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OT: discouraged

ironkurtin

Veteran

So I quit my body transformation - wait, no, that's not quite right. I quit the body transformation AT THAT PLACE. I'm 100% still doing it, just back with my old trainer and doing it more sustainably. The previous place basically charged me a lot, put me on a borderline-dangerous diet, paid no attention to my physical issues (hypoglycemia, lactose intolerance, bad knees) when they assigned me supplements or exercise - to sum it up, they charged me a lot of money, treated me like a cog, and told me to suck it up because that's part of the process. So nerts to them. And I got my money back.

Anyway, so here I am, determined to get my body in a shape I am proud of. Just not in a crazy way, in a sustainable way. And DH is being a TOOL.

- Apparently I am a "quitter."

- Quitter me is still on a low-calorie, high-protein diet and needs to eat every 3 hours to keep my metabolism up, and time to do cardio. Who doesn't think it's important to schedule a day so quitter me can do these things? You guessed it.

- Who's upset that I will be spending money every month on a trainer? Yup!

- I took off my wedding rings so I can do weights. (For anyone who's never done pullups etc., rings dig into your hands.) Who hasn't noticed? Right again!

- I lost 6 pounds and 2 inches off my waist. Who hasn't noticed? Ding ding!

I am so discouraged. It won't deter me from my goals or make me start eating twinkies. It's just I just don't get how men can be so - so CLUELESS! Where's my cheering squad? (Besides DD, of course - she is my angel.) ARRRGH!

OK, rant over. Go smooch your nice boys.

General

37 replies

Latest reply was from Heather

Louise

Veteran

Humph! Men!!! Thank goodness for DD x

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh honey, I'm sorry you had a crappy experience with those charlatans, and sorrier that DH is not being more understanding. Men generally have a much more hardcore "no pain no gain" mentality when it comes to this stuff, but it is just not. worth. it. to endanger your health for fast results! Take care of yourself! You're doing the right thing. Eventually your husband will see that.

Hugs to you!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Awww. Sorry, IK. It sounds stressful.

My husband is a sweetie. But that didn't prevent him from putting up some REALLY strong resistance when I got serious about my own fitness goals. He was upset about money, about scheduling, and about dietary changes. All of it.

We had to have quite a few family conversations about this before we got it worked out. But eventually, as I continued to work on things, so did he. He's now my biggest cheerleader.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Hang in there! I'm impressed that you are going it 'on your own' with the help of a trainer. I have never been able to lose weight or get in shape following a commercial diet program or center, and that's because in order for the thing to be sustainable, I have to learn how to do it in a reasonable way that works for me.

You are 100% on the right track here. It's not a good idea to go too low calorie for too long, as it'll slow down your metabolism anyway. Plus, it's really *not* sustainable. I mean, you could do it for maybe a couple of weeks or so, fighting tooth and nail, feeling terrible. Then, when you can't keep it up (most can't), you revert to normal - ending up gaining it all back again anyway.

Doing it on your own means you create a whole new 'normal'. Instead of an outside program/package that's sort of outside and separate from your real life, you get the opportunity to reinvent your way of living, being and eating. Now granted, it's important to come up with and follow a 'plan' until the habits become ingrained, but it's not always the best idea to go with a commercial diet program, because they don't always mesh well with real life.

Please don't be discouraged, I really think that you're onto something even *better* here, something that is much more likely to work, over the longer haul.

Quitters don't decide to redesign their whole way of eating, exercising and living.

Awhile back, my hair stylist went on some extreme diet ...following some sort of program. He really wanted to lose weight, but he also felt ill half the time, and dizzy and so on. The thing is? He quit that diet/plan and came up with something on his own and it worked! Deciding to nix something that isn't healthy or sustainable is a smart move. It does NOT mean you're quitting, it means you're looking for something better, and something that will be a lasting change. It means putting yourself and your health in first place.

Keep going...you're definitely on the right track and you have made a very smart decision.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

And let me just put in another plug for my employers (because I have done the program and it is sustainable). Lean Eating for Women: http://www.precisionnutrition......-for-women

Mochi

Veteran

Ouch, IK. Your husband is not supporting you the way you deserve. The good news (already good news) is that you're so smart, you realized what a bad deal the first place was. It surely would have blown up in your face, results-wise, and maybe have had deleterious longer-term effects on your overall health trying it their way. You did the right thing in every way by walking. You're not a quitter--you're an evolver!

As for the non-noticing and even openly unsupportive hubs, easier said than done but rather than trying to turn him into your supporter, maybe just go ahead and do what you need to do for now? That itself will take up all your efforts, and you have that in your control.

PS: My husband, and so many men out there, take a lot more than two inches off the waist to notice...unfortunately, they see us every day and seriously, have you ever gotten a haircut and have it not be noticed? Happens a lot, LOL! As for the wedding ring thing, were you hoping he'd be worried or jealous and question you? I think women on the whole are much more perceptive about small details like that....

