Mid Year review: I'm all over the place :( - YouLookFab Forum

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Mid Year review: I'm all over the place :(

Anonymous

Angie's recent mantra of " stick to /go back to the classics when the trends aren't in your favour" has really been in my head of late.

This spring and summer has left me feeling dissatisfied, definitely unfab, and thoroughly confused in terms of my style, what is out there at retail , and what the heck I want to wear. I've been spending money like a crazy person lately: buying more and more in a silly attempt to find the right things, to get the trends right, to make them work. And now I have a great pile of clothes and shoes that are all over the place in terms of style and function. Rather than slowing down and take a breath, I get more ramped up in my determination to make things work.

I tell myself I don't have a lot of time to browse and shop, and don't have time and/or interest in sitting on my computer browsing through a million pages of clothes......and yet I've ordered everything I can think of and have spent far too much time in stores lately . My friends,I've gone off the deep end.

This year's trends are not my friends. I do not find high-rise pants flattering on me, or on 90% of the population . The first two tops/skirts combos in today's blog post left me pretty confused - I don't see anything appealing about them whatsoever. I know a lot of it is about relaxing into JFE territory - but I don't feel I can "afford" JFE, if you know what I mean. I don't have enough to work with that I can let half of it go . I now have about 4 pair of cropped flowy-er and wide legged pants/jeans, and I do not feel great in any of them. I buy tops to wear with them, and those don't work either. This whole focus on the midsection of the body (exposed high rises, shorter tops ) is really not for me.

In my line of work, it's important to look current, even fashion-forward. I WANT to look like I pay attention to trends .

Dresses? Well, I've ordered a Boden shirtwaist (and then added in a pair of clogs and a bag I really don't need, but I was in an ordering frenzy) , but have not heard a peep out of them since my order was acknowledged last week. Ships from the UK though, so who knows when I'll get it.

Does everything have to be about losing 10-20 lbs in order to wear the trends well? Because if it is, I'm out. I don't want to be caught up in that mindset, but it's honestly how I feel this summer. And then to make matters worse, my husband made a crappy comment about my hair 2 weeks ago - suggesting it was getting far too short. Can I please hide until winter now?

Thanks for reading this rant - am I alone out here on my raft in the sea of misery?

Dressing

45 replies

Latest reply was from

ophelia

Veteran

No, you're not alone. I love all the midi lengths around...but pants, I just say NO.
I will never wear a high rise. Or a crop. They look ridiculous on me. If it's any help, the second hand shops, and ebay, are flooded with mid and low rise. Not to encourage more shopping or anything.
(However, a disclaimer: I am not remotely trendy. I've been wearing midi skirts forever....So I'm not too bothered by what's out there. )
And remind your husband that hair grows back.

Peri

Veteran

HI Lisa...sending much sympathy your way. I have really not liked this cropped trend at all. But our responses are different...I've let go of caring about trends. I check online for things I like and don't worry too much if they are trendy. The only ways trends impact me are by limiting what I can find, so that's one way to narrow down my shopping. I guess the other way is when something I love is actually in style...like assym hem tops were and then they date faster. I guess that might be the case with some tops I'm buying the last year or so with the interesting sleeve details. But guess what...I will wear them anyway.

I don't know what has improved to make me less worried about it. I know I can't do crops because of the shoe issue that I can't help, and even if I could I have zero interest in the wide leg crops. I do know one specific thing that put me flat out over the edge as far as worrying if I looked in style...the frumpy earring thread from a few years ago. That one was just over the top. I think of jewelry as the most personal element of style, so debating over whether an earring type could look frumpy was my cue to take a giant step back.

Don't know it that helps, but you are beautiful and unique, and don't need to worry about whether you follow any specific trend if you don't like it.

ophelia

Veteran

There was a frumpy earring thread??
Must find....:)

Pat_P

Husbands often don’t like our hair- oh well! Mine always wants my hair as long as possible, and that’s just not my style. He’s learned to limit his comments, for his own safety.

On the clothing front, I can relate - although for different reasons. High waists are absolutely my friend, but a limited budget (and a commitment to fully wearing/wearing out my clothes) has kept me from as many new purchases/clothing updates as I might like. I enjoy the clothes I have but want that “rush” of something new - even though I don’t really *need* anything new and have other budget priorities right now. I’m trying to think creatively about new combinations to satisfy that urge.

Finally, from the pictures you have posted at other times, you look great! I think you are being way, way too hard on yourself.

