Kind of sad about Thanksgiving/seeking advice - YouLookFab Forum

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Kind of sad about Thanksgiving/seeking advice

Scarlet

Veteran

I lived abroad for a long time and insisted on carrying on with Thanksgiving despite the lack of time off and the challenge of getting the right ingredients. Let's say it led to some good stories over the years. I always invited local friends over to celebrate, which meant putting the whole shin-dig on myself (with cleaning and prep help from my non-cooking hubby), so it was a lot of work but always a lovely party. I moved back to the U.S. two years ago and one of the things I was looking forward to was an American celebration of my favorite holiday. Unfortunately I am not able to travel a long way to celebrate with family, and although the last couple of years we invited a family from Spain to celebrate with us, this year they will be out of town themselves. In other words, it’s going to be just me and my little family. I am trying to look on the bright side that the pressure is off to put on a big, celebratory dinner, but I can’t help but be a little sad. I am wondering if anyone can suggest an alternative family activity for the long weekend as something special to look forward to. It’s me, hubby, a two year old and a five year old. We aren’t far from NYC, so I was considering maybe a pre-Christmas visit there.

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Latest reply was from unfrumped

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I think the Christmas windows in NYC are great. I don’t know when the ice skating rink in Central Park opens, but that’s fun.

Or you could do something fun & different like a cold weather picnic in a park. Create new traditions & memories.
Edit: even as simple as hot apple cider in a thermos & snacks

Scarlet

Veteran

Anna, thanks. Those are great suggestions, and it's true hot apple cider and snacks are a great idea (ETA: I mean especially the kids would think it's the best thing ever! Kids are easy to please in their way Also, the town where I currently live is distressingly non-green and I am longing all the time for some outdoors.

JAileen

Veteran

For us, I'm not lookng forward to a long drive over the mountains. It's always a little stressful, although the weather forecast is good.

Having just your little family sounds delightful, actually. If this is how your Thanksgiving is going to be, going forward, now would be the time to make it feel special instead of forlorn. We were in NYC for Thanksgiving several years ago, and we went to the Macy's parade. We saw it at the beginning, and then took the subway to Times Square (?) and saw the end. It was a blast.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh definitely windows and ice skating. One year, when my first godson was about 4, we went just the two of us to SF for the decorations, a trolley ride and then went to all the art galleries. That was hilarious. He was very popular in the art galleries. At that age, he didn’t know art galleries were boring... my mum, brother and I go to the museum at this time of year still. I guess that’s what my peeps do... cartoon museum, natural history, Exploratorium...

rachylou

Veteran

Ohmigosh. I forgot. Thanksgiving parade. You CAN go. I was thinking, ‘oh it will be too late.’ Lolol. My mum, brother and I did that too. That was the scene of my lost, short-lived, beloved lavender ear flap hat. That year I skipped the museums and went to Barney’s and got that hat instead...

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Also another suggestion, whatever you do, take some pictures that are physical.
Depending on your budget the Fuji instax cameras are fun. They sell different levels.
Or even if you only take pictures with your phone, get them printed.

MsMaven

Veteran

I would give you my story but I'm starting to cry. (No longer have family coming home--so we go to relatives, long drive, stressful.) By all means, get away to NYC or another fun place.

Despite no longer having our own Thanksgiving dinners at home, we will cook a small turkey and stuffing and just make dishes we like sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Echo

Veteran

While a trip would be great fun, IMO, this is the time to establish holiday traditions for your own children and family. For me, it was never about having other people over, but making a cozy and lovely feast for my immediate family (DH and our children). I always made the turkey and everything so my kids would have the picture in their mind of what Thanksgiving is "supposed" to be.

My kids are older now (17, 15 and 13) and we have my mum over for Thanksgiving. No other guests. Still, I am up in the wee hours preparing everything. Before the meal is ready, we all watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, then my mum arrives and we serve dinner (1 pm). It's our own tradition. It isn't about being sad that others aren't with you; it's about being happy for who IS.

Again, there's nothing wrong with a trip for the long weekend, but don't feel sad, even if it is "just" your family and even if you don't travel.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Making your own traditions sounds fun until you suddenly realize how many options there are.

Not knowing anything about your life beyond what you say here, the word “Friendsgiving” springs to mind. The Spanish family isn’t there, but perhaps you know some single people to whom a family with two little ones sounds deliciously cozy. Students, interns, and elderly men and women would probably be delighted to join you—and might even do the dishes.

A tradition I wish I had started with my son earlier is volunteering on holiday weekends.

Diana

Veteran

Not thanksgiving exactly but one thing I like to do (although it depends on where we are for thanksgiving weekend) is go on a Black Friday hike. I think it's a nice counterpoint to the crazy consumerism.

