OT: Single Awareness Day is coming up ... ughhhhh....

Maya

I'm normally quite contented being single--peraps unnaturally so. I don't like Valentine's day even when I'm in a relationship. It's so forced. No advice. Be your own Valentine? That way at least you know you'll get exactly what you want!

That said, this year I have a very fatal crush so I'm just kind of bummed out on a permanent basis

15 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Ah, Maya, I understand the fatal crush... I usually am relatively content to be single, but I met someone fan-tabulous!

Just need the guts to take it further than smiling sheepishly at him. lol.

15 years ago

Maya

Veteran

If I took my feelings further, I would be "the other woman" *shudder*. Case closed.

Personally, I'm getting cupcakes. I am long overdue!

15 years ago

Mellllls

Veteran

i think valentine's day is about love, no matter what kind of love. my mom is my valentine this year

15 years ago

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

My husband and I don't celebrate it, so I am taking the kids to the amusement park. Go do something fun with yourself or a single friend!

15 years ago

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Whole-heartedly agree with the advice here. Take yourself for a shopping trip...Curl up at home with a decadent treat and a favourite movie...Organize a girls night with a friend or two who are either single or don't love Valentine's day either (there are more than you think)!! Even I, the perpetual mushball, find so much about Valentine's Day totally repugnant. So if you're feeling down and not inclined to spend the day/night with others, shower the love on yourself!

15 years ago

Kate

Veteran

I'm know it's probably bad form to post on a singles awareness day thread when I'm not single, but I just want to mention that you don't have to be single to dislike V-day. I've had major issues with the holiday since high school.

So in college, 4 years ago, when my now boyfriend asked me to go to dinner with him ON VALENTINE'S DAY I felt completely trapped. I was certain that I wanted to go on a date with him, but I certainly didn't want our first date to be on Valentine's Day! I spent the several hours between when he asked me to go on the date and when the date happened completely freaking out, and to this day I really despise that our anniversary is Feb 14th (for what it's worth, he's not fond of Valentine's Day either, he just found a time when I was free and took advantage of it). I wish that we could make the holiday "our own" but it's kinda impossible to go on an anniversary date without being surrounded by couples celebrating Valentine's Day. Not to mention that if we ever break up, Valentine's Day will become an even worse holiday!

Anyway, I just needed to share my Feb 14th angst.

15 years ago

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Well I'm on call this weekend. And the actual day is Monday. And my Dad is still visiting me. So I think I'll be sufficiently distracted. The one time I had a significant other during V Day was a long distance relationship with someone from another culture that didn't celebrate it.

15 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

lol; I'm on Friday-Monday call this weekend. They must figure it's okay because I"m single. Thanks call people. :p

15 years ago

rae

(website)

Veteran

S.O. and I hate V-day, too. It's so silly. If you feel you want to observe, celebrate your love for yourself! As my favorite high school teacher used to say, "You are the most important person in your life."

Or, you know, grab a giant butterfly net, and go wrangle that fan-tabulous person you've set your sights on! >:)

15 years ago

Marley

Veteran

Speaking as a married woman, I've just got to say that Valentine's Day (IMO) is extremely over-rated - as is New Years Eve. I really don't like either one of these holidays! We are all set up for huge disappointment (single or as part of a couple.) I would much rather just skip V.D. and save money (spent on chocolates and candy) for shoes and handbags! :-))))

15 years ago

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I use it as an excuse to purchase very expensive, fancy chocolates for myself. (-:

15 years ago

Mac

Veteran

Even when I was in a romantic relationship, I used V-Day as an excuse to celebrate love in all its forms. Sent my best girlfriends cards. Phoned my parents. Bought my pet a new toy... I refuse to let Hallmark tell me that there's only 1 kind of love that's worth honouring!

15 years ago

rute

Veteran

Well girls said it all already!
Go have tea with your parents! Go shopping! Get a new hairdo!

eh eh Marley here I don't receive candies (no way)! He knows I like bags and shoes

15 years ago

Lynne

Veteran

I like your idea, Mac - my Mum sends all her grandkids VDay cards and I prefer the widened scope.....

15 years ago

Isabel

Veteran

I am sooooo with Marley on this one ( disclosure : I have been married for 15 years ) !
I have never been a big holiday fan. On Valentine's Day the kids will still go to school, I will still clean our bathrooms, I still will do homework with them, etc.

