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projecting the right kind of youthfulness

Adelfa

Veteran

This post is for anyone who's ever worried about being age-inappropriate. The title is taken from Beth Ann's comment on my "dress to offset" post--I thought it summed up something a lot of us are aiming for!

Really great bloggers such as Angie, Imogen, and Sally have written comprehensively about this, and it's not my aim to delineate guidelines for being stylish without being MDAL (mutton dressed as lamb).

I'm more trying to get at our experience of trying to dress stylishly without "trying too hard" or "looking like a kid" or any of the various phrases including MDAL that loom up inside our heads as we contemplate injecting novelty into our fashion routines.

I think a lot of the worry is misplaced. Denise, may I use you as an example? (I sure hope so.) I've heard Denise (CocoLion) both in person and in the forum express concern about being age-inappropriate. Yet I have never seen her in a stitch of clothing that wasn't beautiful, elegant, and 100% appropriate. So I want to tell her to quit worrying. She could respond that the reason she looks appropriate is because she worries about it!

I remember once a younger colleague called me "hip." My whole body froze, my eyes opened wide, and I said, "But am I--am I--" and then my colleague took pity on me and assured me that I was age appropriate.

This is what I want to ask:

1. Do you worry about dressing in an age-inappropriate fashion?

2. Have you ever worn an item or outfit that ended up making you feel you were dressed age-inappropriately? What was it?

3. What has worked *for you* to feel that you are projecting the right kind of youthfulness, that is, current but age appropriate? This could be specific items or styles, or it could be general guidelines.

I can't wait to hear!

Dressing

42 replies

Latest reply was from

Mo

(website)

Veteran

That's why I came here in the first place. I had on short shorts and layered camis with a crop hoodie and it didn't feel right. But today I had on items that showed as much skin, not as tight, and felt just fine. I was just over 40 then. 43 now. For a while I tossed all my short shorts, flip flops, etc. After a couple of years I was able to reintroduce some of these facets in a better, more sophisticated, fit and it made all the difference.

Aziraphale

Veteran

1. Yes.

2. Yes. About a year ago was the last time I wore an above-knee skirt that was full and gathered at the waist. I couldn't figure out why this previously much-loved skirt (which was still very figure-flattering, btw) suddenly felt ridiculous. When I went home at the end of the day and checked my reflection, front and back, and realized that the silhouette simply no longer matched my age, or the image I wanted to project. I got rid of the skirt posthaste.

3. I aim for simple rather than fussy, and streamlined wherever possible. I avoid too many gathers (see above), and use a combination of youthful items with tailored items (think skinny jeans, slouchy tee and blazer) to look both in touch with the current trends, yet grown-up. I avoid anything too tight, but go for items that flatter my shape and are well made with nice fabric.

hope that helps!

Deborah

Veteran

This is a great dicussion topic. And timely as I am working on a project with a couple of 20 something girls which seems to have brought up this issue for me yet again.

1:
Yes I do think about dressing in an age appropriate manner. Particularly when shopping I consider a garment and if there are any elements that might IMO look juvenile on me.

2:
I can't think specifically of something I worn, but there are short sleeve styles (anything too ruffle-y, puffed), necklines (sweetheart) and cuts of dresses (baby doll) that make me feel age inappropriate. Actually I had a dress a few years back with was fabulous for the hot weather, but it was empire line (under the bust) subtle ruffle on the shoulder and a ruffle at the bottom of the skirt. I just felt sily in it!! But please note that these stylings can work beautifully on other 40+ women, they are just not for me.

