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Leaving some retail stones unturned

Irina

Veteran

I’m going against Angie’s advice here, I understand. But hear me out.

In March I was on a quest to find cotton sweaters. My favorite place (COS) didn’t have what I was looking for, Massimo Dutti had a knit that I really liked but it had long and wide sleeves. I can do either but not both, so it was returned. JCrew looked promising but I was not happy with the price and decided to wait and see if it will go on sale. It didn’t. Meanwhile, I decided to try other places - first, a new to me Kotn. We actually have a store and I visited it. The cotton sweaters were sold out. They were on sale on their website but no returns on sale items. I didn’t go for it. The store had a vibe of kind of sporty aesthetic, not exactly my style. I ordered a couple of sweaters from Zara. I don’t shop there anymore, last time I bought anything was probably more than 2 years ago. And I will not be coming back. There was nothing, technically wrong with their sweaters but it just wasn’t the weight and quality I was looking for. Return - 100%.

Next, I placed an order for cotton sweaters from Gap. And while at it, I threw a couple of other things like High Rise Stride jeans that other fabbers like, a denim skirt and light wash jeans from Old Navy. So, the sweater are so close but… I sized down but they were still too big. I was contemplating ordering a smaller size but the neck opening is a bit too wide for me. Also, the design is a copy of a very popular in the last 3 years sweater from Toteme. This style is literally is in every store. But nice cotton knit, solid colors in my size were not available. As I expected, denim from Gap just doesn’t work for me. Jeans were too wide, a denim skirt’s front slit was more like a triangle cut out.

Return - 100%
as I was carrying my heavy bag to return Gap items, I was thinking that I should probably keep some retail stones unturned. I know brands that work for me and should just wait until they come up with what I’m looking for. It will save me time and frustration. I’m open to try a new to me brand once in a while but don’t have patience to search in hope to discover some gems.

That’s just me. My cotton sweater is still out there. I also ordered from Everlane but need a smaller size. Waiting for all returns to clear and then maybe will order from them. Don’t know how it will look in a smaller size, though.

Photos: #1 ON jeans, #2 - 5 Gap, #6 Everlane.

Oh, sorry, it’s long. What are your thoughts on selective shopping?

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Shopping

47 replies

Latest reply was from Irina

Kate

Veteran

Absolutely. For me it simplifies a lot of things, and I get items I enjoy and keep. COS, Uniqlo, and sometimes Aritzia.

But I branched out recently, and tried 3 different styles of jeans and chinos from Banana Republic, 5 pairs total. Nothing worked. Either too wide, too short, rise not high enough, too stretchy. One chino that I loved the fabric, color, and rise of was just...boring. I was bored looking at it on me. These were slim straights, and looked like slim straights on the website, but boy, they must have been pinned back on the model to a fare-thee-well, because in reality, the leg was much wider from the hip all the way down with a circumference of 16" at the bottom.

They are all packaged up to return.

I was so irritated I went to COS, which luckily was having a site-wide 25% off sale, and ordered 3 pairs of pants: jeans, knit, and trousers, and I know they will look as pictured as long as I have the size right, which, admittedly, can sometimes be a crapshoot at COS.

End of rant.

Runcarla

Veteran

Disappointing and exhausting!

Indigoprint

Veteran

I feel your pain. Not sure what is going on this season.

Peri

Veteran

I think that advice must apply to people who like to shop and like the hunt. For me it is overwhelming. I think it's a good thing to narrow down if you can.

DonnaF

Veteran

I hear you. I buy almost exclusively from Nordstrom.com because returns to the store are so easy and without a deadline, they do alterations, and it means I don't have to go traipsing around town to make returns. If I had something really critical to buy like a MOB dress or a swimsuit, I would leave no (retail) stone unturned. So help me if DD decides to have a destination wedding in some tropical paradise. I can't imagine having to shop for both things at the same time.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Irina, disappointing! I hope you find just what you are looking for soon

What you've experienced is not uncommon. I hear you too! Shopping success - online and in stores - is ebbs and flows! I see that with my own shopping, and that of my clients all the time. You cannot buy what is not there.

You can keep your list of preferred retailers narrow - the most efficient and easy scenario! - until they don't have what you want . In which case you either look elsewhere, or go without.

