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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Sheaths, Body Conscious, Body-con & real bodies

MsMaven

Veteran

Some relatives that I don’t see often visited me a while
back. While they were here I
showed them an EF top I had just bought, and asked what they thought of the
fit, which I thought was too big (and YLFabbers agreed when I posted it.)

One of them told me it was time I gave up “body conscious
clothing.” The other then agreed
with her. I will say that both of
them live an entirely different lifestyle than I do and well, and although they
are both in good shape and at an appropriate weight, they long ago gave up
fashion. They are 3-4 years younger than I am and wear mostly oversized, loose clothing that hides their shapes.

I was surprised they would say this, because I don’t think I
have ever worn particularly body conscious clothing. I’ve always believed that I look best
in semi-fitted somewhat tailored clothing. (And I should add, this unasked for advice came at the beginning of a nearly six-month-long overeating phase.)

Again, I live in a different world and have a different lifestyle. I would feel depressed if I wore clothes that weren't somewhat "body conscious. "I Shapeless clothing makes me look
shapeless (as it does on my pals.)

Nevertheless, months later I still find these comments
rankle me a bit. It is difficult
enough to transcend the aging process and keep true to your inner self without
unasked for advice pricking at your brain.

Now I’ve got some weddings coming up, and they are important
ones. I find that of all the dresses I've tried on, the ones I like
best are the sheaths. You know, I
see older women of all shapes and sizes wearing fitted sheaths and they don’t
seem to worry a bit about it. Yes,
I’ll wear my body shaper or control top pantyhose or whatever I need, but they
aren’t going to make that extra stuff around my middle disappear. Also, I've lost most of the excess weight and I do give credit for the Healthy Habits weekly check in to help with that.

Any advice, please go ahead. I mainly just wanted to put this out there, work through it, and move on. And next week I'll show you the dresses I've already bought. I've gone from one too-big dress from last year that I donated, to 4 of which 3 are fitted sheaths (but not what I'd call body-con and another will be here Monday.

Oh and did you get a good look at Jane Fonda on the red carpet at Cannes? She's 76, and well, maybe by the time I'm her age . . .

http://www.fashionvent.com/can.....karlie-klo

Dressing

36 replies

Latest reply was from MsMaven

kellygirl

Veteran

It sounds like they have given up and think everyone else should too. I've never seen you look anything but stylish and appropriate. I've seen some of the dresses that you posted and thought they were terrific. I wouldn't waste a minute thinking about their unsolicited advice. Just keep on wearing what you like. You have great fashion sense and always look fab!

Anonymous

Please ignore the *advice*. You are already in the best place for the right kind of advice... YLF. Sheath dresses are a flattering classic and you will look perfect in one.

April

Veteran

Wait, they thought an EILEEN FISHER top was body con?

rabbit

Veteran

I see women of all kinds of shapes and sizes wearing bodycon all the time -- probably much more than the kind of semi-fitted tailored fit you are referring to. Here's the thing, whether it's my style currently or not, it's clear that they feel fab and are rocking it. Sometimes I think the culture of shame is the ugliest thing about fashion/body image. I would rather be like these women, who are clearly in their body and enjoying it as it is, regardless of whether their clothing is always in style or 'modest' or 'age appropriate' according to taste makers.

I think it's all in the eye of the beholder, and often those not currently comfortable in their own skin project that on others -- when it really just has to do with themselves and their uncertainties.

dustt

Veteran

MsMaven - kick those thoughts to the curb - I see women of all shapes and sizes sporting sheath dresses and celebrating the shape that they are. You should too!! - Dress for who you are, not for who they want you to be!!

MsMaven

Veteran

Nope, April--they approved the loose, tunic size M EF top--which I returned and replaced with the smaller size.

I admit I have not been comfortable with my past-menopausal body changes in shape and wondered whether I should pay attention to what I feel is pressure to give in and give up. It was this concern that led me to Google fashion for older women and led me to this happy place, YLF.

