Midway through the treatments - YouLookFab Forum

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Midway through the treatments

Tanya

Veteran

So, I am halfway through my radiation treatments, and those are the good
news. The bad news is that I still have the much worse half in front of me.

It seems that the "fun" part has started. I woke up on Wednesday with a fairly sore, painful and dry throat. It bothered me when I swallowed. Then yesterday, the dryness was gone, because the darn mucositis has kicked in as well. I saw my doctor last night and after the scope examination, he confirmed both. So he prescribed me more meds. Both of the new drugs, like the old one, can also make you dizzy and drowsy. The old one was already doing a good job of that on me. I have a conference abstract deadline at work on Wednesday, and after that I plan to stop working, as I can not do much or anything at all with all the dizziness and drowsiness, not to mention the radiation fatigue. Also, my hair started falling out at the nape of the neck and my skin is getting redder.

Tonight I was out with friends for a nice dinner and learned two things: the good one was that Oxycodone is indeed helping me swallow food without too much discomfort for now. The bad news is that I seem to have started to loose my taste too - everything tasted pretty diluted in the lack of a better word, and some tastes were completely gone. I thought this was going to happen much later.

I am feeling pretty depressed about all these symptoms. I know that most are normal at this point, I am more worried about how much worse are they going to get.

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51 replies

Latest reply was from Neel

deb

Veteran

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Taking off work will help with some of the stress and allow you to sleep when you need to. Hang in there, I am thinking of you.

LACeleste

Veteran

I am sincerely sorry you are going through this Tanya and I wish I could help you with your worries. Midway through is a milestone. Thinking of you.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

Tanya, hang in there. We are all rooting for you, and sending our assorted prayers and loving thoughts and well-wishes. You will make it through this, one babystep at a time. xoxo

donnat

Veteran

Half way....you will make it. The drugs are working now and will likely continue to work. I think your stress level will come down once you are done work. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. I wish i could come down there and look after you.

catgirl

Veteran

Hugs to you, Tanya. I hate that you are going through this.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Sending you healing thoughts & wish there was more I could do.. The drugs are working & that is good.

Sharon

Veteran

So sorry to hear this - it really sucks. It's so hard to feel bad and not to know how much worse things are going to get. It's particularly difficult to lose something like taste that can be a comfort and consolation in difficult times.
My heart is with you.

I think finishing work is a good idea. Now is the time to marshall all your strength and energy and belief in yourself, and use them to convince yourself that you CAN get through this, that you ARE stronger than whatever the treatment can throw at you and that when it is over, life WILL be good again. Because all of those things are true, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
xx

DizzyLizzy

Sending hugs Tanya. Sharon is so right - when this horrible, horrible time you are going through is finished, life won't just be good again - it will be so much better as you will be so much stronger. Thinking of you a lot.

Deborah

Veteran

Tanya, I wish I could just come on over, give you a hug and be there for you. Know there is light at the end of the tunnel and we are all here supporting you in spirit. Halfway means you are closer to the end, hang in there xxx

Anonymous

I echo Sharon too. You will come out of the other side of this and each day now, is one nearer to finishing the treatments. Hugs.

Anonymous

Hi Tanya,
I am sorry you are going thru a rough spot. At this time, I would concentrate on your mental state and your ability to cope. Why? Because at this stage all of the mechanisms are in place for healing, it is how your mind processes it, what is going to help you the most.

I do understand your fear in anticipation of what's ahead, but try to take it one day at the time. I know it is easier said that done, but let me share with you what I used to do, when I was super sick with my panic attacks. One of my biggest fears was that I was not going to ever be or feel like myself again. I felt lost in my mind, like if the world just numbed around me. That fear used to engulf me sooo badly, I would go on endless crying spells, which would trigger panic attacks. Part of it was that I was trying so bad to repress how I felt. So, I started doing this. When I felt my worry coming to me I stopped fighting it, but I "gave it" a time allowance. So, I would say to myself ,"OK, from 10-11 am, I am going to let this feeling control me, but at 11:00, I will stop feeling so sorry and so scared". Try it, it does work. At the 20 minute mark, I started feeling silly. I get that worry and that fear you speak of. It is almost as if you want to fast forward to see how the movie ends, but you can't. The reality is no one can walk this road for you, but you will find the strength you did not know you had. Many of us, who have faced major health obstacles will tell you that. You will see it through Tanya. Trust your body's design. Our bodies want to heal, to be whole again. All of the mechanisms are in motion for a positive outcome, use your mind to bring it forth to the finishing line. I did lots of visualization techniques. I also walked a lot. The mind cannot panic and walk at the same time, go figure.

Thank you for taking the time to update us. We are all with you in spirit and want you to overcome this, as soon as possible.