I am very positive about shopping! Keep my options open. But I also keep my expectations very low. I am a pessimistic optimist. Or an optimistic pessimist! It helps me strike a balance.

I haven't shopped at Zara in years! They are almost off my radar. But I very unexpectedly found what I was looking for last week. And so it goes....

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

Totally agree with you these days Irina. In the past I shopped everywhere to find the particular items or styles that I wanted: boys or men’s department, cheap brands and fast fashion, whatever. I would often get a random idea: I need a red dress, or I want things with surfing themes, etc. But with the proliferation of online shopping options, it started to feel overwhelming and even a bit sickening. We could all be shopping/browsing/clicking/buying every minute of the day, if we wanted!

I felt like I needed a cleanse. So for the past few months I buy only from one or two brands, if and when they have items I want that are on sale. It feels refreshing and relaxing to me, to escape from the frenzy of buy buy buy.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

It definitely helps to know which styles and which sizes at which stores work for me. Doesn’t mean I won’t look elsewhere but I start there, unless I’m browsing for fun.

Runcarla

Veteran

Agree with you that it’s been a tough season to shop. I’ve had luck with footwear, but I’ve just about given up on everything else - especially jeans!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I hear you! Although I shop at places that are a completely random range of brands, heavily favoring fast fashion, I do know which labels interest me, are worth a second look, and which I will just not touch (SHEIN on principle for example). It is a balance.

slim cat

Veteran

All of it sounds so familiar ;-( . I returned some things from unfamiliar brands and still hoping that Banana Republic, GAP and ON will eventually bring things back ( style and quality wise ). So far I took risk ordering final sale from BR - 100% cotton sweater with doggy graphic
( it works ) and wide leg jeans in tall size ( no regulars left - getting it shortened now ).
I do feel your pain - so many sizes/styles are a big miss ( wrong pic, description, sizing ).

LJP

Veteran

I’m right there with you . I have neither the time nor the energy to search and hunt down new lines , and this year has been the worst in terms of finding jeans and sweaters . Gap has nothing that interests me , the jeans look weird on , and I am sick of the store as a whole . I did pick up a cotton blend sweater the other day that I am quite happy with - from Soya Concept . Not expensive ( under $100) but is exactly the colour and style I wanted . I just hope it washes and wears well . I don’t have any go- to stores or labels I can rely on now , which is a first .

LJP

Veteran

Btw - I have that Toteme knock - off sweater from a few seasons ago and rarely wear it . It looks nice enough but the sleeves are annoying .

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Hmmm. I don't know...to me, this just sounds like...shopping!

Don't get me wrong -- I sympathize. It can be extremely frustrating when you can't find what you want (or worse yet, need.) When core essentials aren't available in your preferred cuts or colours, it's more than annoying -- it means it's hard to create outfits you enjoy wearing! I have been there, and done that, many, many times. And the endless search and return can be demoralizing. (Shudders as she recalls the great jeans hunt of 2021/22).

I think it helps to keep expectations flexible and/or in check. This is much easier to do if one has a moderate to larger established wardrobe. It is much harder if you have a very pared back wardrobe or if you are rebuilding a wardrobe or even if you are just missing a few key pieces for the season.

I aim for a blended style -- somewhere between focusing entirely on a few favourite retailers and keeping no retail stone unturned.

I know which brands tend to offer a fit that works on me in different types of item -- and which don't. But, the only reason I know this is from repeated shopping adventures, and mostly, misadventures. In other words, I've kissed a lot of frogs to find a few princes.

More frustrating still, the princes are sometimes in hiding when I go to look for them again, i.e. I may know that X brand of knitwear tends to work for me but if all they are showing this season is beige sweaters or black, I won't be buying them because those colours do not work for me.

Fortunately, as Angie says -- things change. For years, I could not find a pair of GAP or ON jeans that worked on me. Suddenly, since last summer, I've found a bunch that do! (Interestingly -- the Levis that work so well on you do not work on me -- i love them on you and Sal, and tried them out, with great hopes -- but on me? UGH. So there you go.)

That is where the "leave no retail stone unturned" phrase comes from, I think. Styles and sometimes fit models change and/or our bodies change and voila! New hope. Or new despair.

