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My Hair

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Ever since I started posting commuting outfits there has been a fair amount of comments about how I look better with my hair pulled back. One person even suggested I cut it short . I wear my hair up and back for pure practicality at work. I need to see what I'm doing. Plus once at 10 pm on a Saturday night on a call weekend I was self-treating myself for lice, because I thought I contracted it from a patient. Not fun! Hair up means business.
I like my hair down. I've finally embraced my waves instead of flat ironing them into submission. I think having my hair down adds a soft counter point to my sometimes hard looks. Even Angie herself said so.
Today I my hair up in a proper bun with bobby pins and hairspray and everything. I hated it! It felt too prim and proper.
So please lay off the comments about how much better I look with my hair up. Frankly it's making me want to stop posting commuting looks.

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41 replies

Latest reply was from Greg

Krista

Veteran

Okay, sure. But isn't it nice to know that your hair looks good in lots of ways - for utilitarian purposes or for fashion purposes? I think that's all people were getting at.

Anonymous

Well, that is up to you to post or not. I guess the question is what kind of feedback are you wanting or expecting when posting outfits? Maybe laying out your ground rules on what people can comment on would eliminate these frustrations you are having.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Sorry the comments have upset you, Anna.

I like your hair both ways.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I think ultimately it's your choice to wear your hair up or down - I put my hair up all the time, despite people saying it looks better when my hair is down.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I am extra sensitive about posting my commuting looks. It it a huge amount of extra effort to post them. I can no longer hit my snooze bar, a few times I've missed a bus. Right now the effort versus the reward is tipping towards too much effort for the reward.

Krista

Veteran

I'll be honest, Anna. I don't really know how to take this post and your reply to the thread. I thought posting WIWs was optional and for enjoyment, as well as for feedback. If it's too much to do in the morning - no worries. You have a lot on your plate with work - why not take a break from WIWs? It's not supposed to be more stress or am I missing something? I feel like I'm missing something.

MNsara

Veteran

Yes, clearly it's your choice to wear your hair however you want
and your choice whether to post commuting WIWs or sleep in
I could never manage to take pics before leaving for work!

Maybe Ceit was zeroing in on something when she asked what kind of feedback you want/expect. Maybe all the extra effort is stressful enough with your crazy work life that you shouldn't put any extra burden on yourself right now -- and come back to these when work is back to normal. Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about, but just flapping my virtual lips!! Maybe I'll just shut up now and see what sage comments others have . . .

Carla

Veteran

Hit the snooze button, Anna. Participation in the forum shouldn't become a chore. From what you've been posting, you are having a hard month at work, and don't need the extra pressure. For WIW, I have been really enjoying all your recent outfit pics. The commute stuff has been fun, and I wish I was on your bus!

I'm one who is loving the recent up-do's but I would never suggest you cut your wavy blonde hair. I also wouldn't say one is better than the other either. But, isn't it great to know you look fantastic no matter if your hair is up or down?

ironkurtin

Veteran

Anna, I'm sure people meant to give you compliments! I'm sorry they somehow went amiss.

DeclawedJaguar

Veteran

I think that unless you specify upfront that something is off-limit to comment on, for whatever reason, it's not fair to get offended at people's comments, especially positive ones. People here are so very tactful and positive (sometimes excessively so!), and I'm sure they mean well.

But, yeah, if you find posting WIWs troublesome, and you find positive feedback not rewarding, perhaps it is better to snooze.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Anna, I haven't seen any comments from others telling you that you "look better" one way or another, but I have to say I think your hair is looking particularly great lately in its longer wavy state.

When I'm short on time, I gotta be honest, WIW pics are very low on my priority scale. If its causing you stress to post them, please don't add more stress to your life! I enjoy seeing your outfits but I like a happy Anna even more.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Hey anonymous folks... please no namecalling. Everyone is entitled to their POV.

Adelfa

Veteran

Anna, you are great. I love your openness and vulnerability. You were very welcoming to me when I first posted. You're helping me get over the shame I feel when I buy something expensive! You add so much to this forum and I hope you keep posting whatever is fun for you to post. xo

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I think you look beautiful no matter how you wear your hair.

Meanwhile, I'm sure the few comments about how great it looks put up for the commute is because of the novelty factor - and it's *not* because your other hairstyles aren't fab - just that it's fun to see something a bit different.

