Thinking of you.

Sona, I've been really absent here and just saw this. I'm so concerned also and glad you are seeking help and getting awesome people like Isabel checking in on you. This is such a great community. I wanted to say, not that it means anything here or there, that I'm also struggling with some sadness and distress at the moment (though it's not anything bad, just feelings in my case, and there's no need for worry). But I relate to how hard it must be to stay centered and feel strong.

Also I was on Newbury Street today and went inside the Second Time Around where you bought your beautiful black top. It made me miss you a lot! xoxo

Hi Sona, I hope that you are on the mend. Don't feel discouraged over the episode. I am about 4 years post my first anxiety attack and I still struggle from time to time. Once the mind fractures, it will remember that fracture. It is just what it is. Just like a person surviving a heart attack or some other major physical illness, we are the survivors of a chronic illness, plain and simple. You are much further ahead, you have recognized the fracture, that is why you wrote this to start with. You were able to assess the situation, for that moment, as an outsider. That is half the struggle.

I know that deep inside of you there is a will to live and there is a will to see bebe grow and become a beautiful and talented woman, just like her mama. Stay strong Sona. You can do this. You exist outside of this illness. Don't hesitate to call 911 if it ever gets too bad. A heart patient wouldn't hesitate, why should we?

Sending lots of love and a million hugs... Lina

I heard from her today. Not many words but she is hanging in there.

Hanging in there..by a thread..

At work currently...was afraid I would seize this am..not sure why. I gave my partner my husband's number to call in case I really did seize.So far some shakes and loss of hearing/feeling like I am in a trance but no seizure.

I have been down the 911 route and you end up chained to a hospital bed until a harried psychiatrist comes in the next morning and tells you to follow up with your own doc and or gives you information about outpatient programs.
That is the most demeaning exerpience ever.Anxiety attack is one thing but thinking of self harm gets you chained. Your leg chained. I cannot tell you how deeply I never want that experience again.

Mostly I have anhedonia. No desire to do anything. Bebe/hubby are not able to ground me as it were. Floating....

...but here.

Odd thought, Sona, prompted by your saying "anhedonia"... have you ever thought about work that engages your body? I'm a technical writer and you know, while it's a "mental profession," it's a total physical - and thus mental - shutdown doing it. An hour at the gym, little walks, etc. are completely insufficient to counteract that. I am coming to suspect my "blue collar" baking job is direct life support. It's pretty much the only time I'm awake. Sad, but true. Because I love being a writer.

Hi Sona,

Glad you checked in.

Sorry about the anhedonia and feeling shaky.

Sending you caring thoughts.

Glad to see you checking in. Thinking of you.

Thanks for checking in, Sona. We are thinking of you, and wishing you strength through this challenging time. Lots of love. xo

So glad to see you are posting, even though you're not at your best. It must be very frustrating to deal with this illness, but it sounds like you are doing your best. You know we are always here to listen.

Oh, sweet Sona, I'm so sorry you're going through this!
I hope you're back to enjoying life again soon.

I had to look up "anhedonia" - to understand what it was - but even before I looked it up, I felt that rachylou was onto something, and that doing something physical might help - much more than you might think.

Whenever there is something "going on" that is mind-spirit related, it's pretty tough to try and heal from the inside out. There is all this stuff out there about changing the way you think or the way you perceive things, and yet - I really believe that sometimes working from the 'outside in' is more effective and works faster than trying to change your thoughts from the inside-out.

Not sure I'm making sense here, but what I'm suggesting is that while things like cognitive behavioral therapy are excellent and work well over the longer term - when things are really bad - sometimes it's actually better to work from the outside-in. Really good food, long walks, taking 'action' in areas of your life that are bothering you and so on.

Instead of trying to hurry up and 'fix your thoughts' - you might find it faster and easier to take care of yourself from the outside in. More exercise, more fresh air, more time spent listening to your friends yak at you about their problems. You might even want to take some sort of decisive action toward a problem in your own life that has been bothering you.

