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Packing & Perfectionism (XXXL rant, self-analysis, and epiphanies)

ManidipaM

Veteran

Following Suz's and Rae's pre-travel packing and shopping adventures, I finally flew into a panic this morning and sorted out my own baggage.

From having eight stacks of 'maybe' clothes dotted around the bedroom for a a week and a half this morning, I now know at least what I'm bringing on my (touristy) work trip to Macau day after tomorrow.

It's just three days. Fully hosted, which means no worries about finding transportation or getting lost. Years of last-minute panic and arriving with bits forgotten, outfits incomplete or slapdash, missing tech tools and sunscreen and moisturiser has taught me a lesson -- I always have a bagful of some of my nicer clothes, clean and pressed, and my basic make-up and toiletries kit on stand-by for a rushed ride out of town. So why am I STILL panicking over 'NOTHING to wear!'?

Turns out the problem is that I'm a perfectionist. An impatient one, at that. With limited temporal and financial resources. And a bad case of self-doubt!

In an ideal world, I'd have:
* capsules for travelling to cold wet countries
* capsules for travelling to hot dry places
* capsules for snow
* capsules for rain
* capsules for outdoorsy adventures
* capsules for a seaside trip
* capsules for a luxury cruise
* maybe a capsule to go to London and interview the Queen... yeah, I know you're beginning to get the picture!
AND I'd have TWO independent capsules for working at home, one in each 'home' location (different climates, hence not exact duplicates).
PLUS one for occasionally going into the super-casual office (last year, new kid who joined came in dress pants and tie the first day; took a look around and arrived in shorts and flip-flops next day!).
ALSO another THREE capsules for meetings and interviews on home ground (desert-ly hot and dry OR sauna-ish hot and humid outdoors OR, transitioning to shiver-inducing air-conditioning indoors)
TWO last capsules for activity (walking/running/swimming) and for messy jobs (from liberating the house of cobwebs to digging in the dirt after the rains)

Why *don't* I, then?

Because I cannot afford this humongous wardrobe of THAT many seasonal and cross-seasonal perfect pieces. (Yes, I'm taking overlaps into account too.)

Because I also haven't the time to search down that many perfect pieces in a few weeks --- much as I'm ready to start afresh and wipe the slate clean of mistakes and sub-optimal purchases.

Because, sick and tired as I am of mismatched orphans and wardrobe holes, I cannot really justify throwing out the new, not too ill-fitting, only slightly stylistically confused, third-best coloured garments to start from scratch.

I'm an idealist --- but I'm also an ethical, eco-conscious, economy-priced one!

Which means I know that I need to practise patience. Years of errors and sloppy choices, relics of struggling with bigger problems in life, will NOT disappear from my closet overnight. I need to find ways to work with what I have --- I knew this signing up, and SYC was my primary (if not exclusive) goal!

Why don't I make allowances for all this when packing? It took years to overcome my tendency to dress as a wallflower for 'safety' and anonymity. I'm *not* keen to go back to it. Yet, the moment I'm in a stress-raising situation, I again look to my clothes as a shield! I suddenly want perfect, postage-stamp-sized capsules --- out of a closet I have NOT stocked with them!

Because I want to look perfect, so it will be one less thing to stress about. Because maybe if I can only manage to LOOK the 'calm and collected, creative and confident' part... I'll BECOME just that. (You think? Guess not.)

On Suz's thread, both Krishnidoux and Velvety Chocolate had the same idea --- start with ONE outfit that works, and take it from there. Seemed manageable. I started...

...and realized that dressing for a cocktails-and-dinner gala and for a day stomping in and out of gondolas and half-finished hotel sites in the rain hasn't many pieces in common. The first was unlikely to need a raincoat, so I packed an Indian ensemble in silk --- knowing that there wasn't much chance of matching the designer gowns bound to swirl around. The second definitely needed to work with my raincoat, so I chose jeans, shirt and blazer accordingly, with a spare shirt for rain ravages.

So I made two very different outfits. Then a third, a skirt and jacket, for the conference. Then I decided what to travel in, and that had no bearing on the on-ground look I was after! In the air I want long loose tops and stretchy bottoms because I bloat and my legs swell and I get chilled fast; on the ground I want to NOT look like a heffalump despite my many raincoat-topped layers and prefer a more tailored appearance.

