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Style Journeys (and a little whining)

Anonymous

This is a hard post to write because I am not sure what my thesis is. I guess it starts with a changing body. I lost some weight.

Body changes have consequences. My body changed slowly as I lost about ~one pound a week beginning in October. I continued to wear my clothes and used belts and such to make the clothes fit. Finally in February I realized how ridiculous I looked and how unfair I was being to myself. With the help of several Forum Members (you know who you are), I started to honestly evaluate the bottoms in my wardrobe. I had to do this over the course of many weekends because it was painful.

Every single time I evaluated the fit of a bottom and found that it was oversized, I felt some sort of stab in my heart. Yes. I know these were merely clothing items, but they were all so well thought out and planned. I cannot express the time and energy I devoted to wardrobe planning since joining YLF. Thank you, Angie and All.

I spent so much time constructing my identity and armor against the world.

I realized how many different roles/identities I have during a single week. And how different one week is from another. I need a sizable wardrobe of armor. Suddenly that armor was becoming mere pieces of cloth. Yet each piece of cloth evoked some sort of strong emotional reaction.

From October 2017 to March 2018, I lost just over 25 pounds and donated 44 assorted items. I hid away another 9 items that no longer fit but that I couldn't seem to part with because of love? I think it love. They projected the exact image I wanted to show the world.

The weight loss came off my hips/belly. So the bottoms in my work wardrobe were decimated (none of my pajama or athletic bottoms were affected though). The only jeans I have in my closet now are designated as "field jeans." They are too big, but who really cares? I don't have the energy to search for new jeans. I am wondering if I really need them. Even white jeans seem like too much effort to exert right now.

I am continuing to wear all my tops (for now). I start that evaluation next weekend. I seem to be ok in oversized tops though .....

I look at my closet and it is barren. I am really, really sad. Shouldn't I be happy? Happy and excited?

One more thing. Support networks are so important. My BF says he has been supportive, but I am not feeling it and that makes me sad too.

I almost ended my weight loss/style journey today but writing this post has helped me clarify a few things in my brain. I have 10 more pounds to lose and then I have to learn maintenance.

Dressing

67 replies

Latest reply was from

Bonnie

Veteran

I am impressed with your achievement. (I am assuming that you were on a weight loss program and are almost at your goal.) An empty closet seems to have become another challenge you must deal with. I'm sure the resolve you have shown in losing the weight will help you overcome this next obstacle. Good luck with your next challenge and I hope you continue to share your story with us.

DonnaF

Veteran

You have lost a LOT of weight very, very quickly. One pound per week is pretty rapid for a woman. That's quite a jolt to your system and how you see yourself. Try to be gentle and patient with yourself as you adjust. My sense is that you are not a yo-yo dieter so your current weight and size is not familiar to you?

Shopping is hard and lot of work. I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed. FWIW, my preference is shopping online at Nordstrom since there's free shipping and no deadline on returns. And I can try stuff on and in combo with other things at my leisure. But I'm not seeking work wear like you, in which case I would widen my search.

Since you are and will be in a position to replace everything, have you thought about the silhouettes you prefer with your new body? Do you really like oversized tops? Or is a more tailored look what you actually favor?

I hope you have pictures of your favorite clothing items that you can add to your Finds so that you can think about and remember what made them so special.

JAileen

Veteran

I sympathize with your dilemma. I lost some weight and a lot of things I really like are too big. I feel so wasteful.

You say you don’t need jeans. What do you wear in your leisure time? Please don’t tell me you wear your pjs when you go grocery shopping. I’ve seen people do that, though.

I like Nordstrom, too. The few times I’ve shopped other stores and then had to pay return postage made me kind of mad.

