Sona, I'm so sorry you miss your father, I sympathize b/c my Dad had a big influence on me -- his birthday would have been early in January.
I have read before, about the prevalence of suicide in the healing professions - it is an enormous weight on your shoulders I think. In my own modest way, caring for animals who have no home or who have lost their home, I feel it sometimes, when I wonder if I did enough, or if I ought to have approached an illness differentlly ... we are NOT omniscient, even though we often can think we SHOULD be.
Journaling, it can be amazing. Don't load yourself down with a lot of "shoulds" about it, just remember to try it some, as much as you feel up to it. Even just a couple of words or lines, can be of a big help once set down, out of our heads!
So good to hear from you, good to know you are tackling this challenge!
