Oh Michelle, I'm so glad you posted from the other end of the spectrum! Obviously I don't want to be a hot mess and yearn to have a style, but I don't know what one does with a lot of stylishness. The idea of integration, interaction with the world through stylishness is, well, it's deep girl(!)

Yes. You know, having "a style" - as is my want - is a communication. But it is not as interactive as you can get. A lot of stylishness has a lot of impact on other people. It's a direct hit. It's how come traffic CAN be stopped.

Gives rise to the question: What do you do with all that power?

Interesting, Rachy - I never really thought about its impact on others. For me it's empowerment rather than power, if that makes sense.

In my deepest secret heart, I want to stop traffic and turn heads. I cannot give you an example of a celebrity or style icon that I wish I looked like, as I'd like to be authentic and unique. I just want to be an icon. I think it would be great fun.

But, I know it'll never happen. There's always something slightly 'off' with my outfits or my hair or whatever. Sometimes I blame my figure. Often I blame my lack of height. Sometimes I blame my budget/wallet. Mostly, I think it's just my instincts and my taste!

Just call me the wannabe... that will never be.

As for the whole "blending in" thing, that reminds me of my mother. She loved clothes and fashion all her life (you should see the size of her closet), until around age 60. Then she settled into a uniform: white sweatshirt, white polo, certain brand of jeans, white comfortable sneakers. This is pretty much ALL she wears, except on occasions she's required to dress up. She says she loves it because she totally blends in. She told me that when you reach "a certain age" you become invisible, and at first this distressed her, and then she found it liberating.

I, for one, will go down kicking and screaming. I do not want to become invisible and I don't think I'll ever find it liberating. If YLF is still around in 20 years, you can remind me I said that.

@shiny: I wonder if that's the reason Hillary Clinton has stopped wearing makeup and such? Have you seen her lately? She's not making much of an effort these days.

Like Michelle I am on the other end of the spectrum. This was a deliberate choice. Working on being stylish, curating a wardrobe, experimenting with figure flattery,
taking care of my skin, heath and body helped me turn around a severe depression and still remain mainstays of maintaining my mood. My style and wardobe upkeep is also my emotional upkeep.

I also come from fabulous lineage: My Mom has taken excellent care of herself and looks ravishing and is very stylish at age 67. I grew up being rotund and plump but then slimmed down as a teenager.The comparisons till today between my Mom and me have me falling short but not by much anymore since I discovered and became an ardent student of YLF.

Thence came marriage and baby.Being able to rid myself of post baby weight and sloppiness of dress and style that had steeped in, unknowingly; have given me a major boost in self confidence.

As someone who once told her husband in the throes of a deep depression that he should have an affair with someone else because his wife ( I) was dowdy and overweight... I am proud of every look I can turn out NOW that is cultivated to be stylish. (FWIW: MR Sona is the true 'gold' : he found me the World's best psychiatrist when he heard those words)

The only head I plan to turn on a daily basis is my own ( happy smiles in the mirror) but if along the way I turn other heads so be it.

As far as authenticity: I am 100% Sona and I would rather be looked over than overlooked in most situations.

Hmm, maybe this is why I am so averse to conservative looks. I am not a conservative person.

@Michelle - That makes sense. I can see that stylishness can liberate, unleash us to exercise our talents.

@shiny - *Wannabe*! Haha! Fashion Goddess Shiny! Archetype! Icon! But that's fascinating about your mom. She must have retired? I'm thinking she doesn't want people bringing it all to her to do; she's enjoying free time. Lol. There you go. I'm like, I'll have to remember Shiny's mom's uniform...

Interesting observations on this thread! Love the comments about authenticity.

With the way I dress, oftentimes I stand out -- but I don't dress like that to turn heads; I dress like that to be authentic to my personality and style. Sometimes I would prefer not to attract attention (hello douchebags in bars) but then I wouldn't feel authentic -- therein lies a bit of a conundrum

P.S. And yay, Sona! You go girl!

I think I get what you are saying, Rachylou, with connection between style and power. It's an interesting conundrum; I want to be stylish, but not too stylish; I'd like to noticed, but not noticeable; I like a compliment, but not compliments.

I suppose that I've always had an innate suspicion of women who leverage their attractiveness as way of achieving their goals in careers as well as life. And clothes definitely play a big part in this game. At the same time, I know that I use a carefully constructed image quite often to help me accomplish a task or achieve a certain outcome. And, again, my clothing comes into play. So, am I being hypocritical when I look critically at a young instructor who wears body-conscious clothing that has all the young males in her class drooling and giving her a "hot" rating on her evaluations? Traffic definitely stops when she enters a classroom or a meeting.

I think that having a "traffic stopping" style (body con or otherwise) is a choice that a woman might choose because it gives her a very real source of power in our society. But do we go too far as a society when even very young children worry about style and image? As adult women, do we spend too much time and money obsessing about clothing and self-improvement? Is it important to be "visible" and express our individuality, or is there a time and place for being modest and unassuming--for flying under the radar, so to speak? I wish I could answer some of these questions, but, honestly, I really don't know.

Thanks for a very thought-provoking thread.

RachyLou, some of my earliest childhood memories are of playing on my mom's bed while she obsessed endlessly about what to wear, trying on outfit after outfit, discarding each one by one in a pile, frustrated that nothing seemed to work. Or of going clothes shopping with her, with similar memories of sensing her own emotional anxiety/frustration. Then when I got older, we'd have a lot of fun because mom was always ready and willing to go clothes shopping with me. Lots of mother/daughter bonding time done in the dressing room and at the mall!

I see my own self repeating the same script. Never happy with what I see in the mirror. Frustrated at the way things never quite fit right (although when petite options finally arrived in the late 80s, things did improve). But I've tried very hard not to allow my own negative self-talk to rub off on my own girls, since I know what happens with that.

This is why I love YLF: it's helped me deal with this. It's like therapy. I have become much less frustrated, more self confident, more self accepting and forgiving. BUT, there's still always going to be a part of me that looks in that mirror and doesn't see what I want to see.

So perhaps my mom has found her own peace, through "giving up." I'm taking a different tactic, and have gone full confrontation instead. I'm not giving up; I'm finding solutions -- and new perspectives.

Shiny, funny I did not grow up with my mom and so I have none of those associations. But at 5 and 6 I was already wearing 2 or 3 outfits a day. My dad was constantly telling me not to toss stuff in the hamper just because I had it on for a few hours! In a house of boys, with no feminine influence, it was just *in* me to love clothes. Then my step mom moved in, and she never wore a dress or makeup besides her wedding day so things didn't really change lol.

@Ruth, hillary is looking the best she has in YEARS! she has really grown into her own look. she is comfortable with herself and her power.

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2.....confirmed/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....27821.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....00423.html

and of course...

http://textsfromhillaryclinton.tumblr.com/