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OT:Exercise/Life/ Sleep balance

anne

Veteran

This is something I am struggling with atm. I enjoy exercise, could easily do more, and probably need to do a fair bit since I am not very controlled in my eating.

However, it has to take its place in the priorities of life. I am a SAHM of 3, quite involved in a range of activities and currently am looking after a baby whose Mum is in hospital. Monday is usually my day off kids. My youngest goes to daycare (and the child I am looking after is there too) It is also my house cleaning day. If the house is in okay shape (usu because we had guests the previous day) I do to the gym but sometimes, like today I can't afford that time. And today I have to do the cleaning and catch up on the washing, as our house has reached knicker emergency status! And I have a sore throat, so I try to not work out when I think a cold might be on the way anyway.
The other issue is omnipresent - the trade off between sleep and exercise. 2 morning a week I meet some women to run and need to get up at 5:40. It is very hard to get to bed early enough to get enough sleep and of course I have to get up to the kids at least once, each night, if not more

. I have hoped joining a gym with a creche would have helped with the situation, and it has, but it is still unusual to manage more than 2 visits a week. And my practice this last term of working out from 9-12 and then taking DD3 for her swimming lessons leaves me too exhausted, so I will be changing that in the future.
How do you all get this "balance"

General

34 replies

Latest reply was from krishnidoux

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Oh, this is a tough one. I've been working my miles up trying to get read for a half marathon on June but work has me working late a lot of days and so after-work running sometimes doesn't happen as it should.

If I went before work I'd get the runs in no problem. But then I am often late for work and feel frazzled all day...Plus it's hard to get to bed early enough when I know I have the "out" of waiting till after work...(as long as work doesn't keep me late!).

My advice is to cut yourself some slack! Sleep is really important. Kids are important. Your responsibilities to your family are important. Working out is, too, but sometimes we go through phases where it isn't possible to do it as intensely as we'd like. It's OK. Eventually your schedule will change and you'll find more time. Just get it in where you can and feel satisfied that you are doing your best!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Wow! I don't know how you do it! O_o; I admire how you can balance kids and life! I can't even balance life with life!

*hugs* take it easy

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Anne, after what I have learned recently - exercise does not actually help you loose weight. It's good for the body to move and endorphin release is magical for your state of mind, but it apparently doesn't work off what you ate - in fact exercise makes you more hungry, so you eat more, and the cycle continues. So wanting to exercise in order to "work off food" is not the solution. Exercising because it clears your head and lifts your soul is another story. (I can send you the scientific references if you like).

I am absolutely with Jenava - and echo her sentiments completely. Sleep

Steph

Veteran

I think that sleep is the most important thing you can do to keep healthy, and to lose weight. When you are overtired, you generally eat more to get more energy.

I don't have kids to care for, so I don't know that I can offer advice on how to juggle that. I did notice that you mentioned working out from 9-12 when you do work out. Do you work out for the entire three hours? Would cutting that to 1.5 hours help you to have more energy, or does the timing just work out that way? Would getting DVDs or some kind of exercise equipment that you can have at home so you can do it in short intervals while the kids are playing/napping/sleeping help at all?

Angie, I would love to see those references, because I have to admit what you're saying doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I do understand that some people will eat more when they work out, and that hurts weight loss. I know that I once lost 35 pounds without working out at all, and I believe that it was due, in part, to the fact that I was able to eat a more restricted diet because I didn't need to fuel my body as much. However, now that I eat more calories regardless, I definitely lose weight when I'm working out. I stick to about 1700 calories a day regardless of whether I work out, so when I work out obviously I am burning more calories. And when you work out you build muscle, which helps you to burn more calories while you are resting.

The general principle behind working out is calories in-calories out. So if you're putting in the same number of calories but burning some off through exercise, you will lose weight. If, instead, you are a person who normally eats 1700 calories but then eats 2000 when you work out, yet only burn 200 in that workout, it's a different story. But that doesn't mean working out does not help you lose weight--it means that working out while not paying attention to your calories doesn't help you lose weight.

I guess what I am saying is that I can understand if the study found that the average person doesn't lose weight while working out because the tendency is simply to eat more. But that shouldn't be extrapolated to saying that working out doesn't help you lose weight. It should be extrapolated to saying that working out doesn't help you lose weight if you end up eating more calories as a result, so you have to also watch your caloric intake. But if everything else is kept equal, working out will help you lose weight.

