So, he went and got one - YouLookFab Forum

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So, he went and got one

Laurie

Veteran

I am searching the Off-Topic for a discussion on tattoos - I feel like there was a thread not that long ago with lots of interesting thoughts. Cause, "it" has happened - one of my boys has gone and inked up his perfect body that I labored to birth! My first reaction was, like, disbelief and then a very bad primal feeling deep in my gut. The permanence of it.

I am not completely against tattoos - small, meaningful, discreet. I am definitely perplexed by the trend today to cover so much of the body. I've watched a couple of my cousins' teenage girls rapidly cover their shoulders, backs, thighs, arms, ankles and - I'm sure - a few "discreet" places in less than 2 years. (Actually I am sure - there have been Instagram pictures in lingerie to demonstrate...)

Why? Why so many? Why so fast?

My 18 year old son who is in the military and on the lacrosse team wasn't going to resist the peer pressure much longer. I get it. He had a very tough first year at the Academy and got this tattoo the last day of classes before leaving for his summer assignments. He deserves to commemorate surviving an intensely challenging year - a year full of orders, punishment, embarrassment, harassment, sleep deprivation. The tattoo is 2 words in big, bold, blue letters that are meaningful to him, about an inch high and 4" long, and it is placed on the inside of his right bicep, where it's covered - per regulation - by his short sleeve dress uniform shirt and daily work uniforms.

If this were the only one he ever got, I could make peace with it. I like the words he chose, actually. But, he's already talking about the next one.

I really just wanted to vent a little. Not judging. Well, only judging my flesh and blood! And maybe a little judgey of that pretty young girl who is- sooner than later- going to regret putting a big elephant (god of something) on that perfect thigh of hers. Time does not discriminate. I've seen it on the beach...

Love you guys!

Off Topic

32 replies

Latest reply was from Laurie

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I would vent and judge too. I hate tattoos.

JAileen

Veteran

When I was a kid only men who had been in the service had one, such as a military inspired one on their arm. A neighbor had one, and my dad didn't. My son who is in his late 20s said he doesn't want one because "everyone has one". We were at the airport yesterday to pick them up, and the number of people who had them was very surprising. It looks like everyone does have one.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I'm personally not a fan, but I think I heard that 25% of people in their 20's have them.

Joyce B

Veteran

That is really tough for us moms, I fully agree with you.

Jane

Veteran

I so agree with you and fear that my son will do the same when older. Thank you for sharing it, it is good to hear others feel the same.

I am glad you like the words he has chosen.

rachylou

Veteran

Well, I think you should do what my mom does re. my unnatural hair colour - take a dig every so often. 'Why do you do this? You look like one of those people.' She laughs, but I know she's serious. One day, I'll have normal hair colour again. I know where the line is and that I've crossed it. That's what parents are for.

But since he's in the military, you should start in about two tattoos. One is one thing, but two and he's, you kno, starting to look like David Beckham or something.

I have to admit, even with my green hair and love of punk and all that, I think you do take a step down with it all and you don't want to get stuck there. It is hard to take a person seriously after a certain point, which is fashion victim status. Like, I'm a hipster... but I'm embarrassed for hipsters too.

Anonymous

I'm with you, Laurie, I'm not a fan of tattoos at all, and would feel the same way. Unfortunately, getting one has become a rite of passage and the pressure to get one must be hard to resist.

The way I look at it is, the skin is an organ (the largest organ, in fact). The liver, kidneys and eyes and also organs. Would you get a tattoo on your eye? Most people would say no (I hope). Who knows what that ink is doing to your body?

Uh oh, didn't mean to rant. I am sympathetic, though.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I'm not a fan of tattoos or piercings and just never have been. Some people who get a lot of tattoos have told me they like the pain as it acts almost like a drug to them and becomes addictive in a similar way.

I was told not long ago that when military people have tattoos they can't be sent into enemy territory or used for special force services in many places because if they are seen with the tattoos or they are captured they are easily identified as being American or whatever nationality (depends on the tattoo and language used I suppose) and their fate is not going to be good.