BrieN

Veteran

I think I understand some of your experience. I recently purchased a duplicate skirt, 2 sizes smaller than my original now-too-big skirt, on Thred Up consignment and was absolutely overjoyed to have found it. Shopping takes a lot of time and energy!!

delurked

Veteran

Sterling - congrats. I think you will be happier in clothing you feel good in. Especially when you have enough well fitting clothing to get through your varied needs. I have a feeling plenty of your current tops may not be as favored when you purchase better fitting ones. Once you are about your goal weight, I recommend a new bra fitting. Then assess how you are feeling in your tops, even if you are keeping some as placeholders. Some may still work, but if you lose 35 pounds, I would argue you likely need different tops as well as different bottoms. It defies logic that you would lose all your weight from your bottom half without the top half being affected too.

And not to be a downer, but a few larger fitting clothes stashed away till you’re comfortable that maintenance is maintained wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. They can be tucked away in a bag and donated after a few months if it helps your confidence that the change is long lasting.

Maybe your first goal can be to get through a week in clothes you like. So you’ve got 2 pair of work pants right now. You could start with a couple coordinating work tops, a casual outfit or two with a pair of jeans, and a lounge outfit. Maybe start with what you currently have, but try in the new appropriate size. Does that work, or is it time to look further? You like to go to one store at a time. Get some sales help and have them bring you new stuff to try. Try different styles in just one store. Don’t feel pressured, but be open to accepting the help and listening to yourself about whether you like what you’ve tried. Go from there. Baby steps.

Classically Casual

Veteran

Sterling, my take on what you wrote is you feel you’ve lost your defenses, as your beloved, and loyal clothing items have been sidelined.

Just a thought—-could you shop for a piece of jewelry you could wear regularly, that would have some sort of symbolic meaning for you, and make you feel fabulous and powerful?

In time you can rebuild a wonderful, new wardrobe but in the meantime
you’d be confident in all your roles throughout the week.

(Full disclosure, two weeks later I may still be under the influence of Black Panther and the fabulous adornments.)

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Sterling, first of all, I hope your health is good and this was an intended and desired weight loss. If it was, congratulations --but that's a lot for 6 months, so it is no wonder if your self-image is a bit unsettled. I came to YLF originally after a similar weight loss and with nothing in my closet and I know that as much as one might have wanted to lose the weight, it can be a bit daunting to rebuild a closet from scratch.

First off, you know what Angie says -- foundations! Get those basics looked after if you haven't already. And check out the hairstyle while you're at it. It might need to change.

Next, since work wear is important to you, I would do exactly as you have been doing and begin with a week's worth of work clothing. You might find that you want to wear different silhouettes than in the past. And I agree with Delurked -- if you lose 35 pounds it will certainly be all over. It's true that some items might work "okay" in your former size, depending on cut, etc. -- but honestly, with that amount of weight loss I had to replace everything. Granted I am shorter than you so proportionately it was more, but even so....

Joy

Veteran

Congratulations on your weight loss. You will be healthier in the long run. I know it is a lot of work and sacrifice, so you need to reward yourself at this point. The next 10 pounds may be even harder and you may stop before your goal. Look at the rewards and take your time at rebuilding your wardrobe, using the discoveries you have made about your needs and oreferences.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Since you speak of continuing I will assume you worked hard for this weight loss. You need to be congratulate yourself first of all. Toban's post and Angie's recent post on wardrobe through weight loss should be lots of help. All clothes wear out eventually - your health and your body are what is going to stick with your in the long term.

unfrumped

Veteran

Two words: Toban

Seriously, that is a major weight loss. If it is part of getting fit and healthier it is a huge accomplishment. You must take some time and bandwidth to congratulate yourself.
I can relate “ in he future” because I have embarked on a smaller scale “ flab loss” program, and if it is successful I might find a number of workwear items not fitting because I’m at least one size up from where I used to be ( pants in particular). It would seem like it might make me ecstatic to shop for new things that I might like better — styles I love but had become uncomfortable wearing at my current weight and shape—but absolutely relate to the feelings I may have of all the time I spent finding my current items, costs of hemming, pieces I got to match or complete outfits. I’m not FINISHED with them!

