OT - How do you know it's time to let your hair go grey? - YouLookFab Forum

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OT - How do you know it's time to let your hair go grey?

Kiwichik

Veteran

I was discussing this with a girlfriend & we made a pact to let each other know when our dark hair began to look out of place with our ageing faces. I love seeing women with gorgeous silver hair but as mine is still salt & pepper I keep colouring it. But when is the right time to stop? When your eyebrows go grey? When the wrinkles are super obvious.

And if you do stop colouring how do you combat the hair colour tide mark? Strip & bleach? Cut it all off & let it grow back in it's natural colour?

When would you/did you stop colouring? How did you cope with the tide mark?

General

34 replies

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MsMary

Veteran

I stopped coloring in my 40s and went gray for a while. Went back to blond after seeing an article in a magazine with photos of famous women photoshopped to show how they'd look with and without gray. To my eye, every. single. one. of them looked better with the gray colored. Made an appointment with the colorist and I've never looked back!

Don't have many photos but here's a before and after.

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Anonymous

I couldn't leave this thread alone! If you are coloring your hair, and pleased with the results, then I don't see why you shouldn't continue.

If you wake up one day, and you want a drastic change and you're tired of the maintenance or the way it's starting to look, that's a good sign that you might be ready to go grey. Or you might just want to go lighter/blonder if that suits your coloring. You either like grey hair on yourself or you don't; I don't think you "have" to go grey at all if you don't like it.

Fifteen years ago, I used a demi-permanent color that had just enough peroxide in it that it was starting to make my hair brassier and brassier each month so I just gave up and let it grow out. I used a green 'color-corrector" for a year or so to put the ash tones back in. I've never looked back, but then again, I have cool coloring so I think it works for me, plus silver hair is something I've always admired.

I have a friend who is 50% grey and recently stopped coloring. She wore hats/scarves until she had about 4 inches of roots and then got a super short hair cut. She had shoulder-length hair and is in the process of growing it back to that length again.

christieanne

Veteran

Thank you for posting this as I have been wondering the same thing. We have similar coloring with dark brown hair.
The only conclusion I came to was not to stop coloring while I am job interviewing as I might look a) frightful b)there is that age thing at play.
My stylist did suggest starting to add more highlights and go lighter brown to work towards allowing more gray to come in naturally and not be such a contrast. Seems high maintenance but I will most likely head that way in next few years.

It is scary when you see gray in your eyebrows - that sort of freaked me out a bit.

Makrame

Veteran

I was thinking about it recently as I was observing various women at work with varying degrees of gray. There are some women whose hair looks chic and healthy without coloring and seems to suits their faces. I know a woman who has very beautiful facial features and her skin looks quite youthful, so her grey hair does nothing to detract from her good looks and looks gorgeous as silvery-gray. I also like Shannon's salt-and-pepper hair and it looks fun and edgy with her clothes and smile. Oh, and now that I saw Claire's avatar, I wanted to mention that she is another example of someone who can look fun and youthful with silvery gray hair.

On the other hand, I see some women who just look dowdy with graying hair, especially since their clothing choices are also somewhat matronly. I also work with several older women who, I suspect, color their hair (usually it is a shade of brown or blonde, which is probably what their natural hair color was), and I think they would look less "put together" or more "tired" if they stopped coloring.

This may be trickier for those of us with dark hair since it can look somewhat stark. I am wondering about this, too - I haven't started coloring my hair yet but I will have to deal with this soon.

Kiwichik

Veteran

Thanks Claire I love your hair colour & at the moment I'm happy with my colour but each month as the whole regrowth thing happens I wonder about just letting it go. Cool winter colours suit me so I figure at the stage when my hair is totally silver it would look ok but how to transition is the question.

christieanne

Veteran

The thing I am trying to pay attention to when I hit my regrowth (which seems to need touchups more often) is where my greys are coming in and it still seems inconsistent. Heavier at temples, back of part and close to forehead and denser grey on right side of head than left. I do think when it seems more all over that it will make more sense to allow to grow in or transition.