You look gorgeous with your hair up or down. The comments are likely because people are thinking, 'Oh wow...she looks really beautiful with her hair put up' and so on. It's not that anyone's thinking you should get your hair cut, it's more like, "Hey, now this is new and different and it looks amazing on her.." At least, this is my guess.

I haven't been the greatest at keeping up with posts lately, but I wanted to say that I've really been enjoying your 'commuting' outfits and I like your hair both up and down.

editing to add: Your 'commute' posts have been fantastic. Inspiration for when there's no time to fuss or mess around. You're showing us how to look fab at some ungodly hour en route to a tough shift at work.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Anna, I think your hair has been looking great lately in all styles you post. I think it's just the change that has grabbed everyone's attention.

BUT I also can sympathize with being sensitive about suggestions for your hair. Long before I had the itch to cut my hair, I also received some pressure (from non YLFers) to cut it very short because my long hair was not fashionable or edgy enough for retail sales. I don't know if you've gotten PMs with chopping suggestions or what, but if you feel pressured, I think you have the right to ask people to stop suggesting a chop.

And for anyone else that is taking this post badly, Anna is a blunt person. It's part of her charm!

Debra

Veteran

Hi Anna, you look great in all of the posts you put up and I love your wavy hair I think you are lucky it suits you up or down, especially when you need it up for work ( I can very much relate to head lice, in fact just thinking about them makes me scratch ) so please keep posting.......but please look after YOU too, I'm happy with a WIW at the end of the week just joking
No pressure

Diana

Veteran

I agree that your hair looks good both up and down. I think people just zero in on it because they notice the change. I know when my hair was getting really long and I put it up, people would say they liked it up, and people (sometimes the same people who liked it up) would say they liked it long when it was particularly obvious in my photos. And now that I've cut it, I get comments on that too since it's still relatively new.

And FWIW, I really appreciate that you are blunt and say what you think!

Marley

Veteran

Anna - I'm with Krista on this - I feel like I must be missing something. This thread really took me aback, and frankly, it feels rude and ungracious to me - and confusing. Perhaps you are really stressed and tired, but that is not a good enough reason to scold forum members and "threaten" to stop posting WIWs because of the feedback that you are getting regarding your hair! I'm confused. Your WIWs are very fun to look at - but, so are everyone else's. No one is forcing you to post them. Have you, for some reason, put pressure on yourself to post WIWs? If so, just stop! Has someone told you that you have to post WIWs? If so, just say "no!" And please, if/when you decide to start posting your commute WIWs again, be more specific about what kind of feedback you are wanting/needing.

The forum members have been really supportive of you - feedback regarding your hair was given to you out of a place of encouragement and kindness - so please, accept it as that - and if you disagree with them (which you have every right to do) you can still respond to them from a place of humility and graciousness. I feel as though you are pushing us/me away by writing this type of thread. I know that I, for one, will probably over-think any comments I might have, before writing on your threads again - and I don't like that! This is supposed to be fun - so, lighten up and don't take the comments so seriously! It really doesn't matter (does it?) if someone says they like your hair pulled back, if you prefer it down - it's your hair - you can do whatever you want with it!

elpgal

Veteran

Anna, Are you offended because you don't like your hair up and you think the forum members who have complimented your hair are being insincere (for lack of a better word) and are humoring you?

Gaylene

Veteran

Anna, I've always enjoyed your bluntness on the forum, so I'm going to be blunt here. You've posted in the past about your disappointment when your WIW threads hadn't received as much attention as you'd have liked. Now that people are making an effort to respond to your posts, if I understand you correctly, you are upset because a couple of people told you they liked the way you wore your hair? I'm positive that those comments were made with the best of intentions, and that the forum members who made them ought not to be made to feel they have done anything wrong.

Deborah

Veteran

Anna, I like it both ways:). I think pulling your hair back just revealed more of your face and allowed your features to be highlighted. For the record, my preference is for your hair worn loose:)

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Like Marley & Krista I really feel as though I may have missed something too. I don't see how expressing a preference for your hair one way or another can make you want to stop posting. I also think you have been rude to well-intentioned forum members.

I do have a problem with Anon - it isn't acceptable to call anyone an ingrate imo especially from behind the cloak of anonymity. Anon I think you need to remember your own advice to Anna - ".....You should probably remember that other people are busy and stressed out too......"

