OT Web Etiquette ~ Post and Run - YouLookFab Forum

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OT Web Etiquette ~ Post and Run

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I am very curious to know how you feel about this issue, I have drastically cut back my online time recently which means I am visiting and posting responses to far fewer threads than I would like.

Do you believe it is then impolite to start a conversation in the forum? Although a veteran some members must think 'who are you?'

What do you believe is true decorum on the world wide web?

General

49 replies

Latest reply was from Sara L.

Queen Mum

Veteran

Julie, there is nothing wrong with limiting your time here, and nothing wrong with a "post and run" I think we all understand time constraints and are just happy to see what we can of you.
That said, I do notice that there are some who post stuff and NEVER participate in the forum otherwise... I feel not the least bit of obligation to comment in that case. But for everyone else, we all have lives to lead and can't be expected to spend all our free time here. There are going to be seasons of time constraints for everyone. That is completely understandable.

Louise

Veteran

I echo queen mum, life gets busy and not everyone can participate regularly all the time. I think the beauty of this forum is that you can dip in and out but always get a warm welcome back, kinda like catching up with old friends with no hard feelings because real life took over.
I have also noticed several new members who never participate in the forum except on their own threads, I'm likely to pass these threads over if I've not got a lot of time x

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Yeah I don't like the ones that photo or blog bomb. I understand we all get busy, but the best part of the community is the give and take. For example it was very slow at work today so I had a grand time looking up boots for Scarlet.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I agree! It's one thing to just slap down a post promoting your own site and then never participate in anyone else's threads. It totally different to post and run, commenting here and there when you have the time. Usually, if I remember correctly, members will state in advance that they will be MIA or warn us that they can't comment as much, but I don't personally think that that is mandatory. It's also the holiday season right now, so I don't think anyone is going to think much of it.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

In short, there is a difference between being too busy to fully participate and not caring to fully participate. I know the difference! Being busy is totally understandable and not at all bad etiquette in my mind.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

This is a good question and I've been thinking about something similar lately, especially how I love the buttons underneath the posts by which the poster of the conversation can at least acknowledge they've read the comments and mark them. They are so handy when one does not have time for frequent or thorough participation.

That, in my book, is what really distinguishes "post and run" from "post and care". Personally, I try to at least mark all the posts to the threads I start.

catgirl

Veteran

There's ebb and flow... I'm sure everyone understands that. Personally, I don't expect people to comment on all of my posts, or be here as much as I often am. But I do feel it's important to give as well as take, and sometimes I learn as much from responding to others as I do from the responses I get to my own posts! It's worthwhile to cultivate that credibility for so many reasons, and that's probably the reasoning behind the veteran status - some longevity and credibility (not necessarily expertise in my case!)...

Jonesy

Veteran

I agree with what everyone has said thus far. We all know you and know you are very busy, so it makes complete sense that you might start a thread or two and "run." You are still a vital and valuable part of the community; just because you are posting/commenting a bit less right now doesn't change that!

Speaking more generally (i.e., not about you!!), as others have mentioned, I do think a community needs members who are both "givers" and "takers." Where would we be if every member routinely only started threads but never or rarely commented on others'? It wouldn't be much of a community. For me, the ethics of community mean that I do my best to give as much (or more than) I take.

These are just my personal thoughts, obviously!

Jonesy

Veteran

Una, we posted at the same time with some of the same thoughts :).

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Julie, this thread is very much on topic :). Here is my perspective:

If someone is (1) on topic, (2) not nasty about someone else and (3) not selling something, then they are very welcome on this forum. I am quite happy for people to simply post their pictures - pictures can absolutely speak louder than words. I enjoy looking at them and I love that they took the time to post on YLF. Also, it creates style diversity - which is an important component of YLF. I don't mind at all that they are driving traffic to their site.

At the same time, if someone doesn't post many words, and if they don't respond on other people's threads, then they probably aren't expecting much in the way of responses to their post. So I will be less likely to reply to them.

To sum it up, I don't think it is bad etiquette to just post pictures and run. And I don't think anyone should feel obliged to reply to people who do this.

And of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with only dipping into the forum occasionally if you happen to be going through a busy time. I would like everyone to feel welcome, regardless of the amount of time they can spend here.

catgirl

Veteran

High five, Jonesy!