Sally

Veteran

Angie I would really be interested in reading that research. I lost a lot of weight more than 18 months ago and due to time restraints am doing hardly any exercise...nothing like I used to (before I lost weight, during it and after it) but have put on absolutely no weight since I stopped all the walks, runs etc.

But Anne I absolutely hear you and it was something that has been going around in my head recently. I only have one kid but work full-time as a teacher and recently moved into a job with more responsibility. Basically in the afternoon and evening, I have to get my son and cook dinner etc as his dad gets home late. But I have the mornings free so could exercise in the mornings before work...however due to having a new job, I have been choosing to go to work early so I dont take work home. I can't run before that because it would be too dark and dangerous.
My latest idea was to do a walk in the weekend and a yoga class. The yoga I used to do(Ashtanga) is a series of the same poses so I could in theory do it at home before I leave for work perhaps 3 days a week and sleep in a bit on the other days. I was going to go for a run this morning but I've got a cold so skipped it.
Actually I read an article by a doctor saying that if you are a mother doing the usual active things you have to do with pre-schoolers etc, you are probably getting enough exercise. So I suppose I have to question why I push myself sometimes when I might be better lying in bed reading my book.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Steph and Sally, the perspectives in this book are very interesting:

http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-G.....nk-c899-20

It's just another viewpoint, that's all.

Sally

Veteran

Ahhaaaa yes I would definitely agree with his perspectives. Due to major problems with sugar/yeast stuff, I cut out most carbohydrates (especially refined ones). I still lead a low carb diet a lot of the time.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Anne, I am always struggling with this issue. My kids are old enough that I am not up with them at night, but I am up at night quite often anyway because of my medical issues. Sleep is just really important, and if there are issues with the kids that need to be worked on so that they can sleep through the night I would encourage it. Sometimes we don't realize that we are doing things that escalate sleep problems with our kids.
Exercise is also really important for me, for my mental health as well as my body- but it's difficult to get in. Even as old as my kids are I can't quite manage the amount that I want to (which is 5 days a week). It seems that something is always getting in the way of me getting more time at the gym- be that childcare issues, doctor appointments, activities, illness, or unexpected events.
Maybe there is a way to get more physical activity in that would include the kids? Bike riding, playing sports at the park, doing Yoga with the kids, etc?

Sihaya

Veteran

Anne - I would prioritize sleep first and foremost. Sleep deprivation leads to problems in our eating styles and lower metabolism. I also find that I can't work out to my optimum levels when I'm sleep deprived. Once you have your sleep under control, then add in exercise. I'm not familiar with the studies on whether or not exercise helps you lose weight but here are the reasons I do exercise as regularly as I can: it elevates my mood, it helps keep up my bone density by doing weight resistant workouts, when I do weight resistance workouts - it builds my muscle mass which does raise my metabolism and helps burn fat, it improves my posture. Interestingly, I eat less when I work out - I can't stomach large meals then. I also eat healthier. When I don't work out, I eat larger meals and more junk.

catgirl

Veteran

Ah, you've hit upon the ongoing struggle of so many women!

I have just started attempting to get back in shape after a long break in which family and work just took over my life. Sleeping is probably my favorite thing to do. I will say that since I have started exercising, I am physically tired and actually sleep much better and wake up more refreshed - no middle of the night restlessness any more So you may find the two actually go hand in hand, and both are vital.

Do not be too hard on yourself - a little bit of everything is better than neglecting one area completely, in my opinion.. Like you said - balance! Hugs to you.

catgirl

Veteran

Oh, just to add that getting to the gym is a chore for me - what works best and is most efficient is to seize any free moment I have and simply go out the door for a run around the neighborhood. Quick, effective, and cost-free, plus I get to be outside with the dog.

