I'm with Janet: I do have some rules, but they are self-imposed, based on what makes me feel good and what makes me look good.

I don't often wear white in the winter, but that is because regular white (optical white) feels too cool toned to me. I need something warmer, like cream. I wear plenty of cream in the winter months.

My dear Lisa p, I can't even tell you how many people continue to buy uncomfortable shoes because they like the way they look. It happens sooooo frequently. People hold out hope that the shoes will miraculously become more comfortable. I've been there. I get it.

Lisa, I used to actively purchase AND wear uncomfortable shoes as long as they looked good. It took some years for me to come around and see reason! So unfortunately, knowingly buying uncomfortable shoes is definitely a thing.

It took me seeing Angie wearing and advocating for flatter shoes for me to realize that lower heels or flat shoes can be equally dressy, interesting and even flattering. I'm a slow learner when it comes to shoes!

Lisa, I saw that post on LinkedIn about the Dress Appropriately dress code and I love it; it makes a lot of sense.

Other than the no white after Labor Day, I don’t think I even know the rules we are supposed to follow! I have my own shopping guidelines and style preferences and I’m happier and more comfortable when I follow them but I’m also flexible.

And I love Angie’s rule of have fun with fashion!

I grew up in the late '50s and early '60s and devoured library books on how to dress stylishly. Lots of rules, some of them still make sense. I remember the day in late 1965 when I looked at my classmates and realized the old rules were dead for, as we used to say, anyone under 30.

Then in my early 40s I was back buying books on style and trying to figure out if rules really mattered. There are occasions when you do need some help and guidance, such as when you are MOB and have no idea what to wear to your son's wedding at a country club. This is how I finally found YLF.

Although Suz reminded me of something Judith Kranz once said, although I couldn't find the source: "if I didn't wear any fashions I have worn before, I wouldn't have any clothes."

My body has changed in the last 3 years and I'm now in an experimental stage. I love the idea that fashion is fun. For too long I worried about rules and about what other people thought of what I was wearing. Thanks to the women who wear what they want, I'm having fun exploring new and different styles, colors, and who knows how I will end up. Not in a dressmaker suit, high heels, pantyhose, and hair well-coiffed. I'm not a free spirited old hippie either--so my one rule right now is comfort.

My goodness first may I say the collective wisdom of this group is incredible. You all had such great ideas to share on the subject of rules.

Second- I have to chuckle at the number of you that like to break or ignore the rules - it makes me wonder if the actual word- rules - raises emotions or is it that a “Rose by any other name would smell as sweet” eg- preferences, guidelines, practices, own terms.

For all those responding to white- Except for classic white shirt I personally don’t wear white at all- my first career as a nurse has killed any desire to wear a white dress, white pants or white shoes no matter what generation set a time rule- lol -of course now nurses wear scrubs of all colors and prints. So you all have fun with white- I am out.

Kkards, Anchie, and Echo- I get the whole black and navy thing- but I actually got dressed in the dark one day and wore one navy and one black shoe (same style shoe) to work. Lunchtime could not come fast enough so I could go home and get it right. Teasing was unmerciful. In spite of those of you ( like Suz)who say never say never——— that 1 navy/ 1 black shoe will never happen again- never, never, never- lol

For so many of us-the shoes-The comfy shoe thing amazes me -how is it that we had to arrive at having that as a rule- should that have not just been a given for all people??? Strangely it isn’t.

For Katerina, Aurore, Angie and others who spoke about dressing appropriately for the environment, situation, clients etc that is so true. What’s the saying- you never get a second chance to make a great first impression. I love Lisa’s reference to that CEO- so simple but some people have a hard time with dressing appropriately- I saw it when I was working.

Vix,Barbara, Cardiff and Echo- honestly your lists were amazing and thoughtful and thought provoking....as was Krish’s of never blame the body- omg that should be a sign in every dressing room everywhere.

To all of my YLF Friends- thank you so much for your wonderful wisdom, interesting insights, sassy solutions and your collective cache of knowledge .
You are all fabulous in more than just looks.
Will get back to you on the book review.
Thank you all

My initial response when reading this was “I have no rules”, but on reflection, there are some that I try to stick to.

