Julie, what a fascinating idea! This morning after thinking about this thread all night, I decided to try a different (but similar) approach. I looked at myself in the mirror and said (in my head), "Body, you've done a lot for me. I'm letting you down by hating you, and I'm going to love you and treat you better, even if that takes more effort than before."

So a huge thank you to this thread for getting me to that point, even if talking to my body is a bit loony. I think I've already been looking at my recalcitrant body like a rebel uprising to be quashed, or an alien entity (STEVE!) that should get its act together already, instead of realizing that it's still me and my responsibility to maintain it, just like a car or a dog.

Wow, Una, how uplifting to read that. Very moving.

That is great Una, now all you need is a little momentum!

Great idea, Julie! Una, you can love and cherish your body while still struggling with the injury. We talked about this when I was in my marriage and family therapy master's program: It's called "externalizing" the problem and it works with just about any kind of problem there is. Like, "My body and I are struggling to overcome an injury," instead of "I hate myself for not being able to do what I'm used to doing." Or "I struggle against obesity" instead of "I'm fat and disgusting," or "I fight against low self-esteem" instead of "I hate myself." It works surprisingly well, actually.

Julie and Mary, I'm fascinated with that idea! I'd never have thought of that. And UNA I'm so glad to hear this!!! (I eeped here at work!) You don't have to answer but is your hypothyroidism a new thing or an older thing?

Great post and comments, elisabeth. I was a tall, skinny kid who felt awkward and gawky for years.

Now, at 56, I am SO very thankful for my genetics! I know it's hard to believe, but being tall and slim IS somewhat of a challenge - it's hard to find jeans in 4 long!

Yep, I like my shape and work (out) to keep it that way!

Aida, it has been ongoing and hard to follow - my thyroid is enlarged but my levels are borderline normal, although fluctuating, so probably it's a sign of impending crash. It probably started a few years ago but has recently gotten worse... bleah. Anyway, I guess I'll have to include goiter-love in my mantra.

You eeped?! That's so sweet!

Hmmm, Julie, neat idea....I wonder what I'm going to name my fibroid. Something unpleasant, I think. Like Boris.

Hm I think we have different thyroid problems but the effects sound similar. I'm sure you can manage to avoid getting a goiter Getting diagnosed was one of the main prompters for me to move away from "I need to change what I'm doing because I don't like what I see" to "I need to change because I want to keep my body happy" even though it took a few years to actually get there.

EDIT: I started to type up a "short version" of my story for you but it's long and I don't like to "memememe" post so I didn't post it -_- I can if you're interested though.

Elisabeth, I also have fibroids but thankfully my symptoms are manageable. Actually, since I've started running, I think they're improving.

Last year, after my mom's death, I got the fibroid diagnosis, had a scare with an ovarian cyst (which went away on its own), my blood pressure started creeping up a bit, and I had gum surgery. Even though this is more medical attention than I think I'd had in the previous 20 years combined, all of these things are relatively minor and are under control now, so I consider myself extremely lucky.

As kind as my body has been to me, I spent a lot of years bashing it. My close friends since high school can tell you that I complained about my thighs even when I was 15 and 115 lbs. I grew up with a perfectionist mother who fretted about an extra pound on her body, so I suppose I learned it from her.

I've come a long way and try not to give voice to those negative thoughts. My husband has noticed that I no longer say negative things about my body the way I did 10 years ago.

Do I love my body? Because it is healthy and just carried me through four miles of running this afternoon, and because I can swim, hike, bike, run, hold a tree pose, etc., yes, I do. Do I love how it looks? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But the former is starting to overtake the latter, as I continue to learn to be kinder to myself.

warning... soap box rant ahead.

Una- There is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings. When you are in a place of hating your body, you should be able to state that without guilt or fear of anyone telling you that your feelings are bad. Your feelings on any given day are yours and they are real.

I'm reminded of a talk I heard a preschool director give on kids and art. She told a group of moms that when their child creates art and then says that they don't like it, we should never say "oh no... it's a great painting... don't say you don't like it, yada, yada" When we do this we are telling them that their opinion isn't valid. Instead we should ask them "oh, tell me what it is about this picture that you don't like" This way, they learn how to process their own feelings and form their own opinions based on their own given likes and dislikes. This thought blew me away. It never occurred to me that it was okay for my child to not like something they drew.

We painted our house a couple of years ago and I don't like the color. I felt guilty about not liking it, because obviously money went into it.. But acknowledging that I didn't care for the color allowed me to then move on and get over it. I still don't care for it, but it doesn't cause me consternation. I think if I hadn't allowed myself to admit that I hadn't made the best color choice, then I would have been lying to myself and internally battling to want to believe a lie. Talk about crazy making!

In short (too late)... .. I think the first step to accepting our own bodies is recognizing what we don't like about them and being okay with that. Let's say I don't like my legs. If there is something I can do to make a change, it is my choice to decide whether to make that change. If it is something that is out of my control, I want to be given to freedom to be honest. If not, then now not only do I not like my legs, but I'm also now a bad person for not liking my legs.

sorry to have rambled on. I hope I made sense.