Here are some things to hang on to:
—You have learned a LOT about fits and styles and what you like and need. . It may be why shopping seems harder because you’re appropriately more picky.
—You may be satisfied with a smaller core wardrobe in your best silhouettes. I keep reading Toban’s posts for this reason. Not that you can’t HAVE a larger wardrobe, but that you can relax if you don’t have it right away.
— fashion and your tastes will change even if weight stays the same. Or maybe your job or roles. Hence Gaylene once had very wise advice for not going too “ deep “ into particular styles ( I used to buy a lot of similar things to point I could not wear them frequently enough in season), but staying leaner so have budget and closet space to evolve.
Anyways, sending kudos and encouragement your way.

cindysmith

Veteran

It all makes sense to me. We invest a LOT in our armor. Even when it becomes obsolete for a good reason like yours, it's like letting go of dear friends or something. So congratulations on all the hard work, and (((hugs))) too

jussie

Veteran

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling great right now. It’s a big change you’re going through. Also is part of the issue that the silhouettes and types of clothing you used to wear may not work as well on a smaller figure? Therefore nescessitating an even bigger change in shopping habits/mindset?
Shopping for certain items such as jeans and dress pants can be an ordeal, so be patient with yourself and perhaps get a temporary pair of cheap ish jeans and work pants whilst you are in this transition stage.
Also some pants never look right until you have the right shoes and top with them so sometimes what you see when you try something on is not as impressive as it will look when you’re fully dressed.
It is hard when buying new stuff is costly too..... the added stress of that can add to the mix!
All the best

Gigi

Veteran

I have a lot of emotional attachment to my clothing. I often buy pieces because they help me portray myself as I feel myself to be or want myself to be. I would think that having to donate a huge portion of my closet would make me very sad, even if the reason (reaching weight-loss goals) were a good one. You may feel like you are a different person now than before the weight loss; maybe you need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of your "old" self?

Style Fan

Veteran

I become very attached to my clothing. Fashion has always been a creative outlet for me and one of my hobbies. I would be very sad if I had to replace my whole wardrobe. (Actually, something like that happened to me once when I accidentally threw out my work clothes when I moved. Not a great situation for a new graduate with very little money.)
I would think it would take time to get used to a new body and to find the right pieces. It took awhile to find the old clothes. Clothing does portray a message to others and is a protection from the world.

Mainelady

Veteran

It sounds like your weight loss is deliberate and leading to a healthier you. If that is the case, then please try to celebrate your accomplishments. This is a new you and how you look and feel may be different on this journey. That is ok. I think it is actually expected.
One pound at a time and one step at a time. Sometimes the big picture can feel overwhelming. Even when it is a good thing, it is still a big change. Change can be tiring. Perhaps you are feeling some of the fatigue, which can be physical and emotional. Please remind yourself that how you feel right now is temporary. This is not your forever feeling.
You know a lot about your style, and the armor that made you feel great. Take all that knowledge with you as you move on to new sizes, maybe new silhouettes. Thinking about a whole new wardrobe may be overwhelming and not worth the effort or energy it will require. Start small. Identify an item that you really need to replace, one that will thrill you when you do, and put your energy into that.
Do you wear dresses? There are many styles and fabrics that can cross a couple of sizes. Maybe those would be good work pieces to get you started. Cardigans and knit blazers can often span sizes, too.
Wishing you the best and joy on your journey. Make sure you put a little happiness factor into every step. It makes a difference.

Toban

Veteran

Hang in there! I get these feelings. I’ve asked myself many times along this journey when I’ve hit a milestone why am I not happy about the loss, and it’s always because I’m thinking about how much further I’ve got to go to my goal and that I’m going to have to live with an unsettled feeling for weeks more. It is very unsettling to see an empty bare closet and not grieve the favorites that no longer work or worry about all the things you need to replace. Accept those feelings and acknowledge them. Then acknowledge that you’ll need to continue discipline and patience ...