3.
In order to be current and age appropriate, I do like coverage. I like nice clean lines, even when I layer, neutral tones and I hope to create a sophisticated vibe which in some ways to me equals being age appropriate. Mixing current pieces with classic pieces to my mind creates successful age appropriate dressing as well. The other key thing I find, is to always dress like me! There are many things I like that simply don't suit my body or my personality (sorry possibly veering of topic a little)

Lantana

Veteran

Adelfa, I am 64 and I will confidently say I never worry about dressing appropriately for my age. I am a nice middle class ladylike person so I have been successfully socialized to play my part in the world however, deep down -and also somewhat closer to the surface - I do not like to be told how to behave.
So when it comes to choosing what I wear I would ask:
Are there rules?
Who made them?
What/whose purpose do they serve?
Do I care?
However, (there's always a however) 64 Australian summers have given my AngloCeltic complexion a myriad of wrinkles; genetics have bestowed white hair along with a waist and straight back. I choose to wear fabrics, colours and cuts that accomodate these features in a way that is aesthetically pleasing to me. I'm here to learn those lessons in style but I will never ask of a WIW if it is age appropriate.
I don't want to look a different age, and certainly not "younger". I want to make the best out of what I have at my disposal right now, today.
Adelfa, thanks for this post. I've only answered your first question but it felt good to vent. I couldn't agree more with your observation that "a lot of the worry is misplaced".

Lyn D.

Veteran

I am 50+ but rarely worry about age-appropriateness either.
I prefer to cover my wobbly bits and make the most of my shape with nice fabrics and simple shapes, and that's about it!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

For #1 - I love & endorse Lantana's comments - don't like rules or fashion police. I like to support women wearing whatever they want especially when it would not be my choice.

2. I've never worn body-con, short, cute etc. etc. or any of the clothing the fashion police tell older women not to wear. It was never anything to do with age but to do with personality - they just aren't me. I have worn other "personality" inappropriate clothing & it makes me self-conscious in a way I am not when I dress like me. Dresses with heels & tight skirts or anything pretty tends to bring on an attack though not always

#3. This is an interesting one for me & the reason I joined YLF. Like Deborah I like the mix of classic, current & avant garde pieces but the older I get the more important "modern" becomes in my wardrobe. Somehow adding a dash of "current" keeps my style youthful enough for me to feel okay about the aging process

Great topic & I agree CL always looks fabulous.

Lantana

Veteran

Hijacking to say to Caro.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Had similar experiences to Aziraphale and Deborah, with gathered skirts and dresses with ruffle trim and puff sleeves.

I have come to the conclusion that if a miniature of the garment is readily found in the girls' or toys section, down to the detailing, best exercise caution. Especially for the chubbier body type that can draw parallels to puppy fat! The slender can often pull these off better, though by no means is success guaranteed. (This is complicated by young girls' clothing becoming increasingly adult however)

Environmental norm also plays a part. In my immediate environment, few adult women of similar socioeconomic status wear a dress by day (eveningwear, yes). Most late-teen and early-20s young women wear skinnies and bodycon tops or tight leggings and short tunics. So I am in turn wary of using those silhouettes without special weightage of streamlined or more expensive accessories, scarves worn in a more formal or old-fashioned way---or a pregnant belly.

I have also found that upping the formality of your outfit often adds gravitas that, rightly or wrongly, we associate with extra years.

Though I do think the force of personality makes a difference too. What I don't have the presence or attitude to carry off convincingly, other people might.

kkards

Veteran

yes, i am concerned and spend time worrying about dressing/looking to young. part of it stems from one of my sisters telling that i dress too young, the last time was the weekend that i turned 50, and it was directly related to the shorts that i wear that weekend. now i have to admit they were short, but not short-short. (5 inch inseam on a 5'4 me). shorts were wore with plain tees.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

At almost 36 I am starting to address this issue, I believe if I give this area a little thought every now and then I should avoid having a wardrobe crisis at a later date. However, I do not view age appropriate dressing as limiting rather I am choosing to focus on aspects of myself which have ripened with age. (just like the old french saying 'elegance is a privilege of age').

Nova

I've been thinking about this more recently as we have a new, fresh out of college teacher in my area. She is wonderful and spunky, but ten years younger than me. I find myself double checking my wardrobe more because of this. I don't want it to seem that I am trying too hard. Then I feel silly as our styles are completely different and really, who made these rules anyway? Even though I tend to ignore rules and this type of self consciousness it kind of crept up on me.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Interesting questions and I look forward to the continued discussion.