I do think it makes sense to narrow in on a few brands that tend to offer what you like in terms of fit or aesthetic -- or, preferably, both! I never shop at Forever 21 (does it still even exist?) or at Melanie Lyne or Peruvian Connection (not that we have that in Canada to my knowledge) or Northern Reflections or a dozen other places...it just doesn't make sense. Not my colours, my style, my fit -- so why bother? At the same time, for me at least, it pays to keep my eyes open to brands that sometimes fall off my radar -- just in case. That's one reason I value the forum. I like to see where others find their clothes and sometimes their choices might work for me.

It can be especially helpful to know which footwear brands tend to work and which do not. Fit is so crucial there.

I return a huge proportion of what I order online -- even when I have to pay for returns. Similarly, if shopping in person, I reject a huge proportion of what I take to the dressing room. Occasionally, i will get lucky in either setting and want to take home every item I try. But it's rare.

rachylou

Veteran

I have decidedly stopped going all around. I used to live close to an upscale mall, so it was easy. Now it’s 30 miles to any real shopping. When I make the trek, I feel a need to focus because time is a factor.

But that said, I try not to dismiss a store out of hand. Some of my favourite jeans, for example, come from teenybopper stores - teens get the latest fashion in jeans first. Or, for example, I don’t have modern classic style, but I pretty much love only modern classic items. So in this way, I feel leave no stone unturned can be good advice.

Dee

Veteran

Yes it certainly can be a chore schlepping around trying to find what should be some obvious basics that these stores don’t seem to stock much of right now.

I have to admit there are a bunch of stores I don’t really bother with, mostly the fast fashion ones like Garage, Dynamite, Suzy Shier, Ardene, etc.. they aren’t really designed with someone like me in mind and the quality isn’t there either.

I have been having the most luck lately with Simon’s and Uniqlo.

Irina

Veteran

Like many others, I have favorite stores and favorite brands. Sometimes I doubt myself and think maybe I limit myself and should broaden my selection. But should I?

For years I’ve shopped at COS and have never bought denim from them but have loved and bought other merch. And this year I’ve found jeans there. I consider it a bonus because even without jeans, my shopping experience there is always positive. So, to me this is my #1 shopping destination.
#2 are the places there I have a strong chance things will work out, like Uniqlo, Massimo Dutti and sometimes Everlane. I don’t mind returns to these places even if I have to pay for it.

#3 is an assorted brands inventory from websites or stores (mostly sales only). Lots of returns but I can find interesting things there.

In other places like Zara or Gap, BR my chances in finding something that works are extremely low. And I think I should leave them alone. They work beautifully for many others and used to be a destination for me, too but not anymore.

I struggle when I’m looking for a specific item, this is when multiple orders and returns happen. So, maybe I should be more flexible in my so called “need” for an x item and just go with a flow, compromising on an item and not on a retailer.

Jules

Veteran

Totally! You in particular (but also general ‘you’) know your style, brands and patience level best. Some times I want to shop around, sometimes I don’t. Limiting options helps me hone in on what I actually like and want (for example, if I’m only looking at Canadian made, my options are a lot fewer - but that is not necessarily a bad thing!). In a world of endless choices, sometimes we are better off to filter up front.

kkards

Veteran

I rarely cross stores off my list, but I have a number of stores that I’ve learned are not really good for me, either in cut/sizing or in vibe. I’ve learned to be very careful and selective in those stores if I’m shopping them.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ha! The retailers that tend to work for you are the ones that rarely work for me -- and vice versa! Though it is not a question of aesthetics -- I love the COS aesthetic. I might have more luck if I spent a whole day in try ons there to see which items come closest to working. But that would involve a trip to Vancouver.

I still have good luck (sometimes) for core items and completer items at BR and (sometimes, much more rarely GAP).

I get a good fit with J. Crew though the prices are awfully high now. And colours can be a bit too warm/ bright for me at times.

I think your strategy of ranking the stores that tend to work is an excellent one. But here's the most important point:

I struggle when I’m looking for a specific item, this is when multiple orders and returns happen. So, maybe I should be more flexible in my so called “need” for an x item and just go with a flow, compromising on an item and not on a retailer.

BINGO. That's it. And that's what I meant by it being more difficult if your wardrobe is very tight -- you have less wiggle room to go with the flow in that case.

Apart from core essentials like jeans or bras or bathing suits, I almost never go in search of "X" specific item when I go shopping -- because it never, never, never works for me!