Anonymous

I don't like tattoos either. But I remember when I got my ears pierced at age 18 (did not need my parents permission) and my parents were not too happy about me putting holes in my body (lol). DD has talked about getting a tattoo, but she hates needles and a friend who got one developed sepsis, so she is totally turned off. She does have 2 sets of ear piercing and 1 cartilage piercing (after the cartilage piercing is when she decided no tattoos - that one really hurt!).

What I always tell my DD's is wait and think about it for a while. Never do anything like that on impulse. If you still feel that strongly 6 months or a year later, then at least you have given it some serious thought before acting on it.

Gail

Veteran

My daughter who is 25 recently got a small tattoo , it's on the side of her wrist. She knew I wouldn't be thrilled so waited to tell me when other people were around haha. It's a tiny X which she told me is to remember her Grandma , my Mother . My Mother always signed the letters and cards that she wrote to my daughter with XXX representing kisses. My Mother passed away last year and this tiny tattoo actually melts my heart every time I see it , it's bringing a tear to my eye as I type about it. So I guess I would say as much as I always thought I disliked a tattoos I'm proved wrong.

Anonymous

I have to admit to liking tattoos - and this will sound weird, but.....on men. I can appreciate them aesthetically on a young smooth-skinned woman, but my mind goes straight to my age, when it doesn't look that great. One of the lines I sell is a temporary tattoo line from Brooklyn. All licensed artists' designs and some very cool, very pretty, very interesting designs. Stores are going nuts over them, and of course I had to pass them around the house here for us all to try . My husband was quite pleased with himself (as he usually is anyways) and put a few on which actually looked really good. I put a beautiful floral one on the inside of my forearm and LOVED it at first. After two days though , I was sick of looking at it and seeing how it messed up my watch, jewellery, nails, clothes with it's competing boldness. Could not scrub the remainder of it off fast enough !

Style Fan

Veteran

Vent away. That is what friends are for and YLF is a supportive community. I don't mind tattoos. I do a lot of Yoga and sometimes (often) I am the only person in the room without tattoos. I have no desire to get one.
I have noticed that once a person gets one they want more. Kinda like potato chips. You just can't stop.
I think one tattoo on the arm of a man is sexy. DH is not interested in getting one. He thinks one tattoo on the lower back of a woman is sexy. I am not getting one.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I live in edgy and grungy Seattle, where the majority of the people are tattooed. ALL sorts of people from all walks of life are tattooed - and not discreetly tattooed either. It's SO *normal*. It adds to the fabulously diverse culture here, and I love that.

I support tattoos if it floats the boat of the wearer - men and women. (I wouldn't encourage facial tattoos, though). Tattoos are body art, and a very dramatic form of expression. I see no reason to judge a person who has tattoos negatively. Visually, you either like it or you don't.

It makes me angry when interview guidelines suggest covering tattoos because it could count against the interviewee having a visible one. Having a tattoo has nothing to do with how competent someone is at their job, or how decent they are as a person. (Some of my favourite people in the world have tattoos). This is 2017, and tattoos are just not as drastic as they used to be.

Laurie, your son is still the same WONDERFUL boy I met a few years ago. He's growing up and very independent. It's going to be okay.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I'm with Lisa and Angie on this one. I like (most) tattoos, I feel that they are very mainstream, and they do not reflect on a person's character or abilities. Moreover, this isn't the first thing your son is going to do that you won't agree with -- and as he's an adult, there's sweet FA you can do about it, as you clearly know! As parents, we get our kids for eighteen or so years, and then we let them free.

I *do* sympathize, though. It's always tough when an adult child makes a choice you really don't agree with. Sometimes they are deep philosophical or religious differences, which must be harder -- like when a Mormon family watches all four kids leave the church, one by one, as they choose a secular life over faith. Every adult gets to pick his or her own path, and we can't all agree, so there are bound to be times when our own kids do things that make us cringe.

Runcarla

Veteran

I've seen some very beautiful tattoos, however there seems to be more bad ink than good out there. I'm with Lisap, that I find most tattoos seem to compete with clothes and jewellery for a hectic look. No tattoos for me. My skin has ALGO already with freckles everywhere!

FWIW, it does sound like your son was both thoughtful and discreet with his choice.