Strangely (given my age) I don't really worry about dressing in an age-inappropriate way. I think that's because, left to my natural devices, historically I have always tended choose the conservative, the modest, the covered up, and the elegant vs. the trendy, modern, hip, or the obviously or self-consciously sexy.

Why? First, because I felt clueless, stylewise. Uber uncool. So I was scared to take risks.

Second, for most of my adulthood, I had little expendable income and was frugal with what I had. I needed to buy classic pieces because I figured they had to last and work in many ways.

Third, in many cases, these classics were actually the items I liked best.

Do you know when I DID dress in an age-appropriate way? In my 20s. Back then, I dressed like a 40-50 something woman. I dress far more youthfully now!

So really, my "worry" has been how to inject more modernity and more trends into my look -- which to me, doesn't make me age-inappropriate. It makes me feel more current and more myself!

I do avoid most flutter sleeves, puff sleeves, frills, empire waists and similarly girlish details -- as well as super body-con, short, stilettos, etc. But that is not out of fears of age-inappropriateness. That's because those looks have never felt or looked good on me.

Like Caro and Lantana, the older I get, the more modern and current I want my wardrobe to be.

People rarely guess my actual age, and my clothes probably have something to do with that. But nor do people seem to think that I am pretending to be younger than I am with my clothes. That's the balance I guess I want to achieve.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Yes agree that with age comes the desire to look modern if not young. In a strange way letting my hair grow into its natural color makes me more comfortable wearing whatever I want and not feel like I am trying to look younger than I am.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

At almost 48, and looking younger I strive find balance and wear what makes me happy. I think shorter skirts cause some controversy on those sticking to age appropriateness , but for me it is about also dressing for my petite height. Just saw an article about choosing the right skirt for body type and for petite it said flared above the knee, my favorite style.

I am also careful of not wearing anything too kitchy , as I don't want to come across as trying to dress younger. That also applies to no Converses in my shoe wardrobe.

I am happy with the balance I have been consciously striving for this last year!

Raisin

Veteran

Well I think sometimes I may dress a little age inappropriate, but perhaps in the opposite direction. My DH often complains I look like a grandmama! Lol! I suppose it's because a lot of my clothes are oversized or baggy. Recently I've been trying to get a little more youthful in my casual wear. Like I just bought a tiger tee and its so cute! Although it is oversized. Haha!

I find I have a hard time uniting my different sides. I mean I'm 29 now but it's been a complaint of his for 8 or 9 years. I feel like I need to look a certain way , more mature, I guess due to the fact that I have a fairly serious career and also due to being a mom of 2. At the same time, I see others that are older, wearing way younger clothes than me and I feel like they look fun and hip, so it reminds me I may need to bring it back a notch. I need to find my happy medium!

BlondeAmbition

Since I reached the wrong side of 35 I've thought about this. There are a lot of trends that I haven't been able to participate in because of my weight. Now those trends have come and gone and I never got to take part in them, and never will even if I did lose weight simply because of my age.

I never want to feel old and unfashionable, I don't ever intend to wear skimpy shorts, but it will be a long long long time before I'm too embarrassed to show cleavage or wear a trend that I like.

Anonymous

I am 36, and a mother of two, and work a lot with first year university students, and supervising MA grad student TAs. I don't want to look like a grad student, as I am 10 years out of grad school, but I am not a professor either. There is also a kind of snobbishness from faculty when interacting with staff like Gaylene noted with the sweater/skirt thing and coffee cups (not so much with the younger faculty but the old guard for sure).

AnnieMouse

Veteran

Oh, lantana is my new hera!
<3

I worry about being mutton dressed as lamb (and thank goodness I'm not the only one uses that expression - my partner always looks at me like I've lost my mind), and I have watched more than my share of "What Not To Wear" which made me simultaneously second guess myself and hate Clinton and Stacy (I always came away feeling judged and as thought they'd stripped a lot of their guests of their individuality). So I shy away from above-the-knee attire of most kinds (no miniskirts over 30!). For the first half of my 30s, I went more towards frumpifying myself, while I got comfortable with my new metabolism and that milestone age.

