One for the book, part 2! - YouLookFab Forum

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One for the book, part 2!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

My former supervisor (also someone Ive been in sporadic contact with) was working at my old store when I went there yesterday...took one look at me and said - in a very loud voice- 'what happened to your red hair??'' you've really gone grey since you worked here!!' Im only about 10-15% grey which isnt much more than when I was working 2 yrs ago

General

33 replies

Latest reply was from Lisa

catgirl

Veteran

Hmmm, must be National Moron Day today.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

What is in the air?? Jeez, maybe I'll lock myself in the house for a couple days with cotton in my ears . . .

Sorry this person was not only rude and thoughtless but loud about it to boot! Why would anyone say such a thing?! I think etiquette classes need to be taught. It seems no one knows how to conduct themselves properly anymore.

MsMary

Veteran

"Hello, it's nice to see you, too. And in the future, please do not make personal comments about my appearance in public. Do I make myself clear? Now, this is what I've come to see you about..."

Anonymous

I think there's a full moon.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Bleah! Hugs to you... that was pretty uncalled for. :T Maybe it *is* the moon...

Melissa

Ugh. I usually swallow my sarcastic comments when people say this sort of thing, but man, sometimes people are inappropriate!

Big sympathetic hugs. I know how it is. I just came back from a professional event, and by the end of it my greatest wish for my colleagues is that they could learn to say "You look great" and then stop talking. All the things that follow that opener are inevitably either inappropriate or insulting.

Jonesy

Veteran

People really have no tact or shame! Good grief! I always wish I had some sort of snappy comment (a la MaryK) but I'm usually too startled to think of anything. Instead, I have this running through my brain: "Did she really say what I think she just said??"

Debora

Veteran

Wow, that's not cool. Some people are just tactless. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hugs to you (and also to Biscuit)!

Elly

Veteran

I once had a fellow classmate that was old enough to be my mother stand up in the middle of a group discussion in class and turn to me and say, "You know you have white hair right?" I just wish I would have been quick enough to say, "You know you're the one who gave it to me, right?"

argh!

Niki Lea

Veteran

Man, some people can be such dorks. I would've been tempted to say, "Thanks. Did you notice that your butt is attached to your head?"

Aunty

Veteran

I give up!! Who are these people, have they all landed from outerspace??? What is going on???

Head up and move away, she is not worth your time.

lynne

Veteran

Take a tip from southern belles. "Aren't you sweet to notice" said with a smile makes the other person look like a total ass and you like a saint. OK, so maybe it's a little passive aggressive.....

MsMary

Veteran

Oh, lynne! That's fantastic! I have to remember that one!

That's a much better alternative than getting all medieval on them, a la my suggestion.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Thank you *all* for your kind responses! I guess it just really bugged me cuz I thought we were 'kindred spirits' or whatever....she is about 10-12 yrs older than I am and dyed her hair red (similar to my natural shade) several yrs ago and Ive told her it looks great several times...I noticed she is showing more grey recently, so maybe thats why she commented on mine? Im 50, she's in her early 60's Im guessing...It *really* irritated me that she said it SO loudly, in front of about 15-20 people...most of whom I know I need to keep shopping there, as long as my friend Steve needs me to take him (he has no car-and no plans to get one anytime soon!) otherwise I'd go back to shopping there once in a blue moon...Im already more depressed cuz Ive gained weight since I stopped working and need to use either a cane or my walker....I push a shopping cart if I use my cane and shop alone...if DH comes along, he pushes the cart and I need my walker to go that far...

Bookarella

Veteran

Some people just don't think before they speak. Sorry that happened to you, but don't let it get you down. Hugs to you!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Thanks, girl...she said 'Ive been meaning to tell you that' after she said it, so it wasnt a spur of the moment thought.... like I said, she's not *exactly* a fashion plate either! NOT that I am! lol....she wears 'mom' jeans and dated tops when she's not working and comes to shop....didnt help that I was feeling -and looking- especially frumpy and ill put-together that day!

lynne

Veteran

Another reason the "sweet" reply works. It can offer the offender a face saving "out". I had all kinds of practice with 4th graders.

Carole

Veteran

Wow, it's amazing how insensitive some people are. I would have been speechless!

I probably would have said "Nice to see you too!"

