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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Style Insights or Stopping Short of Stylish

rachylou

Veteran

Last month's *Glamour* has an article on "What's your MO?" that I had a glance at yesterday. Then today an office mate was telling me she was on her third Halloween costume this year, and I was telling her, "Um, I've been the same thing for Halloween since 1995."

Lol. That's true.

So but it got my mind rolling (it operates without me, btw). I realised a couple of things: I enjoy being formulaic and wearing something - and then wearing it and wearing it. In truth, I find something humorous in wearing the same costume decade after decade, until it's forced beyond unimaginative into "signature" territory. I like little rituals and being a little fuddy-duddy.

Which led me to the second insight: Not only do I bat for Team RATE, I don't want to look too sharp. I don't have a use for looks that are too smart and that will stop traffic. I feel a great need to stop short of *S*tylish.

Should I get off the fashion boards (unlikely to happen)? How stylish do you guys all want to be? Is there a too much for you?

Dressing

41 replies

Latest reply was from bj1111

Astrid

Veteran

YES! I understand you completely.... There's definitely a too much for me and I don't want to look too sharp either. I need to be comfortable and that only happens when I can wear my stuff everywhere everyday without worrying too much about it. Means a bit RATE and worn in. I love matchy matchy but at the same time I don't like it if everything in an outfit is planned out down into the tiniest detail. I certainly like such outfits on others, but I would feel weird in it!

ETA
As for having always the same costume, that's seriously awesome. Because, you know what? In the time other people are searching and sewing and god knows what just to have the latest you can do other things with your time.

Carole

Veteran

Interesting post and question....hmmm....I'd say my priority is dressing to suit my body in a flattering way and to be comfortable. Sometimes those two statements don't play very well together, so that is my ongoing challenge.

DonnaF

Veteran

The same exact LOOK or the same exact COSTUME every year? I can't imagine a costume that would hold up year after year. I have a Xena Princess Warrior costume I sewed a dozen years ago that I can't bear to give up because it took so much effort to make and because I can still zip it up. But I've only worn it a couple of times because it is more bare than my style. It was warm enough to wear for my church's Halloween parade on Sunday, but I chickened out. Maybe next year when I'm 60. . .but who will even remember who Xena is?

krishnidoux

Veteran

I completely understand you. Being just a bit under the radar as more desirable than being a jaw dropper traffic stopper. Like the French who will always remove one piece of accessory after they are ready.

For me it's a balance between the quality of the clothes I wear vs their attractiveness. The less the quality, the more attractive, arresting they must be to make up for their lack of make. But if I am wearing too many arresting items at once it means there is not enough "substance".

Or if an outfit makes me look too much like a stereotype, no matter how sensational, then I turn away.

catgirl

Veteran

I love your philosophical posts! This makes me think of when I went to college outside of Philly and all the Junior League thrift stores we'd hit up... that Main Line style of boucle jackets and genteel ultrasuede skirt suits. Also the sort of the stodgy but posh-preppy plaid New England look I grew up with in Boston.

And then there's signature style like Katherine Hepburn or Grace Kelly - so iconic and immediately evocative. And as significant in their moment as they are today.

There's a certain appeal to both. I know I've enjoyed dressing in BF jeans for decades - back when my friends made fun of me for dressing like a teenage boy, today when they are of the moment, and no doubt when I'm in the nursing home.

I often think about this with cars. Are there cars today that we can state, right now, will be the equivalent of a '57 Chevy? I KNOW it's not my Honda Pilot, which I can say confidently will not be retro-cool in 50 years.

Or perhaps i'm rambling on a tangent!

rachylou

Veteran

@DonnaF - With Netflix and iTunes, everyone of all ages will know who Xena is. Go for it!

Anyways, my second year I traded up from felt to poly satin, if I remember correctly. It's been the same exact costume until this year. I don't know wear it's gotten to. I feel my DD may have it. I much prefer it to the new one.

***
Ok, I have WAY more to say... but I have to go jump into traffic now before it is too late to wear my costume!!

Anonymous

It depends, I do stop short if and when I want my outfit not to be the emphasis. There are occasions, especially at work, when I prefer my outfit not to be noticed, at all.

