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Loving the body you have

Aziraphale

Veteran

I just read this interesting article on body image:

http://www.alreadypretty.com/2.....avery.html

Body image is something I struggled with once. I had an eating disorder as a teenager, so I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and see a "fat" girl despite all the ribs sticking out. I got counseling and worked through it, and I've had nearly 20 years of pretty good body image (and a totally different opinion about the word "fat"), but it is true that I still have the urge to trash talk my body's flaws. I'm careful not to give into it, because I've got a seven year old daughter. (I remember my mom complaining about her figure a lot, and I wonder if that had some influence on why I was so critical of my own). Anyway, this article got me thinking: I've learned not to complain openly about the things I don't like, but what I don't do, and probably SHOULD, is spend more time expressing gratitude and pleasure in the things I do like! But I'm not sure that you can do that without inspiring negative reactions in other women.

What about you? Do you like your figure? Are you comfortable talking about things you LIKE about your face or body? If so, how do other women react? Should we care how other women react?

Body Type

52 replies

Latest reply was from Shauntelle

rae

(website)

Veteran

I like my figure more on some days more than others. My coach in high school had a favorite saying: if you can pinch an inch, then get back on the track! On bad days, I feel horribly pudgy and out of shape, but on good days I feel so lucky that I can be my current size while still enjoying some not-so-healthy food.

Lately, I've been uncomfortable talking about what I *don't* like about my body, because it just seems to make my friends feel bad about theirs. If I lament my jiggling thighs, then a friend will lament her thighs AND arms. If I complain that I gained a pants size, a friend will grumble that she has "no butt." The grass is always greener, and it seems like being negative just opens the floodgates of negativity. I still don't feel comfortable praising my own body, but I can take a compliment with more grace than in the past. :T

MsMary

Veteran

I agree, Rae! When somebody like you, with a lovely figure, complains about her body, then the rest of us go "oh, my -- if she is unhappy with her body, then there's no hope for the rest of us!" and the negativity just spirals! I would love to stamp out "complaining about our bodies" as a female-bonding pastime.

I will be bold and say that I am really digging my body these days. I've lost almost 55 pounds in the past year, but the really exciting thing is that I've been working super hard at the gym so I'm starting to get some nice muscle definition. My quads are super cut, and I'm starting to get some nice definition on my upper arms and shoulders, too, which I have never, ever had in my whole life! So that's really exciting! Plus, I LOVE that I can go to a boot camp class and keep up and do everything I'm asked to do, whether it's military-style pushups or running on the treadmill or lunges with a medicine ball. It took me 52 years to get here but it's awesome.

Oh, and I do like to show off my muscles in my tap dancing class, which is really just a semi-private lesson with two good friends and the teacher, who is also a good friend. They have seen me go through the weight loss process and I think they're ticked to see me enjoying my body. And hopefully some of the positivity is rubbing off.

rae

(website)

Veteran

MaryK, I hope you don't include yourself in "the rest of us," as I bet you are both smaller and more fit than I am right now - you're really kicking butt in those workouts!

MsMary

Veteran

Ah, but it's always something! All of us feel like "the rest of us," I think! But thanks for the nice compliment!

Kim

Veteran

You know, there's a lot to love about my body! It produced 3 healthy children with relative ease and I only have a couple of tiny stretch marks and a tiny belly pooch to prove it! (Well, that and the 3 kids! LOL)

I've lost weight and have been running and working out and I've got a good strong body now. I like my shoulders and back, my calves are quite amazing now (from running) and over all I really like my shape. More so I'm happy that I don't suffer much. This nearly 50 year old body is holding up pretty well, considering all I put it through!

I appreciate my body most days, and don't complain out loud in front of my girls about the things I'm not that thrilled about. They seem to have a pretty good healthy self-image and I hope that I've helped contribute to that.

Louise

Veteran

I finally love the body I have, and while I sometimes wish my chest were a bit perkier and my big toenail was normal if you gave me a million pounds I wouldn't bother changing them x

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I went through a period where I loathed my body, I suffered from miscarriages and despised the body which I viewed as failing me. I have no pictures from this time, heck I barely wanted to look in the mirror. Then I had two healthy pregnancies and view my body with wonder and my body image around the time I lost my babies really disturbs me.

I do have stretch marks and the bust line is no longer perky but I now love my body for being fit, strong and healthy (and in good shape even after my pregnancies). On this forum I'm happy to admit a little body image love, I have worked hard to get to this place and don't mind who knows.

