Stopping the "wantsies" - any tips? - YouLookFab Forum

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Stopping the "wantsies" - any tips?

Sal

Veteran

In a recent post I mentioned that my clothes are taking a while to wear out. I reviewed my purchases this year and all my new 2022 essentials have been stellar. But my statements/splurges/experiments a bit less so - although a couple of things have been bought second hand out of season so I am not making a firm decision yet.

I purposefully didn't shop in May (added three things in April) and I am hoping to not shop in June either unless I need a replacement essential.

But oh how I want to.....

I went away with friends for a couple of nights and one friend had a wonderful trendy hoodie and an embroidered anorak similar to Bijou's one. Another had perfectly fitting straight jeans that I admired. I saw a wonderful crochet jacket in the window of a local retailer...and I keep getting advertisements for cashmere and merino knitwear... all is tempting to me.

I am also in isolation as my son has covid - stuck at home except for exercise for 7 days in the middle of winter. Online browsing is appealing.

I could do a June challenge or I could plan ahead....

What tips do you use to stop shopping - especially in the winter (in the summer I just get busy).

For reference here are my experiments, statements and splurges. The trousers are a success as is the skirt. The rust dress and tunic have had one wear each, the spotted dress none (but it was added out of season - but it was a second hand experiment I don't know about).

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Shopping

62 replies

Latest reply was from Jenni NZ

Sal

Veteran

Here are my essential additions. All very successful indeed especially the gear which is worn so often. The tanks are perfect layering pieces, the boots are brilliant for city walking and the sandy knit top was really wonderful for work in later summer and early autumn.

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Lana

(website)

Veteran

I sometimes will add things to a list or to Stylebook and play with them in the app. After letting them sit for several days I often don’t want them or realize they won’t work. If I do still want them, it’s because I really love them or need them to replace an essential. The delay helps curb some shopping therapy. In the winter I do a lot of journaling and crocheting to keep my hands busy!

cat2

Veteran

I am no model of restraint. But it has helped me to put things in shopping carts and then literally walk away: put down the phone and go do something else. If I don’t remember the piece is in the cart and go on with my day, clearly I don’t need it.

Sal

Veteran

That's a good idea Lana. I agree that waiting is a good strategy - often they do go out of mind or favour.

I have been planning ahead as we have some nice events in the next couple of months - two parties, a gala reunion, two dressy meals out with friends. So wearing my lovely clothes and choosing which ones is fun.

Maybe I should learn to crochet - it would be good to have a creative hobby!!

Kathie

Veteran

I usually focus on the question of what will happen after I buy something. Does the item fill a hole? Can I think of when/where I will wear it? Sometimes the answers to those questions make me realize that the item is part of a fantasy life, and I move on.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Many lovely things there!

I’m probably the worst person to answer this, because I tend to get stuck in analysis paralysis & never pull the lever, except for spontaneous buys, but here are my ideas.

It is easy for me to fill up an online cart, play the paper dolls game of this goes with that, but could also work like this… and then walk away, just like paper dolls. Can you let the fun be in the looking and making sets, rather than getting the things?

On ylf, people have different styles and comfort zones. I admire Style Fan’s earth tones and trendy pants shapes as much as I do Irina’s architectural daring, but I know neither is for me. Maybe you could practice the same irl, noticing how something about your friend’s new item that really suits something about her, so you aren’t thinking of it for you.

One other “thinking of others” idea—gifts! I’m sure there are women you buy presents for occasionally. Maybe the next time you have the urge to shop, you can think ahead to the next few birthdays, even if you don’t buy them clothes at all in the end. It just gives you an excuse to look that isn’t you.

Or instead of finding different ways to look at looking, you could play in your closet, make outfits with the new stuff, plan fantasy travel capsules (a favorite of mine) and the like.

Sal

Veteran

Thanks cat2 - I did last night (with bed linen). Sometimes we really can forget!!

Kathie - I agree. The crochet coat probably fell into that category. As do all the lovely trenches around at the moment. And the cashmere upwards of $500 is not in my budget so that's an easy decision.

I do find a period of usually six -eight weeks without shopping does hone my mind as to where the gaps are and I come out of it knowing I need - a striped tee shirt, a cognac bag etc...

At the moment I am circling around
- a smart winter coat
- a casual coat
- a tote bag
- white or ecru belt
- replacements for a grey and navy sweater that are tired
- a new slip (I will get this one in June as I need it)

If I had to prioritise right now I would put the slip, tote bag and casual coat at the top but last month it felt like the sweaters and smart coat were more important.....

Sal

Veteran

StagF - thanks - I like all your strategies!!

Yes seeing other forum members additions can be tempting can't it? I think being in Europe or NZ does make some of them very hard to replicate which has a plus side.