Jjsloane

Veteran

Interesting topic.
@DonnaF I made a Xena costume in 1998 that I still have!! High five to us! Let's put them on and confuse everyone!
I don't want to be inappropriate but I like to feel current. I have a huge bin of costumes, but was Alice in Wonderland 3 years in a row (and still have that one in the bin).

Gaylene

Veteran

Well, my fondest dream has always been to find a university that required profs to wear black academic robes all the time, so I guess you could say I'm attracted to formulatic dressing. I mean, seriously, if it worked for ten centuries or so, how could it be wrong? (I'd skip the hats, however!)

Failing to snag my dream position, I came up with my own teaching uniform: pants, collarless top, jacket, and funky shoes (to show I was a free spirit ). To maintain fashion credibility through the decades, I swapped the pants (bootcuts to straights to trousers, and then recycled as fashion came around full circle again and again), changed the color of the tops to whatever Pantene dictated as this year's shade (hello orange in the seventies and cobalt blue in the eighties), and varied the color, fabric, and style of the jacket (textured black blazer mutated into brown leather scuba into a green suede moto). My uniform took me through three decades of teaching and made dressing in the morning a snap.

In the last few years, I have tried to break out of the uniform by daring to wear a skirt, tights, and boots, but, to be truthful, I don't like my clothes to attract attention. If one or two students give me a compliment, I take that as a good sign; if several comment, I feel I've gone too far and ought to dial it back. I'll give myself a little more latitude to play around if I'm traveling because I feel less visible.

But the image of me of cycling around Oxford in a black academic gown still makes my knees go weak...

kellygirl

Veteran

Love the under the radar comment. That's totally me too. I think it's because I'm an introvert. I prefer to be in the background and it definitely applies to my style!

Anonymous

That's an interesting question. I think I get what you're saying. You want to have your own style without being *stylish*. Achieving this is much harder than just copying what you see in a magazine. It's personal and needs to be cultivated.

My goal is to develop my own style, but I don't want to look like I'm trying. It's only through participating in this forum that I am starting to figure out how to strike that balance.

Una, we are former neighbors.

nancylee

Veteran

I can really relate to this, RL. I love formula dressing, too, and, like Krish, prefer to fly slightly under the radar style-wise. I'm not exactly RATE, but "sharp" and "crisp" are just not in my style dictionary. Although I do like to tweak my look a little to stay current, I really prefer to not have my clothes announce me. Neutrals, formula dressing, low-key...that's my comfort zone. And I'm ok with that.

Basically, what Henley said.

Mellllls

Veteran

I don't like to stand out so that certainly influences my style choices.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I love the way your mind rolls:)
I guess my answer is it all depends on what you mean by stylish.
I've worn boots with pants & jackets since the '60s but some of the ones I wore back then I wouldn't wear now & I doubt they would be considered stylish (white go go boots I'm looking at you).

Anonymous

"My goal is to develop my own style, but I don't want to look like I'm trying".
I just found my mantra. Thank you Henley!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

You read Glamour?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Formulas. Tried and trues. Happy with repeating. Yup. That's me.

cheryl

Veteran

This was fun thread to read and you should definitely NOT get off the fashion boards.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I like wearing something a little unexpected and intentional, but my clothes don't really yell look at me. Wearing a hat does, but I am used to that and actually amazed how many compliments I get on them. I also like repeating outfits, and in some contexts do like to dress to blend in rather than defy the norm. I guess I dress for myself, and sometimes myself is more concerned with the crowd than usual.

rachylou

Veteran

@Angie - Lololol! Drat! I can't get around your powers of observation... ;>

@caro - Lol - I saw some white go go boots earlier this week... at the Halloween costume store. Poor little boots, gettin' no respect ;>

@Suz - But how much do you want to knock 'em dead? ;>

@cheryl - They'd have to drag me off the boards!

@Astrid - That's so true for me. I really don't want to worry and plan that much. I love to ponder fashion in general, but I don't want to be so careful with what I wear. I feel restricted.

