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OT - have you ever felt trapped at work?

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Please forgive my self indulgence in posting this OT but my work is really starting to drag me down. I know, given the economy, I should be thankful to have a position but it bores me to tears. I'm dissatisfied to the point where I've become complacent and it's not going unnoticed. I have been looking for alternative work for sometime but there are few positions available and I have to mindful of childcare and the hours I'm capable of working.

I applied for a position with a major retail outlet on Thursday and feel better knowing that I'm being proactive but I'm at the stage where I'm dreading work tomorrow. I know part of the problem is that I have no choice but to work when my heart is at home with the girls.

I know I can count on your replies to give me some perspective, guidance and solidarity.

Have you been in this situation? What was the outcome?

Thank you so much, I know many of you have far greater problems so I apologise if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

General

25 replies

Latest reply was from Ornella

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

I wish I had some words of wisdom to share. I don't. But I do know exactly how you feel. About 10 years ago I had a cushy job. The money was good (I WISH I had that cash now!) but I loathed the job. Absolutely loathed it. Although I did it well, I didn't hide my feelings.

Then the Dotbomb occurred, the company was downsized and relocated. I was laid off. Money has been tight ever since but my life is so much better. You only live once, so while planning ahead is important, being happy with your life -right now- matters. Keep looking for another job. Try to find ways to live the life you want. Sometimes it means making due with less but for me it's been worth it.

Melissa

No advice, just hugs and the hope that something better will come along.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Been there and done that, Julie. I'm with Random Thoughts. Have you really thought outside the box on this? Maybe you're not as trapped as you think you are. Have you really sat down and looked at your finances to see how much money you are actually taking in after you account for childcare, extra dry cleaning expenses, lunches out, etc? Maybe you can find a way to cut some of your bills, at least temporarily? Do you have friends who need childcare? Could you start a home based business? Life is really too short to live Monday through Friday in misery, so I hope that you can find a solution soon.

Inge

(website)

Oh Julie, I can totally relate (in fact, just thinking about it still makes me feel uncomfortable). I've been a freelancer for the last ten years, but about 18 months ago the economy slowed down and projects stopped coming in, so I had to take an extra job to get by. I did a temp job for five months (part of the work I liked, the other part I loathed) and I can't even count the days that I drove home in tears after work. I hated getting up in the morning, knowing that I would be stuck there all day again.
After that I worked at a bakery part-time for six months. It was less depressing, but there were still days that I wished I could be somewhere else. Luckily things have improved again and I'm working full-time from home again (knock on wood that it stays that way) and every day I take a moment to think about how lucky I am to be doing what I love again.

I know this doesn't help you at the moment. It's great that you have applied for a different job. It's one thing realising you are not happy where you are, but it is far from easy taking steps to change this, yet you are doing exactly that.

In the meantime, perhaps you could try to think of ways to treat yourself after another day at work or during your lunch break (small things that make you feel happy and relaxed). If you have something to look forward to that breaks up the day, it might feel more live-able?

I'm holding thumbs for you!

Scarlet

Veteran

Hmm, well I think that Chewy makes a good point that you should think long and hard about financially how things really work out in the end. And give your emotions some weight as well. If your heart is at home, is it really impossible to be home for a few more years? Your girls are young, and everyone says that is when they need you the most. (Edited to add here, 1. I don't have children and don't know what I am talking about in this respect 2. In any case this isn't meant to be a guilt trip if you don't choose to stay at home. I am just saying look deep into yourself for what feels right. Is the problem more that your job seems pointless compared to being at home, or that you are dissatisfied with your specific office or profession?) Otherwise looking for a different job seems like the best solution. I can't say I have ever felt exactly the same. I have chosen a profession with, let's say, highly intangible rewards and high job insecurity. I often think this was a lousy choice for practical reasons and I should have been more mature in choosing my career path, even though I really enjoy what I do. I suppose most things in life are a trade-off. Actually I love hearing people discuss their careers/life-choices, so I am grateful for this post, although I am sorry that is coming from a place of sadness for you.

ETA: addition above.

Saretta

(website)

I used to have a job that I hated so much that every morning on the highway I used to think that it would be better to get into a car wreck than to have to go in to the office! At the time, though, I was young and single, so I threw it all over to go teach English in Japan and fell in love with teaching. When you are married with children a dramatic choice like that is probably not an option. At the time I got a lot of help from the book What Color is Your Parachute. Do you think you are in the wrong field? Or just in the wrong office?

san

Veteran

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this pull on your emotions. I also had a broken heart when I had to leave my children to work a job that I hated but had to do anyway. I definately felt trapped in my job. I hope you find a way to resolve this soon. Perhaps a new job is just what you need.