1. If in doubt, walk away and have a think about whether this is the right thing to buy. I can get caught up in the moment and be influenced by persuasive sales assistants.

2. Never buy fabrics that crush easily because I do not like wearing rumpled clothing, it freaks me out.

3. Think of new additions in outfits.

4. Wear the outfit, don’t let the outfit wear you.

I don't think I have rules. I have preferences. I dislike leggings as pants. I dislike a lot of visible cleavage, don't mind a little but if boobs are practically falling out of a dress then wear a camisole for goodness sake or don't wear that dress! Same with skirts and dresses so short it hardly covers your butt. I realise that I'm showing both age and upbringing ( strict Presbyterian) here. Never liked the low-cut tops or too-short skirts thing even when I was younger and wore minis.
The leggings as pants thing shows my generation I think. With the rise of athleisure my daughters both do it and they look fine, it still feels too casual to me.
I also have a preference for dressing up more for events like weddings, birthday parties of older relatives like grandparents and so on, I used to dress the children nicely for such events because I felt it showed respect to our elders or to the bride and groom. I was cross with older daughter when she was 15, as she came out the day of my sister-in-law's wedding saying she couldn't do up the dress pants I had given her the year before and would have to wear her Levis jeans. (This was just to the ceremony, the children were not invited to the reception and the wedding was outside in the garden of a vineyard). She had a nice pink shirt for her top half and pink ballet flats. She still teases me( now aged 27) about how I had to allow it as I had no choice! She was still very slim and still is but must have gained enough from 14 to 15 to not fit the dress pants.
NZ and Australia are pretty casual places so I don't think we ever had as many rules as maybe there were in the US. Before I was born in 1961 I think there were rules about wearing hats to church and weddings which relaxed in the 60s. The girls have forbidden me to wear a hat if either of them marries.

LOL, Jenni

Never say never. Life experience has taught me that one. Great thread!

Hmm. I sorta abide by the white shoe rule, specifically with regard to pumps. I apply it according to social situation. It’s not a rule when with non-American family. It’s not a rule that applies to boots and sneakers. It doesn’t apply when the mode of dress is unconventional. I would never wear white shoes in the South in Fall/Winter...

... My rules have rules! Lol. I guess I have two rules that always apply, though: No shorts in church and no showing your shoulders to God either. Hehe :p

Rachy, I am fine with showing my shoulders in church, but no cleavage for me!

Bijou- Like your list but 2 and 4 give me a chuckle-if something looked rumpled my mom always use to say we looked like we fell into and out of the rag bag(not sure what it had to do with rag bag-ironing pile maybe) and boy oh boy do we all have examples (either ourselves or others) where the outfit wore the person.

Jenni- LOL- I have the age but not sure Presbyterian qualifies because I'm not but I agree with you on the boobs and butt comment. I too think gym wear is fine ........for gym but my DD wears yoga pants out and about too and same as the YLF friend that talked about PJs in public ..... my grocery store is not your bedroom- put on a pair of jeans or something. And definitely show up with a hat- serves our daughters right for breaking OUR rules-LOL!

Shevia- if you ever do like I did and accidentally wear 2 different shoes- that never say never will go out the window....I'm pretty sure. LOL

Rachy- you are a hoot...your rules have rules" haha I love that.
Ladies- thanks for the chuckles of these last few post.

I had a rule for years: no shorts until it's at least 100 degrees (Fahrenheit). My logic was sound; if I started wearing shorts before that, then I would really struggle with feeling too hot at 100 and unable to do much clothing-wise to make it *feel* better. Since I got my current job at the produce stand, I've tossed that rule out the window. I'm going to suffer from the heat no matter what/when I wear long pants vs shorts, so I might as well be as comfortable as possible.

I also used to be big on that rule about not wearing it the second time around. In most cases (harem/drop crotch pants, day-glow colors, flare jeans AKA bell bottoms) I quickly realized that I just didn't like it anymore and only toyed with it briefly the second time around. Skinny jeans, however, have become an even bigger staple than they were the first time around and you will have to pry mine from my cold dead hands. I've also learned to "never say never' as I'm actually playing with cuffed/cropped pants lately, thanks to you fine people.