Anonymous

Sending you lots of love and healing thoughts, Tanya. You are stronger than you know. xoxo

Makrame

Veteran

Hi Tanya, so sorry to hear about the side effects getting worse but fortunately, they will go away once the treatment is finished. Hugs and best wishes to you!

I heard a show on NPR talk of the nation last year, where they talked about unexpected side effects of chemo with a woman who has gone through it (she is back at work as an NPR executive editor and also wrote a book about her treatment, I believe). She mentioned that she tried not to eat some of her favorite foods during chemo so that the taste would not be "tainted" by the side effects, and she could continue to enjoy them after the treatment was done.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Tanya, thank you for checking in here. We are all thinking of you. I am so sorry that the going is rough now. It's a really difficult passage. But you are halfway through, halfway through, halfway through!! And that is something to celebrate in a small way.

Kristin L

Veteran

I'm sorry you're having to deal with those awful side-effects. I'm sending you big hugs.

Louise

Veteran

(((Hugs))) what a rotten time you're having x I'm going to chuck in a suggestion for aromatherapy to help bolster your mood. BF and I seperated 2 weeks ago after 13 years together and I'm finding Grapefruit and Bergamot oils in an oil burner are helping to lift my mood and Lavender is helping me get a good nights sleep x

Angie

(website)

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Oh, Tanya. If we could make it better for you - and take away the brutality of it all - we would do so in less than a nano-second. I can't adequately express
how my heart goes out to you right now.

The tide turns at the lowest ebb of the sea. You will get through this. You will find the strength and soldier on despite feeling rock bottom because that is how you operate. And it's an excellent idea to stop working soon. You need to rest and recoup without interruption.

Sandy went through similar emotional and physical trauma. She is in remission now. Keep on focusing on that dot, darling Tanya. It's taken her months to feel "normal" again. To combat the fatigue and side effects of both chemo and radiation. But she got there. And so will you, because we are always stronger than we think we are. There is no doubt in my mind.

We love and adore you here. Wish you strength every second of the day. And are thinking of you all the time. Much love and hugs. xo

Diana

Veteran

Only 3 weeks left to go! That's less than a month. Keep reminding yourself of that, and then when it's over you can focus on recovering.

It's good that you're going to take some time off from work. I know lab work can be really exhausting even if we don't realize it at the time.

I'm sorry it's so tough for you right now. I really wish I could come by and cheer you up, but since I can't I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs and good thoughts.

Ginkgo

Veteran

So glad to see that you posted -- I check here every day looking for word from you. That's great that you were out to dinner with friends.

My only suggestion is how about wrapping up in a soft, warm blanket and listen to audio books, something light and easy, and just let your body heal.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I'm wrapping you in the biggest hug EVER Tanya! Half way through means half way done. I'm sorry the symptoms are worsening for you and I'm glad you're going to stop working so that you can rest and kick this thing in the BUTT!

Peri

Veteran

I'm going to echo Zapotee, she said it so well. That is the focus of the medical hypnosis I mention at your last post....really just meditation to calm the panic and support your body's healing. Who wouldn't be depressed? That's very normal so be nice to yourself about it and think about Zapotee's suggestions.

Glory

Veteran

Tanya I have been thinking about you this week. I think stopping work soon is a great idea and will let you focus all of your energy on coping and getting through the next weeks of your treatment. I think Zap has given some great advice as well. Breaking things into discrete time periods might help thru some of the tougher moments. Sending you positive energy! x0

Debora

Veteran

Big hugs, Tanya! You've been in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad to hear that you'll be stopping work soon and can devote your energy to healing. Be kind to yourself, and know that you have a whole community of sisters wishing you the best. I hope these next few weeks go well for you. Please don't hesitate to ask if you need anything.
xo

Echo

Veteran

I am so, so sorry about the side effects. But halfway is a significant milestone, and you WILL make it through. You are in my thoughts.

anne

Veteran

Dearest tanya. You are in my prayers. I wish I could be there for you.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Tanya, hugs and healing vibes for you! You are going through such an ordeal now but be strong and you will get through: there is a light on the other end of the tunnel, you must believe into it!

More hugs!!!

Neel

Veteran

Tanya, please hang on there dear. You will find the strength to deal with everything that is thrown your way, that's the rule of nature. On the brighter side, isn't it great that the meds are helping you with the pain?

Loads of hugs and prayers coming your way. You are one very strong woman and I cannot emphasize enough on that. x

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

You are half way there!! Hang in there. Soon you will be looking back on this and feeling so very proud of yourself for getting through it. You can do it!!

Lantana

Veteran

Tanya, thank you for making time to keep us updated on your treatment. As always, I wish you strength to persevere.

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