Eva

I agree balance is a challenge, but I truly believe exercise has many benefits including increasing your metabolism so that you can lose weight. I find that if I exercise in the morning, I can get just as much benefits for a shorter workout than if I exercise in the evenings. It gives your metabolism a kick start for the rest of the day. This means, I get up at 4:40 4 days a week to exercise for about 30 to 40 minutes. I have workout DVD's (mostly step aerobics) at home, so I just roll out of bed, throw on some workout clothes and I am ready to exercise. I don't go to bed before 10:30, so I guess I give up some sleep for exercise. I love your idea of grabbing a quick run with your dog. That with your 2 early days sounds like you are doing well.

AJ

Veteran

I'm with the others, please cut yourself some slack and focus on getting more sleep. As your kids grow older, there will be more time to fit in long exercise sessions. For now, how about short sessions at home? On your house cleaning days, crank the music and dance while you vacuum or dust. Do some jumping jacks while you wait for the washer to fill with water. If you have stairs, take them two at a time.

This site has great short exercise routines:
http://fitmommakeover.net/

I have three kids 12, 10, and 7. I don't have a lot of motivation to exercise but I am trying. However since I know my exercise is lacking, I focus on trying to control my eating. It's amazing how just trading my usual lunch for a healthy salad each day helps me to maintain my weight. I find that if I have some leftover chicken, fish, or ground beef with a little bit of shredded cheese and the usual salad veggies, I don't need to add salad dressing.

I don't drink sodas anymore and I try to alternate between light meals and snacks every 3 hours, with my last snack two hours after dinner.

So enjoy playing outside with the kiddos while they are still young, get more sleep and focus on healthy eating. Hope that helps. : )

Frances

Anne, I don't have any valuable insights to add here, but I did want to say that I'm struggling with this too. I am single and childless, but have a demanding job (among other obligations). I am trying to balance the exercise/work/sleep equation and am doing a terrible job of it lately. I get up at 3:30 a.m. to get my run in before work, but don't get to sleep in time most evenings and am so tired by week's end that I either sacrifice the morning run to sleep in or arrive late at work to get both an extra hour's sleep and the run in, or sacrifice sleep altogether and am grouchy and unfocused. You have my complete sympathy, and I will be interested to hear whether anyone else has any tips that help with this problem.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Balance? What's that?! Seriously Anne, give yourself a break.

<slap on the hand!>

You are doing very well and I think you are being a tad over critical here.

Of course exercise is important, but if life is getting out of control, or you are feeling unwell, there is nothing wrong with thinking of it as an 'unloading' week (exercise wise). Your body does need some rest in order to recover and gain strength. As you are a runner, instead of going for longer runs which take up a lot of time, why not just do a shorter, 20 minute (or so) interval training routine a couple of times a week, (because we all know they are a killer but great for your increasing or maintaining your fitness)?

In terms of my lifestyle with three kidlets (4,6,8), part-time work, school volunteering, my latest artistic pursuits and choir, I've found that my exercise is currently, through necessity, based on being purely functional.

I've dropped the gym as I felt very guilty for not going (and it was therefore a waste of money), and I now walk the kids to and from school a couple of times a week. (It's hilly around where I live, so it is a bit of a workout.) I do want to take up weights again properly and would like to start cycling again, but I really need to get my life a little more settled than it is at the moment for that to be realistic. I think this is likely to happen next year, when my youngest starts school. ((Sniff!) Where did the time go?!)

However, I find myself constantly running around all day and lifting and pulling and picking things up and putting things back and carrying laundry and groceries etc, so I certainly feel like I do get some sort of a workout. I certainly go to bed at night feeling quite exhausted I can tell you!

Finally, there is nothing wrong with going to bed when the kids do if necessary. Sometimes I'm in bed by 8.00pm. I'll go if that's what my body needs. Afterall, I tell my husband "Happy wife, happy life!". I get very grumpy if I don't get my eight hours.

Good luck with finding a happy balance. You'll get there! x

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

It's tough trying to do everything with kids, isn't it!

I've just typed and lost a whole reply so this is a bit briefer but here are a few ideas that struck me:
- sleep. Like the others I think sleep is important. It's worth finding out how much your body needs. I need 8 hours. If I regularly have 15mins less than that I gradually get exhausted. If I regularly have 15 mins more than that I end up waking up in the middle of the night for a couple of hours. Regular bedtimes and getting up times are very good (I've been very bad at that recently...)
- cleaning. If you haven't found it before, look at FLYLADY.net . It may be that you could do more of your cleaning/washing over the week so that you could have Monday for yourself more. I used to split up the 'Weekly Home Blessing' with one or two of the 7 tasks each day. (oh, look, something else I need to get back onto)
- exercise. Do you know about interval training? Basically you work smarter rather than harder. I was looking for a website to explain it when I lost this post so I'll try myself. It's to do with alternating minutes of high exertion with minutes of lower exertion.

