Long hair on older women - NY Times article - YouLookFab Forum

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Long hair on older women - NY Times article

medusa

Veteran

Here's an interesting article from the New York Times by a 55-year old woman with long hair and the criticism she gets for it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10.....irror.html

What do you think?

General

48 replies

Latest reply was from medusa

Barbara

Veteran

I think she should be able to have long hair without criticism. When I was a 21-year old newlywed, my hair was long enough to sit on. I'm 56 now and have been rocking a super short spiky Euro cut for almost 20 years. But it took me DECADES to go THAT short!

Perhaps those who criticized her are jealous.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Funny you should post this right now - on another window I have open on the laptop I'm searching long wavy hairstyles lol. I have been going a little shorter over the last 10 years but I don't think a certain age means time for short length necessarily. It has to fit the person's lifestyle and personality as well. My own mom at 64 has longer hair and she sometimes braids it which admittedly isn't very stylish but when it's left to its natural curl I think it's quite nice. Her overly blond color is not - but that's a whole other subject for aging women!

sinead

I love that she wrote this- and I feel sad that she has to defend her decision to have long hair. There is definitely pressure for women to "look a certain way" when they reach this age and I think she hits the nail on the head when she says this country is not comfortable with women this age. I'm 54, and I notice it all the time. I think women should have the hair that makes them feel good.

And I hope her mother lays off after reading this.

JennyK (NC)

There is long, stylish hair and then there is the long hair which is just never cut. There is a big difference to me!

I don't and have never been interested in having booty-length or mid to lower back-length hair, but around or just below the shoulder blades would be lovely if I could keep it beautiful, bouncy, and healthy-looking. Unfortunately, mine starts to drag me down once it gets significantly past my shoulders, so at or just below shoulders is where I intend to stay for as long as I feel I can keep it looking nice.

MNsara

Veteran

I like it - we should feel free to do what works for us - whether or not it is always the most popular choice.

I followed a link to see her in an interview - I wanted to see how she actually looks in her long hair (very nice):

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Book.....d=10860746

P.S. I think her face shape supports her style well. I find my own face looks more drawn every year and a long style makes it look even MORE drawn!

Maya

Veteran

Is there anything left on the planet that women DON'T judge each other for? Sheesh. Everything from their choice of hair length down to their heel height preference. Head to toe. Nothing escapes the constant scrutiny. My total lack of interest in celebrities aside, that's why I can't stand reading those red carpet reviews and subsequent commentary. It's just nasty!

All those women "out there" in the ether scare the dickens out of me with their viciousness. YLF is like a refreshing oasis.

Although I must admit she lost me at "Men Like Long Hair." First of all, I don't believe anyone ever said that to her in a negative way--as she seems to insinuate. Second of all, plenty of men like short hair too. Who cares? I want nothing to do with women who judge me by my hair length, and same goes for men.

Also, one of the commentators mentioned women must be cutting their hair to look more manly and businesslike. This is coming from a man with long hair. I want to ask him if he grows his hair long to look more feminine and domestic. I swear, sometimes I can just *feel* a thousand years of womens' progress flushed down the toilet with just one wayward, thoughtless remark.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I am on the fence.

I think that long hair on older women *can* work. But it's tricky. First, you need the right hair in the right condition. Second, it shouldn't look like it's dragging you down. Third, past the shoulder blade is not the best idea.

I must admit, I'm generally not a fan of long hair (read past the shoulder blade - not shoulder) after a certain age. Women tend to always look better with it shorter than that - even though it's still long hair!

We all see different things. That's what I see

JennyK (NC)

Oh my gosh - her hair is gorgeous... Gorgeous! Exactly the kind of hair I was talking about. I had a picture in my mind of the ladies I see at the supermarket with the ankle-length denim skirts and over-sized t-shirts with no makeup and hair that's never been cut!

taylor

Veteran

she thinks that looks good????
I am not even going to touch this other than to say a cut to her shoulder, layers and color would shave 10 yrs. off her...now THAT would look good.
Men think YOUNG beautiful women look good in long hair ..Long hair does not make you look young.
Not all men like long hair, this is a myth.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Taylor, we must have commented at the same time. Soooooo high fiving you!!!