Aziraphale

Veteran

Aaaargh. How frustrating! But I bet your honey with come around eventually. And as far as the rings go, I doubt my own honey would notice something like that. I think it's pretty typical for men to fail to notice small changes.

Good luck! You can do it!

Amy

(website)

Veteran

I'm sorry you've been having a rough time with this. For what it's worth, I don't see you as a quitter, but a determined gal who is making smart choices. Men can be dumb. Thank goodness for DD!

Elly

Veteran

Get fit, then kick his butt.

The other organization was endangering your health. I'm really glad you had the huevos to stand up for yourself . . . and you got your money back!

Argh . . . your husband is ticking me off. IDK what it is with the double-standard. I have several men in my life that I have come close to committing bodily harm on recently because they have been "stressed" and therefore cannot function like normal human beings and keep promises or commitments or even communicate why they are treating other people badly but want me to cater to them . . . . but they still have the time and energy to go "blow off steam". Basically it is utter selfishness, which sounds like what is going on. I, however, have more regular stress on a day-to-day basis then them, have health issues, and then have to put up with their dumb butts but don't get to be a huge jerk . . . . ever! The universe owes you IMO!

Keep going-- 2" is quite impressive! you have your cheering section!

Diana

Veteran

We'll cheer for you! You can do it!

I am glad that you've switched to something more reasonable... sounds like the first place was not focused on the right things at all and it might have even been detrimental for your health.

Annoying about DH... but in my experience, men are super un-observant and then they'll notice things ALL OF A SUDDEN. Like, 4 months in, he'll go "OMG you look fantastic! Have you been doing something different?"

rae

(website)

Veteran

UGH. So sorry! My DH has always been supportive of my body stuff... but I've never decided to spend money on it, either. I'm sure he would not understand the need for a trainer. Does he know you got your money back from the other place? :T

I signed up for the 5-day crash course from Suz's link... Suz, correct me if I'm wrong, but it looks like they only take registration for the lean eating course once a year? But there's lots of good info and recipes and workouts in the crash course alone. I'm going to have to re-start after my back is 100%, but I like their approach.

Isabel

Veteran

I am going to say YAYYYYY !!! Because you recognized and changed. Many women would have stayed thinking that the "pro" knew better !

i am going to make a crazy suggestion : I LOVE the YMCA. THe people that I am working with are trainers and nutritionists. They are non-profit so they have no monetary skin in the game.

Good luck !!!!!

Scarlet

Veteran

I am sorry that you feel discouraged and that your hard work and smart decisions are not being supported, but I am very glad that you were smart and stuck up for your good health. I think you look great already, but I get you are upping your fitness and I support that too.

Kristin L

Veteran

First, congrats for loosing weight and inches!

I'm sorry you've had these bad vibes all around you. Have you spoken with DH? I know when I get upset and crabby, I don't talk with anyone, I talk TO them. Which means, for me at least, I just go to town being upset and don't listen to the other person. If you're still fuming at DH, which I would be too, have you thought about writing a letter? Just sit down and list out why your upset and say exactly what want you want him to do and know. Then, you can either give it to him or use it as a way to figure out how to talk to DH.

And good luck with continuing transformation. You'll do great!

Isis

Veteran

Congrats!!!! It's so great that you recognized that the other place was bad and that you got your money back!!!!

Hopefully your boy will get off of the quitter-too-much-$-and-time rag.

FWIW, my husband would never notice whether I had my wedding ring on.....and, 10 yrs ago, when I lost my pregnancy weight, (about 15-20 lbs, when my "baby" started kindergarden!!!), he also didn't notice! It's just how he is, and I figure he only sees the "real" and inner me, and that's great!!!.....Some guys are just like that!

ManidipaM

Veteran

Kristin's got a great idea with the letter! And especially since you're a writer.

Otherwise, just use it to build up a good head of steam and kick butt --- of any and all sub-optimal health habits --- so he's forced to acknowledge your success.

Dana, I'm ever so glad you walked out on the 'pro' plan. It did sound miserable-making, and more than a little questionable in its science. This way, hard haul as it is now, it will hopefully mean really 'real' changes at home, and in turn that means the changes will stick --- meaning you're halfway to permanent success.

*And* you already know from this experience some of what will NOT work for you and a little of what already has. Take heart from that, do! What you've already achieved is pretty darn phenomenal, though men really do have a harder time *seeing* inch loss I fear. (My quite supportive SO actually *asks* me whether I've lost weight or not, and then says nice things if I say yes --- but he CANNOT REALLY TELL! And of course he'll pout and whine about wanting his favourite foods, high on the empty calories, when he's home --- which screws up my eating habits half the month!)

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

" And I got my money back." ha! as my dad would say, how sweet it is!

pfft, i know how hard what you're going thru is. I have some big bad health issues, and people are always making ignorant comments and completely misunderstanding my situation (including family, friends, SO). At a certain point i decided i'd rather spend my limited energies on my own interests and health than on getting everyone to understand what i was going thru. I have to admit that with this attitude i have more fun!