Rate your effort level on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is lying on the sofa and 10 is running away from a hungry lion. Then the pattern is like this:
5 mins level 5 warm up
3 mins level 7.5
2 mins level 5
3 mins level 8
2 mins level 5
3 mins level 8.5
5 mins level 5 cool down

You can do this pattern for anything you're doing - swimming, walking round town, housework, in the gym, anything.

Anyway, hope that's of interest. How old are the children? Mine are approaching 7 and 5 and I'm really noticing it get easier as the younger one approaches 5, so don't be too hard on yourself about the things you feel you should be doing but aren't. I suspect yours are about these ages too, but I've only got 2 and I know having 3 children is quite different!
Good luck!

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

Do you have the space for home gym equipment? I find it difficult to get to the gym but much easier if I have the equipment in the house and I don't have to worry about transit time or looking up to being out of my home.

We lead very busy lives these days. I remember when I was in my 20s and early 30s and was a single parent, worked full-time, and was studying in the evening. I spent most of the spare time I had sleeping. Literally would crash for an entire day on a weekend without my son.

I agree very much with the concept of balance but wonder if you need to work on balance between your family as number one priority and yourself as priority. I do think a balance is needed there as well.

It does get easier as they get older and more independent. Hang in there.

anne

Veteran

I just wrote a reply and lost it!!!
Don't responsibly have time to type it all out again right now so just want to say a very big thanks to everyone who wrote so thoughtfully

Kim

Veteran

Calories in, calories out...But there's more to it than that too, and enough sleep plays a very critical part in maintaining your weight. Think of a proper amount of sleep as part of the over all equation. You simply can't do it any other way. Watch what you eat, exercise moderately and sleep enough and you'll do fine!

You can cut down on the time you exercise by watching what you eat. If you cut 300 calories a day (a chocolate bar or a muffin or 2 cookies) you don't have to run for 3 miles! (That takes me about 30 minutes to do). So, I can eat the cookies and run the 30 or *not* eat the cookies and not run the 30...It's up to me.

I don't "like" to watch what I eat, but I do it because I simply can't exercise more than an hour a day (and that may be broken up in two parts over the day). When I'm training for longer runs I may eat more, or I may drop a couple of pounds but they always find their way back to me in the winter! LOL

If you watch what you eat you can cut down on the exercise (don't cut it out, your body needs it for other reasons besides weight control) and then you'll be able to sleep a little longer. Win/Win/Win!

Edited to add one more thought: On your day when the kids go to daycare use some of that time to do your longer exercise routines (maybe your long run day?) Do things during that day that you simply *can't* do with kids around. I know it's *easier* to clean house when they are not there, but laundry and running the dishwasher can wait and be done while they are around rather than take up your precious alone time. Mopping the floor and doing your long run could be done when they are gone.

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

I do actually agree with what Angie is saying! It's not as directly related as we think.
I consider myself hardcore when it comes to fitness (Crossfit 6X a week, including high intensity metabolic conditioning, gymnastics, olympic and power lifting, etc) but if I eat POORLY (notice I didn't say too much!) I won't lose weight (or more importantly, body fat).
That is the ONLY way to guarantee an actual change in weight or size.
But obviously I do put a lot of importance on fitness, but it is to make me fit, not skinny. I do eat more, too. Almost double what I used to, but it's all good food for me.
So I do think it's safe to say that working out doesn't directly make you lose weight. However, the more muscle mass you have, the faster you burn calories. The benefits to physical activity are more than pounds on the scale.
But anyway, as far as how to fit it all in, here's what I do.
Sleep is the most important part of my day. If my body isn't rested, nothing else goes well.
For years I would work out in the early mornings so it would get done, but I was cutting out sleep. I switched up my schedule to work out in the evenings, and it's working.
If there is a way you could work out at home, I'd do it. I have some DVD recommendations if you'd like. Also, maybe when you take your daughter to swim, you could swim as well? Be prepared to be hungry all day though! You only NEED to work out 30 minutes at a time at the most.
So if I were you, I'd arrange my day so I could sleep well, workout 5 times a week for 30 minutes at a time, and clean up your diet even more. If you need more tips for this, let me know.
Consider taking melatonin supplements (talk to your Doc) and Fish Oil (I use Carlson's fish oil, not the pills). The difference when I DON"T take fish oil is astounding. It aids in muscle recovery, but it also boosts my mood. Good fats are so underrated.
The healthier, more rested, and happier you are, the better mommy you will be.

