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The style I can't achieve

ManidipaM

Veteran

It seems mummy hormones and role playing as a new parent (maybe with stress on the side) do funny things to style identity!

I went to purge and prune my Pinterest board for aspirational style and inspiration. Ended up with 1000-plus pins of a rather more limited palette with shapes, treatments and fabrications I hardly ever see and never at an accessible price point!

Looks like the way I want to dress is a complete fantasy SHOPPING life!

Time for a do-over and start a new board of actually available things that are also pinnable and possible to wear from a psychological comfort POV. Sigh. I don't envy me

Anyone else ever painted yourself into a fantasy style corner?

General

37 replies

Latest reply was from Suz

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Well as I contemplate keeping the gorgeous Sam Edelman pumps that Angie wore on her birthday I would have to say yes! Having a baby is a huge identity change and it makes sense that it would take time for you to catch up with yourself. For what it is worth, I think you have great style instincts and am confident you will find your way.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Shevia. It's a huge change you have undergone and it's only natural that it will take time for your mind to catch up to your reality. And then, the reality is...your reality will have changed again! When children are very little it can be difficult to anticipate the changes. But there are many on the board that can help with that.

I also think it is natural when first encountering Pinterest to pin randomly without really having a sense of what you can use it for. As you continue you will weed things out. I believe Astrid did a huge pinboard makeover to get closer to her real style than her aspirational one.

Gaylene

Veteran

Oh yes, but I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit of fantasy as long as we understand that it doesn't need to be transitioned as is into our everyday reality. Instead of calling it inspirational style, why not think of it as an aesthetic pleasure? Admire and enjoy what you find beautiful, but don't try to emulate or imitate? Maybe a couple of pinboards are in order--one for real life outfit inspiration and another strictly for pleasure to help you better understand your own aesthetic preferences.

Anonymous

This resonates with me too Mani, I have never been a really prevalent pinner but I did have pins that didn't seem right for me and so a few weeks back I did a bit of a cull. I also started a board for styles that I think I could copy almost head to toe. If you find that you feel as though you are constantly in a state of flux at the moment, style-wise and body-wise and your preferences are doing the same; why not decide to have a mini cull every month or so of your pins?

Anonymous

I think you're in good company. As a new mom 3.5 years ago, I was SO stylistically confused. If you look at the stuff I bought back then, it was a strange mix of super frumpy work wear and way-too-cutesy "going out" clothes. I had no time to go out back then, let alone the desire! I really need to purge those because they NEVER get worn.

This is my cautionary tale to go easy on yourself. If pinning outfits makes you feel worse about where you're at, STOP. It really is OK to not be at your fashionable best right now. Most new first-time moms aren't. Your time and energy (and probably money!) are limited right now. Your lifestyle also has changed drastically. Just keep in mind that this stage doesn't last forever, and it will take time to figure out what you need for a truly workable wardrobe. During this stage, I found it easier to focus on hair and makeup because they're easier to control than a changing body and lifestyle. Just having clothing that fit was an accomplishment.

deb

Veteran

I think you should keep your board to look back and see what parts of the styles you can incorporate into the pins on your new board. Does your current board have some small part, collar, leg style, sleeve length, that shows up often. These types of things you can look for in the items that will work for your current lifestyle.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Maybe your board does offer some insight into your real style. Colors you like. Combination of certain things - a streamlined jacket with distressed jeans (no matter what the price point) or a military inspired coat with slim pants, etc. Maybe you need to just pick out the nuances that draw you to certain things and go forward from there with your new pins?

Patience is the hardest thing I think - but it seems that patience is the key to figuring out what we'll really wear day to day.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Thanks, Shevia! I am in good company indeed

Suz, yes, I think I recall Astrid talking about that. Part of the problem, I fear, is my own reluctance to let go of the aspirations because they would often be so practical just about now...if only I could have them!

Gaylene, I hear you and will try to do that---start a strictly wearable board. I just hope it doesn't translate to 'bored'.