Yes travel capsules or challenges are a good idea. Once I am out of isolation I might try one for a couple of weeks - I did a ten by ten for two work weeks and that was fun. Ten pieces (clothing and shoes) over ten ways without an exact repeat. One year I tried to wear every winter item in my closet in one month. And last year I did ten pieces three ways each.

cat2

Veteran

What does help me is to set a monthly budget. That gets me to prioritize what I really need. It’s artificial, as I could go over without consequences, but it helps me focus.

Sal

Veteran

That's a good idea cat2. I am tending to spend more per item than I used to - and whilst I am quite a moderate person, some of the prices here at the moment are eye watering with the lower NZ$.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Too funny—I didn’t mean I’m tempted by other peoples styles. The examples I gave are people who wear things that absolutely would not work for me, so I’m always sort of surprised to see how wonderful they are are them. So irl if your friend has an awesome new sweater, instead of coveting it, you can see how well it goes with her hair/build/eyes. You don’t have those, so the sweater isn’t for you. Just an idea

Sal

Veteran

Thanks StagF - yes - I agree. I can admire Angie's citron on her and know to not be tempted. And yes my friend's hoodie was perfect for her and not for me.

I know feeling like this can be a sense of boredom or frustration or other gaps in my life. I don't want to shop to fill a wardrobe gap that I don't have - when I need to address the other frustration - but sometimes it is tempting...

JAileen

Veteran

I think shopping is like eating sugar. You get addicted, and if you stop you really miss it, but then eventually you forget about it. I know you have a very full life already, but maybe you need to take up a new hobby - such as learning a new musical instrument, drawing, or knitting - something that absorbs your mind.

Sal

Veteran

Thanks JAileen - I agree. I am busy but it is a certain type of busy (work, board, exercise, friends and some home stuff). I could do with a creative outlet esp as my younger son is likely to be away for college/uni next year). I love reading and gardening and cooking - but there is scope for something else.

Sloper

Veteran

I hear you!

For me, the best thing is to avoid as much fashion input as possible - delete retail emails without reading, no aimless browsing of websites, no magazines, no malls or shops (easier for me nowadays due to Covid).

And taking a good look at my expenditures and savings goals.

There will always be beautiful things to admire and crave and buy - next month!

Sal

Veteran

Yes that's right Sloper. I am off almost all mailing lists, and no longer get magazines. My weakness can be instagram....YLF is relatively safe because US shipping and shopping is possible but carries risk of returns. And right now I am trying to support our struggling retailers and not overloaded our shipping...

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I hear you! I feel like I get a case of these a couple times a year. I have a spot in my calendar book where I write down things I have the urge to buy or think I might need, and sometimes when I get the wantsies, I go back and see if any of my current cravings match things on that list.

Sometimes, I realize that I'm craving statement/splurge type items precisely because my essentials aren't fully serving my needs, so it might be worth it to do a closet review. Pull everything out and really assess where you're at. (Actually, I need to do that myself. It's been a bit.)

I can see how quarantine could make you a little stir-crazy. Maybe have a play on Pinterest? I'm often surprised to find that my dream Pinterest board wardrobe isn't too far off from what's currently in my closet, and that helps me like it better, for sure.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

It is pretty unusual for me to obsess about something on-line that I could actually get quickly - the wait is usually a few weeks to a few months when I have it delivered to my sister and only get it when I see her. That restrains me somewhat. I shudder to think what would happen if I lived I could order from theRealReal or Poshmark and get the items quickly . I tend to obsess about categories and spend a good amount of time weeding through options because I know there will be delayed gratification anyway. I find the hunt is the relaxing part for me - thus my love of thrifting and sorting. Not sure if that helps or even addresses the problem .

Brooklyn

Veteran

I find if I really want to stop shopping, I need to stop browsing. If I don’t look, I’m not tempted.

My other strategy is to focus on outfit creation. Pulling out my existing items and trying to come up with new combinations. That also serves to remind me of what I have. I think the challenges you mentioned are really good for this.

The other thing about spending time with my wardrobe is that it helps me to set a benchmark for new purchases. I have quite a few items now that I really really love. So, if I’m thinking about something new, I try to compare. Is it up to that standard? Does it deserve a place? This is probably more relevant to statement items - but I find those the most tempting.

My tie dye project has been good too. Fills a desire for “new and interesting” in a fairly inexpensive (although time consuming) way.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sal, good luck isolating, and hope DS gets over his COVID infection soon!

I'm nodding along with cat2. I have a monthly budget, and account for my purchases and returns on a spread sheet.

I am quick to put something in a shopping cart - but seldom pull the trigger until I've thought about it. 95%, of the time, I don't pull the trigger - let alone keep the item when it arrives. That is an extra discerning decision.

I'm not tempted by items on IG. It's just not how I like to shop!