I am now <10 lbs from goal weight #1, at which I will reevaluate body composition and set my next goal. I am finding myself paralyzed from making any more purchases because I want to buy for future self not current self. I am mentally fried with thinking about my weight for a year. I reread and reread my previous post to remind me to be patient. I am turning my attention to thinking about what I can do with my stronger, lighter body. I am rewarding myself with hiring a triathlon coach to assist me in my goals. I have been temporarily minimizing my time on the forum to not be tempted for more purchases. I do not recognize the woman in the mirror. I am happy and sad at the same time.

This doesn’t provide any solutions but really just says that I hear you and feel the same way on many aspects. The skills and discipline that you used to build your previous wardrobe are not forgotten and will come in handy for rebuilding when you are ready. It’s ok to be sad and out of sorts about your identity right now. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

Anonymous

Thank you so much for posting. I really was reaching out for emotional support. I will respond to each individual post later today.

This weight loss was originally suggested by my doctor last summer. She suggested that I lose 10 percent of my body weight. I thought she was ridiculous and that it would be impossible. Still I am by nature a very receptive and willing person. I joined Weight Watchers on October 3rd. I thought the idea of losing weight was impossible. It was never going to happen. But at the very least, I would work at not gaining any weight over the Holidays.

I lost the weight my doctor suggested (Weight Watchers Goal Weight) and I saw her again in February for a semi-annual checkup. I was so proud. She barely noticed. I couldn't believe it. WHERE WERE THE BALLOONS? There should have been some damn balloons.

Having reached Goal Weight, I wondered if I could possibly lose an additional ten pounds (Personal Goal Weight). I don't know the answer to that. I am still hovering around Goal Weight right now.

Everyone at Weight Watchers has been incredibly nice, but the subject of wardrobe changes has never come up. I have so much wanted to ask these questions. But the meetings focus on other more important topics than wardrobe and I have never been able to speak up. In fact, I sit very quietly, hoping I don't catch the flu ....

Although I was very whiny yesterday, overall I feel great! I feel more mentally stronger and courageous. The weight loss combined with Me Too has had a huge impact on my mental state. I have reached a point in my career where I can speak up for those who can't right now. I am taking that opportunity to help and aid more women on an every day basis.

Jane

Veteran

As others have said, if your weight loss is planned, well done. I think you must have very good will power and resolve. Again, well done.

It feels as if your wardrobe is a bit of a burden at present and I wondered if you should take up Suz's suggestion and stock up on basics, and just park the review of the tops for a little longer. The review of the bottoms sounds as if it is has slightly caught up on you and the joy around loosing weight has been slightly lost in the bottoms review.

Can YLF help more? Can we review by looking at the tops as they are currently rather than you having to try everything on?

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Well done you for having shifted the weight but I m not surprised that you are feeling a bit discombobulated.I believe that this is very common following significant weight loss,and emotional attachment to clothing ,well you’ve only got to read the threads on this site to know that that is a common phenomenon.As everyone above has said be kind to yourself and don’t rush at your new wardrobe,your body has changed so give your mind time to catch up.

Joyce B

Veteran

Your problem is a good one to have, when weight is going in the direction that you want. Congrats on your weight loss journey!
I can see how it can be hard with clothes, especially if you had a beautiful and functioning wardrobe. In my case, I could barely find anything that fit so I was more than happy to start buying beautiful clothes after a very long time.
I think you can also ask your fellow Weight Watchers at the meetings. I am sure your questions will be useful to more than one person.

Suzanimal

First, congrats on getting healthier! That's quite an accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself. *giving Sterling a well earned pat on the back*

I look at my closet and it is barren. I am really, really sad. Shouldn't I be happy? Happy and excited?

Nope. You should feel exactly how you feel.

I felt some sort of stab in my heart. Yes. I know these were merely clothing items

It sounds like you're grieving. "Merely clothes"? No, they weren't. As you stated, they were your "armor". You lost something important to you. There's no shame in grieving over something that was important to you - that you loved. (((*hugs Sterling*)))

One more thing. Support networks are so important. My BF says he has been supportive, but I am not feeling it and that makes me sad too.