Diane, thanks for being on my team! thing is I am not so much in flux as digging my heels into a certain psychological comfort zone...but it's not possible to translate into reality and I am being stubborn or too chicken to go find the workable alternative. Because I am thinking of 'alternative' as second best or settling. Need to give myself a right talking to.

Stacey, thank you so much. I'm not actually trying to transform pins to reality in the everyday just yet. No way to get much shopping done these days. In real life I am making do. And doing not terribly. Not great but not quite godawful. Pinning is more a way of keeping up with the new and also keep reminding myself of my standards so I don't slip into pre-pregnancy bad habits that originally led me to YLF. I have been working on the hair though I don't wear makeup these days. Still to be satisfied with the hair but getting closer.

Deb, thanks for some very clever advice there. I already decided to adapt the restricted colour palette but will look for other common elements (patterns, waist surrender, volume on volume, texture etc).

Beth Ann

Veteran

I'll go take a look at your board later today, but I finally decided to create a "Fantasy Fashion" board for inspirational, but impractical pins. This board is meant to give my creativity a chance to run free. I like to quickly browse through this board every so often, looking for trends, color choices, etc. I've learned that I have a stronger attraction to texture than I thought, and it sharply reinforces the importance of movement, flow and structure in my clothing. My "My Style" board is meant to be, at least theoretically attainable.

Also, would your Father be willing and able to make you a couple of items that you think would be flattering, but hard to find? I'm still looking for some time to sew --- starting with simple skirts, because I'd love to try out fuller, longer skirts.

I second the comment that now is a time to keep it simple and be generous with yourself. Enjoying a lipstick, a new bangle (the kind baby can play with and not break) or pretty, smaller earrings that baby can't pull, can give you a little pick me up.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Yep! Just look at it as an opportunity.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Texstyle, I agree. And used to think that at least shapes/silhouettes/elements would shake loose given a large enough sample size. Well, I guess they have...but they are no easier to work with because often it is the unusual that is the common denominator for me. Will have to look at them with fresh eyes and confirm though.

Carla

Veteran

ManidipaM, thanks for this post! I'm actually going to add a new board to my Pinterest collection...just for fantasy outfits, inspired by this thread. Then, when I pin an outfit, I can choose between the following boards...Style Inispiration....Copy This....and, Fantasy.

After all, even the Duchess of Cambridge, who does wear Alexander McQueen, doesn't wear the wonderful, but crazy stuff that goes down the runway.

I think there is a lot of wisdom posted above, especially Stacy. It's been over 20 years since I was in your shoes. At the time, my dressing was inspired by what could be washed and dried easily, and didn't need to be ironed. I never wanted to push a child away for fear that they might sully an outfit. Sometimes I'd have to change a top before I went out the door to work or wear a jacket or sweater, just to cover a stain acquired from a good-bye hug.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Runcarla---ah yes, I hadn't even gotten as far as the wash and wear aspect of misfit aspirations! Thanks for the reminder.

Beth Ann, be warned it is the Aegean stables over there sadly my dad is no longer able to help.

Chewy, am trying...

rachylou

Veteran

I'm a mad pinner. Then every now and then it reoccurs to me my pinboard is a tip. So then I create a new board to siphon "select" pins off to. I tried for awhile to categorise and label within my hodge-podge board, but the labels multiplied and became overwhelming... If only I had some editorial discipline...

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I have a separate "To Try" pinboard that I put more realistic outfits (some even with the exact same piece I have!) so that I can try them out when I have time

I have an "inspirations" board for various things and colour combinations I want to try out.

I know someone who keeps on pinning things that are very unrealistic to her "try" board and she's very frustrated, poor thing.

Nicola

Mr nznicola and I are serial offenders in this department. We are always hankering for things that either don't exist in the shops or are completely outside of our budget. We blame it on our good taste because it makes us feel better!

But it is kind of fun figuring out what it is about those things that makes them appeal to us and trying to translate it into reality. Is there any theme coming through your pins which you can latch on to and dilute down until its doable? A colour? Vibe? Fantasy shopping isn't all bad :-).

