Classically Casual states it very well.

It is challenging to dress when one is working and in the public eye. There is a certain pressure to look current and whatever else the situation requires. It can affect salary. It definitely affects how you are judged by your peers and those younger than you. Thus, presentation is far more important than many people appreciate.

I feel your pain because you do work in an segment that demands a lot. You do need to look current, even fashion-forward. Paying attention to trends is very important on multiple different levels.

I am acutely aware of these factors when I get dressed for work in the morning. I strive to hit certain marks to present the image I want people to notice, acknowledge, and respect. You are probably no different than me, but your marks may be different than mine.

Are you getting what you need from this post? Have we responded in a way that is helpful to you at this time? I personally found gryffins advice to be fascinating. I'm going back to her post to think about it some more. Sal also had some very helpful thoughts imho.

Then there is the fact that you were injured and moved recently. I can't imagine how either of those factor into this mess, but you know they have some effect on some level. Perhaps your stress level is higher than you imagined and you are in a reactionary stance?

Best wishes.

"I know a lot of it is about relaxing into JFE territory - but I don't feel I can "afford" JFE, if you know what I mean. I don't have enough to work with that I can let half of it go ."

AMEN, sister.

As I get older and my body spreads out a bit, I am realizing that some trends - even the ones that I really love - just don't work for me. Add to that my HIGH need for comfort, to ALWAYS be warm, and EXCELLENT quality - and, well, it doesn't leave much out there.

I know that giving up trends is not an option for someone like you, because you like to have fun with fashion and want to project a modern image (as do I.) Can you pick a few areas to stay with the classics with - (well tailored mid rise pants, say, or tucked out longer tops) and then areas you do want to play with? (Maybe shoes, jewelry, makeup, as I know that these are areas where you experiment?)

Maybe figure out a few outfit formulas that work, then just populate them and milk them until the tides turn?

Lisap, I'm not even going to read the comments, just reply.

I think you are beautiful. You have an innate style that is apparent from every image I have ever seen of you. Even though we have completely different body types, hair styles, the works, I have so often admired your style, and adapted it so I could wear it. I have even lemming'd you on a few things—a super casual sleeveless asymmetrical gray cotton dress and a beautiful black & white windowpane check wool dress from Anthropologie spring to mind. You looked smashing in both.

I've always loved your hair style and thought it was perfect for you. Husbands can make offhand comments that they have no idea can resonate with us for weeks or longer and make us feel pretty crappy. My husband knows better now, but I had to teach him.

Screw trends. You get to boss the trends around, don't let them boss you around. You write the script, and you do Lisa. That's authentic, and that's beautiful.

when the trends are not for me, i tend to go basic...simple, yes dare i say it, boring, pants or jeans, and a simple top...and usually a column of color....and then let the accessories and/or the shoes do the heavy lifting....and you are the queen of accessories! so i know that you can do this...

And for what its worth, i think you have great style and also look put together and current....

You know my friends, even though my post was a bit of a whine, I appreciate every.single.word.written here. Some of you know me a little too well, which makes me smile, but you are all so smart and say just what needs to be said.

Gryffin - THANK YOU for adding your thoughts here. It's funny, I thought of you today when I hit up my old fav boutique (yes, I was still shopping after writing this post) where I bought my Smythe jackets, my Minkoff bags, Rag & Bone boots, and CE t-shirts.......and honestly breathed a sigh of relief and felt a calm coming over me. I haven't shopped there in a good year as the prices of those lines has skyrocketed here in Canada (Smythe blazers are $800 now, Equipment blouses $375 etc) but the classic, modern, fashion-driven brands and colours looked so fantastic and reminded me how far off base I am right now with trying to wear these new trends. I never used to be so trend driven , and now it's nuts! A tied-front Zara blouse I wore today was great from the front, but in profile made me look 9 months pregnant. I was almost embarrassed to be back in that store, dressed the way I was. You are dead right in suggesting selecting the best of the best and ignoring the crap that is in stores right now. And yes, I hate to say it, but YLF has often made me think I should have these new trends in order to keep my look fresh. I look at members who have completely different bodies than me, and somehow think I should be able to look like that too if I too bought such and such a new thing. UGH .

bj1111- me too with the billable hours. I'd be loaded

kkards - I follow your lead a lot here. You are a retail professional too, and yet dress in a very interesting, yet not silly/trendy way. I need to dial it back , return my latest box from Zara, and get a grip.