Anonymous

This might make you reconsider It just appeared on my Facebook feed ......Colin Kaepernick. You're welcome.

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JAileen

Veteran

Lisa, CK went to the local university and is the same age as my son, so I look at him a little differently than you do, apparently.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I am facing this with my child, too. Aged 17 and wanting us to sign a consent form. We said wait until you are 18 (another 6 months). DH is in quite a lather about it; he really dislikes tattoos. I don't dislike tattoos on principle, but typically, they're way too maximal for my own style, and of course I worry about infection, etc.

But I figure, this is my child's choice. The only issue here is that my child is about 3 years younger emotionally and makes highly impulsive choices, gets ultra-obsessive about something and can't let it go, and then does let it go and it's completely forgotten. In other words, I'm not sure this is the age of reason.

I sympathize with your concern. It's hard when kids don't listen to us.

Anonymous

I have a sneaking suspicion that many tattoos are gotten just to annoy and shock the older generation and others who don't appreciate them. Maybe if we all started saying that we like them, the trend would stop. I'll have to draw the line at actually getting one, though. I've seen a few infected ones, and it's not pretty.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Not such a delicate topic. Many many many people i know have them including me. I have 4.

This is the right place to vent. As a newly minted parent. I feel as there is a sense of ownership i feel towards my daughter. A sort of she is mine I own her. An, I did this kind of thing. I remind myself that she has been entrusted in my care for a certain time. I don't own her. I am here to protect care and love her wherever and whenever she finds herself at. That means loving in the midst of things i do not agree with.

Her pediatrician asked me about earrings for her. I said her body her choice. So many parents want to pierce baby girls ears. I dont agree with that and also i dress baby in gender friendly clothes. I dont want to box her in to tje blue and pink stuff. I dont get mad if they assume baby is a boy. I just correct them simply.

Now i joined the Army in the early enlistment program in 1992 while still in High School. The basic training and advanced training were brutal but, Like Forest Gump says it was like a duck to water thing for me.

To celebrate our accomplishments we decided on tats. I did not give in to pressure and did not get one. The 1st that I got i was sure i wanted it and it was privatly special. They can become addictive. Each persons reasons are very different.

I decided to stop at 4 because as my skin aged. I decided 4 was enough for me on my journey. I love seeing them even the face. I have a friend she is Samoan she has beautiful tats on her face. Works in the corporate world. To each their own.

RobinF

Veteran

I don't know that it is peer pressure that causes many kids to get tattoos. My two boys don't have any but my 24 year old daughter has about 7 of them, most small and unobtrusive but one is a large one on her bicep. She wanted one before she turned 18 but we said we wouldn't sign for it so she had to wait, got one on her 18th birthday. She is not really in general one to fall to peer pressure, I'm not sure that many of her friends have tattoos. I think she just likes the way they look. To me, tattoos are like piercings. I don't object in general but I personally don't understand extreme forms of either of them.

About a year and a half ago I got one in memory of my sister. It's small and on my inner wrist of the opposite arm from where I wear my watch. I love it. It is like permanent jewelry. But I also have a cartilage piercing so maybe my "weirdness" tolerance is higher than most my age

minimalist

Veteran

I've known several women whose strong anti-tattoo sentiment changed after their young-adult child died, and they chose memorial in ink form. (Hmm, all of those I personally know had lost sons; I wonder if girls who die are less likely to inspire tattoos?)

Another perspective to consider taking, if only experimentally, would be: Your son is alive, and still talking to you, and getting a tattoo didn't harm him (they can), so in the bigger picture, holding an opinion on aesthetic choices he makes for his body just harms yourself and weakens the connection you have with him.

Here's an excerpt from a beautiful book, which puts military ink in greater context:
http://m-magazine.photography/.....-2013.html
If your son is already thinking about more tattoos, perhaps he'd be interested in seeing artful forms that soldiers beyond his circle have chosen.