And rabbit, you are right. I've read many blog posts on body shame and body issues. There was one today (speaking of Jane Fonda) on Psychology Today discussing this very thing in connection with fitness instructors.

This has been poking at me as I shop for dresses. Thanks for the reassurance--I know you guys will keep me on the stylish path.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

(What April said first of all).

And second - wear a tailored sheath at any age. My 70 plus clients wear them no problem - and I helped them choose the dresses. I do vote looser than body con just because it's more fashionable and flattering. To my eye, wearing awfully tight clothes makes you look bigger than you are. So if the goal is to look your most svelte - opt for highly structured, but looser than body con.

Did you try the Adrianna Papell dress?

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

This makes no sense to me at all. I went back and looked at your threads. I don't consider anything body con in your repertoire. Some of it is fitted but in the best way. You are an inspiration to me.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I forgot to stay that you look stunning and appropriate in a fitted frock, Ms. Maven.

MsMaven

Veteran

Thank you so much Angie. I did buy the Adrienne Papell dress that Debora posted on my first wedding guest outfit. I have some qualms about wearing sleeveless, but with the working out I've been doing I'm feeling better about showing my upper arms.

I also bought an on-sale Kay Unger dress at 1/3 the original price--I'll show that one too. It has sleeves, and with this one I worry it won't be summery enough, but I will have an occasion to wear it.

And I have a couple of others that I don't think are dressy enough.

CocoLion--I have some photos of me in tees that showed off too much stomach, but I'm not going to post those anywhere.

And remember this: I grew up in the 50s, when it was oh-so-important to conform to what all the other girls were wearing, and shoes and belt had to match and I had many pairs of white gloves--some beige ones as well. Yes, we wore them in the summer to church.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

That's the spirt, Ms. Maven. I look forward to seeing the Kay Unger dress.

There is an AP frock with sleeves that I suggested too - if you like the colour that is:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/ad.....dictiveSea

unfrumped

Veteran

My reaction was the same as April's! That already tells you that you and your friends are coming from two different planets.

I love Angie's descriptor--structured but not body-con sheath. These are generally very forgiving. Something that kind of skims over and skims in a bit and out a bit where we do. Tailoring is sometimes necessary and worth it for the right dress so you can size correctly and then nip and tuck.
Fabrication is very important--something with some body, not a jersey. Maybe some strategic ruching.

You look fab in your dresses!

I think with dresses often you just know it when you see it and feel it--it's there on your body and not sack-like at all, but you don't have to suck in, you know? I may wear my control top hose but don't want to feel I have to think about it after that.
I'm definitely in camp flattering, but I hope I don't turn to wearing tents so no one can even tell where my waist is supposed to be or that I have a pear shape or whatever just because they are not what they were at 25.

One thing I notice about dresses on older women (me included) is that a certain degree of fitted-ness (and the right shoes that allow a comfortable stance and walk) make the wearer look more vigorous and "fit", as opposed to somthing very loose or oversized just for the purpose of hiding something. The fitted-ness doesn't have to be a sheath, but is something about realistically fitting the body the person has. I think this approach was exemplified by What Not To Wear.

retailgirl

Veteran

I just looked at some of your posts and you look appropriate in all of them, and your clothing fits just right. Listen to your own instincts. It sounds like they want to drag you down to their level. Oh, and I grew up in the 50's, too...conformity was very important, and remained so through my college years.(and I wore white gloves, and a hat, to church every Sunday.) Now I just wear what I like!

Peri

Veteran

Well, first answer...no way. I think you can wear whatever you want, plus I seriously doubt those things are true body con anyway.

But, it doesn't seem like the advice was unsolicited. You took relatives (always the worst!!!) that you don't see often and who have very different styles and tastes and lives as you have said, and you actually asked them what they thought about the fit of something. Why did you do that???! Never do that! Only ask true friends whose styles you admire, or expert "strangers" such as the YLF community.