I impose certain rules when I go to church always shirt and tie and black pants otherwise I let myself go independent fashion I just want to feel myself

I have "rules" for occasions like, dress nicely for the opera (not jeans), and I have a work uniform. But other than that, I don't have a lot of rules. I really dislike how people can look downright sloppy at the opera these days.

Cindy- you are correct that some times we just outgrow trends so that when they come around again it just doesn’t matter to us.

Yes Bernard, even for guys there is a time and place for dressing appropriately and a time to let go and have fashion fun. A wise man you are finding that balance.

Coco- you are so right about dressing up for special events like the opera. We don’t go out to dinner often but we dress nicely when we do and get stares from folks dressed like unfortunate homeless people. We went to a Christmas show in NYC ( first time ever and we are in our 60s). Little girls were dressed in gorgeous dresses, bows in hair and on their shoes ; it made us smile......... until you looked at how some of their parents were dressed. I just don’t get it.
Thanks for input

Self imposed "rules"... Will not buy uncomfortable footwear; no skirts more than 2 inches above my knees; no bare shoulders at a church service, or low necklines unless wearing a cami; any item I buy must be able to be worn with at least 3 pieces in my closet; no angora or other itchy fabric. I'm sure there are others. Some colors like dark teal blue or a very bluish pink are not allowed in my closet, at least for anything near my face, because they make me look sick.
No heels or open sandals ( medical reasons); I prefer slip-on shoes (no bending over to secure them when back gives out), prefer shift dresses to sheaths because I can no longer manage that long zipper in back by myself; 2-piece dresses for medical reasons.

I am not great with rules when it comes to fashion. I break them or forget them. These are my fashion preferences. I always buy footwear that works for my feet. I do not wear skinny jeans and never did. I don't wear white anything. Dirt attacks me. I will wear warm white (cream, ivory) tops on occasion.

This is such a great thread. I'm sorry I am only finding it just now.

I don't have any rules with regard to wearing white, but I find I rarely wear optic white during the winter months because there is a clash. I realized the possible cause of the clash when I read Gigi's comment. Perhaps on some subconscious level, optic white is too strong for winter in my mind. I hadn't thought about cream. I will now.

To LisaP regarding uncomfortable shoes .... There are a lot of women that buy and wear really uncomfortable shoes (hard leather, wrong size, wrong heel height). I cannot understand their reasoning. But they seem to have a certain gene I lack. I know they are in pain, but they still preserve on and wear them.

Something I have learned, but may or may not be a rule: don't get so emotionally attached to your wardrobe. They are mere pieces of cloth.

My rules would be:

1). Be respectful of others - eg in a conservative setting wear covered clothes, respect others cultures while travelling.

2). Seize the moment to dress up - at the theatre, birthday parties etc. I have lovely clothes so wear them.

3). To look seductive don't show legs and cleavage at the same time! There are fashions with this as well - and there can be age and shape considerations too.

i have my own colour, shape and style preferences. I don't quite see them as rules though and they do change.

Sal I like your second rule: seize the moment to dress up. This is my rule too because I enjoy it.

Joy- you have some very wise rules there- especially the one about the dresses with back zippers. Contortionist I am not so l am in your camp on that one! We part on the colors- i have lots of teal- for me yellow is the color to avoid.
Style Fan - I so get that reason for not wearing white also. I am well aware any time I wear a light color it is doomed for the hamper. I often say my entire family is related to the Peanut’s comic character Pig Pen. Dirt just seems to swirl around us- haha
Sterling- I absolutely love your rule on not getting emotionally attached to your clothing. I feel that way about everything. There is something about seeing news reports of those unfortunate folks in Texas, Florida and the islands after the hurricanes or in California after the fires. Heartbreaking. Best to remember it is just stuff and we are not our stuff.
Thanks for the great perspective.
Sal- love your rules on respecting others and other cultures. And it seems there are a few of us that love to seize the day and dress up.

Thanks again who posted a response- your wisdom on rules and no rules are outstanding reads.

I agree with Sal about respecting other cultures. I certainly try to do that.

I don't think I have any real rules. Despite being raised in the South (sigh, getting a little tired of the regional thing) I have never heard any imposition of any of the fashion rules.

I have personal guidelines, most to prevent myself from buying mistakes. (Leaving off obvious things like Will I wear it, Is the color good, Does it fit right or can be altered, &c.)