Btw, I have never met a man who prefers long hair! Is that weird? Style is a package deal - some women look killer with long hair while others don't.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I may be biased by my own hair - when it gets too short to say it gets bouncy would be kind. The length weighs it down and tames it. Right now I'm in desperate need of a cut but last month I whacked at it myself some and the bounce came right back. So, indeed, it is a personal thing but I do agree that at a certain length the 'drag down' factor comes into play. I noticed that on me last summer and promptly went several inches shorter.

taylor

Veteran

Just did Angie..high 5 right back!!

Hey I grew up and was a teen in the late 60's and early 70's. I could almost sit on my hair when I got out of beauty college. I know ALL about having long hair....the identifying who you are etc...the girl/woman with the long hair. Let it go already!!

Barbara

Veteran

JennyB, I have seen those women with the long scraggly gray hasn't-been-cut-in 10 years hair. Horrifying.

Face shape is certainly something to consider. I keep trying to convince my sister, who has a longish oval face, to try a chin-length bob for a fresher look. It would be like an instant face lift. But she won't listen. Never has listened to 'big sis.'

Angie, because I chopped off my beautiful long locks VERY gradually, my husband didn't know what hit him until decades later. He PREFERS me with short hair! Which is good because I intend to keep this style a long time.

Sparky

Veteran

MNSara, thanks so much for the link. I was going through the article looking for a picture of her.

I agree with JennyB. Long hair can work if it's maintained and styled ~ when you put some care into it so it looks good ~ and when it's not extremely long (Angie's point about past the shoulder blades hits it on the nail). I rather like this woman's hair on her and don't see it as too long or unattractive, but I do see Taylor's point that if it's trimmed to the shoulders, layered and colored she would look younger ~ and I think she would look even more polished that way. If her hair were any longer I don't think I would find it flattering on her.

Gray hairs tend to be much more wiry and such a different animal altogether compared to regular hair, that I think for most of us the best solution is to go shorter when we have a lot of them. That is certainly the case with me, especially since my hair is already wiry and coarse. (My gray hairs could probably be used as barbed wire!)

I also wish she hadn't used the "men prefer long hair" quip to bolster her argument. That somehow strikes me as demeaning rather than empowering as she seems to want to use it.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

High five, Sparky-Anne!

Another high-five, Taylor

@Barbara, I appreciate a man who can appreciate a fabulous haircut on a lass - long, short, spiky, pink, blue, blonde, classic, grey or curly. Style is a package deal. Like there is no one way to look fab - there is no one length of hair that's best for women!

I don't think that I could be friends with a bloke who did not like short hair on women. I guess your hubby and I are already friends

Isabel

Veteran

I think that it depends on the woman and her overall style. It's funny, men just don't get this kind of criticism.

Many years ago, a friend of mine ran into a male mutual friend on the train. He had just left his wife ( also a mutual friend ) and had come out as a transvestite. My friend called me and said, " You are never going to believe who I ran into on the train...it was Tom ! Fully dressed as a woman ! " I asked, " Did he shave his beard and mustache ? " She said no. I said how weird it must have been to run into him as a "woman with a beard and mustache". My friend replied, " THAT wasn't the problem !! He's in he's 50's, he should know better than to have a long, blonde wig...how tacky. "

I almost peed my pants !

Anonymous

LOL, Isabel! This is an issue I've struggled over although with hair more in the shoulder length range. On the plus side, it can be worn up easily and elegantly..perfect for travel and a busy life style and easier than worn shorter. If mine got longer than shoulder length, it got too heavy to be held up with one big pin and therefore more high maintenance. Wearing it down at this length was not a good look over 40. For the last couple of years I've worn it shorter as a bob that I'm told is younger looking.
The lady in the article looks like she would would appear more polished with a shorter do and, with just a little grey, she should do something with color too.