As far as your BF being supportive goes, in my experience, men are notoriously bad at support the way women think of it. I have to specifically tell my husband how to make me feel better and we've been together for 24 years. You'd think he'd have figured out what I want by now but no, he still needs to be told. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just that he thinks differently and shows love differently than I do. For example, "It's fine" means something completely different when I say it and when he says it. If your BF is usually pretty great, cut him some slack and cut yourself some slack, too - you're going through a major life change.

Anonymous

Thank you for sharing this - there's a lot here to think about , and I think I now understand a little more about my own issues as they relate to my wardrobe. I too was told by my doctor to lose weight back in the fall - and although I have not yet been successful, it has made me weary and wary of shopping, and what is in my closet right now. Thanks to your experience and how you've described it, I think I understand things a little better now.

Susie

Veteran

First, congratulations on your accomplishment! Second, hugs to you for the sadness and sense of loss you are feeling. I had similar feelings when I lost weight.

In 2013-14, I was about 25 pounds heavier than I am now. I was wearing sizes 12-14 and now wear mostly 10’s and an occasional 8 in pants. While losing weight was a good thing, I did mourn the loss of some wardrobe items. I had a wardrobe that I really loved and one that I had spent a great deal of time and money on building. I still recall one particular pair of pants that were a favorite and I hated to lose them. None that I have now seem as nice as that pair.

I continued to wear the larger sizes until they got sloppy big. And then I held on to them for a while, thinking I might gain back the weight. Just this past week I finally donated the last of the larger sized pieces. It helped that I found a shop where the owner uses the proceeds to help women in need. But it still felt so wasteful to get rid of so many things, long before they were worn out.

I do enjoy shopping and buying new things and my wardrobe is once again a similar size to what I had before. But I’ve gotten tired of my focus on clothing/fashion (which is one reason I’ve spent less time here.)

I’m sorry for going on about myself on your post. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in having some sadness about losing things that helped you feel like you.

It’s ok to take things slowly. You’ve been given some great advice and I encourage you to follow the suggestions that resonate with you.

Please keep us posted and please continue to seek the support of this amazing g community.

Anonymous

Thank you, Bonnie. I really, really wanted someone in my life to acknowledge this accomplishment. I knew if I reached out to YLF, people like you would be there for me. I am grateful.

DonnaF — One pound a week is actually slow by some Weight Watcher’s standards. I thought one pound per week was sustainable for me … meaning I could lose the weight over time and maintain the weight loss into future. I am not a yo-yo dieter and so yes this is very unfamiliar and unsettling to me.

I have researched silhouettes. I identified several that I know will serve me well going forward. I will post them later in this thread. I am practicing “restraint.” Every time my brain yearns for something interesting and statement-like, I pull out visuals of my silhouettes and check the yearning against them. I think 2018 is going to be about restraint.

Generally, I prefer a more “semi-fitted” feel to my tops. I suspect that once I start assessing my tops, something similar to my bottom assessment will take place. My one saving grace is that I have a really broad shoulder line.

JAileen — You made me smile. I have resorted to wearing my pajamas in the house, but I do change when I go grocery shopping. I have a very small collection of nice looking bottoms. Right now I am wearing those acceptable bottoms on repeat. It is good that I don’t need a lot of variety.

And does it ever feel wasteful!!! I keep reminding myself that someone else may be overjoyed to find my donations. I send that person my best wishes.

BrieN — Shopping takes a lot of time and energy. I have never begrudged that time or energy in the past. But this go around, it feels exhausting.

Congratulations on fitting into you duplicate skirt (2 sizes smaller). YAY you. I know several women in Weight Watchers that boldly buy clothing several sizes smaller than their present weight. They DO fit into them in time. Success stories. I personally could never do that. Too scary.

Delurked — Such wise, wise advice. I literally have not even opened the closet that contains my tops. I have been wearing knit sweaters and tee shirts. I fear that ALL my button downs will be in the donation pile soon. This is an interesting opportunity to see if I ever buy a button down shirt again. I have written many posts about them in the past. Should they be part of my style journey or not????