Anonymous

One of the problems with social media is that people are always presenting their most ideal fantasy representation. LisaP -- You are one of the most honest people I know via social media. You are a breath of fresh air in a stale, stale world. I agree with every single word you wrote ... except high rise pants. I love being able to bend over and not expose my butt to the world.

Anyway. Thank you for your honesty.

Anonymous

Haha - Sterling - I don't care for low-rises either. Mid-rise all the way for me.

And yes, I want to know about frumpy earrings too! Knowing me though, I probably started it

bj1111

Veteran

bah to unkind hubbie comments

bah to trends that leave us cold

double bah to losing weight to make clothes look good. i've introduced you to my meno-belly, haven't i?

yes to classics that fit. i don't get the gigantic plaid jackets that can't be worn to work unless you are a creative. give me a fitted even shrunken or cropped blazer and we are in bizniz.

yes to being confused about trendy proportions and retreating to the flattering full length skinnies.

"you are not alone" -- agent mulder

Bijou

Veteran

Lisa please post what you are wearing because I am 100% confident that you will be looking amazing. If you are not, then Angie will set you on the right path. This happens to all of us, that the colours and trends are just not for us.

Of course being a young thin model makes getting dressed in anything easy, but the reality is that most of us on the forum could be mothers (or grandmothers) to those girls and these are issues that we face too.

As for the hair comment I got something similar recently from my husband - my hair is shoulder length, but used to be longer - and I got "every time you go to the hairdresser your hair gets shorter, at this rate you will be like Sinead O'Connor". I just had to laugh at how melodramatic he was being!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Lisa, I understand the feeling. And more and more, I’m getting more comfortable in the #iwearwhatilike realm. I’m not super trendy and that’s ok. At this stage I’d prefer to hone my own style and keep current with details like trendy earrings and footwear. I’ve been wearing tie-front tops and midis and long shorts forever, and they just happen to be trending now, but I’ll likely keep wearing them when hemlines go back up and tops get blousier again.

I struggle with crops and wide legs too. I tried those Anthro ones that I liked in the store, but at home they just didn’t feel right, so back they went. I won’t go naked for lack of them.

I can also relate to being discontent with current weight and how it affects how I feel in clothes. I’m a little freaked out at the moment because I have my annual checkup in a few weeks, and that’s really the only time I see my weight. I suspect it’s up from last year and I don’t want that to be the case. So I just started logging on My Fitness Pal again, sigh.

I agree with the others that every time you do post an outfit you look great.

rachylou

Veteran

It’s funny. I’ve been really liking high-waists and hating on all my low-waist pants... but TBH, I’m severely short-waisted and pretty much ALWAYS cover it up because it’s a total deformity to have one’s legs coming out of one’s neck. Freaks me out.

Also, I really love a good trend, normally... but I’ve been worrying about myself because I HAVEN’T been trying to hunt any trend down... because here’s the thing, there’s no such thing as a strong trend now. I get a lukewarm feeling about everything.

Lastly, Lisa, I have to admit I have never ever associated you with clogs... which makes me think, what *I* need is a good trend within my own style... which, lol, is Aging Hipster. I wonder what’s the rage with Aging Hipsters these days... lol.

anne

Veteran

Empathy here. Haven't worn my wide crops once yet. I love the secure feel of high rise, but the look, on me? Not sure. And I can't blame menopause. I just over eat.

JAileen

Veteran

I’ve said this before: you’re way too hard on yourself. You always look great. BTW, I got my hair cut yesterday, and my husband didn’t even notice.

And, yay clogs!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Significant others are entitled to their opinions, but we don't need to like or listen to them!

I'm nodding along - and laughing with bj1111

Lisa P, the Individualism trend is THE most important trend. You are putting yourself under unnecessary pressure - don't! The trends have been tricky this year - for me, and many of my clients. You are not alone. It happens! Don't let it boss you around. It's not important. STEP BACK and think about your signature style. Think about the looks that DO make you feel good. Throw the rest out the window. Every time you do this, you calm down and enjoy your style - until you try something that you don't think works and you lose confidence with the tried and tested aspects of your style. Try to rise above that. Be confident about your individual style because it's KILLER. It's your head that has to catch up with the stylish person in the mirror.

On a more practical note, can you return anything that you bought this year that is not working?

Don't worry! The frenzy of moving can cause lots of stress. Dial back. One outfit at a time.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

As an aside, that earring post from a few years ago is a kick to revisit. At the time, my earring style was very minimal, but I was experimenting more with other aspects of my style. These days I’m back into more statement-ish earrings, but my overall style feels more established and comfortable than it did back then. Interesting.