@Carole - Comfort comes first to me. Flattering is not in the back seat; it's in the trunk. It's a problem of mine that I recognise.

@krishnidoux & kellygirl & Mellllls & shevia - Funny about that "French rule" and flying under the radar - and not in people's faces. It's perhaps the one I have taken most to heart. Perhaps it's somewhat like the other maxim about speaking a little softer, so people have to pay attention just a little more. The thing about "substance" v. "attractiveness" is very keen too. I have to think about that (assess my outfits against that standard).

@Una - I know, right? Good-stodgy or iconic? I kinda like Kate Hepburn for straddling that line in many ways. Grace Kelly on the other hand brings up my worries about *S*tylishness. So stunning, but also so careful a woman. I feel maybe it was limiting.

@Zapotee & Gaylene - Work is definitely a place where I don't want my outfits to be commented on. I want to be as fashionable (or probably more accurately, full of personality) as possible, up to the point where someone actually says anything. I like work. I'm really at work to work.

@Henley & nancylee - Yes! Very much so! I want to have my own style without being *stylish.* Sometimes when a person is capital S stylish, it all just stops with the entrance of the clothes. It's like they kill the rest of the story.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Rachy - you might remember why Glamour is a sore spot for me

To answer your question, my style is an extension of the way I do most things in life - simple, fast, modern, graphic, colourful, high-low, polished, bold, a little retro and for the most part practical. That's why it feels right and not a stretch. My style doesn't stop traffic at all, which is 100% fine with me. But my style does feel authentic - a reflection of who I am as a person. If my style stopped traffic, it wouldn't feel authentic.

Irene

Veteran

I have always been on the funky side. First, it was because of my mom. She shopped for me in my early teens and convinced me to get the craziest things -I can remember a pair of silver trainers, the red Kickers, that musk green velvet pants & sweater outfit with a long-sleeved striped t-shirt in different shades of green. I loved that outfit, truly loved it (only God knows why, I think it was the velvet), But I don't think my clothes reflected my personality at that time, sine I was a shy teenager with a really low self-esteem.

Then*I* started being funky. But, at the same time, I'm classic, if that makes any sense. I just like bold pieces that will last forever.

I have also upgrown from the 'cute' girl to one with a twisted, a bit more aggressive side -or so I try. That's because I have gone from cuter to more aggressive as well.

So I could say my style doesn't evolve with fashion -well, it does, but I'm not a fashionista at all- but with my personality.

rachylou

Veteran

Ohmigosh, I'm so insensitive, Angie. I'm sorry! I should avert my eyes at the newsstand and ban the word from my lips. That was such trash. An astonishing new low and hurtful. Not funny. But you are right, you did catch me out - I do not read Glamour. Because of its nature. I did something my ex-English boss would do - saw a headline and spinned off on my own.

I think it's interesting that you also have a *style limit.* Heartening, yes, but the reason you articulate seems very important and key to me: authenticity. No doubt another reason why I like it here and find so much value in YLF. I think there is good advice to be gotten here. Being *all dressed up with nowhere to go* is a little like impersonating an officer: a bad proposition

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My dear, Rachy! No need to apologize at all! Glamour magazine has extremely eye catching headlines and I catch myself wanting to read them too. Like you, the nature and tone of Glamour is not one that I want to support, as far as possible.

We adore you on this board, Rachy :). Your perspectives are lateral, creative, and hilarious. You are our Queen Quirky!

Aida

Veteran

Interesting conversation! Even if the goal is to look "stylish without effort", even if one desires to look under the radar, well we're all here going to know that there IS effort involved Angie hit on what's key for me: authenticity. If one's style is an authentic extension of self, one generally won't look contrived or overdone. My GOAL isn't to stop traffic or turn heads, and I don't necessarily desire to stand out and get attention, but if it happens it happens. Do I blindly follow the fashions? No - as much as I enjoy being up on the trends there are certainly things I'll always be wearing regardless, and who says I have to interpret the trends the way the mags say to anyway. Do I sometimes go out of my way to go against them? Yes - because it's authentic to my nature to question and explore and rebel. I have no qualms with having a style and being perceived as stylish; if that precludes people from wanting to get to know me, that's their loss. And I have no qualms with others who DON'T desire that. This matter of authenticity has been especially heavily on my mind the last several months, it's an interesting conversation for sure.