ManidipaM

Veteran

Rachy, can I come be undisciplined with you?

Lyn, yes, I clearly need to do this. Just scared it will be rather a 'white' board!

Nicola, thank you for perfectly identifying my problem: superior taste, literally I am looking for those elements in common and that is a great way to convert: dilute until achievable. Needs to go on my bathroom mirror!

Lisa

Veteran

Yes, when I first started an inspiration folder for "favorite looks" I realized that I was pinning outfits I liked, but I would never wear. Particularly skirts and dresses, two items I'm not a fan of for myself, I'm a jeans girl through and through. Then my light bulb went off, I was collecting the outfits I liked, on the PERSON wearing them, and not with myself in mind. I was collecting favorite outfits, but just not for me. Now I am more subjective with my choices.

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

good grief! i have no time whatsover to keep up my pinterest board, and i barely manage keeping up with my meagre (by choice) closet - never mind i have no children at all! whew!

oof, i say check out how the real closet is going before cleaning out an online inspiration board, unless you have free time to burn you're in a situation where it's very difficult to stay stylish generally, as well as true to your own personal style. I've dealt with this numerous times thru health problems (including big body changes). My workarounds: get some cheerful or basic dresses that work at numerous body sizes, such as wrap, flowy crinkly, ones slightly fitted around the shoulders that flow out from there with little ties at the back for shaping, etc. Tunics along the same style worn with leggings work great too.

Little shrugs, cardis, shawls, scarves can add interest and a third layer. You can go wild with any accessory (barring possibly shoes and belts) as they will fit no matter what. Within this strategy you can go boho wild with lots of fabric, textures, color, details or more minimalist with quieter textures and closer shapes (ie. wrap pieces) in tonal looks of neutrals and blacks. And of course (as pointed out above) how you do your hair and makeup makes a big impact style wise. Anyways, this is a strategy that got me thru a pretty hectic, crazy time looking put together without constant freakouts use at your own peril!!

Having a 'fun' board and a 'i really think this could work' board could be a good idea. OTOH, i have been sewing most of my own clothing for the past couple of years because of the issues you talk about here.... something to think about anyways.

Best of luck and have fun!!! steph

ManidipaM

Veteran

Steph, that is exactly the sort of clothes I would like to wear but have been unable to find in the right fits and fabrics with the right details (front openings being paramount for instance). Completely understand turning to sewing. Not that I could just now even if I had the skill. And real closet is small and what it is at the moment. No time to do very much with or for it. Pinterest is easier to sort while stuck to a baby!

Lisa, sadly, l had been doing the opposite. Lots of inspiration photos built out of common attainable blocks...which I just purged because they feel even less like me now than they did a year ago when I felt like experimenting. What feels right and like I could wear it in a heartbeat seems hardest to find and fit. Maybe I just have eccentric and expensive taste!

rae

(website)

Veteran

I have been watching this thread but did not know what to say... usually my problem is the opposite, and I find too much stuff! lol But then I remembered trying to find a waterproof trench that was packable, lightweight, breathable, etc. So now I'm grimmacing thinking of your plight. I hope you can find at least a few things that are suitable stop-gaps until The Ones present themselves.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Rae, I had to laugh! Thanks for that! It's like Jack Sprat and his wife. We're keeping the retail universe in balance.

And I do remember Ye Queste of the Trench!

Deborah

Veteran

I have become quite intentional when I 'pin'. I simply follow Caro's boards and pin what she pins lol... but true:) She has my style preference nailed

ManidipaM

Veteran

Deborah, I seem to have shocking amounts in common with Rachy and Astrid! Real pity I don't live remotely in the vicinity

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

As far as I'm concerned, you're way ahead of me at the time when I was a new mum - style wasn't part of the equation at all. A lot of factors were to blame, but framed by two main ones: my height - of course - which made shopping difficult in general, especially for the transitional body, nursing, need for comfortable clothes, and a lack of sense of style because of height difficulties if nothing else. Not to mention that I had no support in the form of YLF who will hold your hand.