And yes, my underpinnings will most certainly have to be re-assessed. I continue to wear my oversized underwear. I continue to wear the same bras.

Baby steps.

Classically Casual — what a brilliant idea. I bought one new pearl necklace in January. In my mind, that necklace has been my reward for getting through the Holidays. It is an important piece of jewelry to me.

I have come to rely heavily on my jewelry because it has so much personal symbolism. And I adored the costumes in Black Panther. I continue to see shades of Black Panther on the Red Carpets.

Suz — Thank you for posting. I remember that you joined YLF with nothing in your closet. Perhaps it never registered to me that it was due to weight loss. My apologies for not having made that connection.

AND it is daunting to start over from scratch. It feels wasteful and impossible.

I will focus on basics!! Thank you so much for the reminder. I am in the process of collecting and evaluating silhouettes. I’ll post more about them later.

Thank you, Joy. My doctor promised me that losing 10 percent of my body weight was a really good idea. She was so optimistic in August 2017. No balloons in February 2018. Sigh.

The next ten pounds is a personal goal (beyond what the doctor recommended). I want to see if I can do it and maintain it. You are right. I might find it harder and/or unsustainable. It is just something I want to try.

And Shevia — You are so right. I keep weighing the cost of my new wardrobe against what could have been future doctor’s bills. I know I am healthier!!! I certainly feel more energetic. I have no aches or pains now when I exercise. I see so many physical benefits. That is one reason it was so confusing to me that I fell to pieces yesterday. Perhaps too much time examining my closet?

Anonymous

Unfrumped — Two words: TOBAN. I laugh with you, but she has literally taught me so much since we started that 30 x 30 Challenge. I keep re-reading Toban’s post as well. In fact, I have her post taped inside my closet! I keep re-reading that sentence about “culling ruthlessly.” Sometimes I wonder if she would approve as I lovingly fold oversized pieces and hide them away in my closet.

Congratulations on your “flab loss” program. YAY you. You expressed my emotions exactly. We should be excited, yet we are not. You and I have learned a lot about fits and styles that we like and need; we probably are more picky. YAY us.

Excellent advice about not going too deep into particular styles. I am the Queen of Duplication, but I restrained myself so far and not duplicated more than one pair of pants. This is huge for me.

Thanks for the hugs, CindySmith. It is so reassuring to know that someone else understands my feelings. I have read every single one of your “goodbye” posts and tried hard to follow your example.

I know, Jussie. You are so right!! Having the right shoes and tops is so important! I realize this and I bought two new pairs of shoes in February that really helped my mood. They made such a BIG difference in how my new slacks looked! I have yet to really pay attention to how my tops are coordinating with my new bottoms. That is my next mission.

We have not to talk about the cost of buying a whole new wardrobe. I am doing this slowly so that so far I have been able to stay within a budget, but I have had HUGE expenses on my charge card as I order/return different items.

Thank you, Gigi. You have eloquently expressed exactly what I was feeling yesterday. I am glad I am not the only one that feels an emotional attachment to my clothing. It is so real!!!. Those pieces were my armor. They were my portrayal of who I wanted to be on a given day. They “spoke” for me.

Thank you for understanding, StyleFan. My feelings have been so conflicted and confusing to me. My wardrobe was my sole means of artistic expression as well. Maybe not as artistic as some, but my expression. I am feeling better today. More hopeful.

Anonymous

Excellent advice, MaineLady. Perhaps I was feeling so overwhelmed yesterday because I was thinking of the process as whole. I was failing to see the tiny steps that I could take along the way.

I have learned a lot about my style by participating in YLF. I built a wardrobe up from scratch when I originally joined YLF so many years ago. I can do it again … in small, well reasoned increments.

Sadly, I am not a dress person. I love them on others. I just feel more authentic when I wear slacks. But I have found I am a cardigan and knit blazer person. Those two items feel like armor to me.