catgirl

Veteran

Sarah, I LOVE your advice. LOVE IT.

I do not look at the scale as much as how I look and feel, and what I can do. I don't weigh much more than I used to but I can tell by my size and level of ability that I have lost muscle and gained fat, which has slowed my metabolism tremendously. Just the past few days of running have put me back into a positive loop of feeling good about myself and wanting to do more.

It's just that initial push to jump-start yourself that is so hard, especially when so many other things (kids, husband, house, pets, friends, work, hobbies, chores...) are calling you!

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

Anne, I admire you. I HATE working out. It is so boring to me and it doesn't help that I do not have any workout buddies.

I have just started jogging in the AM again and while I do like how I feel afterward it is very difficult to get motivated. I do not have kids (though I do have 4 dogs, including a young puppy) so that's less of a challenge. In fact one of my dogs comes with me on runs (but he doesn't tell if I skip either so what help is he? )

Anyway, I'm no help. I just want to tell you that it sounds to me like you are doing great. I wish I were as driven to work out as you are.

Get sleep, care for the kids and work out whenever you can. It should improve your life, not make it more difficult.

JuliaInGermany

Anne, I can totally relate! And I think you are doing great! I second what everyone says about getting enough sleep. I would recommend trying to "train" your children to sleep through the night without needing you. Just try to wait a bit longer every time they wake up and see if they fall asleep on their own again. You have to put yourself first some times! Have you tried taking an iron supplement or drinking a juice with a high iron content? This has helped me a lot to be less exhausted and tired.

About the cleaning and washing: I recommend flylady.net, too. One thing I do religiously is doing a load of laundry first thing in the morning. To stay ahead of the game I have to do two loads a day, but one load at least prevents any undies emergencies.

Be kind to yourself, get enough sleep and drop any guilt!

Scarlet

Veteran

Haven't read all the comments yet but, #1 if your goal is to lose or control weight, you have got to get enough sleep. #2, 3 hours is a long time, what about shorter work-outs? #3, two times a week is still good! Much much better than zero.

Aziraphale

Veteran

There are lots of excellent comments here, and I do not have much to add except that, in my experience, balance (a "happy medium") is key to just about everything in life. Working out is important to many people, for the mind as much as for the body (as has been said already), so if you can fit a few in, it's a good idea. However, if you really don't have the time at the moment -- if you have to make a choice between sleep and exercise -- go for the sleep. The exercise isn't likely to make you lose weight unless you're doing about an hour of cardio five times per week. If you're concerned about not piling on the pounds, try to eat sensibly, and don't eat too much. Don't restrict your calories too much either, because that can backfire!

I know it's easy to say "go for balance," but MUCH harder to achieve -- especially if you have young children! Just do your best, and try not to be to hard on yourself if you can't get it all done, because life's too short for guilt and worry.

Kim

Veteran

I agree with all of the above...I'm 49 and *still* trying to find balance...LOL!

I think it's not a goal to be achieved so much as a lifestyle that's in constant flux. Hard for us type A personalities! LOL

