Wow lots of opinions here. I see two things, going gray, and going long. I've seen gray on women and it looks fantastic, then on others it washes them out. I think the shade of gray, just as shades of any other colors in say a top, it's the undertones of the shade of gray hair you get that determine if the gray flatters you or not. My hair is skipping gray and going right to white, so we shall see what that does for flattery or not on my pale skin.

For length, the condition and thickness of the hair mean everything. I've seen older woman rock long hair (to the small of the back) but the hair was very thick and in perfect condition, blunt cut, all smooth, no straggler hairs to make it long. I prefer very long hair when it is thicker hair, then the hair looks full all the way around. For thinner hair, shorter is usually better as the shorter cut can add volume. But again, I've seen short hair look poor too, healthy hair I think is far more flattering than hair length or color can ever be. You can't beat the shine of healthy hair versus flyaways, and dullness of damaged hair.

And there's the faceshape issue. Some face shapes can handle the elongation you get from long hair framing it, for other shapes, shorter layers are more flattering. As with most things, no one rule for all.

AG, I really appreciate your comments. Somehow, for some people, it's like they'd rather be dead than actually look their age/look old. It's crazy to me. Of course getting old is hard, for a lot of reasons, but we can't act like it's not going to happen, or try in vain to stop the aging process.

I also appreciate your link to Susan Butcher's pic. I do put energy into looking good and dressing in a way that suits me, but it's certainly not the driving force in my life! For many women, how they look is really secondary or low on their list of things that matter most to them. They would rather train train for the Iditarod, work 80 hours/week running a non-profit, work and go to school at the same time, etc. etc. So, who cares what their hair looks like? If they don't, why should I?

Thanks, Jonesy - sounds like you took what I said exactly as I meant, and I appreciate that! Amazing how certain topics can trigger such interesting and diverse viewpoints... alll good food for thought.

I loved reading this thread. Great points of view.

Isabel: I laughed at your story so much!

Hair is a matter of preference. I have seen women who look better in long hair cut their hair and seen women who should keep a pixie but have long hair. It's what one makes of it.

I know a few people with great style and long hair, but only a few I can name of. One of my personal style&professional idols is in her 50s and has long white hair. My best friend who had a really short pixie until her 20s had long hair since than and looks awesome. Her stylish Mom is in her 60s with long hair as well with bangs and coloring. Almost all the rest of the women I resonate with have shorter hair styles.

My personal view is short hair is better for many reasons beyond a certain age and that age is not very old. Whenever I have long hair, I feel not put together and it takes me way more time to get dressed to look myself. I never look as effortless as I would like to. I have to put extra time into washing my hair and extra energy to keep it healthy. It just doesn't fit my lifestyle and my lifestyle is a big influence on my personal style.

I agree that hair is a personal preference, and I agree with Maya that it's sad how much women seem to want to criticize others for their choices. I personally hate hard-and-fast rules about what a woman of a certain age should look like. I also do think it's ridiculous that some women feel long hair makes them look younger. But if long hair makes them happy and makes it easier for them to look in the mirror every day, so be it.

Angie, I'm really shocked that you don't know *any* men who prefer long hair on women. I know a lot of men who don't care, but I definitely know other men who prefer long hair, and those are men with ages that range from their 20s to their 60s. These aren't neanderthal men either; I know smart, well-educated, non-jerky guys who have this preference. Would I make my hair decisions to please any of them? Of course not. Do other women keep their hair a certain way because that's what their husbands prefer? Yes. Personally, I find that sad. I don't think there is anything wrong with a man having a preference for certain types of hair, but I do think it's sad if he discourages the woman in his life from branching out with a different hairstyle when she wants to.

I was busy and didn't go on YLF all day yesterday (!) so I'm chiming in now. The article seemed very dis-empowering, like she felt so insecure about her personal choice that she had to write a whole article defending it. The bits about her relationship with her mother made me sad, particularly now that they're so public, and I really didn't like that she concluded by saying that men like it. As though that were the final say, or what she had wanted to say all along. I'm sure it's possible to write an empowering piece about long, graying hair, but this one wasn't it.

I just saw this article, commenting on the NYT piece, and I think she says it well:
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel.....toViewer=1

Hmm, that's interesting. The article you linked to, Steph, has a slideshow of actresses who are over 45 and sport long hair. The author is holding them up as successful at wearing long hair. Looking at the pics, I noticed that they all have dyed hair and basically the same cut. I wonder if the problem with the first woman (in the NYT article) is that she has the gall to have long hair with GRAY in it, and a face that seems to be aging naturally to go along with it :)?

Obviously women have the right to wear their hair however they want. My personal observation and opinion is that most women over 50 look better with shorter stylish hairdos. But that is just me... other's might find long hair on older women quite flattering.