Speaking of which, when will we see more of your amazing outfit posts? *gentle elbow to the ribs*

taylor

Veteran

Ditto Kim/Angie by about a million %

Aziraphale

Veteran

This is an interesting thread. I've wondered about the etiquette, too, especially since I have yet to post a picture! I do have questions sometimes, though, and I appreciate it when people answer back. I agree with Ornella that it's important to check back and click the buttons at the bottom of each comment, so the commenter knows you've read and appreciate their response to your thread. I have lots of busy weeks these days, and I rarely stay logged in for more than fifteen minutes at a time. You can't do much in fifteen minutes. So I'll read maybe five threads, and respond to ones where I have something meaningful to contribute. Hopefully that's OK.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

This is a really interesting post!

I've always felt that participating in any forum is a give and take kind of relationship. I personally feel a person starting a post cannot expect to have a wide range of people taking the time to comment if they are not prepared to take the time to comment on other people's threads.

From my point of view, for a million reasons, I've been unable to post on here as frequently as I have in the past. (Boo!)

For that reason I have my own personal web-etiquette position which is to deliberately avoid starting threads, preferring to just comment when I can. If I was posting more frequently, I'd probably feel more comfortable starting my own posts.

*Big Wave* hello to everyone by the way!

Mellllls

Veteran

I'm not directing this at anyone in particular and especially not at Roseandjoan but I do find it a little annoying if someone posts a thread, gets numerous responses and never returns to the thread to respond to the responses. I suppos the person may have read it but I think acknowledging that you have is important. But I see nothing wrong with popping into post a thread even if you have not participated much.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I sometimes have a hard time with people who just post photos and don't participate much otherwise. But maybe that's because I'm less of a visual person and get to know people via their stories in their posts more.

I worry about this myself - I tend to post and read here in bursts every few days, and now that there's more members I don't see all the posts because they roll off the front page or whatever. And time differences and weekly schedules make a difference too - I tend to 'hang out' with the same people and not others.

Mels, I agree, to a certain point - if you are away for a while and come back to read the responses to an old thread you started, should you post and bump up the thread even if all you're saying is "thanks"? Maybe folks think that the "wisdom/humor/whatever" feedback is enough in that case?

Mellllls

Veteran

Yeah, I think the tags are enough in that case. It does seem silly to bump a thread to the top just to say thanks.

Fruitful

Veteran

I've been guilty of starting a convo and not following up, but I've also been guilty of guilt-tripping myself about not following up

And it's always a bit disappointing when you write a thoughtful reply but nobody, not even the OP, replies. It makes me feel like I'm a thread killer!

On the other hand, I like to remind myself this is *online*. While I enjoy the friendship and exchange here, real life has to come first. I don't think we should beat up ourselves or each other - or even expect explanations - for not posting when we think we should. My first rule when it comes to online activity, is real life comes first. Who knows what anyone is facing at any particular time?

I also believe in not piling up obligation for myself. If I haven't replied back to a thread in a timely manner, much as I'd like to follow up, I don't.

There is new stuff - information, conversations, thoughts, commitments - coming into our lives every single day. So I let go and move on.

I do try to learn from it though. Like Katiepea, I try to manage forum etiquette by only starting threads occasionally, and only as many as I think I can manage to follow up on. I try to comment more on others. Keep it balanced.

I try not to start overly interesting threads as when I have, I was so mentally stimulated by the rich replies that I didn't have time to capture and write my overwhelmed (in a good way) response!

Come to think of it, doesn't that then make all this "etiquette" a barrier to a more active forum???

Mellllls

Veteran

real life absolutely comes first and things do come up that would case a poster to miss catching up and responding to her replies. i didn't mean to suggest in that situation that someone had to respond. i meant more a pattern of posting questions and not responding.

Fruitful

Veteran

Melllls (wow, how many lls lol) I get what you're saying I was responding that way mostly because of my own guilt over not replying sometimes!