You asked the wrong people and got a very unsurprising answer based on their issues, not yours. Let it go.

Greyscale

Veteran

I looked back at your posts and all your clothing is so tasteful and well fitted. I have no idea what your relatives were thinking and I'm sorry you had to hear that from them.

I always find it inspiring to visit Europe and see how well-tailored women look at all ages, up through retirement and beyond. I'm not sure I have the chic simplicity to do that myself, but I think you've nailed it!

Were they perhaps jealous?

dustt

Veteran

Angie's suggestion is beautiful!!!

Gaylene

Veteran

In my opinion, the majority of older women look beautifully polished in a tailored fit that has a bit of ease so it skims the body--much like Angie mentions above.

But I've also come to realize that "tailored fit" isn't always easy for an older woman to figure out when faced with modern fabrics with built-in stretch. My personal guideline is, if I am relying on the stretchiness of the fabric to fit into a garment, I'm likely moving into a body-con fit because said fabric is molding to my body. A "tailored" fit, on the other hand, ought to use cutting and construction techniques to shape the fabric to my body without requiring any stretching of the fabric itself; the stretch, if present, should only come into play for added comfort when walking and sitting. The extra work in cutting and construction is the reason a tailored sheath is usually more expensive than a stretchy, body-con sheath; alterations also might be needed to fit a particular body shape. To me, though, the extra expense is worth it to get that flattering, polished--and, dare I say, age appropriate--look of a tailored, not body-con, sheath dress.

Lyn D.

Veteran

I can understand why this would be running through your mind- what a thoughtless comment!
Keep wearing what you are wearing, I say, and you will always be FAB!

Parsley

Veteran

Grrrr, MsMaven, it makes me made when people say stuff like that!
You go right ahead and wear clothes that are fitted to your body instead of loose and baggy! You have an enviable figure and look fabulous in fitted things, so why on earth would you hide in a sack?

I also wanted to second Angie's recommendation of the Adrianna Papell dress. I "borrowed" her recommendation from your previous thread on wedding guest attire and wore it to a wedding last month. It's a great dress: a nice length (to the middle of my knees at 5'6"), has sleeves, is fitted but forgiving of my slightly squishy middle. I felt great in it, and my husband loved it.
I think it would look terrific on you!
I'm eager to see your other possibilities, too!

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DonnaF

Veteran

EF top is bodycon?!? No way!!! I agree with Gaylene re finding a well tailored garment. To heck with Spanx or even control top pantyhose, esp. in the summer, but I am also a fan of a structured, body skimming fit that is long enough to sit down and bend over without feeling self-conscious. So sorry those relatives gave you pangs of anxiety.

MsMaven

Veteran

I suspect there is something to your comment about jealousy, Greyscale. As I read through the thread the thought occurred to me (after all this time) that perhaps there was a twinge of jealousy involved. I also realize that one of the reasons this remark bothered me was because during our time together the one who made the first remark kept poking at me, and at last I got angry with her about something else--and usually we get along great.

I may yet try the blue AP dress. I hesitated before for two reasons--that shade of blue has been hard for me to wear in the past (and it belongs to my blue-eyed blonde sisters) and because the wedding colors, the last I heard, are going to be light blue. I'll check in with my DIL this week and see if she has come up with anything yet.

Agree with the control stuff, Donna, but I can bear to wear pantyhose once or twice a year. She didn't mean the EF was body con, she was approving of it and was referring to my other clothes--although she hasn't seen much of my wardrobe lately.

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

This is all so very interesting and I hope that you always listen to your own voice, because I admire what you wear and your choices. Strong opinions will always be around us, so just let them float away like a cloud. I love what April, Angie and CocoLion said.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Gaylene makes an excellent point about stretchy fabrics versus tailoring techniques with less stretchy fabrics.

And I rest my case. Look at how killer stunning our very own Marcy is in that cobalt AP form fitting frock. It's very thick stretch fabric with lots of overlays and double folds, which offsets a body con effect - if you know what I mean.