The problem I have with the pictures Steph linked to (no offense to Steph) is that each of these women is being shown freshly styled, made up, and dressed for formal occasions. Not only that, but these are women who quite possibly have had cosmetic surgery. And how do we know that they aren't wearing hair extensions? It just doesn't seem representative of the mean of society. I'm not sure you can take someone who has the advantage of abundant resources and use them as an example for the rest of us. I could look that great too if I had the top stylists, clothing designers, cosmetic surgeons, and personal trainers at my disposal.

I think dyeing grey hair has more to do with aesthetics vs not wanting to look old. Random grey weaving through just ins't as appealing to the eye period - no matter how old the face it is framing. I have a friend who has all grey hair and has since her late 20's. It looks good because it is solid grey for one, and a nice silvery tone, second.
As for the long hair, I still think it can be fine if it is of nice texture and style. I would argue that frizzy hair is the worst hair crime out there at any age. Scraggly ends comes in second

I agree the examples in Steph's link aren't the most appropriate, but the substance of the article itself seems spot on.

Whether or not a woman looks good in long hair has to do with her facial features, hair texture, ability to maintain a polished appearance, and confidence. Most women in my experience, old or young, have a hard time maintaining long hair. There are plenty of women my age--including myself, actually--who don't look good with very long hair. I mean, I'd look great it if I could consistently get it to look the way it did when I left the salon, but that never happens. Like most age appropriate arguments, I don't really get it.

As for gray hair, I don't particularly care for it. Not as a matter of aging, but just because I think only a handful of women look good with gray near their face. That doesn't magically change just because it happens to be your hair instead of a shirt.

haha- I didn't read the article Maya- I just looked at the pictures
and now I'm off to mail your package

That's what I like to hear! *cracks whip* :p

I agree about the actresses in the article I linked to--I was actually linking for the article, not the photos. It's unfair to point to actresses to make a point like this anyway, because they are generally so genetically blessed.

I do think that there is another side to this coin, which is that not all women look good in short hair. I know that I do not. I have a wide jawline and longer hair is definitely best on me. I doubt my jaw will suddenly slim down when I'm 50, so I don't see myself in a chin-length bob or a pixie cut in 20 years. I guess if people want to whisper and point when I'm that age, they're welcome to do so.

I have had my hair from crew-cut short to long enough to donate (which I did), and for me, short hair was far more high maintenance. I had to wash it every day or I looked like I'd been electrocuted. I had to get it trimmed every 4 weeks. I love short hair on many women (Halle Berry!), but just not on me.... Although I love changing up my hair, so I'll probably forget all this and chop it off again one day.

Grey or not, short or long... I think what never looks good is dry, frizzy unhealthy hair of any length or color. Just as not all dyed/bleached blonde is "good blonde"! But in the end, I have enough trouble just worrying about me.

Two comments:
1. I was married to someone for 12 years who insisted on long hair. The divorce freed me to cut it and I have never looked back. In fact, I keep cutting it shorter.

2. I have a colleague who is at least 20 years older than me and sports the *same* long hair (mid-back) she has had forever. It's awful. Dry, uncut. If you're going to go long, at least make sure it's healthy. Cutting about 4 inches, and adding layers and some highlights would be so flattering!

let's see, I've had anything from pixies to really long hair.

In terms of maintenance, I think all hair styles require a certain upkeep regardless of length. When I had my hair shorter, I could not go without a haircut for more than 3 weeks. If not, I would look unkept. I have natural wavy hair so when I sport a shorter haircut, I need to blowdry my hair everyday.

I have a layered cut now, well past my shoulders. That requires maintenance too, coloring, frequent trims etc.

I guess my point is that hair length has little or nothing to do with how put together you look. It is the condition of the hair what matters.

In regards to how "acceptable" it is to have long hair past a certain age, I have strong opinions on the subject. I'm still in my 30's (36 to be exact), yet I refuse to go by some societal rule that tells me that when I turn 40 I'm supposed to chop my hair off, start wearing certain clothes etc. Why?

I think we should stop being so hard on ourselves...

Jonesy, You totally hit it on the head.
Anytime someone mentions older women with long hair it is always a celebrity....Well, Demi Moore has long hair and she's , blah, blah. Well Demi Moore has had 150 thousand dollars worth of plastic surgery and a team of stylists waiting in the wings to attend her every beauty need....If I looked like her I could pull that hair off too. She looks about 25....take that back BETTER than most 25 yr. olds because her total package knows no financial bounds.

I am not saying that everyone over 40 should sport a pixie...I am saying:

Women look far more polished and updated as they age if they keep the length of their hair at or above the shoulder...grey hair over 60 is optional But long grey hair on someone who is expressly stating "I like my long grey hair , It looks good to me and makes me feel and look young" is really not doing themselves any favors. And leaves them open to scrutiny
Unlike some one who might say "I don't care what my hair looks like good or bad"

There are so many great comments here, but I particularly wanted to thank AlaskaGirl for your thoughtful comments about social pressure. I really enjoyed them.

Reading this has reminded me of a friend who usually wore her hair bobbed, and then went for a super-short pixie cut. She looked GREAT - it really suited her - but she immediately started growing it back out because her husband hated it. That's sad.