So many excellent points of view. I will have to sit on this for awhile to contemplate. But my first reaction is everybody has something they don't like, everybody has something they do. Acceptance is key and so is an attitude of being grateful for all that you do have, and focusing on that instead of what you don't like or don't have. Just like so many other areas of life that leave us "wanting" for something.

Kim, that is very profound. My son often does that (he is a perfectionist) and I do say similar things to him as he tears up his flawed little masterpieces. But did I ever think to apply it to myself? Doh!

Thank you for that very perceptive and therapeutic perspective.

I've been reading along. Not much to add except that I don't have to like all of my own perceived flaws to love my body. It's like my BF of 11 years - is he perfect? Not even close. Do I love him? You bet I do!

Mary K-- you make a great point. When I first got cleared to return to the gym after I was diagnosed I was embarrassed. On the outside I look like a pretty normal 20-something and it was awkward to go to the gym at the college (hey, it is free!) and sit there and huff and puff next to other young people. It was hard not to compare myself, especially because I had previously been stronger than most of them. And honestly, I wasn't in that bad of shape--- I could still swim miles or ride on the recumbent bike, but as soon as I had to be on a treadmill I felt like I was dying and my heart and respiratory function dropped like 30%.

It got a lot easier not to compare myself and not be embarrassed or hard on myself when I put it in perspective. After all, I am fighting heart failure. It makes the sneers easier to ignore.

On the other hand, I find it hard to remove my illness and separate it from my body, because it impacts almost all my major systems. It doesn't feel like a bum leg, it feels like a bum body!

I also find it really hard to characterize it as aging--- I have to have that talk with my parents sometimes when they complain about not being able to do something, because they aren't 25 anymore! My mom especially has been very spoiled by having parents that are in their 70s who don't have any major health problems and still get around like spry youth. She expects her own aging to go like this, but she hasn't done some of the same things that my grandparents did to maintain their good health. While I don't begrudge her feeling good, I do expect her feet and knees to hurt after a day standing carrying too much weight. I can't frame my own illness from that perspective at all, since I got sick overnight, not gradually, and at the age of 18 and then suffered for 3 years without treatment. When I was finally diagnosed it wasn't-- oh, I am aging, I might have to slow down a bit and take better care of my body, it was 'hey, I'm 20 and I never got to neglect my body or do all of the fun things that are hard on it, and it still hates me!'" It is also really hard to hear about how sick and hungover the other college students are, especially since I feel like that everyday, but without the buzz from the night before!

On the other hand, I do appreciate what my body still can do more and do put taking care of the things I can as a priority.

Oh, Elly, I'm so sorry. That's a raw deal, and you're so young. Will your heart improve with time?

Big hugs, girl.

I feel like I should hasten to add that I was just mentioning "externalization" as a technique that some people have found helpful. I would NEVER tell anybody her feelings were wrong or bad. I sincerely apologize for any such unintended implication that may have inadvertently crept into my post!

Oh, Mary, not at all - I think Kim was referring to me, actually, bashing myself because one part of me wants to complain, and another part of me wants to slap her. Your advice is ALWAYS welcome for me, in any context.

yes Una... and I already PM'd Mary and told her that. I hadn't even read her comment when I wrote mine

We're all good! Group hug!

Elisabeth-- thank you for the hugs. Improving is up in the air. Have a good day!

I think it is true that it is more socially acceptable to beat ourselves up than to say we feel great about something about ourselves. I loved reading Thunalata's post. It's kind of a funny thing, but I was recently very ill, and during this time I realized I felt a lot of love for my body. Somehow for me it made me feel like my body tries its very best for me and that I need to be kind and give back to it better instead of just using it up.

Interesting to come upon this discussion today! I'm struggling with my body image right now a lot. Part of it is related to my metabolism finally slowing down after years of being super fast... so I've gained about 10 pounds and it's taking more than cutting back on seconds to move the weight... and the other part of it is related to recovering from marital problems. Even though my head knows that our marital problems had nothing to do with how I look or don't look, part of me still struggles with thinking if I looked differently, we wouldn't have had those problems.

In the past, I guess I felt pretty good about my body. I've never had big boobs, which bothered me as a teenager, but once I was older and had a couple of kids, I felt happy with my body because I was still so small after having three kids. I guess I kind of built my body confidence around the fact that I was tiny. Then the marriage issues happened and of course one of the bad things that stuck in my head was that my husband felt my thinness wasn't "womanly"... and I had the unfortunate experience of having men suggest that I'd have the "perfect" body if I'd have a boob job (nothing better for your self esteem than to have a guy offer to buy you boobs, right? grrrr...)...

so- yeah-- it's a struggle. I try to remind myself that I am fairly fit and one of the reasons I joined YLF was to help me focus on dressing my body as it is right now instead of worrying about losing weight. I'm not overweight at all and I'm pretty healthy (fortunately). I've been trying to think appreciative thoughts when I see myself in the mirror instead of picking apart the flaws I "think" I see. My biggest goal for changing that thinking is my daughter... also, I realized I was bringing some of my friends down with my body hate and I decided that I just didn't want to do that. Trying to get my actions to match my beliefs...