Slightly OT: "Aging Gracefully" - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Slightly OT: "Aging Gracefully"

kimlee

Veteran

Like numerous young woman, I have not treated my skin very well - sunbathing without protection, sunburns, falling asleep with my makeup on, and a severe failure to moistruize on a regular basis. Thankfully, good genetics from my parents have prevented me from seeing much of the sins of my youth on my skin. But now at 29, I am beginning to notice laugh lines and crow's feet where there use to be none, and I have made a conserted effort to take better care of my skin. Part of that committment, was finding something to help counter-act the crow's feet.

Last weekend, I was telling an accquaintance about my new regimen, which includes an anti-wrinkle cream. She looked at my askew and said "I don't use that stuff. I am going to gracefully".

The more I thought of it, the more her comment ruffled my feathers. I thought I would ask the YLF ladies do you think aging gracefully means not using any products/procedures to delay the signs of aging?

General

34 replies

Latest reply was from celia

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Absolutely not. I think you should do exactly what feels good, and taking care of your skin feels good, right? It's different for everyone.

Sylvia

(website)

Totally agree with Laura. Someone told me not so long ago: "at our age you just need to do what makes you happy". But always do it for yourself not merely to please others.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

To me, at 46, aging gracefully means taking care of myself with preventative measures and basic maintenance -- decent eating habits and exercise, sunscreen, flossing, regular medical checkups, etc.

It definitely includes things like moisturizing my skin, regular haircuts (and yes, I am covering my greys for now!), and presenting myself with my best foot forward in terms of flattering, current clothing and subtle but flattering makeup.

I will go a step further and say that for me, aging gracefully may even entail getting my teeth whitened or someday having a minor procedure done on my sagging jawline. For me, aging gracefully does not include botox or anything being injected into my body (eek!). But I hasten to add, that's MY version of aging gracefully!

I'm guessing your acquaintance has something to prove with her declaration -- that seems to be one of those "I don't have time for..." or "I don't care about..." remarks dismissing something just because someone else cares about it. I've heard it before. I suspect she might change her tune when she's a little older.

kimlee

Veteran

Laura - Taking care of my skin feels good to me and I will continue to do it, regardless of the opinions of others.

Sylvia - I believe the manter "Do what makes you happy" is appropriate at any age.

Janet - I agree that the idea of "aging gracefully" is an individual one and that each woman has her boundaries of what she is or is not willing to do. However, this declaration was adamant that it rankled. I think you may be on to something with your analysis of her comment.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I believe the key word is grace or in this instance gracefully, since when was graceful interpreted as completely natural, how far down that route does she intend to go? No hair dye, no moisturiser, perhaps not plucking her eyebrows or tailoring her diet? I think grace takes balance and attention to detail and is neither exemplified by a disregard for grooming or a war on all sign of aging but is rather the middle ground.

Marlene1

How rude to imply that you are other than graceful! Taking care of yourself is not graceless.

MsMary

Veteran

Some years ago there was a face cream commercial in which the woman said "I have no intention of growing old gracefully. I intend to fight it every step of the way!"

But that was, like, a JOKE! There's nothing graceless about taking good care of yourself!

KikiG

Veteran

I think your friend has "aging gracefully" confused with "aging naturally." There isn't a whole lot that is graceful, for western women, about aging, viewed through the lens of popular culture. Women who appear to age gracefully are actually working hard on health, fitness and appropriate fashion and grooming.

Sunscreen and hair color help tremendously, but so much of the aging process is simply genetic. Illness and stress take a terrible toll on a woman, and so does addiction. I was shocked by how very old Kara Kennedy (my age!) looked in the pictures that were on the internet when she died recently, but of course, she had been ill.

kimlee

Veteran

RoseandJoan - I agree that grace takes balance and attention to detail.I have some friends who have taking their anti-aging to ends that I would deem extreme. However, it is there choice. I understand that at some point aside from drastic measure I will show my age - I can not realistically expect to look 25 years old when I am 75. However, I can make sure that I am in the best phsyical, emotional and spirtiual shape I can be, no matter how old I am.

Marlene1 - You have summarized exactly how I feel.

MaryK - Amen!

KikiG - I believe that there is a vast differnece in aging gracefully and aging naturally. I agree that the stars we see on television, magazines, etc that are "aging gracefully" are putting a lot of work into it. Again, genetics plays a large role in the aging process as well as other factors. I feel as though each woman should simply do the best that they can to take care of themselves...and that is beautiful.

Debbie

Veteran

Taking care of yourself is aging gracefully in my opinion.

Turkey Vulture

I think "aging gracefully" just means "not acting like a spaz." If you can put on your alpha-hydroxy cream under your eyes without getting all dramatic and nutty about it, then you're aging gracefully. And I bet you pull that off every night with no problem.

I'm 31 and I definitely have a few lines here and there, and I can see where more will develop. Plus the older I get the more visible my pores get, boooo! AHA lotion does seem to help a lot, but what has helped me the most is to remember that the lines around my eyes are from smiling and laughing. How nice to have a visible reminder of all the good times I've had so far in my life! (I just try not to think about the line forming between my brows that is the result of frowning!)

Aunty

Veteran

Sorry but I am fighting all the way!!

I try to take care of my skin, hair, diet and how I look in my clothes. I don't think I am excessive in any way. I don’t spend hours each and every day, I just haven’t the time.

LOL I promise I try to do it in a graceful way

taylor

Veteran

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Debbie's comment!!
I am not trying to look 20...I just want to look look the best I can at 54...I have always tried to take care of myself.

Isabel

Veteran

Oh gosh, NO !! Gracefully does not me passively, in my opinion. I know that this is kind of a weird comparison, but I will make it anyway : )

One of my wonderful doctors once said to me, about cancer, " Don't let it lead you. You get out in front of it and lead it. Don't lose your spirit to it, no matter what the end result" That really touched me and I will carry it with me forever - though my cancer is gone.