So I chose, for three days:

1 pair of jeans
2 patterned shirts -- blue paisley-ish, white & red floral
1 lightweight unlined moss-green ponte-knit jacket
1 navy red-collared gear-ish anorak
Black shoes
Small black satin cross-body bag (recovered from forgotten stash!)
(that's my out-and-about outfit, with spare shirt)

1 houndstooth-checked pencil skirt
1 black long-sleeved t-shirt
1 black camisole top
Brown mary janes
(that was the conference outfit)

1 raw-silk maxi skirt for dinner
1 turquoise frog-closure top
1 cream linen top
Brown mock-croc clutch
(options for dinner, uncertain casual or dressy, indoors or out)

1 dark blue silk Indian tunic (kurta), long-sleeved
1 pair of cream silk churidar pants
1 striped silk stole in golden ochre, green, purple, blue
Indian-style thong slippers
Small mutlicoloured leather evening bag
Cloisonne earrings
Stack of metal bangles
(this for the gala)

Printed blue tunic-dress in shades of blue and brown
Plain taupe cotton-knit tunic
2 pairs of leggings, black and brown
Plum & rust striped silk-wool blend stole
Leopard print shoes
(two airplane/airport outfits for a total of four flights)

Pajamas
Spare T-shirt (printed: Van Gogh's Cafe Terrace, if you please!)
Spare long-sleeved raspberry T-shirt for layering

So yes, for 3 days, I have packed 4 pairs of shoes, 10(!) tops, 2 jackets plus 1 raincoat, 2 skirts, 1 pair of jeans, 2 pairs of leggings, 3 small bags --- and I've stopped hyperventilating. Only a few tops and bottoms are interchangeable --- my jeans can take 5 tops; the pencil skirt can take only 3; the maxi skirt can take just two, unless I basically 'hide' the top with the print jacket

Epiphany 1: If there's room in the luggage, and I bring extras, I won't die of unfabness or inefficiency.

Epiphany 2: Until closet capsules are constituted, it is easier to pack in outfits. Future buying should of course keep in mind easier capsule-ing!

Epiphany 3: Optimal will do, when ideal is out of reach! These aren't *great* outfits, they are *make-do*, okay-ish ones. Hey, those black shoes are supposed to be outta here! But as long as I'm presentable at least, and warm and dry, I *can* bide my time to upgrade my closet -- unfabness has not yet proven to be terminal, and won't kill me this time either.

Epiphany 4: It's not enough to lay aside just my 'nicest' clothes; they have to be nice clothes that play nicely together --- and that includes shoes, bags, hair accessories too! Or I may as well take my second-best...because that is what finally works!

Epiphany 5: It's not easy to improvise while short of time and confidence and a regular income, but I don't HAVE to find a room and a budget a capsule for EVERY imaginable occasion.

Epiphany 6: Confidence *can* be faked (I'd really be a shambles inside and outside if I weren't at least comfortable and somewhat okay with my outfits), but it really comes from within. I was panicking because I wasn't confident in my ability to organize outfits and present myself positively, and not because I didn't have clothes to wear!

General

12 replies

Latest reply was from ManidipaM

Vildy

Veteran

"I was panicking because I wasn't confident in my ability to organize outfits and present myself positively, and not because I didn't have clothes to wear! "

Excellent thought work!

Meredith1953

Veteran

ManidipaM,
I always enjoy reading your posts! First, you are very cerebral in your approach and second, your writing style is so delightful I find myself laughing out loud and nodding my head in agreement. We all agonize over this stuff but it sounds like "You done good"!

My epiphany1.....Perfection is NOT attainable. Close but not truly attainable

Epiphany number two......Sometimes "good can be good enough" no need to put undue stress and pressure on oneself.

Epiphany number three.....I am dressing for myself. This is not world peace and as long as I am pleased with how I look and feel confident, my outfit has been successful.

Ephiphany number four....Fashion is fun! I never knew that before. I used to hate putting together outfits and I still despise going to the mall but I love looking online and using all the wonderful tools that are out there to create potential outfits. Pure delight!

ManidipaM

Veteran

Thanks, Vildy and Meredith!

You'd think I'd learn to live out of a suitcase in a dozen years of doing it, right? Sometimes, I'm gobsmacked at myself! But I think I'm finally on the right train here...

Meredith, you're so right to remind me of this one: "as long as I am pleased with how I look and feel confident, my outfit has been successful"! As someone sensitive to the 'gaze' (hence the wallflower years), I often lose sight of this.

Another mini-epiphany, meanwhile: I asked myself why I have to save my 'nicest' clothes for travelling... and realized that I'm often more experimental in my outfit building when I'm away from home, relatively anonymous --- and I need to know the individual pieces are great before I get 'edgy', because then at least I have a chance of looking intentionally cuffed, scrunched, mismatched, mixed, unbuttoned, multi-layered, half-tucked or whatever. With clothes past their prime or blah quality to begin with, it's much more likely I'll look sloppy or clueless!

Now I think I should kiss my suitcase for a frog! Whew! What a day...

Meredith1953

Veteran

You make me smile!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I have a difficult time with this stuff too - and you'd think I'd have it all down pat by now, since I do travel fairly frequently. It was just last October that I tried coming up with outfits, instead of just randomly packing my 'favourite' or nicest pieces.

I suppose this means I should start packing now for a trip in June and maybe next month I should start packing for my October trip?? I'm being silly here, but I know what it feels like to panic during packing. Happens to me too, though things are starting to get better.