Anonymous

bj1111 made me laugh as well. We all need a friend like that in our back pocket.

bj1111

Veteran

hah! just revisited the frumpy earring discussion.

lisa, you've talked about how "classic" can veer into frumpy as one ages. i love the classic chanel jacket and i used to own a st. john (which my sister refers to as the rich old lady brand) tweed jacket about 15 years ago. now that i'm their target market, i'm concerned that it reads dated and frumpy rather than timeless. one more thing that is at odds with staying "classic" when trends don't agree.

honestly, if i think about the time i've spent on this as billable minutes, i'd have a much larger shopping budget.

Runcarla

Veteran

Loving what Angie said about investing in classics when retail of the moment isn't your jam! I spent a day in the Big City - mostly to window shop and get inspo. A few shop windows were white-out outfits, but the rest looked like a hectic (though stylish) mish-mash that just isn't me, and frankly probably isn't a lot of folks! I did enjoy people watching, though, and the best looking folks did seem to have a formula of: classics + 1 TREND + the best grooming, and they weren't all that young.

Do you have a style moniker, theme, or word, or even an image that represents your aspirational aesthetic? Would you share with us so that we can 'workshop' some ideas for you?

BlueJay

Veteran

Hi Lisa,

FWIW, from your posts, I think that you look fab! It's not you, it's the trends!

I'm feeling empathetic, as I, too, have felt and shopped to the point of feeling like I'm out of control and dissatisfied with trends too. When I feel this way, that's when I know I have to stop shopping. I write a note to myself on a post-it and stick it to my credit card to remind myself about not buying something that I probably won't like and will end up returning anyways.

Another strategy I use is to do the 10 x 10 challenge with clothes I like (and have) and are current/trendy because it helps me to be more creative and it makes me really take a good look at what I do have. If there is a particular skirt or pants I own and I feel blah about how to style it, I'll go to Pinterest or Google images to see if I can sort of "copy" the outfit. After this process I can sometimes identify "holes" in my wardrobe. I also use lists to shop which helps me stay on track. Accessories can help make me feel like an outfit is more current too, rather than buying more clothes.

Yes, hair can grow back (what do husbands know about hair anyways)??

Anonymous

You are not alone at all-remember my similar rant a few months ago (hence the very "safe" shopping) I'm totally with you re: exposed high rises and don't want to draw attention to that area either!

It's ok to skip trends that make you unhappy-and invest in the things that you do love (fashion and otherwise).
And it's ok to stop and reset at any time, and return anything that makes you feel self conscious, sad, or otherwise inauthentic.

anchie

Veteran

Lisa - you are hard on your self. You always look great. And hair will grow back if you don’t like your current style. You know what you like and just keep wearing it. Nothing wrong with that. It seems that I am odd one here - I like high waist crops not because they are trendy but because they are very practical - high waist is comfortable, wide legs are breezy and cropped length allows for all kinds of footwear. I just posted K/R for a pair and not getting lot of feedback. I now understand why - it seems that it is not favored on the forum and people will rather say nothing then give negative feedback.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh, PFFFFFF on your husband. Honestly!! Mr. P, where were your manners this a.m.?

(Said by the woman whose husband just walked in with 2 J. Crew boxes, saying, DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES?"

I smiled sweetly and answered: "I know you are just teasing me so I am going to take it in that spirit and smile and not get upset. Because, after all, when you asked my opinion about two new shirts that arrived for you yesterday, I did not say, MORE SHIRTS? I said, "That looks very nice on you."

My view on trends is take what you like and leave the rest! Play with the ones that give you pleasure and ignore all others.

Extravagant sleeve detail, cold shoulder, etc. left me literally and figuratively cold. I tried ONE sleeve detail shirt that was very inexpensive in a colour I liked -- but even the beautiful colour could not save it. 3 wears and it was out the door. That's okay. Sometimes you need a learning opportunity like that to figure out something isn't right. If you can get some money back on returns, go for it. Or on consignment? Get rid of what's not working. Stick to beloved formulas with your fab updated footwear.

Christina F.

Veteran

I agree with others it's okay to tell the trends to take a hike where and when you need to. I realize that makes it more difficult to find the things you DO like, though. Not a fun situation.

Classically Casual

Veteran

I think it’s challenging when one is working and in the public eye. There often is a certain pressure to look current and whatever else the situation requires. That’s real in many cases. It can effect salary and all kinds of things.

But speaking from the land of the happily retired, my view is now totally different. I look for women who dress authentically. That can be any style whatsoever. I view it as a shortcut to getting to know them. It’s women who are happy in their own skin, whether they’re in flares or crops. I also scan for personal, often statement jewelry. It often has a story to tell, just like the woman.