As yucky as your situation is, that guts that got you to to question the authorities, get your bucks back, and persist in the face of your husband's nastiness will serve you well in years to come and in other areas of your life. Hang in there!!! steph

The truth of this world is that it's so very rare for any two people to see things the same way or truly understand another's circumstance. Here in the US i think that too much emphasis is placed on understanding - you can still be supportive and respectful even if you don't grasp every nuance.

And you can make positive, healthy, enjoyable changes in your life whether your husband understands or agrees with you or not.

Isis

Veteran

PS---do not be discouraged if you gain several of the 6 lbs back..... It's very unlikely that those were 6 lbs of fat. To do that you'd have to run a 21,000 calorie deficit ( 6 lbs x 3500 calories/lb of fat), which is not probable in a week.

(If you drastically reduced your carbs, you probably depleted muscle glycogen, which binds water.....once you replete the glycogen by eating more normally, the water will come back.....)

Here's a great link if you like the nerdly science behind fitness:
http://sweatscience.runnersworld.com/

and older posts at http://www.sweatscience.com

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Wait, he actually called you a quitter??? Of DH did that to me I'd take the money i got back and buy a bunch of clothes...and still keep the trainer, too! Make the quitting EXTRA quitty. (-:

Anonymous

Be careful what you wish for. A friend's DH notices every tiny change in her body and is constantly nagging her when we eat out not to eat lots of things because they will make her "puffy' tomorrow. She gets very discouraged with herself and her body because of this.

christieanne

Veteran

Good for you in realizing you weren't going to be successful at the gym/program you had signed up for. I suppose that's why the contracts give us 30 day "out" clauses and I am glad you realized you weren't getting good training.

You can always tell your former trainer that you want to step up your former program and really work hard. Trainers should be able to mix things up to keep you challenged or take it easy for injuries, etc. Your success is their success after all.

As far as DH - who knows what makes men tick. Frustrating for you now though. Sometimes it seems like any change is bad for men whether it's positive or not, they just like the status quo. Seems like if you are happy with new process he will get used to it.

Keep it going!

Oh Joy - your poor friend - that sounds like a very non supportive (and borderline emotionally damaging?) situation for your friend.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Got your money back? Good for you IK!
I for one am glad you're not doing that program anymore. 1200 calories per day while working out is nowhere near enough to be healthy. I'm all for your weight and body goals but they need to be achieved in a healthy way.
As for what makes men tick, I'll let you know if I ever figure it out (lol)!

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I have a tendency to always defend people and I am forcing myself to not do so this time. I am sure you are fully aware of all of the wonderful qualities your husband has since you married him and kept him.

I read your whole post and what jumped out at me was that you lost 6 lbs and 2". You deserve a huge congratulations. That is a great accomplishment and takes a lot of willpower and effort. Good for you. In case no one in proximity takes the time to do so, please pat yourself on the back for me. Well done IK!!!

bj1111

Veteran

boys can be stoooopid dodo heads. srly, 6# AND 2". in normal people universe, this is NOT how quitters behave. i would be high fiving you for realizing the unsustainability of the old regimen. money back? you are officially promoted to hero status.

just keep on keepin' on...la la la, i'm just working on my tight bod the "quitter" way...la la la.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Somehow I missed the part about getting your money back. In my books, that doesn't make you a "quitter." It makes you one smart, determined gal!! I love what Mochi said. "An evolver."

Rae, at this time they run the program twice a year, January and July start dates.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Ha! Good for you for getting your money back! That program sounded very extreme and although it gave you a great jumpstart, it didn't sound like a long haul plan. Without knowing you or your DH I am guessing that he might be a in a grouchy/bad mood about something that has nothing to do with you. My DH is generally very supportive, but it absolutely clueless about certain aspects of being a woman, such as noticing small weight changes. But use your annoyed energy to show him by sticking to your new plan and getting into even greater shape! (At least that is what I would do, plus possibly buy clothes with the refund as suggested about - but I am childish that way!)

Deborah

Veteran

IK I really admire you for putting in what it takes to get fit and healthy. I wish I had your commitment. Do not be discouraged, hang in there as I have no doubt you will be very pleased with the end result. I am sorry you DH hasn't noticed the changes yet, but I bet he will.

Fruitful

Veteran

IK, you've done amazingly and made a smart decision. The calorie limit you were on sounded unorthodox and unsustainable to me.

I'm sure you have your online support groups in place but if not I highly recommend Makeupalley Fitness Board - the women are both down to earth and hardcore, it's a very encouraging place to hang out: http://www.makeupalley.com/board/board.asp?bid=9 you have to log in to see entire posts though. Heaps of info and moral support.

ButterflyLady

(website)

Veteran

Oh, IK, you've done well - to lose weight and inches AND to realise that it wasn't healthy/sustainable for you. And you got your money back! I see no quitting!

I have no advice on your DH - the minds of men are a mystery to me!

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