AJ

Veteran

If there is a way to stay home with the girls. then I highly recommend it. It won't be much longer until they are in school and you can use this time to rethink your career path.

nancylee

Veteran

You are absolutely not making a mountain out of a molehill. If you're not happy in your work, you should probably make a change. I went through a similar experience when my son was born. I was working full-time as an editor at a good government job with great benefits and fabulous pay and chances for advancement....but the work felt stale and uninspiring. I decided to quit my full-time job and work as a freelance writer/editor. My husband had a good full-time job with benefits for the family, so I did have a certain amount of freedom, but my switching to freelance work reduced our household income by 30-40%.

Nineteen years later I have no regrets about walking away from this "great" job. We survived just fine. I had a flexible schedule that allowed me more personal freedom...and the ability to be there for my son. What helped me make the change was knowing that there was something else out there that I wanted to do and could do: namely, work as a freelancer and eventually write my own work.

Is there something in particular that you would rather be doing? If that's the case, maybe you can start taking some baby steps to advance your opportunities in that direction. I started by writing articles and book reviews pro bono for some local non-profits to built up my writing credentials...then the freelancing took off from there. Since you have financial experience, perhaps you could "do the books" for some smaller companies/businesses that can't afford a full-time accountant? A friend of mine actually does this work and really enjoys the flexibility and the pay.

It seems like more and more women these days are taking creative steps to build a life that is meaningful to them. You have every right to be one of them!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I can't say about the dilemma of working vs. staying home with kids, as I have none. But I did have a good job that wasn't a fulfilling job that I left behind. After 4 years in corporate America, I left for Las Vegas to be a waitress for the first time ever. Most would see that as a step backwards. That was 20 years ago and I don't regret it for a second. It has offered me the freedom and flexibility for my life to evolve as it has. I get a new experience every day at work, because it's always a new crop of people I'm interacting with and sharing a page of my and their life story for that moment. Of course, I left the security and benefits behind. But everything is a trade off of some sort. Bottom line, following your heart, in my opinion, is never the wrong choice.

Debbie

Veteran

Julie I have been there many years ago but I still remember the feeling. Trapped not knowing which way to go or what direction to go in. I switched to a part-time job and then ran a business out of my home for many years. Sometimes I wondered if I made the right choice because financially things were hard and honestly almost impossible at first but but certainly got easier as we got use to it. I was happier so my children were happier.
The complancy is an issue too. Because you want it to be your deceision to leave not someone else's.
A new job on a new career path is definitely a step in the right direction.

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

Oh so sorry you're feeling wretched about this. I really believe you'll find the right way out for you and think the feelings you're having now are a way of making you focus on where to go from here. Stay openminded and I'm sure you'll get it right!

I think your children are a bit younger than mine (who are 7 and 5 in May) and I've really noticed how much easier in a practical way it is now they are older - I'm just starting to rediscover myself. Don't know if that helps but just a thought.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I can't believe I'm going to say this because it's a huge downer, but....be very careful about leaving work to stay home. I know too many women who gave up their careers to stay home with kids, only to find themselves unexpectedly divorced, and without the skills to earn a decent living to support themselves and their children. When a couple gets divorced, the woman's standard of living almost invariably goes down (sometimes drastically), while the man's usually goes up. It can be a nightmare. So think carefully before giving up your career to stay home. Women almost never regain the earning power they had before they gave it up to stay home with their kids. You can't get those lost years back.

Of course, there are two schools of thought here. If you miss too much of your kids' early days, you also can't get those years back! It's all about a balance. And all of us with children know how how that balance is to strike. So if it is really important to you to stay home for an extended time to be there for your children, don't let what I said get you down. Just be aware of the possible risks.