MaryK - you look terrific with current color. Meredith, Shannon and Claire all look great with their natural coloring too.

One thing I know, I don't want to be in my 70's and still going dark and looking silly (my
grandmother did that but she went auburn and it was kinda nutty looking) and vain.

Again, thank you Kiwichick for the thread! I think you have gorgeous hair and style so starting to think about this awareness will make all the difference.

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

I haven't started dying my hair yet although I'm getting quite a few greys especially around the forehead and sides.

I would leave my hair grey if only the new greys would come out straight instead of kinky. I will dye it eventually but not right now.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I would say when the regrowth starts to look too stark against the current colour. I haven't yet coloured my hair, but here are a few examples in my circle:

One of my aunts - fair skin, blue eyes - but she was dyeing her hair a fairly dark/auburn shade, and it was starting too look too harsh, and the grey growth coming in was exceptionally obvious. Too many touch-ups etc. My Mom convinced her to go blonde instead of the dark brown/burgundy-ish auburn colour she was using. It looks *great* and you can hardly see when more grey comes in. She doesn't need the touch-ups as often and it's a good colour for her.

Also - my Mom. Natural blonde. Went white over the years - for awhile, this was kind of neat - it was looking more and more platinum. But she's even more fair skinned than my aunt, and it was all starting too look washed out somehow. I convinced her to go darker blonde - this also worked beautifully. More definition to her face/colouring, but not 'starkly' coloured either. She doesn't need too many touch-ups etc. The grey in her case (more white really) seems to almost blend in with the blonde hair colour.

My other aunt - she's still doing the 'too dark' almost burgundy-ish thing. I think she'd look better going a bit lighter or letting her grey grow in - she's naturally a brunette. Fair skin, dark brown eyes, her natural colour (before grey) was always a dark brown. I think if she's going to keep colouring it, she should go much lighter, imo. Or - I also think just letting the grey happen would look amazing on her. She's very pretty and I think the grey she would get would be very striking on her.

Meanwhile - my best friend has naturally dark brown hair. Guess what? There's a chunk of grey in it, and it looks so neat! I love it on her. She's never coloured her hair either, and I think that streak of grey looks super. The same thing happened with her Mom - when she started "going grey" - it was in these fabulous streaks/chunks. Best friend's Mom is now all-over grey, but the colour is really nice. Naturally dark brown hair, fair skin, brown eyes again.

So, I guess it depends on your colouring - how much hassle it is to keep up the colour and so on.

I can't tell if I have grey or not. If I do, it isn't showing up against my blonde hair in any discernable way (yet!). At some point, when it does - I'll probably do just what MaryK and my Mom did - colour it blonde.

Anonymous

I think both colored hair and natural grey can look good. The problem with coloring though is so many women try to keep there hair too dark.

Skin and hair are both colored by melanin and as we age we lose it in both hair and skin so it doesn't work well trying to maintain a color that worked great when you were younger, it just won't look right with the skin change.

Parsley

Veteran

I say keep on coloring as long as you feel like it.
Silvery gray hair or a nice salt-and pepper mix can look lovely, but if you're not ready for that, just say NO!

In theory, anyway, I'd like to go gray. I tried growing my gray out a couple of years ago, and found that mine just wasn't gray enough yet to really look nice. Right now my plan is to try again in a few years, but I might change my mind.

If you're going to continue to color, I do think it often looks better to start going slightly lighter than your natural color to avoid looking too harsh.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I started going grey at age 23 and coloured my hair for 23 more years. I just reached the point where I was tired of the expense, the more and more frequent appointments and the panic attack when I couldn't get my appointment. So I had a discussion with my stylist and we agreed I was ready - I liked the tone of my grey (more silver than grey) - cut it super short so the total transition only took about 2 months and I've never looked back. Love it! Parsley is right in that the more grey you have, the better it looks. My stylist uses the 30% rule - if your hair is about 30% grey, then it looks intentional and not like you just forgot to colour it.