Hil

(website)

Veteran

Anna - I am not sure where this is coming from - I too read through your last few WIW's and I can barely find any reference to your hair whatsoever. The feedback you're getting is complimentary and positive... I truly don't understand how you can be upset about that?

Perhaps, and I mean this kindly, you should take a step back and think about what could be triggering this?

I, for one, will definitely think thrice about commenting about any of your WIW's for fear of offending. I also don't want to be castigated for any feedback I may give that doesn't fit into your strict criteria for appropriate WIW feedback.

Traci

Veteran

I have no issue whatsoever with blunt. However, that is not how I would describe this post. I think it is completely unreasonable to expect an entire forum of people to remember every member's sensitivities and not even COMPLIMENT someone on an area they are sensitive about. If a person can't take a compliment about something, that's their own issue, not something that should be imposed on others.

I'm especially troubled by the fact that this wasn't addressed on a particular thread, rather as a proclamation in its own thread that many members are likely to miss. What will happen if someone missed this thread an comments on Anna's hair?

Sometimes you have to look within yourself for the answer, and not expect others to cater to you. If positive comments about commuter hair are so upsetting, the easy fix is to not post commuter hair. Not to expect an entire group of people to take stock of your insecurities and change their behavior.

This is one of the kindest, most generous, and most gracious collections of women I've ever seen on the internet. Let's not bog ourselves down with obsessions about which types of compliments we want.

cobaltblue

Veteran

For what it's worth, I was thinking as I opened this thread "Oh, I hope Anna isn't considering cutting her lovely wavy hair." I hope your stress level goes down soon. Several posters have given wise advice.

Archer

Veteran

Ditto comments above about the generosity of this forum. I don't take part in any others - so that might explain lots of things.

I have been reading long enough and back far enough to understand recent comments about the change in the nature of the beast...

Now Anna,

I think you probably need to post something like:

"Sorry everyone, but for a minute there the walls were coming in on me!"
either accept that with your salary comes long hours and hard work or change something in the equation. (may not be that precise problem or that one alone, granted)

I think Ciet has nailed the rational side of the possible questions you could consider if you choose to stay on YLF and post - which I am sure you want to because it is clearly one of the 'cant be missed' parts of your day.

Another question could be,
"What is it about my life that is currently really giving me the grief?"

and

"Maybe I won't pose that question on YLF but talk about it with someone who 'REALLY' knows me rather than have everyone on YLF trying to work out how to respond to something I posted, without knowing whether to laugh or cry.
PS - don't be embarrassed just deal with it - in real life.

marianna

Veteran

Hi Anna... I think this post is a good reminder that we need to remember Angie's #1 rule on this forum -- to have fun with fashion. When fashion/posting pictures becomes more of a burden/stressor, then we're defeating the purpose of YLF. If posting commuting pictures is stressing you out and is no longer fun, I think it will be okay if you don't post them. Do what you enjoy and what gives you pleasure. We all enjoy your style and seeing what you're wearing, but I think it is more important that you make it to work on time and are not stressed out in the mornings.

catgirl

Veteran

I haven't been here much, but I did click on your blue kitty post and had I not read this thread first, I would have said something complimentary about your hair as well - ESPECIALLY since you yourself pointed out in the description that you had tried something new and pulled it back with pins. It's not like you said "please, no comments on the experimental hair". Even then, I didn't see anything but straightforward compliments, which you seem to be interpreting as criticism of your other hairstyles.

I see a lot of mixed messages in your recent posts. You've asked about people not admiring or finding your style attainable and stated that you don't know if the effort of posting is worth the reward. Yet you've also made it clear that you are not seeking the kind of feedback a lot of us want on how to improve a look. I gotta say, I'm now more confused about what your goals are when you post.

I'd echo Ceit and Marley's comments as well. And I really hope this gets worked out. I enjoy your posts but I certainly don't want them to involve guilt, stress or angst for you (or me).

Greg

I need to let people of this thread know that we have removed several replies that were masquerading as anonymous.

Two "anonymous" posters had signed up with a second username for the purpose of posting a response. This is not allowed. There is no obligation to use your real name on YLF, but you have to represent yourself (not a fictitious persona or someone else) and you can only create a single username.

There are very few rules on YLF and there really don't need to be, but this is one of them. We will be adding language to the terms of service to make this clear.

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