Here's another epiphany for you: the less you take on your trip, the less chance there is that you'll be standing there in your hotel closet trying to figure out what to wear because there won't be as many choices. On my last trip (just this past January), I took too much stuff, and still battled mini panic each morning deciding what to wear because I had several things to choose from.

It was *much* better on the previous trip where I felt like I was taking less than I needed. Guess what? It all worked out perfectly. I got to experience that "small closet" phenomenon for just a short while, and I liked it

I now have a "two shoes and one bag" rule for all trips. I'll only add a second bag if I have something formal to attend (clutch). Shoes and bags take up too much space in the suitcase, and only add to the level of 'stuff'. No more than two pairs of earrings. A plain stud pair and one dressier/fancier pair only if needed. One necklace, maximum two if there are dressier events. First necklace will be casual and go with most anything.

You can do it! You will still look just as fabulous with fewer outfits tucked into the suitcase, and you will also feel calmer and less stressed.

Vix

Veteran

Glad you've come out the other side -- sounds as if you're as good to go as possible!

The perfectionism is a big thing (I share that trait, albeit in very selective ways). Now you know how to talk yourself down when you start to think you'll be traveling with only a suitcase to cover your body.

It annoys me that when I travel for short 2-3 day trips I end up taking as much as for longer 10-day ones where I know I have different activities and weather to consider.

But as I hate being too hot, too cold, too wet, too overdressed, too underdressed, too repetitive, too bland, or too uncomfortable when I travel my carry-on-only bags end up being pretty full each time!

Hope you enjoy the trip -- after all, that IS what matters most! -- but also feel pretty good about your choices.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Vix, so heartened to know I'm not alone in fussing about temperature and register! Indeed, I appear to have hallowed company

rae

(website)

Veteran

I think you did a spectacular job, seeing as how you have a huge divide between the two types of outfits you need! I don't know what I'd have done if I needed to dress for a gala as well as the rain...

Your epiphanies seem to be very useful in that they are taking a lot of the pressure off - none of us can be perfect or prepared for everything, so don't break your neck trying to be. Also, now that you know your goals and your non-goals (i.e. absolute perfection), taming that wardrobe can be more fun and less stress.

Your destination sounds pretty amazing - enjoy the ride!

christieanne

Veteran

It's that perfectionism that gets me in the end every time. We should form a club

I think the realization that "optimal will do, when ideal is out of reach" is spot on. Because I know for me, even if money was no object, fit was not an issue, etc., there would never be perfect. Perfect is completely unattainable.

Really, if you bring 5 or 10 shirts, who is the wiser? It's not like there are gold stars taken away for "overpacking" right? Better to be prepared in advance and have backups than be running around a strange place soaking wet

Now you can go to the conference and focus on the job and put yourself out there with confidence Have FUN!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Sigh...I SO know what you are going through!

It sounds to me as if you are doing extremely well. In your situation, packing by "outfit" is really the only possible option because of the varied events you'll be participating in. And you are so right; perfection is impossible and perfect is the enemy of GOOD!

I hope you have a wonderful time!

Anonymous

I LOVE your epiphanies and I love reading your posts Manidipa! It sounds like you face almost impossible odds with the crazy climate and lifestyle hurdles you must overcome in the small space of one trip! You need a fairy godmother, a steamer trunk and a bevy of lady's maids to assist you I think.

Do you ever wish that you were a monk or something and had one robe that was appropriate for every occasion? Construction site? Oh, I'll wear my robe with the rope belt and sandals. Gala dinner? Hmm. I'll choose my robe to wear to that one. Air travel? Robe and sandals will have to do, lol! It would be simpler, but SO boring.

I think you're on the right track. I struggle with perfectionism too, but I try to limit myself to picking the most perfect outfit from the choices I already have. If I can look just a little more put together than the slobs in the airport lounges that dot America, I will be happy. It's not about being *better* than someone else or having more money (because the opposite is probably true), I just want to look like I care and respect myself and the airlines by dressing as well as I can.

Even though this trip got cancelled, you learned an awful lot, and you'll be better prepared for the next one!

ManidipaM

Veteran

Claire, I know!!

Sometimes I envy the more streamlined choices of my mother's generation, where ladies from my part of the country never wore anything but a saree --- all you then had to do was choose which fabric, pattern and colour. And for footwear, there was only ever a choice of thong slippers and pump shoes. Going to a wedding? Choose silk brocade. In mourning? Choose white. Hot weather? Choose a cotton muslin or slub with a sleeveless blouse. Cold weather? Go back to silk and double up on the nylon tights and longjohns; use a turtleneck for a top (blouse); wrap gigantic shawl over all. Rainy? Synthetic georgettes or thick cotton; carry a flatweave towel.

Like the mindboggling number of breakfast cereals (none of them the mother plant would recognize) that comes with economic liberalization, I guess women's lib also comes with a side order of too many choices sometimes! But so much better than none, oh yes!