Now, if it's just that you just don't like your job, there are always options. You can look for other jobs, and you can also look into retraining for something entirely different (and hopefully better!). You may need to take out loans for this, but it's usually an option. Do you have any ideas of what you want to do? If you want something badly enough, there's usually a way to get it. Unfortunately this sometimes means you won't get a lot of sleep -- especially if you have kids. And the childcare arrangement can be tricky. Best of luck in figuring out what you want!

foodfashionandflow

(website)

I can definiely relate. In fact, I could have written this post myself. My situation is slightly differernt. I took time off work to have a baby and I stayed home for a year, which is not a long time. When I returned to the workforce, we were in a full blown recession and I was forced to accept a position that paid me a salary that was the equivalent of what I earned as an undergraduate in college even though I had an advanced degree and 15 years of experience. Now the challenge is trying to find a new opportunity and justifying why I deserve to earn a decent wage when the one I get now is ridiculously below what I have earned in the past, The outcome for me has been consulting opportunities that I am able to do on the side while holding down this job and seeking better opportunities. I find that community service helps me keep my skills sharp and the exposure is helpful and great for building new relationships with people that may have the connections that will get you those great opportunities that are never advertised.

http://foodfashionandflow.blogspot.com/

rute

Veteran

I'm sorry!
I love my work and can't imagine how awful must be feeling that way!!
Look for another work!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh sweet, Julie. I'm sorry to hear this. It's an absolutely awful feeling to feel trapped in one's job. (((HUGS))). And such wisdom from the commentariat.

One thing is for sure: you are talented and skilled Julie - set your mind to it and you can do most things. I really believe that.

I also believe that it's a really good idea to look for another job while you are still employed - as far as your sanity will let you that is. Plus the extra cash is fab. It's time you showed off your body art at your job, so I *hope* that the retail position becomes available. It would be a nice stepping stone.

Steph

Veteran

I have definitely felt trapped at work. I worked for several years at a large and prestigious law firm, which means a very nice salary and very long hours. I was regularly at work 12-14 hours a day and worked many, if not most, weekends as well. When I wasn't at work I was constantly on m Blackberry and always took my work computer home with me in case someone needed something when I was home. I hated the hours and I wasn't enamored with the work either. I had nightmares about work issues.

Eventually, another job was offered to me, where I was no longer practicing law, but still using my legal degree. I jumped at it. And...I hated it. I hated it so much that I began to look at my previous job with a fond eye, and decided it really hadn't been that bad after all. After a year, I left the second job and decided to take some time off to decide what I really wanted to do with my life.

It's been almost two years and...I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm back to looking for legal jobs again, because I do need to start working after making no money for so long. However, I'm finding that the recession, combined with my leave of absence from the law, makes finding a new job far more difficult. Places that would have bent over backward to have me while I was working at the big law firm now don't return my e-mails.

So I guess this is a huge downer, but yes, I can definitely commiserate. In fact, I don't know one person in real life who looks forward to going to work every day. And I do agree with looking for a job while having a job, if at all possible, because (in my experience at least) an extended absence from the workforce can hurt when you are trying to get back in. I don't know what your background/education/work history is like, so your situation might be different, but that's been my experience.

Vix

Veteran

No real guidance, just commiseration. BTDT and keep doing what you are doing. It's definitely easier to get work while you're working...I always say job hunting is like dating, and everyone seems to love the "popular" (employed) folks.

Re leaving the workforce -- the market is so incredibly different now than even 5 years ago.

These days especially, it's about more than how much your family saves on childcare and your lunches out. It's even about more than your work path/earning potential in the future.

It's about being able to provide for your family if you end up going from two incomes to one income to NO income. [Or unemployment benefits for one person.]

So: before going to a one-family income, I'd absolutely try to hope for the best but plan for the worst.

Assume your husband is laid off (which is assuming he's able to be the sole provider right now) -- how likely is it that he could get a new job in the same area for around the same pay? Is it possible you all would have to move for a new job? How would you feel about that?

Also: are his work and networking skills up to date? [In many places, jobs aren't formally advertised -- they are filled by friends of current employees.] How likely is it that, if necessary, you could get a new job while he stays home with the children?

On a more positive note, the women I know who've taken time out of the work force to be with their kids and had the easiest time re-entering (vs starting their own business, which of course can be another great avenue) all did something to stay "in the game," so to speak.

[Classes in their old or hoped-for field, part-time work (same), or volunteerism in an organization where they could really achieve leadership skills and result-based outcomes that translated to the workforce.]

Good luck! I hope you'll find that taking steps to change your current situation makes it easier to bear until you can change for good.

Dani

Veteran

Julie, I know I sound like a broken record, but I can commiserate. To make a long story short, I picked a college degree that I thought would offer me the most stability and flexibility in the corporate world regardless of the fact that I wasn't really excited about the topic. I worked many long, hard years in the corporate world and felt really torn when I had my first son. I didn't see the value in giving up my time with my son to work at a job I found challenging and interesting but didn't really love. I was able to quit that job and consult for a few years, but I still felt restless. I could do the work well but I didn't get excited by opportunities or challenges. I've always felt that I still didn't know what I wanted to be when I grow up. I've explored many different options and have finally gone back to school to do something I think is really exciting for me. It has caused a financial strain on my family but the end result will be so much better and my general attitude has vastly improved. I didn't realize how close to being depressed I was about work and how it was poisoning my time with my family.

