Blocking - less stress or close minded? - YouLookFab Forum

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Blocking - less stress or close minded?

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I have begun to block people I find raise my blood pressure here. I think it stems from recently trying to moderate a 6,000+ Fitbit group on Facebook that was going crazy over New Years with new resolutioners. I got an update on my wall of every single person's post! Ugh. Had to leave the group and rejoin a week later. Anyway, I used to only have 1 person here blocked, but just today I added 2 more to the list making maybe 5 at this point. Part of me thinks, hey it's your time and if you don't want to interact that's your choice. Another part of me wonders if I'm being close minded and not exercising the diplomatic part of my personality. Of course, working in a bar or restaurant for most of the last 20+ years, I've spent many hours entertaining those I don't agree with or find particularly interesting. Some offensive. Maybe I'm making the choice here because I can, whereas in the work place I can't??

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34 replies

Latest reply was from Isabel

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Mo, I think you know yourself the best - I think that if anyone has to exercise diplomacy at work, it is a bartender!! I think you're gracious and engaging, and people who must drive you batty must be really batty - and there are really batty people out in the world!

I think it's good to have personal boundaries too, whether it be for a week (like your group) or for a longer period of time.

Have you been working a lot? I feel when I work a lot and have to use my "nice person" side all day at work the last thing I want to do when I come home is be "super nicey" to everyone and blow up at things.

The choice is healthy. Take some time and (mental) space for yourself.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I haven't blocked anyone, yet. I just studiously ignore.
The forum has gotten pretty big so it's pretty much impossible to keep up with everyone anyways.

Isabel

Veteran

I am a big believer that if you go somewhere for respite and enjoyment then you have every right to keep it that way. Obviously Greg and Angie get it because they gave us that option.

Truthfully, at this point, do what you need to do to get your bearings back. You may change your mind later. Maybe not. But give yourself a breather. I find that is very hard to have a meaningful exchange with someone that you don't agree with over social media. And YLF is not the place for this anyway.

Also, if these are not people that you would let into your life regularly because it makes you feel negativity, you certainly shouldn't do it over the net. : )

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I haven't blocked or favorited anyone but have a tendency to read the posts from members who have been around for a while now that the forum has grown so much. I have a tendency to ignore certain topics more than specific individuals. Perhaps ignore is too strong a word but I find certain subjects to be a bit repetitive. I also have noted a few posters who only post on their own threads and NEVER on any others. I find that a bit irksome.

Since I have been on vacation, I don't spend much time on the board so haven't been keeping up with anyone including those I find most engaging to read.

It is your time Mo and you get to choose how to spend it.

Deborah

Veteran

Mo, in my life over the past three years I have made some seemingly harsh decisions about which people in my world actually feed my soul and provide meaningful exchange. People who don't encourage and leave me feeling drained, and not uplifted are people I choose not to spend time with anymore. To some extend this could apply here. I have found one or two people over the time I have been here that I think I just didn't understand or really relate to (and I think that is ok) and as a result I generally didn't comment on their posts. Without going into detail, the issue I had was what I felt was an attitude of negativity, so I ended up deciding that I would comment on the posts and try to bring a positive spin and as much as is possible online, try to build relationship with the poster. I now enjoy very much interacting with that forum member. I am not suggesting this is what you should do. I just think it is one option. Switching off from the person is ok in books too. I think do what you need to do. The lovely thing here is I never feel a sense of obligation from anyone.

MsMary

Veteran

I don't block per se, but there are definitely posters I don't engage with -- uh, with whom I don't engage. Much better for the blood pressure!