Maya

Veteran

I think she has pretty hair that suits her though I don't like the color--or lack thereof. Sorry, no high fives my way I guess. I like the flippy waves at the end and don't mind the length at all. Actually, I wish my hair would look like that when long--minus the gray. I cannot dismiss or deny the issue of confidence either. You'll never look good in any haircut if you don't like it and feel insecure in it.

I have an opinion on what hair I like--but it's a general opinion and not set in stone. Most importantly it's an OPINION. Based on my personal aesthetic and eye. I don't think this article was about finding older women with long gray hair attractive or not--it was about the stupid remarks and amateurish psychological analyses people people make because of it. And that is just wrong. I don't care if you like her hair or not. It's as stupid as saying all women with short hair are trying to be more masculine or making some kind of feminist statement. We can all agree to disagree on the aesthetics, but I'm unwavering on the issue of judgment.

"What men like." This always befuddles me, regardless of context. "Men" are not some kind of unanimous entity that agree on everything. Ask 10 different dudes and you'll get 10 different answers. My taste in blokes not only dramatically varies in my own head, but varies even more when comparing notes with other women. I can imagine it's the same the other way around, so why is this even an issue?

MsMary

Veteran

I think she looks reasonably good, but I would sure love to see her "wash away the gray," as the Lady Clairol ads used to say.

I'll admit, I'm 52 and am growing my hair longer than I've had it in quite some time. I think some older women can really rock longer hair -- Meryl Streep comes to mind, for example. But I do think you have to really stay on top of the upkeep -- regular color, and keep the cut in shape. Otherwise you look like you're stuck in a time warp.

Barbara

Veteran

Angie, LOL!

Precious Hubbie and I are INDEED friends. Married 34 years, I have loved him for 38!
And he ADORES my short hair. Like you said, style is a package deal!

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

I have met men who prefer long hair, and when they told me that, I went straight away and got a pixie cut. One of them went so far as to say the reason I didn't have a boyfriend was BECAUSE of my short hair. I hate being told what to do with my own hair or body. I rarely use the word hate, but this is one instance where nothing else would apply.
But like Maya said, it's rude to stereotype any group of people. I am just attracted to a man who love me for me, and that's working out great. Some of my friends have husbands who have stronger than preferences for their hair, clothes, etc, and I just don't think that's fair. I don't have a right to tell anyone, even my husband what he can or can't wear or how he should do his hair.
I believe women have the right to do whatever they want, but I do agree that MOST people don't look good with longer (than shoulder blade) hair. It's a lot of work and effort and the products it takes to make it look fabulous is out of reach of most of us. Even younger than middle age, quite frankly.
I personally think the author would look *better* if her hair was a little shorter (well, like Taylor said) but it's her choice and I'm not going to criticize her or give my opinion unless she asks me.

KristineK

I agree with Maya about the near-infinite number of things women seem to be able to find to criticize about each other... and I'm with Sparky regarding the "men like long hair" argument. I was enjoying the article until I read that paragraph.

I've no problem with women of any age wearing their hair long or short. It makes me feel sad, though, when a woman who might prefer her hair short keeps it long because she's afraid she'll no longer be attractive to men if she doesn't, or when a woman who prefers her hair long cuts it off to avoid criticism from people who think she's not young enough to wear it that way anymore. For me, the aesthetic appeal of the look is less important than the motivation behind it -- who cares if everyone else thinks it looks great, if the woman who has to live with it every day doesn't like it or feels that it's just "not her"?

Marley

Veteran

I have definite opnions on what kind of hairstyle looks good on women of any age - depending on their hair, face-shape, style, etc. but as far as this particular woman and the criticisms she gets for her hair length - I found myself thinking while I was reading the article "I don't really care!" The only suggestion I would have for her is that perhaps she should think about getting into therapy to deal with her mother issues!

catgirl

Veteran

This is a complex issue. It reminds me of a friend whose mother said to him that she didn't care if he was gay, she just wanted him to stop "acting so gay". There's a certain component to that in our society with regard to aging; in other words, it's okay to be old as long as you don't look old.