Anyway, (I really did try to be short ), all this to say that you may have more options than you think. I hope you are able to soul search and come up with some ideas that are plausible for you and your family. As others have mentioned, life is too short to be so unhappy.

Maya

Veteran

I'm going to provide a kind of antidote to what Steph said:

My first job out of school was a nightmare. I loathed it with every fiber of my being. I started out working only 1.5 days a week while I was still in school, then went up to four days a week. Before I got the chance to go full time, they let me go, and thus my extended period of unemployment began.

Throughout my period of unemployment, I was so desperate that I came to view the job as a blessing, awful as it was.

Well it took a long time and a lot of angst and heartache, but I did finally find a job that I like. I actually do look forward to going to work every day, believe it or not. I definitely get a lot of satisfaction and joy out of what I do and I no longer dread Mondays. I probably never would have been here if I hadn't been let go from my awful old job. They really did me a favor.

That said...I wouldn't advise just leaving your job and then looking, because being unemployed is a nightmare in and of itself. It's hard to look for a job when you have a job though. I can definitely appreciate that. You have to expend all your energy just trying to get through the day. It can be tough to muster up enough to go through the application process. Could you work part time, possibly? Cut back your hours?

Marley

Veteran

I am so sorry that you are going through this Julie. Yes, I have been there - and still get a stomach ache just thinking about it. Not knowing what the specifics are of your work/career situation or your family situation, I can only encourage you to get out of that job as soon as possible - whether that means quitting now and then looking for another job, or getting another job and then quitting. If you are as miserable as you sound, and you can quit without having another job to immediately go to - I would just quit. You'd be surprised at how much energy you will have once you don't have to work at a job that is just sucking the life out of you. It is just not worth it to spend your days/life at something like that! Again, I am sooooo sorry - and sending you a hug!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I knew I could count on your fabulous ladies, I was buoyed by your comments and knuckled down to a day at the office (hopefully it will be one of my last). I would love to be a SAHM right now but it really is not possible, Granny provides the daycare free of charge, I walk to work and come home at lunch to have my meal with the girls, we are trying to live as modestly as possible and my part time wage is mostly being used to cover the essentials of food, shelter, clothing and heating. I'm positive my husbands work is picking up again which will hopefully lead to the overtime which used to afford us some luxury.

I'm really heartened to know many of you have turned a similar negative experience into a positive. I honestly believe if I can find a suitable part time position (I can't put on Granny's kindness further) I can consider retraining when my youngest starts school in a little over two years. I know I want out of finance and paperwork which accompanies it. I know I would like to add a little creativity to my day.

Thank you again for sharing your experiences, Maya after sharing part of your year of unemployment please know how much I loved reading how happy your job makes you. Hugs back.

Aziraphale

Veteran

You go, girl! I apologize again for being a bit of a downer in regards to staying at home. The feminist in me wants to see women protect themselves, so I always urge caution with giving up jobs! But you have the absolute right to be happy in your work.

Two years is not so long to wait before you can start retraining for a more fulfilling career....and perhaps in the meantime, you can do a bit of research or self-training on the side to help get prepared. It will make you feel really good, because you'll know you're being proactive. I started doing that while my first child was very young. All I did was one night class at a time -- only one evening per week -- but it got me started on the road to my new career, and made me feel like I wasn't just sitting there waiting!

I wish you the best of luck.

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Everyone's comments were so fascinating, and encouraging too. One thing I would add is that you need to find something you are passionate about - for me, the only thing that's worth spending time away from my kids is my writing, which is one of my passions. It doesn't always pay well, but I am happy!

Knowing that your kids are with their Granny while you're working - that must be hugely comforting to you!

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I AM trapped at my job, very, very much. Not because currently it feels like a slow death as we wind the business down, but because I became aware long ago I am in a wrong line of work. Totally and completely. The only light point in my current job is people, but then again - my environment always played enormous part in my job satisfaction, and this is not different to any other place. And that had been my main problem as it turns out, working with actual people and not their job functions, seeing faces and not just job roles. After attending the workshop that helped me define what kind of environment helps me thrive, I started asking myself what it is I actually want to do.

So, great timing of the thread, I too certainly need a bit of food for soul and mind.