The 'physical' thing? At the very least - you will feel more grounded and more at peace if you are able to sort of burn off some of the goings-on that are making your head an uncomfortable place to be.

While I definitely think counseling and therapy will help a whole lot, I also think that when things are really bad - this can take too long, and sometimes "outside in" is better than "inside out".

You want to do both - but don't discount how effective 'outside-in' can be while working on the 'inside-out' part via counseling and so forth. Pull out all the stops - it'll take awhile for counseling to work it's magic. In the meantime - listen to rachylou.... a really good way to help heal the mind is to engage your body.

Hang in there Sona - never mind frightful thoughts of hospitals or what have you - it's going to work out. You just need to find a good counselor that you like and trust, and in the meantime - you want to look after yourself as if you'd just come through some serious surgery or other illness.

Thinking of you, and hoping that this weekend brings a bit of a turnaround.

Dear Sona, I think of you all the time. Do you have anyone you're close with where you live? Anyone but husband and bebe? I find that I miss terribly my close friends. I do have social life and know a lot of people, but those moments that you share with a friend who simply knows you, accepts you unconditionally, yet is not family and therefore somewhat detached from your everyday life can offer so much comfort, a fresh perspective and a stepping stone. I rarely have that nowadays because the relationships here must be nurtured to reach that point and some show potential, but it can't be forced. But, a visit from an old friend last week made it crystal clear - AND it made me be easier on myself. Just a thought. It may not be relevant, but I hope it offers some relief knowing that when we have to deal with things alone and don't want to burden our dear ones it is so, so much harder.

I second that doing things from the outside can provide a lot of comfort in some cases. Last summer I started running because I felt the next thing for me was either that or losing it under the pressure. I'm not a sporty type, but it was an insightful experience. And I try to make things with my hands. I find it so helpful. Little things. When I can't leave house I do mandalas colouring - it's been a saver so many times. I don't know much about it, but figured out that focused hand movement has to have something to do with how I feel. All I need are colouring pencils and paper. http://coloringmandalas.blogspot.de/ I hope it makes some sense.

Please keep chiming in. Sending love and light.

Sona, I just saw this - I haven't been in the "off topic" section in a while. You have a lot of friends here on YLF, which is truly a great community. Thank you for reaching out to us, as we want to help in whatever way we can. I'm sending healing thoughts and prayers your way right now.

Hi Sona, sending some healing thoughts your way. Nature is very soothing when you are feeling this way. I also find being arounds dogs, yoga, touch therapy and exercise effective. Sometimes you have to force yourself to do these things when you are dealing with anhedonia but any little bit of relief you find can prove to give hope.

Could you do me/us a favor and just post something short here daily? Just a "hi, still the same" or "talked to a friend" or "going to therapist" or whatever.... It would be one way to keep a toehold on life outside of what you're going through, and I would feel better having you check in. Hugs.

Sending warm thoughts your way, Sona. Thanks for checking in and sorry for what you are going through. I have a friend who called her anhedonia a "pause" button; it helped her to think of it that way. She knew that with help, she could again hit the "play" button. Somehow the idea of a pause relieved her of some pressures. I offer it in case that resonates for you. All the best.

It's so interesting that you mentioned colouring Ornella - I was recently in a sometimes stressful vacation cabin scenario and we had brought along a giant colour-in poster for the kids. I ended up spending A LOT of time colouring, probably more than all the kids put together. I found it so relaxing and soothing, and also style-related in that I got to think about pattern and colour and make choices without shopping/stressing over fit etc.
Really hoping you are improving, Sona.

Just letting you know I'm thinking of you Sona

I missed your update. Hang in there Sona .. we are all rooting for you. I think Rachylou has great advice there. Hope it helps you.

checking in. I posted on Una's thread. I took an FMLA day today. Just unable to work- the thought frightens me. So I am trying to read a romance, wrapping myself in a soft shawl, trying to have a 'me' day when I don't even know if there is a me?

Anyway, an hour at a time.

Again, hugs, Sona. I think of you and our time in Boston all the time. We are all wishing everything the best for you, and please feel you're absolutely deserving of it. xoxoxo