Ms Maven, the frock also comes in black - but you'd probably prefer a colour.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

It sounds to me that your relatives meant something different by 'body-conscious' than what we usually mean around here at YLF. Sounds like their 'body-conscious' is our tailored/fitted. I do see older ladies deciding to wear only loose/baggy clothes, and honestly I don't think it does them any credit. Some can pull it off because they are going for an arty vibe and it works with their personality, accessories, and color scheme. But others, it just looks like they've lost weight since they bought the item, and not in a flattering way, more like their clothes just don't fit them right anymore. So, regardless of one's level of fitness or natural genetic inheritance, I don't think there's an age where you automatically have to go for baggy clothes.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

add my voice to the choir. I strongly dislike that kind of helpful advise. I wonder why we sometimes think about the negative instead of all of the positive feedback. again i say that is one of the reasons i stay on ylf

abc

Veteran

What Rabbit said 1000% and also I agree with Gaylene. Love how she stated the differences in fit with fabrics.

Good luck. Please get their voices out of your head - they don't deserve to be there.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

You might look at Pendleton dresses. They do a really nice woven wool.

http://www.pendleton-usa.com/p.....TH/171674/

http://www.pendleton-usa.com/p.....DRESS/1715

Day Vies

Veteran

There is a big difference between bodycon and fitted. However you have to pay attention to fit in the first place to recognize the difference. If baggy, pass-me-by-beige clothing is their modus operandi that's great for them YOU don't have to dress like them just to enjoy their company (though with those attitudes you might want to avoid them). Their comments seem to be focused on shaming you into dressing more like them and making you question the appropriateness of your own clothing. Baggy clothing for no other reason to hide one's body is criminal and seems to be a subtle tool women use to oppress one another.

A wise woman once said you can meet people where they are but you don't have to stay there with them.

BTW my favorite store for dresses and clothing with forgiving stretch (body con according to your relatives) that's thick enough to be appropriate at any age is White House Black Market. I also recommend spanx-type garments under any fitted clothing. They help things lay correctly and even help inexpensive stretch dresses look fabulous.

shiny

Veteran

I could cry for all my wasted years, in my 20s (!) and early 30s, when I thought I couldn't wear fitted or even body con styles, because I thought my body wasn't slim or fit or firm or *whatever* enough. It's really criminal, looking back, seeing now how just fine my body was back then -- and knowing it's not ever going to get any younger or better than it was, and it is, right now. Sure I could lose a few pounds and take up weight lifting again or whatever - but this body is facing menopause and waning hormones and gravity. It's never going to be 20, or 30, or 45, ever again.

I remember once, in my 30s, going through this phase after a big weight loss, when I was lifting weights and running all the time (in other words, at my fitness peak), and I still didn't feel I could get away with such clothes, so I hid my body away in oversized baggy "don't look at me" clothes.

And I remember my girlfriend -- 2 years older than me -- coming to visit me. She'd just had a baby, at age 35. This was the friend who always looked perfect, like a model, gorgeous, always slim and fit and looking great in everything she put on. And I remember she was wearing this very fashionable, trendy somewhat body con dress -- and her belly was still loose, and she happened to have a bit of a postpartum paunch in that dress.

But OMG she looked AMAZING. She really did. Her confidence. Her smile.

And THAT is when it hit me: I don't need a perfect body either. What was I waiting for?

We are real women. With real bodies. And our bodies aren't perfect and airbrushed. Our waists may widen and thicken with age. We may have a bit of a paunch from babies. We may jiggle and sag here and there. That is real, and real is beautiful. Yes, by all means, find clothing that maximizes the flattery, but don't expect to look like a 20 year old, and don't hide away in baggy shapeless stuff because you're not 20 anymore.

This is my long winded way to say: shame on your relatives for shaking your confidence. Because you look absolutely amazing in your WIW's. And I hope you keep wearing such outfits as long as it makes you smile.

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