Hello Toban — I am so glad you saw my post and had the time to reply. It has been a very unsettled time for me. I spent February/March assessing my bottoms and found that the majority of them were not even a close fit. I donated them five items at a time because I couldn’t bare to take all of them to the Goodwill in one giant bunch. THAT would have felt wasteful. I might have broken down in tears in the parking lot.

I know you hear me. I know you understand being both happy and sad at the same time. It was that combination of emotions that surprised me. I expected to be elated. Your earlier posts have been invaluable to both me and Unfrumped. I remind myself that this is a process and that there should be tiny rewards along the way. I think you have established the art of taking this journey incrementally. I am following your example and trying hard to do it in a step-by-step fashion with little rewards along the way.

There is one more thing that factors into all of this. As I was evaluating my wardrobe and making decisions some of my friends in real life pointed out "lots of times people regain all that lost weight and then some." They said it with a smirk … almost as though they were wishing that for me. It was very disheartening. I felt broken to hear a friend say that to me ... especially when I was already feeling emotionally vulnerable.

Jane — You are so wise. Based on your post alone I decided to postpone the evaluation of my tops until I am feeling more secure in my weight loss and emotionally stronger overall. I think I have been trying to do too much and putting extra strain on myself as a consequence.

YLF always helps. I am deeply indebted to the individuals on this Forum.

Thank you, Cardiff Girl. Your post is really reassuring to me. I am glad I have found my "tribe." A tribe that understands the importance of clothing and what it can mean on an emotional level.

Thank you, Joyce. It does make sense that I should be asking other Weight Watchers what they do about this issue. I haven't yet because I didn't want to seem "frivolous." Well, truth be told, I have yet to say one sentence in a meeting. I think I should resolve to ask that question because it is important to me and perhaps others will benefit from the responses as well.

Anonymous

Suzanimal — Your post was so powerful and reassuring to me. I needed that pat on the back. I really did. I think I was deeply grieving the loss of my carefully curated wardrobe yesterday.

My BF is normally pretty wonderful. He got pulled into this swirl of emotion yesterday. I kept trying to understand the emotions myself and then explain it to him. I don’t know if he understood what I was trying to say yesterday, but he has been very supportive today. In fact, he took the time to read my post and all the responses. He brought attention to your post and the comments you made about BFs and husbands. He felt better too.

Yes LisaP. I am glad if any of this helps you in any small way. There really is a lot to think about and an individual has no idea how many extra things creep into the equation. You do know that we are always here for you any time you need to vent. Sometimes venting is needed just to stay sane.

On a side note, I too have been weary and wary of shopping. I really like how you expressed this sentiment. I have been buying and buying and buying. HUGE packages have been arriving at the house, but so far this year, this entire year, I have kept only three pair of pants and two pair of shoes (all work related). Nothing else. I have literally been at the mall every single weekend returning things. It has been extraordinary.

Anonymous

Your post was incredibly cathartic, Susie!!! I needed to hear every single word that you wrote. I am embarrassed to admit that I wore my oversized pants until they got sloppy big. I might still be wearing them if Emily had not staged an intervention.

I arrived at the doctor's office wearing on pair of pants (cinched up with a belt) and I had a full view of myself in her mirrored elevator. Who has mirrored elevators? Where do you look in a mirrored elevator. You can only look at yourself. OMG. I threw that entire outfit away the minute I got home.

I may never get over that tiny event of self realization.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

We humans are complex beings. Joy and pride and grief are all natural reactions. Getting rid of things you love is hard, even if they don’t serve you anymore. If you think you will want similar items or outfits again I would keep photos with you while shopping, for your own use or to give to a salesperson or store stylist so they can pull clothing for you. Only shop where there is a good return policy so you can reassess at home.
And maybe try the Kon Marie practice of thanking each item before letting it go.
And I would speak to that friend, especially about the tone of the comment, and how it sounded like sabotage, not helpful advice.

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