Do what feels right for you.

Anonymous

I'm 48 and have a few "white highlights" as I like to call them. I've never colored my hair and I don't think I will. My sister is 46, colors her grey hair, and I get to hear from her how much maintenance it involves. My coloring is medium-dark brunette, very fair skin, brown eyes. I hope that once I get more grey that it will be as lovely as Claire's.

Whether or not to color grey hair is a personal choice. If you feel good going grey, do it!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Very timely for me! Just yesterday I had something like the process Christieanne described done to my hair. It took hours! (I never had highlights done before and I was in shock.) The idea, according to my new hairdresser, is that the light highlights and lighter hair will blend more easily with my white and black hair so if I decide to go gray it will be easier. If not, I will be able to deal with the roots less often. Well to tell you the truth I sort of hate the color now, sigh. But I am curious to see what will happen when the roots grow in (give me 10 days). Claire and Shannon, you are my inspiration!

Kiwichik

Veteran

Wow ladies thank you all so much for your comments & advice. I think deciding when the time is right versus making the decision before you start looking too unnatural is really important. For now I'm happy to keep getting my hair coloured although I admit that's partly because I'm scared that I'll look much older if I stop. My younger brother is gracefully allowing his hair to grey and still has a youthful face but I guess I'm just not ready yet.

I have experimented in the past with going a little lighter but it just didn't look right so I'm sticking as close to my natural colour as I can. I like Shannon's & Claire's suggestions to crop your hair when the time is right so the regrowth takes over from the coloured hair.

bj1111

Veteran

ummm, never? i get a demi perm with washes out gradually and fades from blue black to red brown. also have winter/summer shades based on how tan i am. when i'm too grey, i will go a blue not found in nature...like cobalt or navy.

Kiwichik

Veteran

Love it bj1111

lynne

Veteran

I'm with bj1111. I started coloring my hair when I was 18. My original color was a dirt brown and I wanted to go red. I've been different shades of auburn/red for 38 years now and it still looks natural. The key is to make sure that the color compliments your skin tone. I have to have the regrowth redone every 3 weeks, but its worth it to me. I'll go gray 2 days after Never.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

It's a good question, and one I've wondered about, because I have a significant amount of grey, but I'm not ready to let it take over yet. I have a hairstylist I like and trust, so I figure he and I will know when it's time.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I will be 50 later this year but don't have too many grey yet. The last time I had highlights done, my hairdresser put in a color in that was a touch darker than my hair. I suspect I will color my hair when the time comes but I take after my mother and think she was in her 60s before the grey took over.

I totally get what Citygirl said. My grey is more white and it is courser and kinky curly and my "normal" hair is fine and quite straight.

I saw a show on Oprah once and she had a panel of experts on beauty. They unanimously agreed that hair color is the one tool available to women that has made the most difference in appearance. Having said that, there are some women who wear the grey/white beautifully. I just don't think I will be one of them.

KikiG

Veteran

I have wondered this myself.

My mom did not color her hair, had a short, practical hair cut and did not invest thought or effort into her wardrobe when she was the age I am now. She did wear makeup to correct a redness problem, but it didn't enhance her features. By the time she was 40, her hair was all gray, she looked 50+. In her navy blue pantsuits, and comfortable shoes, she was doing herself no favors. By the time she was 50, she looked 60. I promised myself that I wouldn't do that to myself. I am not nearly as grey as she was, but when my hair color started to look flat and dull, I began to color it. aInterestingly, her eyebrows were always dark!

My natural color is a very dark brown, almost black, and I am very fair with light eyes. My current (fake) hair color is a brighter brown, because I thought the darker "natural color" would look harsh. Eventually, I will probably go lighter, and end up blonde, which will probably still work with my coloring. Maybe when I am in my 70s I'll go gray. Maybe! Or, never!

Julie

Veteran

And then there's the other side of the equation. Younger women having their stylists make them grey.