ETA: here's a longer excerpt, with a few more photos:
https://issuu.com/bogrobotten/.....livet-6863

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I don't have kids, so I guess my perspective is more from the POV of the adult child than the parent. It's his body and he's an adult and he gets to choose what he does with it and how it looks. The parent may dislike the choices or just not prefer them aesthetically, but I think it's important to respect your adult children's autonomy. Expressing an opinion or giving advice when solicited is fine, but it's easy to go too far. I can certainly understand that as a parent, one must feel a certain sense of - not exactly ownership, hopefully, but influence over - one's adult children, especially when they are still young adults and both parties are learning how to emotionally separate and interact with each other as independent adults.

I do remember at that age it was really important to me to figure out how to be myself - not a child of my family, not a representative of my community of origin - and a lot of the choices I made looked like pointless rebellion to older people, I'm sure. And at the time I wouldn't have been able to rationally articulate why I wanted to have blue streaks in my hair and wear oversized androgynous grunge instead of traditionally feminine styles, but it was important to me. And frankly, the way my parents disliked my choices and didn't respect my autonomy strained our relationship and I was a lot more distant with them than I would have been otherwise, for years and to a certain extent still to the present day. So, and this may sound harsh, what's more important to you: having a son with no tattoos, or having a real relationship with your son where you get to know him as a real, complex, and flawed individual, instead of him hiding his choices from you because he knows how you'll react?

Re the aesthetics of tattoos, that is such a culturally loaded thing. It used to be that tattoos were only for sailors and loose women, and now it's pretty mainstream in a lot of areas. I don't have any myself, mainly because I have a low pain tolerance and am a wimp. Sometimes I like them on other people, sometimes I find them a bit too busy, like a pattern with too much going on with it.

JAileen

Veteran

I took an art class at the junior college. The teacher who was about my age, had tattoos completely covering both arms. Then he would wear a Hawaiian shirt. As Tim Gunn would say, it was a lot of look. It was way too busy for me.

Mochi

Veteran

Just don't like the big "sleeves" and huge expanses of tattoos at all. And I see it all the time in the hipster neighborhood I live in. I so prefer natural skin. Every once in a while there's some fun tattoos I see on someone.

My daughter has gotten around four at this point. None are too big; the most recent one is on the side of her hand.

I'm a little more disappointed that she got a nose ring. But it's more discreet than it sounds. I'm actually worried that she might get piercings. If I see a piercing on the face, it reminds me of physical pain. I hope she won't go that far. What can I say, though? She's 28.

Bijou

Veteran

I can understand your sadness at this, I would prefer my son (who is 8 years old - so I have a few years of reprieve) to stay tattoo free.

Laura G

Veteran

Oh I do sympathize. When I see young kids covered with tattoos, I feel sad for their older and wiser (but still tattooed) selves. I hope, with you, that your son will be content with his one small, meaningful and discreet tattoo.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I think it is a taste thing, and those of us who are older may not like or understand the appearance of tattoos and even body piercing. And it is hard to adjust to young adult children's choices sometimes, and makes me sympathise more with my parents when they didn't like some of mine. I understand what you say about his perfect body that you laboured to give birth to! For young people in their 20s, sometimes that doesn't feel like that long ago. But we do have a sense of owning them in a way, that we have to get over. Sometimes it's not easy. My girls tell me I'm only a second wave feminist and they are third wave. Some of what they think feels alien to me. I am sucking it up and therefore seem to be getting on better with them than what my mother did with me when I was their age. I hasten to add I was not a rebel but she was 40 years older than me which was a big generation gap (sorry Ledonna).

Echo

Veteran

As a parent, I can understand. Although everything Angie said was true, tattoos CAN be discrimination fodder. Visible tattoos can affect one's chances of getting certain jobs, and they can make others see you in a different way. That doesn't make it right, but it DOES happen. I can see not wanting that for one's child.

And LeDonna makes a good point about letting go, too. It is hard not to feel some "ownership" of one's child. I do. It will be very hard for me to let go in some ways and let them be who they are. I will need to work on myself regarding that, as I would never want my child to avoid me because I was too judgemental or disapproving.

Anyway, from my experience, military men are almost invariably tattooed. I can understand wanting to commemorate the things he's been through. I hope for your sake that he delays or decides against others, but remember that regardless of ink, he's the same young man he was before.

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