At this point in my life, I wear what makes me happiest and fits comfortably. From my recent post ("Pondering my style identity"), I've come to realise somewhat that I'm a funk rebel - I didn't do the typical teen rebellion because my parents were the black sheep of their respective families, so the closest thing I could do to a rebellion was dress very conservatively. Now I have the ability to buy things that appeal to me, and make me feel my best - often that's very bright and defies the idea of muted colours as we get older.

I draw a lof of inspiration from Catherine at "Not Dressed As Lamb" these days - she is very colourful, but never looks as though she skews young.

On the other hand, isn't 40 the new 20? What *is* age appropriate? I have a harder time with figuring that out, because I feel quite sure Clinton and Stacey would be appalled at the wardrobes of my friends. ha!

Peri

Veteran

Yes, I definitely worry about it...my main goal is trying to achieve the balance Suz talked about. I think the problem stems from keeping clothes so long before my big purge...I had a sweater that was 27 years old!!

The last thing I wore that I felt really off about was a pale pink sleeveless linen top in a semi peplum cut with ruffles around the bottom. It was something I loved 10 years ago and I just kept hanging on. Pretty, but very sweet and girlish and just too much...and dated to boot. I had serious doubts about it last summer...this summer after time on YLF it was the first thing to go.

As for question 3, that's what I'm working on now...work in progress. I'm noticing I feel better in cleaner lines and more streamlined cuts, in colors I love. I'm going for more simpllcity, but trying to add interest through color and accessories. I still love the romantic fluff look in theory, but just don't feel right in it anymore.

Carole

Veteran

Such excellent points for discussion. When I first joined YLF and started experimenting with fashion I did feel this way, like I was trying too hard and sometimes not dressing "my age" but I have since settled into my style comfort zone. For me, keeping classic pieces with just a modern touch and accessory here and there to be current makes me happy and feel most like me. Great stylish shoes and a fab bag go a long way in making me feel current without trying too hard.

deb

Veteran

I dressed like a 40 year old when I was 10. I have always dressed inappropriately in an older way for my age. As I became more comfortable with myself I can now embrace more modern, updated silhouettes.

milehighstyle (Linda)

Veteran

I don't really worry about this issue very often. I believe more in dressing situational appropriate and body appropriate. I think I am attracted to more sophisticated clothing for the most part. Echoing some others, I've never been one to wear super body con styles or show a lot of skin, but I think that it's ok to dress that way if you are comfortable with it and the occasion allows it. I wear above the knee shorts and skirts, but not so short that they are mini's. I do wear some ruffled tops and dresses, but they are not twee. I did buy a skater style dress online last year, it was adorable with little horses all over it. But I never wore it. I knew as soon as I tried it on that it was a young girl's dress and I just felt like an idiot in it. Also - I hate rules. Everyone is an individual and should evaluate things on a personal level, not blindly follow what the "experts" say no one is allowed to wear after a certain age.

Anonymous

I'm with milehighstyle on the importance of dressing appropriately for the situation and for your body type. I also agree that certain "age appropriate" rules should be ignored.

Eliza

Veteran

Another one who tended to dress older rather than younger in my youth (in part for professional reasons and in part just personality/tailored style preferences).

Today, I rarely need be concerned with dressing too young, but sometimes do find a challenge with being a bit more conspicuous due to putting current outfits that flatter together. Few around here make it a priority, so even a fun look for running errands could possibly be seen as "over the top" if there is a statement or on-trend piece is involved. I have just decided to suit myself. And that is one of the greatest compensations of being older.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Aww, you are so hip!!!! I can see what you mean though, by being a little surprised by that comment. I'm sure (as your colleague assured you) that you were perfectly age appropriate and that she meant it as a compliment!

I shall answer your questions ...