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Irene

Veteran

I'm too young to answer from experience, but I think the 40s is too young an age to start letting it go white/grey. As much as I love grey hair on some women (especially if it's a pixie with a modern twist), I think it usually makes the wearer look older -it happens to men too. This is because grey hair IS a sign of elderness. But in a world like ours, where being young is one of the most important things -especially if you are looking for a job, for instance-, having grey hair when it starts growing might not be a good decision. The fact that a woman can look great with grey hair doesn't mean she looks as young. She might look great yet older.

I think best time to do the change would be around mid fifties and onwards... or maybe never. I agree that lighter shades look best on more mature women.

Anonymous

I've been debating that question lately. A couple of years ago, when I noticed the first white hairs, I started using Clairol Natural Instincts non-permanent color (the kind that washes out after about a month). The first problem I had was in finding the right color; something that wasn't too dark or too light or too warm or too cool. I ended up having to mix 2 colors together to get it right. Once I accomplished that feat, I had the misfortune of discovering that my white hairs are very resistant to color, and the color washes out a lot sooner than it's supposed to. I finally gave up. Fortunately for me, my white hair is well blended into my brown hair so that it's hard to detect unless you're paying close attention. As long as it's blended and not just white in certain spots, I may just leave it be and not color it at all. I'm on the fence about it right now. I have also thought about just getting highlights or something, rather than coloring my entire head or hair. Thoughts or advice, anyone?

StephanieR

I have dark brown hair so any greys show up at lot, they are also quite wiry and obvious. So far at age 51 I have a few grey hairs so use a non-permanent mid brown colour to cover the grey, it washes out after about 26 washes . I don't want to use a permanent colour as my hair grows fast and I don't want the bother of touching up roots every couple of weeks. When there is a fairly large amount of grey I think I'll be happy to let it show, at the moment just a few greys are very obvious but I'm gradually getting used to it and it doesn't bother me so much. My mother dyed her hair for years and had to make the decision to grow it out, her hair is a really nice dark grey and looks so much better than the dark brown colour.

cciele

Veteran

I started going gray in my 20s and have been coloring my hair ever since (I'm 46). Not even sure what percentage gray I am now, but I suspect over 50%. Right now, I'm having fun dying my hair red. It's not a natural red but neither is it crazy fluorescent pink. It is lighter than my original color (black-brown), and I think the lightness helps with the contrast issue with my skin tone as I get older.

Kiwichik

Veteran

Wow I've read everyone's comments and my key takeouts are:
- it's quite a personal choice when to stop colouring but the majority seem to think they'll keep colouring but maybe go lighter and stop sonetime in the far distant future
- to go silver having your hair chopped I'm thinking exactly like Julie's own cut & then letting it grow back in it's natural colour
- if you're silver short trendy cuts (love the styles Julie posted) or classic bobs work best
- continuing to wear stylish clothing is a must

Ok so dometime in the far distant future (I'm nearly 50) I'll reconsider the question of colouring or not colouring.

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

Personally, I will never let my hair go grey. Every woman i saw who had grey hair, no matter how gorgeous she was, looked older with grey hair. I am not saying they looked bad but they did looked older which is not a look I strive for.

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

Ruth: my stylist suggested that I try highlights because I have few greys already but the lightlights do not look good on me but its worth trying I think

Meredith1953

Veteran

I am late to this fascinating thread but have to comment.
I started coloring my hair in my early 20's (I had started graying by 24). I colored until about 1 1/2 years ago when I finally decided that it not only was not worth the financial expense or the time it took, but also that the consistency of my hair is much more wiry and that coloring did it no favors. I went cold turkey and cut it very short which is the way I wear it now. I don't look as young as I did but I think I actually look as good or better as when I was coloring it. I will be 59 at the end of the month and not for a single moment have I regretted making the decision to stop coloring. I can't wait till it is solid silver! I found "Going Gray Looking Great" to be a very inspirational read that helped me through the transition. Here is me before I cut my hair and started the graying process. This was taken in a Ryokan in Japan.

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