Echo

Veteran

I'm a big believer in the idea that anything online should ADD to your life and not add to your stress levels or take away energy you need for other things in life. Therefore, if you find yourself distressed by some posters or even simply annoyed, I think you should do what you need to do. I rarely block anyone anywhere, but that's more due to the fact that I don't know how (I am not technologically literate, and I'm not even on Facebook or Twitter) and don't really care to learn!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Thanks, I think I've leveled back to equilibrium lol. I think most of you are right in that simple avoidance is probably a fine tactic for most situations. Honestly the one person I had banned months back kept messaging me about an interest I didn't share and it started to really bug me. No one else I really have reason to block outright, I can and will simply sidestep those things that irk me. Thanks for letting me vent a little.

rae

(website)

Veteran

How timely, I just blocked my first person today and felt kind of bad about it for the same reasons you brought up. However, I ultimately thought that since I have in the past cut toxic people out of my real life, then it's also okay to block someone who maybe makes it hard to ignore them (in a negative way).

Lantana

Veteran

Good on you Mo. YLF is meant to be about having fun with fashion. I know it's a helluva lot more than that but the bottom line is that if your engagement with anyone is persistently unpleasant then let it go. It's not ungracious to do so.

Irene

Veteran

Oh, well, wow. My self-conscious self is wondering if I have ever offended anyone here right now. I hope not? I certainly never intended to!

I didn't even know we had that option. I'm more of a lurker than a poster, and there are threads I simply do not visit, or just read without participating in them. Personally, I would prefer the person who has a problem with my attitude/comments to kindly let me know I am offending them, but I know that's not always easy.

Anyways, it's your life, it's your choice, and you are here to have fun. This is part of your non-working life, so you have the right to choose who you spend it with! Do not feel bad for blocking those who bother you.

chadya

Veteran

Even though I am fairly new here, I have had read enough Online forums to have seen "disagreements", it is so hard to judge the other person's demeanor via this medium.
It is supposed to be fun, if it isn't take a break,

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I'm with Anna. I think we all need to do whatever we feel is best to keep our time here enjoyable and productive rather than stressful!

El Cee

Veteran

I totally hear you on this subject. You have a right to pick and choose what you read (online or anywhere else). If you find certain forums or posts to be contentious or stress-inducing, it is not close-minded to refrain from reading them… it is self-protective.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Block away! You are under no obligation to endure people you find obnoxious.

April

Veteran

Goodness -- I hadn't even realized we had been granted blocking power. It would have occurred while I was MIA and I missed it on my return.

What happens when you block, Mo -- posts from that person don't appear when you log into the forum, or is it just that the person can't PM you?

Anonymous

I blocked someone for a while, as I was getting a lot of unwanted messages from the person in question. To be honest though I ended up unblocking as I still got the red dot by my profile picture at the top right hand corner indicating messages although there was no message content and I had to check in case it was a message from someone to whom I did want to reply. Also, when not logged in you still see the persons posts so I couldn't see the point really, so I just chose to ignore them. I haven't felt the need to block anyone else though. But Mo, you need to do what you feel is right for you.

Anonymous

Umm, I guess the choice is there for a reason, so use it. I guess I secretly enjoyed being annoyed once in a while, so I don't block anyone here or on Facebook. I also don't set levels of access ( like limiting photo albums to certain people), because I am lazy and to be honest, I don't think my pics are so important.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Thanks again for the input guys. I unblocked most but left a couple that I just know I never want or need to see. It doesn't always have to be a rude or negative person, I want to reiterate. Just something you don't want to engage in/with ever.
April, that person's threads will not show up, and most importantly, as Diane mentioned, you don't get PM's from them anymore. I did see that responses on other's threads still show up from a person I blocked, so it's mostly stopping what they themselves start.
And Irene, I'm sure you never offended anyone to the point of them wanting to block you!! But if so, no biggie, right? We are all free to participate how we like here. I certainly wouldn't want anyone walking on eggshells just to not possibly hurt another's feelings. It's just natural that not everyone here will see eye to eye on everything. Such is life. It's all good! We'll pick what we choose to participate in, and leave the rest behind

ironkurtin

Veteran

I'm unclear. We can block seeing that persons's posts on the forum, or we can block PMs? Or both?