Cilleena

Veteran

Yes, I'm also at a struggle with finding balance. With 4 kids, 2 teens and 2 little ones, it is so hard to have any time for myself at all. I get up at 6 am every day. It's the only time I have to exercise and gather my thoughts. I have been riding my exercise bike for 20-30 min. in the morning and try to squeeze in some crunches and weight lifting when I can. I think working out at home is probably your best bet.
I agree with what Angie says about exercise and appetite stimulation. The more I exercise, the more I want to eat. For me, exercise works out the kinks (my back aches from carrying the 15 month old), clears my head, and makes me feel better. It does tone up my muscles and make my body look better too.
My sleep is like yours. I wish I could do better. My 15 month old has GERD and wakes up frequently at night. He takes medicine for it, but I can't let him cry since I know he is uncomfortable a lot. I understand the sleep loss of having to tend to children at night. I can't help but to say nix the early morning run, if you're losing too much sleep.
I do laundry for the 6 of us the Flylady way....all the time. That way, I don't spend a chunk of time on it at once. Throw in a load every morning and don't let it back up. My cleaning isn't as organized. I pretty much clean something as it looks dirty to me. I have cleaners to do the deep cleaning of the floors, kitchen and bathrooms once a month as I can't spend the time to get them done to my satisfaction. Can you spread out your cleaning and laundry through the week and then just use 1 of your Mondays a month to do a catch up if needed? That way you could get to the gym on the other Mondays or just relax.

As far as eating and diet. I'd love to hear what TXSarah has to say. I'm a nursing mom with an outrageous appetite and no self control. I hope my appetite goes back to normal after I finish nursing (when is that going to be, my little fella?)so I can follow a reasonable diet without feeling like I'm going to pass out every few hours or eat everything that isn't nailed down.

Balance, yep it's hard. IT does get better, at least the sleep does. In the 10 year break we took between our 2 sets of kids, I can say that the sleeplessness got a lot better. I was still busy as heck, but it was more doable. Now that the 3 year old and the 15 month old are here, I just take it a day at a time, trying to hold on until it gets easier.

anne

Veteran

So many lovely, long and thoughout comments. A few responses in random order

- I would love to swim while DD has her lesson, but the mums have to come to the lesson too - anyway that is over now as we are not continuing over the summer

- need to think more about the intervals suggestion. I did it when I did swimming over the summer and do it on the treadmill at the gym but not much when out running yet

- don't really want to give up my 2 morning runs with the other ladies, partly for relational reasons and partly because they make me run faster than I do alone! I think what I was getting at is that the wakeups from those 2 times is about all I can handle in a week. (I don't actually make it every time anyway)

- LOVE the idea that just having young kids (they are 3, 5 and nearly 8 btw) is a good workout in itself. I certainly do a lot of running around with them

-re laundry - the issue behind this (and why even though I wash every day I can still get behind) is that I have 2 bedwetters (the youngest still wears nappies). There is some day wetting too. We have a very strong family history of this. I am almost at my wits end with the amount of washing (you may remember my post about this - 16 loads a week!) and giving myself 2 weeks more (while I try out restricting dairy for them) before I go back to putting them in dry nites (or equiv) Oh and this is one reason I am awakened in the night- kids can't remake the bed themselves yet

- I may have given the impression I wanted to lose weight - well less than a kilo - so I guess it is more weight maintenance. I have a big appetite.

- before kids straight after work was my preferred work out time. But this is a very difficult time with a family - cooking/ putting to bed etc take priority. And in the later evening my husband is often out. However the suggestions about doing exercise at home, like DVD's, is something I could think more about.

- Angie, interesting link and idea. I guess on the face of it, my response would be something like Stephs. Also on a personal level, I have never been overweight and most of my immediate family are the same. Yet we were consciously raised on a high carb diet. Anyway I do enjoy exercise for similar reasons to those brought up throughout the post.

Lastly you almost all emphasized the supremacy of sleep so since it is midnight I had better go to bed! will try to get to other points tomorrow.

catgirl

Veteran

Hi Anne, I thought more about this issue as I was out on my run last night. One thing no one has mentioned is your husband's schedule. My husband and I both work full time. He is a morning person, so we've agreed that he will work out in the morning, while our son and I stumble about getting ready for work and school. That way I can sleep in a bit later too.

Then I pick up the kiddo after his afterschool activities, go home, start dinner and change into my running clothes. The moment husband gets home and settled, I'm out the door with the dog. Then we still have time for a family dinner and evening to do homework, cuddle, read, clean, etc.

I don't know what your husband does for work, but if there is any way you could rope him into giving you that free time (and your kids some daddy time!), you would all benefit. I know you said your husband is out at night sometimes, but it might be one strategy to set up if you can predict his schedule.

Hugs!

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