And I also agree with Mac, love doesn't only exist in a romantic relationship. If I do celebrate, it is usually with my sister ( who is disabled with brain damage). She feels it is HER day so we get her chocolate and flowers and cards. She is so funny, she sees her birthday and VD as the days to celebrate her existence. Which often gets me to thinking, maybe she is not so mentally disabled after all.

( BTW , it breaks my heart that single people suffer such angst over........it should be a celebration, not a "reminder" of "failure's". )

15 years ago

Sally

Veteran

I found the times I went all out on Valentines to make it special, I found it a big flop. I wont be doing anything special .....just have a glass of wine after work(like every other day). I just use it as an excuse to make him buy me something (or buy myself a treat,...a book, dress etc.)

15 years ago

Lynne

Veteran

I think treating yourself is a good antidote....

15 years ago

Kari

Veteran

I think my favorite Valentine's day was a few years ago when I got together with a few other single girlfriends to dine on wine, fruit, and chocolate fondue, and then we finished the night with tea and some of our favorite movies. It was a fun party that just happened to fall on Valentine's day, and we had a blast.

This year my boyfriend has a milestone birthday in a few weeks, and we are actually doing a big trip to celebrate that, so Valentine's day is going to be incredibly low-key. I've never seen the point in making a big fuss over this holiday anyway as opposed to all other days during the rest of the year.

15 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Thanks ladies ... time go frock shopping

15 years ago

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

Hallmark agrees with you, too, Mac - they have Valentine's Day cards from everyone, to everyone...kids, pets, you name it.

15 years ago

Elly

Veteran

Oh, I had a funny happen at the doc yesterday. It was early in the morning and I was the second appointment of the day, so it was only me, the receptionists, and the nurse and first appointment. Apparently the first appointment of the day was an older lady named Bonnie that preferred to have the door to her exam room left open (they were just talking, taking blood pressures, and a blood draw). Nurse asks Bonnie if she has any fun plans for the weekend while they wait for a rapid test result to come through, not thinking about Valentine's Day. Bonnie says she isn't doing anything this weekend, but a couple has invited her over for the "14th." She goes on to explain that the couple have also invited "a MAN" from her church over. She goes on to explain how she talked to the female member of this couple and asked her if it was a set up. Apparently female couple member did indeed engineer a set up, and believes Bonnie (who has to be in her late 60s or early 70s) needs to be dating. For gosh sakes, the female couple member's 90-year-old mother is dating!!! Bonnie laughs at this point and thinks for about a minute. She then goes on to relate to the nurse (and by virtue of the open door, all of us) the good traits this man has. Apparently he was married for 50 years and is very stable. We also learned that he is quite excited about their little setup date on "the 14th." Eventually Bonnie starts talking about her first husband and then she leaves the office. The nurse comes in and asks me if I have any plans for the weekend. I just smiled and say, "Nothing as exciting as Bonnie!" and everyone in the office bursts out laughing.

15 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I guess I don't have any single friends anymore. Usually I would call my parents during the day and my sister; and then go out for dinner with single friends as a big group and have a blast.

As I was planning this year, I realized I don't have any more single friends. They all have someone.

I feel like somewhere along the line, I missed the bandwagon. I don't really want to go out today and see all the lovey-dovey couples. I missing having someone amazing to be with.

Maybe I will have to try online dating. But no one really wants a busy mini-doc; apparently dating is even more dismal when I stop being a mini and become a full blown doc.

It's not that I don't get male attention. Just not the ones I want, I guess.

15 years ago

Maya

Veteran

I know what you mean Lyn. For me it doesn't bother me that I'm single. It bothers me more that more and more people I know are coupled off because it can get awfully boring fast. I just don't feel like the answer for me is to be coupled off myself. For me the answer is to find new single friends..which is just as hard as I get older.

I have seen online dating work for some, but it's definitely not for everyone. When I look back into my past at the kind of dudes I have been with or had crushes on, virtually none of them would have come up as a match for me (although maybe that should tell me something).

On that note: Interesting story...

My best friend met her SO through an online dating site, and having been so successful and "concerned" for me, she made me sign up (yes, made me...as in stood over my shoulder and chose a username for me--although at least she let me choose my own password..).