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I was just *so* suprised! She was about the last person (I worked with) that I expected a snarky word from! Even if I had thought it, I'd certainly never say it....especially telling me that 'she'd been meaning to tell me that for quite a while'.....what, I *dont* have a mirror? Like I said, I had a little grey while I was working anyway-lol....thank you all SO much! You've made me feel much better

biscuitsmom

Veteran

AAAGGGHHH......Just saw her again and she motioned for me to come over to her- actually lifted a section of my hair(!) and said 'grey is not just on top, huh'? WTH makes people think they have the right to physically touch you?? I just looked at her and backed away, shaking my head...didnt know *what* to say!

lynne

Veteran

Ok, now its time to forget being nice. Bite her.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

LOL, Lynne! Man, I felt like it! I would like to either wait in the car while my buddy Steve shops (but I pick up my groceries at the same time) or just give her a *very* wide berth, but she is friends with him, *always* wants to talk whenver she sees him and generally works at the service center counter you MUST go near when you enter/exit the store...so there is no avoiding her The schedule changes very week so I never know what days she will be working.....

Anonymous

Isn't it a lovely shade!? I'm becoming a silver fox.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

lol....LOVE it, Joy! Wish I could pull that off! ps- knowing her, she'd probably say 'no, it looks dull and drab' or something like that-aagghh

Patty

Veteran

A simple--"What the f*** is your problem??" next time she does anything--be really out of character --you weren't ready the first couple times now you will be---she is out of line if she thinks she is that familiar and safe with you!!!
(I can say all that but if it were me I'd probably just assume my beta/don't want to hurt anyone self and slink back to the car)
This buddy Steve has been a lighting rod for you lately eh???

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Wish I could say that! I just have a *really* hard time being confrontational/standing up for myself.....I *need* to work on that lol, Steve sure has been! You wouldnt believe the trouble and drama he's been thru, especially lately! Probably a *good thing* I only see him once a week or so! I am SURE she never wouldve said/done that if my husband had been there!

MsMary

Veteran

I'm with Patty. She is being WAY over-the-top inappropriate and it's time to fight back. I'm liking Team WTF is Your Problem, myself. But Team How Sweet of You to Notice is good, too.

Actually, that might be good. In psychology it's called "reframing." Instead of thinking "Oh, man. I have to put up with Former Boss being horribly inappropriate with me and I don't know how to defend myself, and it's just awful," you think to yourself "I'm going to the store and Ol' Jerky Former Boss is going to do her Jerky Thing, and this is how I'm going to handle it." And then you DECIDE what you are going to do.

It sounds like you aren't the confrontational type, so you might want to experiment with Team Kill Her With Kindness. At this point it's become a pattern. Next time she makes a remark about your hair, you can pick one of the suggestions here, and say:

"How sweet of you to notice!"

or

"Yes, I just LOVE this color!"

or

"It always brightens my day when I come in here and you pay such close attention to my hair color!"

And no matter how she responds, you can keep repeating something similar, all the while being inwardly amused that she is so obsessed with this issue that is none of her business.

Or if you think she has really crossed the line with the touching, if she tries it again, you can be prepared, and grab her by the wrist, look her straight in the eye, and say something like:

"Sorry, no touching!"

or

"No touching. I have cooties."

or

"No touching. I don't know where your hands have been!"

or

"No touching. I mean it."

Repeat as necessary and I bet she will be speechless.

Good luck! You can do this!!!

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

I'm not going to lie...snarky comments were the first to come to mind as I read the thread, even though I was unable to say anything of the sort when faced with a similar situation myself. In the first scenario, my first reaction was "wow, you've really gotten obnoxious and rude since I worked with you." Not remotely appropriate, I acknowledge -- you've received far more productive suggestions here. The second situation, however, is flat-out intrusive and must be nipped in the bud. How about something like "yes, I love natural colour on me, and it saves so much money!"

san

Veteran

Sometimes we have to grin and look the other way but this lady has gone way overboard, especially with the motioning you over to her and then touching you. That would be extra hard to take. I think you should consider her off her rocker and don't expect normalcy from her, and keep your distance. You don't have to answer her or respond to her at all. That is ofcourse unless she touches you again, but hopefully you'll never be close enough.

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