I think Pinterest can easily turn into counterproductive tool, that was at least a case with me, I got overwhelmed very quickly just looking at other people's boards. And partly because I've learnt my lesson from bookmarking (good, old-fashioned bookmark for keeping URLs) zillion links for all the recipes I will NEVER make, but can only feel frustrated because of it (but really, how many meals will I realistically need to make in my lifetime? So, how will I filter through all that food… how much TIME alone it will cost me to rummage through all that.) I have not used the Pinterest to hone my style. At least not yet. But I can also see how it can be very helpful - it did help me a lot to see the trends I like in making some decisions about our future house, but for now I leave it at that. I occasionally pin the look which really, really speaks to me, but I have detached myself from analysing my style through it yet. I like it and I leave it at that.

Instead, I am working through my own, existing wardrobe. A few weeks ago I wrote about my need to go simple in terms of clothing and I've had a blast since then. I literally tune into every piece I wear and have in the process started becoming aware of what I like and dislike, what feels most like me and why, down to the seam and cut. I still wear imperfect things, but I learn from them, and there is a reason why some survive in my wardrobe. Some I ditch without thinking twice. The things I love come from all price points, the more expensive ones from sales - but can you tell? I don't care, all I know is I LOVE those pieces and WHY I love them. It's a journey. And it's fun. That's what it's all about for me.

I hope it makes some sense to you

cobaltblue

Veteran

Manidipa, I am right there with you! The hardest part for me is finding clothing that easily accomodates nursing without showing acres of cleavage. Well, severely restricted time for shopping doesn't help things at all, either! But it does seem that the things I'm looking for either aren't available or are way out of my budget (by several digits!). Just keep your fantasy pins, I say, and enjoy them as art.

Thistle

Veteran

I am replying before reading all of the other comments, so forgive me if this is a repeat.

having a baby is the one of the single biggest life changing events most women go through. And, we are held to unrealistic standards about it. Simply because celebrities with paid chefs, personal trainers, and nannies can get back into their pre-pregnancy shape quickly (much less at all!) does not mean this is the norm for the rest of us. Nor should it be.

Same with clothing choices. Sure, we see celebrities in silk and lace after having a baby. But they are celebrities. Their whole livlihood is based on how they look. Once, maybe, suede was a luxe and fabulous choice. Now it is not.

I am okay with that. It is part of becoming a mom, and I say embrace it! I know the fab ladies here would frown on my "park style" of yoga pants and a tee, but I can run and chase my daughter without care. And frankly, that is priceless to me. Those toddler giggles and when she runs up and throws her arms around my knees . . . that make me far happier than just about anything I have ever known.

Your little one will only be little once. Soak up every moment. And while you can still be stylish, don't beat yourself up over an unrealistic ideal.

Anonymous

Manidipa. It's been many many years since I had babies and toddlers but I remember feeling that my body and time were not my own. Even the dog made demands. This too shall pass.
I think I resorted to ordering knit tops from places like Lands End in my best colors and wore lots of twisted cotton bandanas as necklaces because baby grabby hands pulled chains and beads apart. I also wore knit pants, skirts and shorts, I'm sorry to say, but they were easy and forgiving. One just does the best they can.
Panic times were when I needed to find something to wear for an event for DH's work. Department store personal shoppers saved me several times. They are free and know what is stylish and will work with your budget. I wish I'd used them more.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Cobaltblue, commiserations! You would think someone would have figured out moms come in at all budgets and there is a huge untapped market, yes?

Thistle, wholehearted agreement with you. Only this was not with respect to maternity style. It is an overall issue for me. Nursing adds extra frustration like cobaltblue says but that is really just a separate issue at this point. I long ago made up my mind to manage with what fits and functions for the next couple of years. Pinterest is only to remind myself of my preferences to pick up the threads later, since I have a history of role playing instead of seeking personal authenticity of style...it is sheer coincidence that some of the things I like would be very practical for maternity too.

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