Sal

Veteran

Thanks Angie - I don't have a strict monthly budget more of an annual one. And I agree with putting in a cart and awaiting the trigger - it can help!!

I just tested negative as did Jon. We have to test again on day 7. I feel a bit under the weather but hope it is nothing. My son is fine, he has a mild dose and is vaccinated twice (but not boosted). The rules here are the whole household has to isolate for seven days. Jon could test daily and go to work because of the nature of his job but we are staying put. We can walk or bike or run - so it's not a great hardship.

Brooklyn - yes I too am getting fussier and it is good to remind myself of what I have. Good strategies.

Thanks Jaime! Yes that helps....

Jenn- I think there are a couple of things at play. Firstly winter and isolation. Secondly that I am bored of a few staples/essentials. Thirdly I am a bit scattered about what I do want. I thought a smart coat, then realised that it might get two wears a year, then I thought an upgraded casual coat so I don't wear the same puffer all the time, then I thought maybe I should upgrade some knitwear that's tired.....A shopping break will help me identify if these are real gaps or not.

Jules

Veteran

I have a list of things I identified as long-standing wants and actual needs at the beginning of the year, plus a goal to try the Canadian brands I’ve been following. When I find myself browsing for an impulse buy I go back to my list and browse my preferred brands for items I need. This is helping keep me honest and avoid some impulse purchases. It reminds me that hey, I do still need a summer sweatshirt and I know where to get a nice, b-corp, locally made one. I still need a summer purse and none of these Fossil ones I keep scrolling are actually what I need, but a local business does have an option.

I’m actually buying more than I have since 2019, but it’s better thought out and less impulse-driven.

Runcarla

Veteran

I love to shop, and consume a lot of fashion related information - but I don’t feel compelled to buy! If I get a bad case of the ‘wantsies’ and yet my closet is in a good place - I spend some time taking care of what I have and love. I’ll wash, polish, condition footwear, bags, and belts. Maybe wash scarves and hair accessories and clean hats. I have my clothes in Finds, and I like to play around with outfit creation as well.

Like cat2, I have a budget with a yearly figure that I’ve broken down to a monthly figure as well. I’m not on Instagram, and I’m not subscribed to any stores. I think a byproduct of my ‘wear counting’ is becoming very fussy about what I do buy.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

What’s wrong with a smart coat that is worn only twice a year, if those two occasions come up year after year, and the coat is classic and well-made enough to wear for a long time? From what I can see, fashion for middle-aged and “young old” years are pretty much the same. Old old age is a couple decades off for you, (not that everything in your wardrobe has to get swapped then anyway).

Carla, how is counting wears connected to being fussy about what you buy? I think of myself as a fairly fussy shopper but when Jenn offered to guide people through counting wears a couple years back, I fell off the wagon very quickly.

Sal

Veteran

Nothing wrong with an item that will last years but will be lightly worn. It’s but a big need in my climate right now - and the ones I have seen and liked have been too expensive for that purpose. If I came upon the right second hand one that would be a good strategy though.

I don’t count wears - I have done this - it really works for some people and not for others. I think it can be enlightening as to how little some things are worn.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Sal, that’s my understanding about counting wears too. Connecting it to fussiness is what surprised me. But I can ask someplace other than on your thread

Anonymous

I haven't been attracted to much in the shops this year, and really don't have the space for anything else, so my wantsies have been in check. But I'm also keeping to a fixed number of items I'll buy this year (25 not counting basics). To me that's far more helpful than a $ budget as far as wardrobe size. $1000 could buy 10 pieces at retail or 100 at thrift...

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I go through phases like this too. I typically have spans of months when I have no desire to shop, and then something shifts — usually change of seasons or a restlessness on my part — and I’m back in shopping mode. For instance, I was not in clothes-shopping mode recently until I started to look at my sandals for this coming summer (now fully in swing!), and went down the rabbit hole of researching and shopping for a couple of new styles to update my collection. That seemed to open the door to looking at new summer dresses, skirts, etc.

So if I start, I’m more likely to keep going. A bit like eating potato chips, you know?

For me, shopping is a visual treat. I get to look at pretty things and maybe even own them. I try to focus that energy on other similar activities (currently we’re planning home renovations so I am in home decor shopping mode). Visiting museums, getting out for walks in the woods, going out exploring with my camera, making art… visual stimulation without the acquisition part. At least that’s what I try to do! Sometimes the stores are just too easy. But lately I’ve been mostly walking away and seeing if items stick in my head. Not many have.

Next week we are going to NYC for our anniversary and a getaway for a few days. We’ll see how well my shopping resolve holds up there, with some of the biggest shopping temptations in the world!

RobinF

Veteran

I feel this too. For me I think it is when I am really just bored with my existing clothes. Sometimes one great item can be all it takes to shake things up a bit.

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