Sorry I don’t have any actionable advice, other than it will get better.

missvee

Veteran

I know it does no good to say that your WIWs always look fab, but I’ve said it anyway haha. Working in a fashion business must be extra stressful if you feel the need to be current. But not all fashion folk follow trends do they? I’m thinking of Emanuelle Alt with her mostly black plus mostly slim jeans uniform. Or Anna Wintour with her signature sheath dresses and classic bob. Their ‘uniforms’ are perfect for them and they rarely deviate from them. So what has this got to do with us mere mortals ? Well I suppose I’m saying if we can identify a couple of silhouettes and colours that never fail to flatter us then maybe that’s where our wardrobes should stay (until something better comes along lol). I think of your blazers that always look great, and your fab McQueen scarf and to me they say “sharp tailoring with edgy accessories”. To translate that to summer maybe a sleeveless trench dress? Shirt dress, sleeveless or not? Slim ankle length trousers? Interesting shoes also make a huge difference, but you know that already!
I sympathize about the wide leg pants though. There’s a pair in my closet giving me the side eye, but I just can’t style them. It doesn’t help that DH refers to them as “ the big pants “. Like that’s an incentive to wear them.

Sal

Veteran

Sorry to hear you are in a bit of a fashion funk. Moving and transition can be hard - and I wonder if this is behind some of your emotions - plus recovery from your injury.

I felt like this a few years back with the long tunics, endless skinny jeans, a choice of high heels or ballet flats and grey everywhere!!! Looks that were not right on me - I could make them work but it was an effort..... and I didn’t feel great. I felt off!

A while ago you developed a rail of pieces that you liked and a capsule of sorts. Could you try this again with 80% pieces you know that work and s few more experimental ones?

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I'm SO on the other side of any current trend - well unless the occasional graphic tee counts - I'm not even sure where to begin. I've opted lately to focus on my music and put most fashion mostly to the back burner. I did make an effort today and wore a soft linen blazer over my basic heather gray tank and rolled jean shorts - and I wore sandals instead of sneaks and a necklace and belt (earth shattering, right?) Ha! I think I even got a positive look from a stranger for the first time in about six months -- or well, I guess maybe he was looking at the waitress behind me. lol.

Anyway, I also despise high rise pants - and crop tops don't exactly work when you're closer to 60 than 30. I haven't been buying much. I did order these shorts and (likely too cropped) top to try - at least I can "play dress up" for five minutes before sending them back.

Texture & Thread Wrap-Tie Tank Top

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gryffin

Veteran

Lisa - I’m so sorry you are in such a frustrating and unhappy place. We make our own personal hell sometimes. Blake’s “mind forged manacles.” I agree w all above. When I’m unhappy with clothes it’s usualky because there is a disconnect between what I’ve bought and who I am. I find YFL can in many ways exacerbate this because what is stunning and lovely on someone, that I might emulate, is not authentic to me. I’ve bought and donated way to much until I really understood this mistake. When I need to find my center I use the “Five Minute Fire Drill Wardrobe” technique. It’s not my idea - it was in Judith Krantz’s “Scruples 2”. The gist is there’s a fire and you have 5 min and 1 paper shopping bag to pack. I allow myself unlimited planning but only amount I could pack in that time. It’s the blazer that looks good with everything, the dress that makes you look 10 lb thinner, the stuff you’d fight to the death over. Lisa that’s the core of who you are sartorially. Trends are the stuff you pick up to add interest but it’s these pieces that will never fail you. I don’t know if that helps, but it always works for me when I lose my way. When I buy I ask why is that piece so special and so perfect then I try and find riffs that broaden my options but become just as beloved. Hope that helps. Hugs! BTW when I think of you and your style words like edgy, arresting, stunning, unique, playful are what comes to mind.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Poor you,it’s tough being our age isn’t it?Is there a deeper emotional reason for the way you are feeling than an aversion to high rise jeans?Anyways can I suggest stepping away from the credit card and practicing some self care?Maybe seeing a sympathetic friend or indulging in a bit of well deserved R and R?Moving and having an injury are all major life stressors and it’s important to take care of yourself at this time.Be kind to yourself Lisa and give your abit of slack.

Style Fan

Veteran

You always look great to me, Lisap. I think of you as very fashion forward. You do wear the long blazers so well. Aren't they trendy? Did I miss something?
I agree with what Gryffin said. All of it.
Anchie, I need to check your post. Certain looks work for certain people. High rise wide legged pants work for me. I think we are in the minority.

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