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

I tend to keep quiet on these sorts of topics because I am completely happy with my body because it is mine. I wouldn't boast that I have any part of my body that is particularly attractive as something to hold up as an example, because I don't really think they are, but I wouldn't swap them if I could because it is all part of who I am now.

I am (gently) trying to lose weight because I need to be a healthier weight and I can't deny I'd look better a stone lighter, but even when I was a stone heavier than now (and firmly in the 'overweight' category) I found myself looking in the mirror naked and being happy with how I was.

Sal is right that it seems almost boastful to be happy with your body, but perhaps it's important that those of us who are speak up more.

MsMary

Veteran

Oh, Polly! That's wonderful! Have you always been this happy with your body or was it somthing you had to work on? And if you've always been happy with your body, to what do you attribute that happiness?

I hope you don't mind my asking, but this is such an interesting topic to me and having hated my body for all these years I'm just fascinated to hear somebody who loves her body unconditionally!

catgirl

Veteran

I thought about posting on this today, and decided against it, but since the question has been asked - today, I hate my body. I know I shouldn't say it, but right now I am disgusted with the image in the mirror AND with how I feel physically. I am hoping it will pass. I am sick and have not been able to exercise, which is part of the problem. I can't stand the extra weight I've put on and the feeling of alienation from my own body that it causes.

Sorry. I am truly glad for those who are content with their bodies and hope I get back to that someday.

ETA: I have always been an advocate of self-acceptance, and I recognize the schism between wanting to believe something and actually believing it. And I feel bad complaining at all - it's partly because my shoulder is injured and my health insurance doesn't cover any orthopedic specialists and i'm dreading the possibility that I won't be able to climb. I'm just having a really bad day...

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Una, I'm sorry you're in that head space right now. It's not good at all and I'd love to help you see what I see - a strong, stylish and spunky woman who oozes charisma. The operative word here is HEAD, and not body. It's all about what you think you see. Not what you should see. Start a separate thread and I'll help you see killer you.

You go, Mary! You are amazing and so deserved those new KS shoes.

Elisabeth, you have come a long way since your traumatic teenage days and that's highly commendable. I have no doubt that you set a superb example for your daughter.

A special shout out to Louise, who has one of the healthiest body image perceptions I have *ever* seen. She is a true role model in this regard and we can all learn from her

Polly and Julie, I absolutely LOVED your comments. Very inspirational and wise - as ever.

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

Una - so sorry you're having a wretched day. It seems that you and Julie are/have been hating a body that you feel has let you down. I appreciate your honesty and openness and do hope, Una, that you feel happier soon.

Mary - I have always had been happy with my body and I suspect that a lot of that is down to my mother and her attitude to food for herself and in front of my brother and me when we were growing up. It was that basically you eat healthily because it is good for your body and is what your body needs. We did not have junk food in the house but nothing was ever really forbidden, except in quantity: one biscuit was fine, two was an occasional treat, three was just greedy. I also grew up in a place where there were no sweets - I just completely missed out on that part of growing up. And we were never bought sweets as presents - on Easter Day, for example, the Easter Bunny brought us one Easter Egg each and that was saved and measured out in such small pieces that we often lost interest and it would be used in cooking when it was still uneaten in September...

What a lot you're making me remember! So, a healthy diet, chocolate and sweets as an occasional treat and also no mention of body shape from my mum, not once, not ever (she has little interest in clothes and neither did I for decades!).

KristineK

I'm reminded of something I once read about how men tend to appreciate their bodies for what they can do, whereas women tend to appreciate their bodies for how they look. I also remember having read an article about a study that showed that girls who had played sports growing up tended to have more positive body images than those who didn't (with some exceptions, such as figure skating and gymnastics). There may have even been an explicit link drawn between these two findings somewhere -- it would seem consistent to me, and also seems consistent with what some of the ladies here wrote in the posts above about loving their bodies more after giving birth.

catgirl

Veteran

Angie, thank you. *sniffle* I need to get pro-active. I think KristineK is exactly right - like the guys, I have always appreciated my body for what it can do (run/climb/mountain bike), and not being able to do those things has put me in a bad mental space. Not wanting to be a downer here... it is encouraging to read the words of others who have found peace and happiness.

Today is just not a good day for me is all. I'm glad I have all of you!

marianna

Veteran

Currently I really don't care, which very puzzling because I am about 60 pounds overweight. But... I honestly don't care. I'm not happy with my body but I don't have an ounce of motivation to do anything about it. I don't hate my body and I don't love my body. It is what it is, and I can change it if I ever decide that I want to.