I think true female empowerment would mean that every woman could look and be the way she wants without being judged unreasonably. It is my choice to work on my external appearance, but for those without the time, energy, motivation, or interest, who cares? As long as someone is clean and appropriate, it's not my place to decide what they should do.

I only recently realized women were "supposed" to cut their hair after a certain age in this culture. I try to see a person, not a "50-something year old with the wrong hairstyle for her age group". Self-improvement is a luxury to some extent, and although everyone can make an effort at any price point, it's certainly fine with me if they don't.

Here;s a photo of Susan Butcher, who won the Iditarod several times and died a few years back. She was an incredible athlete, among other things - and yeah, she could have done a better job with her hair, but that would not have been "her". This is a very typical look for Alaskan women - for better or worse...

http://www.iditarod.com/learn/butcheralbum.html

MsMaven

Veteran

Maya and Alaskagirl have made some good points that I agree with. I frequently visit "the Land of Old Hippies and 60-Year Old Girl/Women" and these are my observations:

1. No matter what my criticisms are, I need to keep them too myself unless I am asked for my advice. I seldom am. I cringe at some of the hair and clothes I see on otherwise beautiful women, however I also remember how I hate it when given unasked for fashion advice.

2. Just to even things up, I hate to see older men who are partly bald or who have thinning hair pulled back into a scraggly, scrawny pony tail. Are they kidding themselves or do they think getting rid of the tail will take away their virility?

3. What's wrong with looking old if we are old? I don't mean to encourage the wearing of baggy out of date clothes or a 1950's hairdo, but why must we fear criticism if we we present to the world the face and body of a person who is actually--gasp--old? I know--the economy would take another nose-dive if we all stopped buying hair dye and make-up.

Isabel

Veteran

I love Marly's point that this is more about her relationship with her mom than her hair !

And Ms. Maven - you are so right !!!!!! Why is it bad to look old if that is what you are ??? RIght on !

My great-grandmother-in-law was 98 when she died and she was the hippest, most stylish woman I knew !!! She would've loved this site.

Muncie

Maya, you are spot on. Her hair looks fantastic, and if it were short, I would think it looks fantastic. Whatever she wants to do with her hair is up to her, and I support that.

I've always had short hair. Either short short, or a chin length bob. As I'm getting older, I decided I would love to see what I look like with longer hair, so I'm in the process of growing it out. Mary Louise Parker and Holly Hunter are totally my hair icons at the moment. Also, as it's getting longer, I have come to adore the look of a big, thick, messy bun on the top of my noggin'.

Kari

Veteran

Okay, I am very much a short-haired girl myself, but I think that the condition of her hair looks good, and frankly, it's not even *that* long. What bothers me is when I see women who have long hair and it is in very poor condition, or very scraggly.
I've had a couple of long-haired friends & roommates, one who quite literally could sit ON her hair, and she keeps it looking amazingly beautiful, healthy, and groomed. Granted, I usually think that very long-haired ladies would look better with shorter, more layered locks, but it's not *my* hair!

Late Bloomer

(website)

I think hair that is too long and never styled looks dumpy on most women at any age. Also the texture changes that were mentioned above make it harder to style long hair when you are older.

I've found mine has more curl now and last time I tried to grow it out a bit it was totally out of control. So I've opted for a shorter hair cut that lets the curls add depth and texture instead of their being the enemy.

I actually think too short hair can look really masculine on women after somewhere around 60. Their features aren't as fine anymore and I think that is why it doesn't work.

Confession here. I got impatient and went into to a walk in haircut place to get a trim to get me to having a full color and cut in about a month. Horror of horrors, it is exactly the short hair cut I hate. Note I am cutting my head off of all photos I post till it grown out.

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