Last year I wanted simple navy merino sweaters. NOPE. I did finally find one at J. Crew but it was a shopping nightmare in the meantime.

For several years I've been looking for an A-Line midi skirt in linen. You would think this would be easy to find. But no. All the ones I found in my price range were in colours I did not like or were wrap style and flapped open.

I do much better if I say to myself: I need summer tops. Full stop. Much more general. I might add to myself that I need one light toned neutral and one dark toned neutral top, for example (knowing those will help me make outfits with printed bottoms). But that's about the extent of it. Because until I get out there (or online) I don't know what I'll find.

LaPed

Veteran

I am 100% on board with your strategy, Irina. I ignore almost all of the labels out there at this point, and have let my shortlist shrink a bit as certain brands I used to rely on no longer mesh with my style/lifestyle Boden is a prime example. I used to like a lot of what they have on offer, but these days when I look it all feels a bit off, not quite what I'm going for.

Everything I've tried on at Gap/ON/BR the past several years has been a fail, mostly for fit reasons. But I do find things I love at Athleta from time to time. Likewise, J Crew stopped working for me years ago (cut too straight, gold hardware on all the coats, colours generally too bright/saturated), but I have fairly good luck with Madewell, where I often find things that remind me of the J Crew items I wore in high school (early naughties). Uniqlo and Everlane have both provided me with lots of wardrobe staples over the past decade, but I've had a lot of misses from them too, but just enough successes to keep going back. This makes me think I should give COS and Massimo Dutti a closer look, as we seem to have quite a bit of brand overlap.

That said, none of this applies when I'm shopping secondhand! I continue to have a wide variety of labels in my closet thanks to thrift stores and clothing swaps, where the label is often the very last thing I look at.

What you wrote in your last paragraph really resonates: "I struggle when I’m looking for a specific item, this is when multiple orders and returns happen. So, maybe I should be more flexible in my so called “need” for an x item."

I have found it really helpful to get away from framing clothes shopping as a "need"; my clothing is well above subsistence level and I could make do for a long time without adding anything. So I if I do add something new, it had better be something I love! These days I think in terms of "I would like" or "I could use" and don't let myself get tied up in knots searching for highly specific items, which can result in compromising just to fill a perceived wardrobe hole and check an item off my list.

Irina

Veteran

Suz & LaPed, exactly! It’s a completely different approach for me, though I’m such a “list” person. And then I get all obsessed about finding things on my list. It is a lifelong habit. I wonder if my wardrobe is full enough to let go and stop trying to fill imaginary wardrobe holes.

Sal

Veteran

This thread has become very interesting. I think the specific holes - need black pants, need a navy blouse shopping can be hard. And saying what is the real hole - or pausing can be worthwhile sometimes.

I do agree that there are retailers that rarely work for me. For online shopping I mostly only buy essentials now..

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Well I agree with your last point above Irina. That’s what I’m trying to do because I have so much still ( just under 150 items, not sure of your wardrobe size). And I’m following Suz’s strategy above of being quite general in what I might be low on. That’s how I got my recent Joseph Ribkoff pants, by knowing all my pants were very well used except for a thrifted $5 pair and so another pair wouldn’t go amiss, with the serendipity of a good sale and great colours for me.
I have only bought 2 items this year so far.
I do also follow your strategy of mostly trying either brands or stores that have worked for me in the past.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I also really agree with La Ped. Clothes shopping, unless really major size change with weight loss or gain, is not a “need” for most of us.
This has helped me too. I already know I am very privileged to have the wardrobe I have.

LJP

Veteran

I too have a very specific list of items in my head and know exactly how I want them to look . Trouble is , they don’t exist in my price range . And this is where I tie myself up in knots and spend far too much time looking and fretting over clothes and shoes I somehow must have. I then buy things I don’t love in some sort of perverse compromise . If I just left shopping alone and let things come to me in a less frenetic way , I bet I’d be happier . I create my own stress and dissatisfaction . And as Jenni says , I have more than enough to dress quite well .

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Just backtracking and contradicting myself a bit, LOL -- because some things really are needs. I mean, underwear, obviously, and footwear...but if you cleave to a fairly tight colour palette, for example (as you do, Irina, and I do as well) then yes, a navy top for winter (in my case) or a black one (for you) might actually be a genuine need!