I know I've blocked people on FB so I could be civil to them in person. Funny how you can like someone a lot IRL but see their seedy underbelly on the internet.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

IK, blocking means you don't see threads that they start, and you don't see PM's from them. But if say, Angie starts a thread and a certain person you've blocked replies on it, you will see that reply on Angie's thread. And of course, if you aren't signed in, you see it all as if no one is blocked.
LOL about people IRL vs FB! So true. (I find election season the worst for that, personally ;))

Greg

Angie pointed me to this thread and I thought it might be useful if I outlined our intentions for blocking and how it works.

But first, I want to point out the positive alternative to blocking, which is to "watch" people. Then you can sometimes filter the forum to show only threads started by people you watch (see attached picture). We imagined people switching into this view from time to time to make sure they never missed a post by someone who was important to them. Precisely for the reason that Anna mentions about the forum volume increasing.

On blocking... When you block someone you no longer see the threads they start or the PMs that they send to you. You DO see their replies on other threads (so that you don't lose the context of the thread -- missing replies would be confusing).

We imagined that blocking would be useful when someone's posts are reducing your enjoyment on the forum. We don't think that anyone is under ANY obligation at all to read what other people write. And we'd much prefer you to block individuals than to effectively "block" all of YLF by staying away.

We believe your reasons for blocking are your own. Everyone has different views and often values are different. Every day we all make decisions about who we want to spend time with. We don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to do the same on YLF if that is what you wish.

People can't see who you watch and block, so these are private decisions. Of course, your silence will be a clue to someone that you are blocking them, but in most cases they will never know. This is important because we did NOT intend blocking to be a way to express displeasure with someone.

Finally, if you are ever feeling harassed by someone, please feel free to contact us about it. Not only so that we can try to help you, but also to alert us to potential problems that may affect other people. There are all kinds of characters on the Internet and from time to time some of the malicious ones are going to end up here. Dealing with them is an unpleasant but essential part of our job.

This post has a little more information on watching and blocking: http://youlookfab.com/2013/03/.....f-is-here/

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Thanks! For the option - and the explanation that it isn't always a 'bad' person that necessitates a block. It could be (and in 2 of my cases is) sometimes just not a shared interest or value. On to other threads I will enjoy!

Peri

Veteran

Hah, I'm with Irene! Worried about who I might have offended or who has already blocked me! (Not to make light, that's just my issue with wanting to please everyone!)

Generally, I just don't open posts that don't interest me or that bother me in some way. I haven't felt the need for any actually blocking. But I'm glad the choice is there, and I think you should do whatever makes you happiest.

Gigi

Veteran

Mo, we can't always be Mr. Nice Guy. We have our limits. If you are feeling overly annoyed, you need to be able to exercise some control over that. Blocking is a fine way to do it. Your time here should be completely enjoyable!

I didn't even know that blocking threads existed. I assumed that there was a way to block private messages, but I didn't know you could block threads also. So thanks for alerting me to this.

minimalist

Veteran

Mo, whatever it takes to keep this place fun for you. You certainly make it inviting and pleasant for so many others, including clueless newbies like me.

I use the watch filter a lot, and just don't reply to PMs I don't connect with.

There are people whose threads I watch, but rarely have anything of value to add since I don't know the rest of their wardrobes, or their weather, or their style direction.

Astrid

Veteran

I think it's just fine, do what you prefer. I've only used the block function once, otherwise I just ignore threads that don't interest me. I've never been in the situation of getting unwanted PMs, but I guess I would block those too if they would only stress me out.

minimalist

Veteran

You know, now that I've learned that the block function means you don't see threads that person started ... I'm going to use it so that I no longer see threads initiated by people who regularly don't acknowledge replies, nor contribute to others. Costs too much bandwidth to keep track, and they won't miss my n00b input anyway.

Lyn D.

Veteran

I use the 'Watch' option just as Greg described- so I don't miss threads I enjoy.
Haven't blocked anyone though.

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