid. Like I said...I feel awkward all dressed up, like everybody's staring at me for some horrendous fashion crime.

My husband is peeking over my shoulder telling me that I need to add a "rockin' ass" and "nice boobs" to the list...however, i don't know where to rank his assessment of my "assets" LOL whenever he says it I generally (like now) blush and tell him he says that because he's stuck with me.

JR - you look lovely in that picture...thank you for the inspiration.

So far from all of the wonderful tips that you've all given me this is what I've come up with so far -
dress - http://www1.macys.com/shop/pro.....;RVI=PDP_6
shoes - http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStor.....+Shoes.jsp

I'm looking for a shawl type wrap, maybe something like this? - http://www.ravelry.com/project.....alf-circle

But wait...if the dress is blue, and the shoe & clutch are silver....what about the other accessories? Can a wrap/belt/bangles be other colors (complimentary to each other colors)? Can I wear silver/crystal dangly earrings and a funky greenish/blue necklace? (I should really stop trolling the internet now....I feel like i'm just drowning...)

BethL

(website)

Veteran

The blue dress and silver sparkly shoes would be lovely! Any interest in silver sparkly ballet slippers? They would be just slightly more dressy and go well with your dress. Silver/crystal dangly earrings would be perfect and would pick up the sparkles in your shoes. I'm not sure about your necklace; it sounds like it might be a very different style from your earrings. You'll have to try it out. Of course the wrap can be a different color. Can't wait to see what you come up with. You could also choose the blue dress, your funky necklace, and different shoes, and go for a different vibe. It would probably be a little less dressy, but maybe you could find a low heeled, comfortable pump that picks up one of the other colors in your necklace. Just a thought.

BethL

(website)

Veteran

BTW, the Ravelry shawl is beautiful. Have you already made it?

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Hi FayCat - welcome. You have some great suggestions here. Can you get to a department store to try things on? If you haven't been wearing clothing that fits your body you may fine it takes you awhile to get used to the idea. If I were your best friend I'd drag you to the shops & make you try on heaps & heaps of clothing. I'd take photos of you (from all angles) & get you to tell me what you liked & then what you didn't like about what the clothing did for your body. You can find clothing that makes you feel great about yourself; sometimes you just have to try on lots of things that don't before you get there. Oh & you'll get even better feedback from the forum members if you post your pictures here.

JR

Veteran

I really like your last ideas about accessories.

And you should listen to your husband more. I can pretty well assure you that he really means it. My husband, bless his soul, always treated me as if I were super-sexy, no matter how much I weighed. When I thanked him for that, he said, "What do you mean, as if?" Let him make you feel beautiful. I'm going to be bossy and tell you that the next time he compliments you, you will not try to downgrade the compliment, but say "thank you so much, that means a lot to me" and throw your arms around him. You will both feel better. ;o)

Really looking forward to what you come up with. And find places to wear your wonderful new things in the future and allow yourself to feel good about yourself.

FayeCat

Member

Hello all,

My apologies for not replying sooner, I work weekends and it seems to just suck up any extra time that I may have on them.

BethL - are you a Ravelry member? If you're not...you should be! It's like Pinterest for yarn crafts! I pretty much waste precious time finding lots of projects I'll probably never actually get done there. So no I have yet to finish it, I've cast it on and made a few rows to see if I can get myself to focus creating warm things BEFORE the snow flies. If I can't focus enough to get it done, my local yarn store always has beautiful handmade wraps in stock. (It's one of the few social things to do when the snow gets deep...we like to sit in the nice warm shop with our coffee and create things.)

caro - you scare me! I've never had anyone do that and I'd probably not be a happy camper if you made me :-p I'll try jeans on...oh gods do I love me some Levi's and Wranglers! Paired with my favorite billowy top or a cute little tank/cardi and I'm all set. Dresses, slacks, blouses, skits etc etc....never done it. THOUGH! I picked up a couple of exercise DVD's yesterday and some better healthier snacks for my house. Everyone's encouragement and well wishes have made me decide to not be unhappy about my body anymore! Day 1 starts today!

JR - He's always made me feel sexy...I just have a hard time believing him. I think that your idea is much better, though, and will definitely give it a try when he gets home. Anything must be better than feeling like crap cause I'm all squishy in the wrong places!

OKAY now the fashion update! I just tried to order the beautiful dress from Macy's...AND - it's out of stock in blue AND my size LOL...guess that happens when I hem and haw about it. SO! Scouring the Internet today for a similar dress. If I can't find it then Saturday I'm off to the department stores, hubby in tow!

Also...went to Payless on a whim Saturday and guess what I found! - http://www.payless.com/store/p.....ame=Womens AND http://www.payless.com/store/c.....6%3ASilver Haven't decided which clutch to get yet...not sure if I want to perfectly match my new sparkly shoes or just same color match.

I also found this http://online.wsj.com/article/.....nteractive which has really helped a lot. Thanks to Pantone for simplifying it all. I even found a bunch of necklaces that are in the ultramarine/chartreuse/honey gold color scheme. I'm thinking that the Olympic Blue dress Titanium shoes/clutch (and maybe belt if my dress needs it to look 'finished') and then use Ultramarine/Chartreuse/Honey Gold and a light sprinkling of Tangerine for accessories - thinking multi-strand layered necklace and nice watch OR lots of chunky/funky bangles and a 3 strand illusion necklace...Etsy is a dangerous place.

And I promise to post pictures when I actually get to something...if I ever figure out how. I'm assuming it's juts copy and paste? I don't actually have an option to "upload image" when I reply to posts...?

JR

Veteran

Faye, if you go to your member profile there will be a place (on the left I think) that tells you how many more posts (those can be replies to others) and how many more days before you can post pictures. Then there will be a very easy, clear method for doing it. In the meanwhile, if you have any other site you post pictures on - Webshots, Photobucket, Pinterest, whatever - you can just link us to the photo.

Congratulations on your Day 1! My motto is slow and happy wins the race. Find good foods that make you happy, activities that make you happy, and remember that weight that comes off slowly does not fight to get back on. If you learn to find joy in better habits, discipline is needed only in very small doses.