Kate - you are so kind, and so smart. Thank you. Why do we forget to take charge of our own fashion destiny and think we need every new look? I should know better.

Roxanna - you are absolutely right . And I thought of your last post where you are wearing that gorgeous BCBG jacket, classic trousers, and pumps. You looked like a million bucks. I , today, on the other hand, looked like $150 from Zara, and felt like it. Cheap pieces that will not last a year, which goes totally against the goals I set for myself earlier this year. I would rather have had the $375 Equipment blouse instead, had I not spent so much money already this month. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Sterling - YES . These replies have been fantastic and really hit the mark. I lose focus when I start on a shopping bender. I forget who I am and what I really look like, and what I really want from a wardrobe.

Style fan - your style is right on trend this season, you're right . It's about being thoughtful and selective - something I am not.

Cardiff Girl - yes, age does funny things to one's body and mind. I don't know if I'm reacting to something other than what's in my closet. Good question and food for thought tonight. And , I cut myself ZERO slack - I don't believe in that

texstyle - I have always related to your style, and now that you mention it...where have you been indeed?? It's also why I don't post many WIW's these days - I don't wear what is currently in favour here on the forum. I love the finds you posted - too tiny and short and cropped for my body in it's current stage, but cute !

Sally - I am setting aside time this weekend to sort through my closet once again and start figuring out where the holes really are. I'd be happy in a wardrobe of skinny jeans and tunics - lol. But I totally understand how it didn't work for you.

missvee- good point about the best fashion pros not following the trends at the cost of their own personal style. A perfect example was the owner of the boutique I went into today (ugh, more shopping) - I don't shop there anymore as the prices of the lines have become prohibitive, but here she was in a 2-year old Smythe blazer , great cropped flares from Mother, a basic tank , and high wedge espadrilles. Nothing overtly trendy here, but she looked fantastic. I on the other hand.....ugh. Died of embarrassment at my own outfit fail, as we talked and talked and talked........lol.

Classically Cas - authenticity is the key word here. What I am buying/ordering/thinking I need is NOT authentic to who I am and my ideas of what looks good. I need to stop letting other people influence me. Thank you!

Christina , Suntiger- thanks for the commiseration .I appreciate your thoughts.

Suz - ha. Mr P was off-side, but I simmered in embarrassment over my too-short hair for a few days, feeling like an aging, chunky woman with too short spiky hair. It's not like I didn't realize it was getting too short, but when you are already feeling less than fab about yourself, that kind of comment can do me in. We have since made up Thanks , also, for the support. I appreciate your thoughts, even though it's you who I try to unsuccessfully emulate. And why? We have completely opposite bodies. For someone so smart, I can be so dumb at times.

Anchie - thanks for the kind words. I am far chubbier than you, and high waisted pants just highlight where I carry all of my current weight - my midsection. I'm also seriously short waisted and heavy-breasted, making those looks really difficult. I AM going in for a breast-reduction consultation soon - and am really curious about what the surgeon will recommend. As to your K/R post - I did see it , and couldn't figure out how to comment. I don't find pants like that great on anyone - not just you, ANYONE. It's a personal poison eye thing I have . Also - the entire look didn't strike me as quite "you". You know?

BluejAy - YES to stop shopping. I'm exhausted and unsatisfied. Instead of forging ahead, I am going to hide and read a couple of books . And keep myself off of the internet. I used to use lists - and somehow fell off the wagon. Same with a list of goals. Back on it!

carla - I have never determined a moniker or style theme - and maybe I should. I think I am going to follow one of your leads and create a comprehensive Pinterest style inspo board.

Now , off to find this earring post....

Lisa - that’s exactly it - the feeling of calm, serenity, a rightness - that’s the feeling the right clothes give. There’s fashion and there’s style. There’s no heart or soul or passion or comfort or succor in fashion because it’s someone else’s dream - hollow and unfulfilling. Beautiful and addictive like a pastry shop binge that leaves you unfulfilled and unnourished. Style where fashion’s offerings serve our personal vision is what sustains, comforts, supports and elevates us. I’m currently trying to tap into this for myself. Im trying not to look at what everyone is wearing. I decided to focus on blazers because everything else is a support act. VB has done some great ones but I can only afford them on sale. So I’ve been stalking. I personally see the most unique and entrancing part of your style hair/make up, your McQ scarves, shoes and accessories. You know I pulled Scruples 2 out of the basement after writing my post. Did you ever read it? They start a catalogue of elevated basics, accessories it’s actually one of the best fashion reads on the concept of wardrobe creation and I always think back on it. Well worth a read. But I’m so glad you went to your boutique. Even if it’s to browse or see if you can stalk on sale it sounds like the essence of how you want to dress. Hang in there. You can’t solve a problem until you know it exists. You’re well on your way to sorting things out. More hugs.