I will say that it makes me really uncomfortable when thin/average weight women complain about their bodies. It makes me feel like I am totally insane for not caring more about my figure.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I hate my body for the way it looks, yet I am very glad to be able to do things again most people (myself included) take for granted...Ive had hip and back problems for yrs but was still able to work on my feet for 20+ yrs and than slowly lost the ability to stand for more than 10 minutes at a time, sit for longer than 15-30 minutes, my 'walking' was reduced to a shuffle..for a while I did good if I could make it down our short driveway and cross the street using my cane:( .Needless to say I had to quit my job I had for 19 years and apply for Social Security Disabilty :(...had several CAT scans, MRI's done...(found more damage to my back and hips, but I honestly believe that medication 'Lyrica' did most of the damage. Lots of Physical Therapy, Chiro treatments and rest ...2 yrs later, I gradually am getting stronger and can *FINALLY* take normal steps and if I use my walker I can even shop for a 1.5 hours or so! With all that inactivity, meds and kidney and thyroid problems I gained about 30 lbs and I was heavy to start with...so Im really struggling with that, but am so grateful to be able to step normally and have *somewhat* more stamina! Its been a long road, but I believe Im getting stronger by the month So I thank my body for that!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Some very interesting and wise replies! It's nice to hear that so many of you are basically happy with what you have. Kristine, I also noticed the comments from the women who have given birth. It's true for me, too. Pre-childbirth, I was reasonably accepting of my body, but I am even more so now, despite the fact that it has more "flaws" (or at least deviations from the cultural ideal) than it used to. There's just something about your body producing healthy, beautiful babies that makes you want to love it more. Also, on a purely shallow level, I was so impressed that my boobs and belly could swell to such unbelievable proportions and still go back to some semblance of their former shape that I was just grateful. I don't even care about the stretch marks. About my breasts in particular, I remember thinking, yikes, when these suckers deflate, they're gonna hang down to my waist....so the fact that they don't, that they DID pretty much recover, was cause for a little private celebration.

Una, I understand your frustration. If you can't do the things you're used to doing, and especially when it causes you to put on weight you're not accustomed to, it's hard to accept. Plus, the exercise itself is as good for the mind as it is for the body, so if you're forced to take a long break from exercising it can mess with your head as well as your shape! But you ARE fabulous, and I hope you are in a better head space soon.

Inge

(website)

If I'm completely honest, I don't feel very good about myself at the moment, mostly because I can't seem to lose the 10 pounds I want to lose (and because of that, some of my clothes fit badly at the moment too). I am a bit cross with myself for feeling this way and for letting it get me down, because all things considered I don't look horrible at all, it's just a bit of weight. I have several people around me with health issues, and have had a few myself in the past, so I absolutely do realise that being healthy and strong is much more important than those extra pounds and I really am incredibly grateful for my own health, yet it does influence my mood a lot of the time. I feel silly and superficial for it...

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

That may be not very modest but I love my body now. It does not mean it is perfect but it serves me well, pretty healthy and always here when I need it!:-)
Seriously I had a lot of body issues when I was a teenager up until my early thirties. You know the rant: too tall, too fat, shoulders too wide, legs too stumpy, feet too big....Then in my mid-thirties I have discovered a secret. You can always find what to loath about your body but you can also always find what to love about your body. The choice is yours and I chose to love it. It made my life so much happier!
Don't get me wrong, there are things I would like to do for my body like loose those last stubborn 8 pounds or get my arms more toned...but I want to do this because I love my body, not because I hate it - that makes all the difference in the world!

Aida

Veteran

Sveta, that is the key isn't it? That you want to improve "because I love my body, not because I hate it". This is the stage I am now at as well. I didn't have huge body issues when younger from what I can gather, but there are always those sore spots. I started going to the gym this year and instead of saying to myself "I need to lose weight" I am approaching it as "I need to be healthier"; I wasn't exercising at all, was eating OK but not great, was a little bit overweight, and certainly my muscles weren't very strong. All these things have improved and I feel very happy about it (it's nice not getting winded going up stairs)! But there is no point in self-loathing; you've only got your body, be nice to it, love it, it's all you've got!

Patty

Veteran

My body image is fine --head not so much.