I know that cancer and aging are two VERY different things, but I just loved what he said and it applies to so much in life.

Take some control and lead it ! What is wrong with that ? If nothing else, you feel empowered.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Aging gracefully means taking good care of yourself and at the same time embracing the changes. Sometimes I'm a bit discouraged to see my laugh lines, but then I remember how I got them. And that makes it all worth while.

kimlee

Veteran

Debbie - I agree 100%

Turkey Vulture - I am very mindful not to "act like a spaz" about aging. The lines around my eyes are from all the wonderful times I have had with family and friends, and I cherish those memories.

Aunty - Fight if you want...I am fighting too. And I think as long you do it in a graceful way (see Turkey's comment) then you are on the right path.

Taylor - You look fantastic at 54!

Isabel - I love the comparison you made. We are only given 1 life, 1 body, so we need to control and lead it where we want it to go.

Suz - I love your comment!

MsMary

Veteran

Yes! Debbie nailed it!! And Suz, I like your take on it, too!

ironkurtin

Veteran

Your friend's comment was fairly sanctimonious. I think anything short of looking like the tiger lady is aging gracefully.

There are a few snappy comebacks to lines like that - I"m thinking "And you do it so well!" is one, but the most ladylike response was one Miss Manners advocated, and was in another thread on dealing with snarky remarks: "Well bless you!"

kimlee

Veteran

IronKurtin - I just responded with "Well bless your heart" - a southernism for "Aren't you just a crazy/sill/stupid thing". Lol!

Kafe

I think, if your acquaintance is about as old as you are, that she just doesn't get yet what it means age or she hasn't really thought about it much. Sure, she might be getting an idea, but in another decade she might be singing a different tune. In my mid 40s, I know what aging means.

Using an anti-aging cream is a great idea. Skin, like any organ, needs to be cared for. Aging gracefully to me means no surgical assistance. To someone else it might mean minimal sessions under the knife. To yet another it might mean using only organic lotions and potions.

Sometimes too I wonder if people really understand what it is he/she is saying. If putting nothing on your skin is aging gracefully, then how does one justify getting ones hair cut? If aging gracefully would be going all natural.... then let hair do the same thing and never cut it.

Just wayward ramblings on my part.

Scarlet

Veteran

Honestly, how old is your friend? I don't mean to sound snippy, but that sounds like something only a very young person would say.

kimlee

Veteran

Scarlet - The friend in question is 36.

mamaKate

Veteran

This thread tugs at my heart because 8 years ago when I was 29 I would have been exactly that woman to scoff at my friend for using a potion-lotion. I still have an extremely minimal skin care routine (which - horrors - rarely involves sunscreen), but my attitude has shifted to be less judgemental and more accepting toward others.

The point I want to make, though, having been in those shoes, is that one way to interpret your friend's comment is simply as a reflection of her own self-image. I encourage you not to absorb her own judgments onto yourself.

bella

(website)

Veteran

From my mom, I have inherited not only bad genes that make me prone to wrinkles but also a wonderful habit of enjoying life and laughing with my eyes - the genuine, warm kind of laugh that makes my eyes squint. I started developing crow's feet around my eyes in my early 20s and have been using an anti-wrinkle cream (with retinol) for at least 5-6 years. How could any dare suggest that I am not aging gracefully! Pffttt....

Scarlet

Veteran

Well you got me then. I guess from my perspective using an eye cream seems pretty innocuous and not something I would even imagine someone being judgmental about.

cciele

Veteran

Eh, I don't do anything gracefully so don't see myself doing so aging-wise

But in all seriousness, Debbie definitely nailed it on the head!

JennyK (NC)

Aging gracefully - meh! I intend to do everything I can afford to keep me going the way I want to go. I can't stop time, but maybe I can slow it down a bit! It's actually more important to me now than ever. I'm 42 with newborns. I'll be in my fifties when they're in high school. I don't want people asking me if I'm their grandma (though I hope to be a grandma by then).

For me this means starting to pay a lot more attention to my physical health and fitness. But if I can afford Botox, Rejuvin etc. when I feel like I need it I have no problem doing that.

JennyK

DeniseP

Kimlee, You already have much wisdom about this aging issue, and you understand what many women have yet to learn! That's great!

I distinctly remember making that same comment about "aging gracefully" when I was in my 30s and 40s. But at the time, I really didn't have a clue what that would involve.

As others have stated here, if there are products that help you feel better, by all means use them. However, we shouldn't obsess about looking young forever. Just use whatever helps, and what can't be touched up -- let it go -- forget it!

I am now sixty, and some days don't like what I see in the mirror, but then I remind myself that I was young once, and that season is over. To be thankful for the years I've been given, and not be ashamed of my older skin. Yes, I use all those skin care creams, and highlight the gray hair. I exercise, eat right, and all the rest; however, these things still do not stop the aging process - gravity pulls on.
I just want to look like a healthy sixty year old woman who lives life to the fullest, and not look like a fake forty year old who can't enjoy life for worrying about how she looks!

I love to see an older woman who is confident in who she is -- on the inside. Because outward appearance does NOT determine who she is.

It's true that real beauty radiates from within. You said it well, about keeping your physical, emotional and spiritual life in good shape, and that will take you a long ways towards beauty.

taylor

Veteran

Applauding you Denise P
I bet you are beautiful inside and out!!

Thank you Kimlee, you look pretty terrific too:)
Honestly, the older I get the more comfortable in my own skin I have become, I may not love what looks back at me in the mirror, but good grief I have been blessed with 54 yrs. A few wrinkles can be expected...I have expierienced alot in this life of mine:)

12