1. Do you worry about dressing in an age-inappropriate fashion? At work, all the time. I feel especially nervous when patients are my age, or their family members are similar to my age. I feel that they think, "Dude, the doc is the same age as me, WTF do they know?" and that's super unnerving.

2. Have you ever worn an item or outfit that ended up making you feel you were dressed age-inappropriately? What was it? I have a pretty quriky style, but anything overly quirky without an adequate dose of severity can make me feel pretty age inappropriate. I was stuck wearing rubber boots (pink) once because I forgot my locker combination which held my work shoes. Ugh.

3. What has worked *for you* to feel that you are projecting the right kind of youthfulness, that is, current but age appropriate? This could be specific items or styles, or it could be general guidelines. Like I said before, I limit my quirky or do it in more serious colours. ie: My "work tutu" is navy blue instead of bubble gum pink

Wendi1984

I do worry about dressing appropriately for my age (46). When I was young, I loved a lot of vintage and romantic pieces. I still do incorporate those items into my outfits, but sparingly. I do reject anything with a bow or ruffles. I wanted to wear eyelet this spring/summer, but never did find anything that felt "right" on me. I do find that balancing tough with romantic helps. I wear a pair of floral skinny jeans (a very vintagey print) with a denim jacket or military anorak to tone down the possible girliness.

I do wear Converse. I have one pair of flat low-tops in black, and charcoal gray Hi ness style. The Hi ness ones get me tons of compliments, from both women my age and teens/twentysomethings. (I do community theatre with a wide range of ages.) I also have a Police concert shirt that I love to wear, sometimes with a black jersey skirt, wedge sandals, and a denim jacket.

I do remind myself at times when I think, is this too "fun" or "youthful" for me?, that Angie is in her 40s, too, and she rocks a very fun, inventive vibe.

Elly

Veteran

I think this is an issue on both ends. I graduated college when I was 20 years old. I've been working in a subset of the field I studied for several years now, and my SO is a few years older than me (and quite young for his experience level and position in his field as well).

It is so tricky to negotiate the waters of careers and a social life where being seen as too young or too old for a particular position or friendship can be awkward in the least and damaging at its worst!

I guess the solution for me is not to worry about my age. When I am at work, I dress for a level of formality similar to the well-dressed professional looking ladies in my department-- I might incorporate more youthful fits or trendy elements, but I try to project the same put-together appropriate image. Going back for this graduate certificate, I don't dress my age, but my experience level. Although I am the age of some of the undergraduate students (and old enough to have diapered the others) I dress like who I am . . . a graduate student who has been working as a professional in the field. In my social life, I dress how I want to, but I save anything revealing or clubb-ish for the appropriate situations. Nothing is more awkward than having one of my SOs co-workers show up for a work BBQ with a young lady dressed in really short shorts or a mini and making the coworker look like a cradle robber when everyone else there is in their 30s or 40s and wearing much more family friendly get ups.

I think I am lucky because I've always tended to be on the more conservative side and have been self concious about wearing overly revealing things for a long time because I'm tall and fairly large-framed. I also get away with alot because work tends to be casual, as does the field/school.

However, I have definitely been mistake for a high school student when out for a quick lunch with my SO when I've neglected to change from clothes I've been hiking, cleaning, painting, or gardening it! Days like that keep this question always on my radar.

AviaMariah

Veteran

I think fit and quality of fabrication is important. The only time I have looked at someone and thought they were dressed inappropriately for their age is when they were obviously wearing an item that was too small and/or bought in the teen section. I think if you wear of version of more youthful styles but that fit well and are made of quality fabrication you can usually get away with it.

MsMary

Veteran

I almost never worry about dressing age-appropriately. I can think of only one time that I felt like I really made a gross age-appropriateness error, and it was when I copied a fantastic DKNY look and ended up with a too-short skirt coupled with a too-low, too-tight, puffed-sleeve blouse and felt horribly awkward all evening. I wore the blouse once more before I passed it on and decided puffy sleeves are no longer "me!"

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