Anonymous

I was 118 lbs in jr high...and I thought I was fat. I was 130 lbs in high school and still 130 lbs when I got married at age 18, my wedding dress was a size 7...and I thought I was fat. I became anorexic at age 15 and remained anorexic for more than 5 years. I got down to 118 lbs again...and still thought I was fat. Anorexia and the demons that go along with it took over my life. I wanted nothing but to be thin, and if I couldn't be thin, then I wanted to die. I had exercise-orexia (working out constantly) and I ate very little. I hated what I saw in the mirror and I was never going to be satisfied. Eventually I became suicidal. My days and nights were lived in bleak misery. Then, at age 20 I got saved (trusted Christ as my Saviour) and the Lord miraculously took all of that away! I realized that I was sinning by despising the body God gave me, and that I was not living the life He wanted me to live. I was being vain and selfish. He healed me and I promised God that I would keep all of this very vivid in my mind, to remember where I was and never forget what He brought me out of. I will never again go back to that dark and lonely place. The only reason I am commenting here is to help someone who may need it, because this obsesson with body image/ self loathing is a sick and vicious disease that will eat you from the inside out.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Shabby, what a nightmare. I'm glad you found a way to get past it. Clearly I didn't go the same route as you in terms of finding a way to leave anorexia in the dust, but I always like to hear from other women who have tamed their body image issues and emerged healthier at the other end! Well done, girl.

Elly

Veteran

I have a good body image-- I mean, I love my body, I have never been a body-hater. There are things that are beautiful about all bodies.

On the other hand, sometimes I feel a bit betrayed by my body. One week I had a run of the mill virus and the next week (overnight, really!) I woke up with pain and heart problems that didn't go away. It wasn't a gradual thing I go used to. I miss what my body could do, and I also struggle with what my illness has taken from my personality and my mind. Sometimes it can be difficult to look in the mirror--- not because I look objectively crummy, but because I see my illness written all over my face.

catgirl

Veteran

Elly, that is how I feel right now, betrayed and a little resentful. I feel I have done my best to be healthy and active and eat well, and yet my shoulder is giving out, my metabolism is slowing, and my thyroid is crashing. Nothing as difficult as your situation, but frustrating changes anyway.

I grew up surrounded by girls driven to eating disorders from external and internal pressures, and I'm thankful I didn't have that issue - but this recent bout of being physically "down" has made me reassess how I need to approach my own health and aging issues, and the fact that I can't just take my body for granted anymore.

Aunty

Veteran

I have never hated my body, it has always been slimish and strong, nothing outstanding just an average type.
I do have problems adjusting to the fact that after I turned 50 my bust went up to a 36C from a 34B and my middle is not as slender as it was. But my legs and hips have stayed the same size as before. I feel a bit unbalanced and not so sure how to dress the top half.
All you wonderful ladies on YLF are helping me out with the change so I hope that soon I will be just as happy as I was

Una big huggs, I hope you feel better soon.

Irene

Veteran

I feel quite allright with my body nowadays. I just wanted to add that some women may actually push others to feel worse about their bodies, and they do it unconsciously (I hope). I had a friend who was 5.7'' and 110-115 pounds. I weighted a bit more than that (not much more though) and I am shorter (5.4''), so I was 'fatter'. However, she would complain ALL the time that she had to lose weight and make her size 2 thighs thinner because OMG, look how big they were! So I went from feeling totally happy and actually a bit worried I might be underweight to feel like I should lose some pounds. When I told her something like 'hey, if you have to lose weight, what about me?', she'd say something like 'it's not me who has to decide that'. What was she to say? 'No, I am fat but you are skinny as hell'? Of course not. I guess she thought I should lose it, but now I realize that it was her having a problem, not me.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Elly and Alaskagirl, you raise an important point. Petty concerns about body shape pale in comparison to real health issues that affect your quality of life. When your body "lets you down," it can an unpleasant shock. This has happened to me, too, recently. I was guilty of taking my robust good health for granted, and then a year ago I started to have problems related to fibroids (benign tumours) in my uterus. The bleeding, pain and pressure are really starting to get in the way of my life, and I'm probably headed for a hysterectomy, which can result in its own set of problems. At first I felt really whiny about it (why me?), but my mother-in-law wisely said, honey, by 50, EVERYONE has something wrong with them. And she's right. I'm coming up to 40 and I should expect my body to start to have problems. I can't protect myself against the random malfunctions that it will inevitably have in the coming years, but I can accept them, deal with them, and move on.

I'm still totally with you on feeling like my body has let me down. I don't mean to be preachy. But, for me, accepting and expecting that my body is going to age, and that this doesn't just mean wrinkles and a thicker midsection, but also things that will actually affect how my body functions, helps me deal with those unpleasant changes emotionally.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Una, I have been watching a programme of late called Monroe. Monroe is a brain surgeon, one of the things this fictional doctor does is name and personalise brain tumours so the fight can become personal. Have you tried naming your injury? That way your anger can be directed at Steve(?) and away from your body which is the victim?

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