gryff - you're the best. OF COURSE I read that book! I need to revisit it asap. When I was in "my" boutique, one rail of clothes made me feel like I had come home: a gorgeous , pretty silk blouse from Equipment (loose and easy cut, not the usual shirt cut), skinny pale blue frayed hem jeans, a stunning black leather moto jacket, and a grey RM satchel (ok , I may or may not have bought that bag) . I wanted to chuck all of my clothes and just wear those 3 pieces. Yes, a leather jacket is ridiculous in summer, but whatever

Lisa you have once again started one of the most interesting discussions on the forum. I can visualise you in that outfit, it sounds perfect in every way. Finding our own style is a journey, but I love Gryffin’s advice that when we find it, it feels like home.

This was a very valuable post. I personally learned a lot from reading all the replies. Once again I thank you for bringing up a very provocative subject.

and i may have downloaded Scruples and Scruples 2 onto my iPad last night....it's like revisiting old friends LOL

Lisa, Thank you for this post!
You put things into words in a way I never can. I hear you loud and clear as what you posted really resonated with the way I feel in many ways. I have learnt so much from this, once again thank you.
I'm off now to re-read all the responses.

With all very-much-due respect to this forum and to Angie, it's not YLF that makes me feel I need to try out all the trends...that was a poor choice of words. I LET myself get swayed that way. No one "makes us" do anything here. My problem is thinking that if I try hard enough , I too can wear x, y and z. Well - I don't want to have to work that hard

Do I have anything to add to this fantastic thread? Umm, well you can get Equipment blouses pretty cheap on TheRealReal among other places. My high waisted version of life are slim boyfriend jeans. Boyfriend jeans that are meant to go to the hips and slouch but in my case work on my waist with the legs being relatively slim. I do keep trying actual high waists, but my experiments cost a few dollars a pop. More significantly you have made me aware of Scruples 2. Scruples the original was a strangely formative book in my younger days and I have reread it many times as a dying-to-transform teen. Never heard of the sequal but just downloaded it from the library. Thanks for starting this topic Lisa.

For me, my “aha” moment was recognizing that, for me, fashion and YLF are inspirational while developing my personal style is better thought of as aspirational.

Trends, designers’ collections, fashion blogs, and Angie’s YLF website are the external motivators which inspire me to think more creatively about how I dress. They kickstart me out of my habits of always pairing X with Y or thinking “oh, no, I could never wear that”. They expand my world.

My personal style, though, is much more complex notion since it involves my lifestyle and values, my ideas of how I’d like others to think of me, and a whole host of personal issues and thoughts about my body and sense of self. Figuring out a personal style is bloody hard work because it requires my body, my ideas, my perceptions, and my judgements to work in some sort of harmony so the end result feels like “me”. BUT, once I think I’ve found something that works, along comes inspiration to upset my hard-won victory.

Aspiration is often defined as “the hope, or ambition, to achieve something” and thinking of my personal style as an ambition as opposed to a static thing was my “aha” moment. When a new trend, or inspiration, hits, I try to decide if it’s worth breaking up my current state to aspire to a new condition. Is the payoff worth the psychological and monetary demands? Angie’s recent dress challenge is a good example. On the surface, wearing a dress instead of my habitual pants seems like an interesting idea. BUT, I don’t own a dress which would work with my casual lifestyle, my past history with dresses has been less than stellar, my current style functions quite well with being “dress-less”, and, most importantly, I’m not really invested in the thought of spending time, money, and energy to figure out how to make this particular inspiration work for me...in short, adopting Angie’s challenge is likely to end up with me feeling frustrated and unhappy with a body (and mind) which is resisting this particular trend. The inspiration might be there but my aspiration—or motivation to achieve—certainly seems lacking.

As Gryffin so wisely put it, style ought to serve our personal vision and my responsibility to is to pick my aspirations wisely instead of letting my inspirations run amuck.

Love you Gaylene . ❤️