(And Angie, I am sorry but your style IS traffic stopping and head turning. I've seen it at work! )

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

(Oh goodness, Aida. I hadn't noticed. *blushing*)

Aida, I love how you further worded an extension of my "authenticity" thoughts:

"If one's style is an authentic extension of self, one generally won't look contrived or overdone"

and then you went further to say:

"I have no qualms with having a style and being perceived as stylish; if that precludes people from wanting to get to know me, that's their loss"

Fantastic! Your style is very much an extension of who you are - and because I have met you, it all makes sense! :0)

Rachy, I'm not a quirky person. If I dressed in a quirky way, it would not be authentic. I am a strict and disciplined person - and that does come through in my buttoned up style, which in turn feels 100% authentic

Aida

Veteran

*nodnod* Thank you! This makes me happy to hear (Angie I just want to hug you!) ^^ I think most people are generally not surprised about anything of my personality when they meet me... except that I am (apparently) much gigglier in person than I seem to be from my WIW photos

And, you know, I was thinking about all of this in terms specific to YLF after coming back from OC too. Many of us have commented on how amazing it is that when we meet other fabbers for the first time, it's like we KNOW them know them. Separate from the fact that we do share a lot about ourselves simply in what and in the way we communicate, on another level I think part of this is because many of us ARE looking for that authenticity in our style. When it's present, these people who we normally see on screen, as you said just _make sense_. THAT is my ultimate goal!

rachylou

Veteran

It's funny to me how things don't look good when they aren't *you.* I'm constantly bewildered at how Angelina Jolie can look so good in St. John. She looks hot; I look dowdy political wife.

I don't mind being in the spotlight, but I feel a twinge when I get there because of my clothes. I don't mean getting compliments or being told I have a style. It's when the presentation stops the conversation and people whisper their compliments behind your back. You know, it's like how you can amp your style and dress to kill - it's definitely you, but it overwhelms other people.

Perhaps, pondering, this is a hangover from being a teenager. All that whining and envy. Or it's just my personality in terms of the human pack. I don't like being "the face." I'd rather be "the brain." I was "the face" in college. I can do it, but it took a lot of... meditation. Couldn't flip between the two modes either.

I once worked with one of Prince's back-up singers. She wasn't *the face* either, but to be on stage she had to have something. You could feel her presence from 30 feet away. It was fascinating. In general, I have no idea of what to do with that random command of attention.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

This thread is so fascinating, Rachylou.
I'm absolutely positioned on the opposite end of the spectrum from those who want to stop short of being stylish, and reading Angie and Aida's comments helped me articulate why. A lot of it is rooted in my blindness, which of course has been a seminal part of my identity. Most blind people don't take an interest in fashion because it's an inherently difficult concept for us to understand. I, on the other hand, have deliberately cultivated my sense of style as a way to fit into the sighted world. I'm troubled by a lot of the blindness-related stereotypes that abound in the community, and I've been determined to avoid them almost from the word go. Paying attention to aesthetic details has been one of my most effective ways to do this. With a great deal of help from YLF, I put a lot of effort into looking contemporary, on-trend and well pulled together. Sharp, crisp dressing plays well with this goal, and also reflects my fairly straight-ahead personality. When I go outside, I want to feel confident that I've done the best job I possibly can to present myself in a way that jibes with the life I want to lead, i.e. one that allows me to be fully integrated with the sighted world. When it works, I feel enormous pride because I've received validation on something more significant than my wardrobe -- it feels like an affirmation of my life choices and personality. A couple of coworkers recently told me I had a reputation as one of the best dressed in the office. While the ultimate honour would be recognition for some sort of professional merrit or social contribution, that complement pleased me more than I can say because of all it represented.

Like many of you, turning heads is not on my agenda. I just want to dress in a way that feels true to me. If my clothing choices have taken on more emotional significance in my case than in some others, well, I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbled.

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