1. No 3/4 sleeves.

2. Consider polyester dresses for summer wear very carefully.

3. Check the rear view when considering a summer dress that's more than a couple inches above the knees. What's a cute length in front may be a bit risky with bare legs in back.

4. No visible bra, unless it's just a bit of strap under a sheer top.

5. Wear a slip, with a few exceptions.

6. Wear shorts as often as possible, in all casual situations! I am only comfortable in short shorts.

If I only bought and kept 100% comfortable shoes, I might have only two pair in my closet. My feet are cranky and I'm still figuring out the issues.

I don't think I have ever followed many of the old rules, for instances about matching bag to shoes, or wearing white only in summer.

Apart from not buying acrylic items (which have always turned out to be disappointments), most of my self imposed rules are colour-related. I may change them from time to time, but here are a few that I feel good about following at present:
- I like every ensemble I wear to consist of at least one neutral, at least one non-neutral, and at least one colour which echo my personal colouring. (The latter may be the same as one of the two first ones mentioned.)
- When wearing a non-neutral item on my lower half (for me this group includes not only pants, jeans, skirts, hosiery and footwear, but also belts, bracelets, gloves and all kind of bags), I prefer to repeat that colour somewhere on my upper half (in anything from hat, glasses, earrings, necklace, brooch or scarf to any kind of top or topper).
- When wearing a printed item, I like to repeat at least one of the dominant colours elsewhere.

Oh my gosh, millions lol ... I am working on being less rules-y
Here are a few random, probably super-old-fashioned (and certainly not original) ones, for a laugh:

• no workout clothes if I'm not working out
• no bare shoulders in a church
• no bare shoulders, legs or toes in a work setting (YES, I will wear nude pantyhose if I must)
• never meet an executive without a jacket or at least an ironed button-up shirt on
• no shopping in stores my tween daughter wants to shop in; related: if my kids' friends think I'm wearing something cool, give it some serious consideration for approriateness

Ginger- not quite sure of the sigh on your comment about the South- am I missing something? Interesting- I am a big fan of 3/4 sleeves. And I think Princess Diana cure a lot of ladies of not wearing a slip. I remember British acts like it was the scandal of the century when that picture posted of her with nursery school wards.
The Cat- I love your methodical planning on how you coordinate- fascinating. Btw I think the timing might be wrong for your age frame and location- but there was a TV show in the 60s where the main character was known as THE CAT- my sibling and I loved that show. Think you can see parts on you tube. Funny rewatching “great shows “ of my youth- it was all so primitive compared to today.
Toronto girl- your list is making many of us nod in knowing agreement- lol. But your last one is the BEST!!!!!
Thanks to all

I'm sure it came across confusing; it was a throwaway comment that didn't really need to be made. I was suddenly just tired of the perception of the South as a solid entity with certain assumptions made about the people in it. These assumptions are both within and without, and positive, negative, and neutral. I was just tired of the general generalizations made about the South, since there isn't really a reciprocal set of generalizations about other regions or countries. Now that I've explained, it's really clear that I didn't need to make a comment at all! It's not a big deal, and I apologize for the confusion.

3/4 sleeves just don't work for me. If it's warm, they're hot; and if it's cold, I feel the cold very much on my wrists and forearms. They're also awkward to layer over. I love the look, but repeated unworn purchases have taught me that it's just not a wise thing for me. That's why it's my #1!

Interesting, I thought slips were still out for the majority of women. I'm just not comfortable without one, unless it's with a close-fitting knit where the seams would grin through.

Ginger- I think I get where you are coming from and what is happening lately is exhausting. there will always be folks with pre conceived notions of others both as individuals and as groups. some people’s judgments are good natured and harmless. Unfortunately I think some people make nasty generalizations based on what can be found in various media forms and do all a disservice. Nothing beats getting to know individuals.
Fashion wise I don’t think I have ever seen generalizations made about any regions other that the French are “chic” and we northerners get really sick of winter wear about now - lol.
But no matter what- you are always entitled to feel the way you feel.........
( except about 3/4 sleeves! ........only kidding)

And never mind slips- I can’t wrap my head around people NOT wearing - pick your term- underwear/ panties/ knickers with jeans. I just don’t know if it’s a rule or not- lol.