It's human to feel irked when others never respond; I know I do, sometimes. And if someone never, ever comments on other posts, I'm less likely to comment on theirs as it feels a bit one-sided. I agree with Angie though that we *should* actually welcome all positive, on topic posts as it is still a contribution that someone may appreciate!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

This is an extremely timely post for me - I had recently started a thread asking members' thoughts on WIW posts. I had no idea it would garner so many responses and I simply could not keep up with replies. I am very grateful to all who responded but could not personally reply to each and every comment. I then felt guilty for starting a conversation that I couldn't continue to participate in. I also recently had a wonderful exchange with Angie seeking advice on accessories for a party outfit. After that flurry of activity, I again felt guilty thinking I'd been a "blog hog". Now the past two days it's been extremely busy for me and I've hardly been able to read other members' threads and comments. So what's a person to do? I must admit, I'm finding it difficult to find a balance between reading everyone's threads and commenting (which I always want to do) but also seeking some advice for my own style questions. How do we find balance?

D'Ellen

Veteran

RoseandJoan, I'm happy you raised this question as I've also wondered about the "etiquette". I'm one whose online time is limited and I participate sopradically. I do pop in every day to read Angie's blog and check out the fashion forum, but often it's during a break at work and I don't respond at work for fear of getting too involved and taking too much time away from my always busy schedule. By the time I get home, sort the mail, have dinner, straighten the house, etc. I may not have time to check back at all, or I've forgotten what I intended to respond to, or don't have time to respond to all I'd like to. I have yet to start a thread knowing that I may not have time to follow it up, and I don't anticipate posting photos in the near future. All of which makes it seem as if I'm hanging about on the fringes, so I'm interested to see how others feel about "part-timers".

celia

Veteran

Nowadays I feel a little guilty of not participating much.But my laptop broke down and answering in the android to regular posts is not very easy.
This being said, I always love your threads and completely understand that people have busy lives.Every time you pass by is like having a quick coffee with a busy friend.
There is a visible difference between self promotion and just being unable to participate more.

Queen Mum

Veteran

Bionda- you and other part timers are always more than welcome as far as I'm concerned. Pop in when you can!

Much of what Fruitful said really resonated with me. We put way too many pressures and expectations on ourselves as women. We need to give ourselves and others grace. If you occasionally don't get back to a thread that you began... don't worry about it. If you have a busy week and don't get a chance to comment on everyone's WIW... oh well! If I comment on a thread and that person doesn't acknowledge my comment, I need to choose to assume that life got in the way... not that she didn't appreciate my comment.

It's all good

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Lately I feel guilty too because I don't spend as much time as earlier on the forum. I am trying to respond to several threads every day but it is so hard to get my hubby away from the computer at night!
Another reason I don't post responses as often as I would like is that I sometimes find it difficult to put my thought into writing. I cannot tell you how many times I started the response and then half way through realized that I cannot really express my thoughts well and delete it. Maybe it is because English is not my native language...
Saying that I am always glad to see your posts and responses, Julie!

Isis

Veteran

I am guilty of not responding to everyone, but there is a reason behind my madness!

If it takes awhile for me to get back and look at the responses, I don't respond unless I've been asked a question, or I have something specific to say.

The reason is that when I return, my post is usually on page 2 or 3, and if I respond, my post goes to pg 1. This pushes someone else's post further down, and I don't want to "hog" the front page.

I do appreciate each and every response! I always click the "appreciate" buttons to show the person that I have read their post! I hope I have not inadvertently offended someone!!!! I have gotten great advice here!!!!

Queen Mum

Veteran

Isis- that makes perfect sense to me. That is my MO at times. If my post has gone to the second page, I feel funny bumping it back to page one just to say "thanks" so usually I don't.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

This is a really interesting and valuable question, Julie, and I'm glad you asked. It's got us all thinking and talking about our expectations, which is a really good thing in a lively community like this! Since joining I have been so impressed by the community spirit here; I think that most veteran members try their very best to balance their giving and taking, and by doing so, model that approach to newcomers, thus keeping the friendly and collaborative spirit alive. But from my perspective it is also perfectly all right to dip in now and again; we all have full lives and sometimes, addictive as it is, the forum needs to take a backseat to other priorities!

Anonymous

What a great thread Julie! Too bad it's not on the front page where everyone can see it! It took me a while to figure out that not every post starts on the front page. In fact, I just learned about the bumping thing...I hope I haven't been guilty of doing something wrong, yikes!

Anyway, you are a legend around here and I hope you pop on whenever you can. We won't have any expectations of you or anyone else who has a life (other than YLF).

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