So I guess I'd say that even here, we can aim for balance -- what Angie calls "organized emotional" shopping. A list is not a bad thing to have -- it's just that being too tightly wedded to the list can be detrimental.

An example from my own life this season. I always look for two types of summer tops -- lightweight button front shirts in linen or cotton gauze or voile, with some coverage and usually long sleeves (for sun protection). And/ or sleeveless woven tops, which I really like for their coolness.

In the last few years, I have found it virtually impossible to find what I am after. So apart from one linen shirt, I did not buy any tops. Most of my summer tops were really on their last legs, with five to eight years hard wear. I really did need new summer tops!

So this year, so far, I've purchased a few knit tops (we'll see how that goes -- they were an inexpensive experiment) and a few short sleeved or cap sleeved woven tops.

This isn't what I thought I wanted, but it might work instead of what I wanted. And if it doesn't, well, lesson learned.

I also tried an inexpensive linen shirt and a heavier cropped shirt and a lighter cotton shirt. We'll see how these work.

In two cases, the retailer was one I'd only ever purchased from once or twice in the past (Everlane, Sandwich).

Several tops come from BR, which for me has been an easy standard place to try because of free returns.

Ditto for GAP.

J. Crew has become much pricier but I got on sale in the US.

So ultimately -- if I had stuck only to my most favoured stores, I'd only have had a couple of these items. Apart from the lilac shirt and a more general "a top with some green in pattern", none was on a list of any kind. I had no idea I would purchase anything like the rest. Until I did. Now, they may turn out to be duds. But they may also turn out to be surprising workhorses, helping me to evolve my style in a new direction.

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jussie

Veteran

Hmm well I think we on the forum tend to be quite picky.
Which is good, but also can make it hard to actually find things up to our standard out there in the wild!
I rarely find things in the exact colour, fit, fabrication and style that I want. I usually will get 3 out of the 4, and have to compromise a little bit on one aspect. I just bought two woolly winter sweaters, both are ever so slightly warmer in colouring than what I truly wanted, however I could not find the EXACT shade I wanted, without losing the other features I wanted. For example I found a sweater in the perfect pale pink colour -but the sleeves were too short and I didn’t love the neckline. I saw another in a perfect deep raspberry pink colour but it was too shapeless and too long to tuck or wear with high waisted bottoms.
I ended up finding one in light sage green (not an absolutely ideal colour for me, but still fairly decent), and one in very light cream, almost ecru (again, not ideal but still fairly decent). However the great thing is that both are good shapes/style, fits, and have decent fabric quality. They will fill a big wardrobe hole for me, as previously I only had one thick/warm wooly pullover. This wasn’t really enough, and left me wearing my puffer jacket so frequently that I got absolutely sick of it. In the past I know I tend to make heavy use each winter of a heavyweight sweater, so I think they will get worn quite a bit. Also I can think of at least four bottoms they will each work with.
Also in the past when I haven’t been happy with the shape of the sweater I have NOT worn it, so I know shape/fit is what I shouldn’t compromise too much on, whereas colour is more flexible as long as it’s still reasonably flattering.
Also they were both in my price range so I went for it.
Why? Because I need some warm sweaters and these will do nicely. I don’t want to search for ages. It’s getting colder fast!!

I got them both from stores I shop at fairly regularly, I didn’t look far afield. I guess I have around 5-10 stores I mostly shop at. Seems to be enough to be able to find things that meet my criteria to an acceptable level.

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Tanya

Veteran

I am with Suz here, and take the in-between approach. I know brands/stores that usually work for me, both in terms of fit and aesthetic, and the ones that don't. But I will try things even from them occasionally if I am in a store so there is no risk. Online I am a bit more careful, but I have bought plenty of final sale items as I was reasonably confident they would work.

For example, I have a very long torso, and getting dresses with defined waistlines to fit can be very difficult. I know now which brands tend to have a similar fit model and which don't. Many make their dresses for relatively short-waisted to-proportionally waisted bodies, so I usually don't even bother with them unless the dress comes in tall sizes. However, if it is something I am completely in love with, I will give it a try and order it being fully prepared that it likely won't work and I need to send it back. Usually that is true, but sometimes I am positively surprised.

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