One of the matches that came up almost immediately was an ex-bf of mine. I knew then and there that this wasn't the way to meet someone. Looking at his profile proved it. Yes, we had a lot of silly things in common about art and politics and movies--but when it came to the important questions about relationships we had virtually nothing in common.

There were definitely other problems too, but that was the biggest red flag.

After my friend left I deleted my account and haven't been back since. It can definitely work for some, but it wasn't for me at all.

15 years ago

crazyone

Veteran

I'm in the same boat as you, Lyn* (except that I've never ever had a boyfriend), and nowadays it is starting to bother me that I'm single. I haven't yet tried online dating, though I think I will soon. Maya, I see what you're saying, but I think the main purpose of online dating is not to rely on what the site thinks is a good match for you, but just to widen the pool and see who's out there in your area who's single and looking for a relationship. Unless you're really social, after undergrad it gets harder and harder to meet new people who are single. It really is a fair amount of work, though, because as you said, profiles aren't enough to say who'll be a good match or not in terms of things like relationship values, etc. But neither is meeting someone for the first time at a party. So there's a fair amount of going on dates with people whom you won't click with, whom you might click with but are incompatible with in the long run, etc.

I think you should try to further your crush along! I did this just a few months ago, and while it lasted, it was great fun, though I'm still dealing with the feelings from the abrupt stop (pretty much right after we finally got together and became a couple--the next morning--, he decided that he couldn't deal with the office relationship thing)...Try talking to the guy a little more!

15 years ago

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

Well, I'm single, but I still love V Day! Purely because I love all things "romantic" -always have, always will, so even though I know I wont have a valentine this year, it makes me smile to see all the hearts and flowers and things in the shops... weird I know! The only thing I dislike immensely about it, is that I believe you should show your love (and not just with *stuff* BTW), all year round, not just on 1 day.

Maya the first time I logged onto an online dating website, the first person to come up was my ex-husband! That's when I knew for me too, that online dating was not an option LOL

I woke this morning to find shiny hearts all over my floor - but it was just my girls making a mess with their craft supplies LOL

15 years ago

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

I'm with Marley - V.D. (har har so fitting) and New Years are the weakest holidays. I wish I had advice for you but I don't; I've never felt bad about being single or all schmaltzy when I wasn't on said day.

If I wouldn't catch flack for it I'd go buy myself a nice box of chocolates and cozy up with a movie and a book at the same time! As it is I'll be going crazy on yardwork and puppy proofing my house.

15 years ago

Maya

Veteran

I don't necessarily dismiss online dating, but it's definitely not for me. I actually would much rather meet someone in person at a party, and I am VERY shy. I look back at past flames and wonder if I would have shown any interest in them if I just saw whatever useless nugget of information they provide, and in all likelihood, I probably would have clicked right past them.

Conversely, a big fat jerk like my ex-bf came up as one of my matches! Talk about irony.

I think the way you find and seek out people on a dating website is just inherently wrong for me. There is so much information to be gleaned from speaking to and meeting someone in person. It's also nice to be relaxed and not saddled with expectations. I also think people really undervalue being friends with the person they date first. To me it is absolutely necessary to be friends for quite some time, and for that reason, actively looking for relationships doesn't work for me.

Keep in mind I can go for very long stetches of time being single and feel perfectly contented, so I guess it's just easier for me than most. The only time I ever get bummed out about being single is when I"m thrown into a situation like the one I'm in now (bang crazy for a married guy...).

The point is, people were single after college before the internet existed, and they managed. If anything, it probably forced people to get out more and conquer their shyness.

15 years ago

crazyone

Veteran

Maya: I actually agree with you--I've been single for the almost 4 years I've been out of college and I still haven't joined any of those sites, because I'd prefer to meet people in person. The two guys I've ever had big crushes on were people I'd known for at least 2 years before I even started liking them, so being friends with the guy first is really important to me. That said, I'm starting to come around because I think these sites can be a good way to get new people on my radar, though I'll still need to get to know them well first. But yeah, overall, I'm like you, though I think I'm less shy in general.

In my opinion, the best way to meet people is through your friends, but people at my age seem extremely hesitant to try to even introduce people together, I don't know why.

15 years ago

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