Honestly if you enjoy the cooking part I'd do the traditional thanksgiving dinner just for the four of you. You can do a chicken or just a turkey breast instead of a whole turkey and just pick your favorite couple of sides to make.

elpgal

Veteran

If you decide to host last minute, you may be surprised to know how many people would come over! This year we are celebrating potluck-style with some of my son's preschool crowd. We plan to start our day with a kid-friendly hike led by some of the parents and then meet at our house for lunch.

kkards

Veteran

scarlett....my thanksgivings have narrowed to a smaller and smaller event every year as older family members have past, and younger have married now celebrate with their new families...so i understand exactly what you are going thru....
i have done the NYC thanksgiving 3 or 4 times....and while i love it, i don't recommend the parade for children as young as yours unless you have a hotel room or office to watch it from...the throngs of people and the long wait are IMO to much for a 2 year old. my sisters have gone to the balloon blow up https://www.tripsavvy.com/macy.....on-1613647 the night before, and this might be a good alternative and become a new family thanksgiving tradition.
i'd ask around, i bet that there are others in you community who are having a small queit thanksgiving and would welcome dining with you and your family
BTW-for the past decade or so, we've mostly gone out to eat...it gives you a sense of a larger community---and no cleaning up.

Aquamarine

Veteran

I’d cook the usual for your family, and then do something the rest of the weekend that welcomes in the holiday season (there’s no escaping it either way). In our town, the tree-lighting takes place the Sunday after Thanksgiving, as well as a Santa parade for the little kids. In other words, start a new tradition and make the weekend fun for all of you. Whatever you do, keep cheerful for your little ones. Children pick up on parents’ sadness (for whatever reason) around the holidays.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

It's okay to be sad. I'm sad because my husband and I are alone for the first time this year. I've always been around multiple families. If I had know earlier we would have made other plans. Great suggestions here, and I'd suggest also thinking about what you want for next year and years after that. Because of the sadness and the meaning of the day I want to concentrate on gratitude this year.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I like the advice others have given. Thanksgiving is still a bit sad for me, even nine years after losing my mom in November. We have not adopted any one prevailing tradition since then -- we've gone out for dinner a couple of times, hosted a big meal for friends at our house a couple of times, hosted at the ranch in Texas for our family there a few years, and most recently had dinner with my stepson and his wife (a new tradition as of last year that is being repeated this year). I have to say I do like not having to cook and clean for two full days -- it's a nice change of pace to show up at my stepson's with a pie or a bottle of wine and enjoy the fruits of someone else's labors!

I also really treasure the memory of years when we served dinner at a local homeless shelter. It was an experience that truly reminded me of how much we have to be thankful for.

I hope that whatever you do, you have a happy Thanksgiving!

delurked

Veteran

Although my Thanksgivings have varied widely as an adult, when I was a child it was always just my immediate family. How I miss the feeling of that day when it was just us. I recommend you consider an at home tradition for your own children, even if it just feels like a too small gathering to you. It won’t feel that way to your kids, as what you do in the next few years will really cement how they remember the holiday.

rachylou

Veteran

Good point delurked. My Thanksgivings have always been sizeable, taking more than the full 12-place china settings, but I remember the run up more than anything. Starting days ahead. The market trip. Cleaning. Ironing the table cloth. Folding the napkins. Getting out the crystal from the China cabinet. Wine, water, whiskey. Dad making vichyssoise. Mum basting the turkey. All that was without anyone but us and what made it exciting.

Anonymous

How far are you from the Fingerlakes region in NY (Keuka Lake has beautiful views and Seneca Lake as well) ? Some wine tasting and perhaps a visit to the Corning Museum of Glass. Not far from Watkins Glen and you could even take a peak at the Seneca White Deer (not albino deer, actual white deer). Curtis Museum in Hammondsport and a glider museum nearby as well as watching the gliders in the air.

My oven died this past Friday and not sure when the new element will arrive to fix it, so i put a hold on Thanksgiving. When I contacted everyone to let them know, they all said "maybe next year" and no one offered to do it in place of me. One did offer the suggestion that perhaps I could have it catered instead. I am now rethinking ever doing Thanksgiving again and just keeping it to the immediate family or just go away. I always wanted to visit Colonial Williamsburg at Thanksgiving.

BrieN

Veteran

If you live by a university and are comfortable opening up your home, there are often students who can't get home for the holidays/who don't have homes to go to that would welcome the chance to be included in your family's celebration.

JAileen

Veteran

Danusia, years ago, unbeknownst to me, the oven in our rental was broken. I didn't know until I opened the oven door to put the turkey in. My FIL, in one of his finest moments, said I know just what we'll do - we'll barbeque the turkey. He proceeded to carve up the bird and we barbequed it. And it was the best turkey we'd ever had.

Anonymous

Today on a radio cooking show I heard, and this is not verbatim, that it wasn't the amount of effort that made the food good, but the intensity of flavor, and that often the relationship is inverse, the more elaborate the preparation, the less flavorful the results.

Maybe you could plan a meal that's not all about you getting up at 5am to lock yourself in the kitchen all day? A two and five year old can definitely help prepare delicious food and they might even have some really brilliant ideas about what to make, how to serve it, decorations, etc. There aren't always that many adult things that young children can do just as well as grown ups and it's really great for confidence building.

I think you feel like the "different" part of this holiday is being forced on you rather than you controlling it. You can react to that, or you can just start over again with your own new plan.

Joy

Veteran

A friend's family always goes for a hike near a lake after Thanksgiving dinner. Is there a local college that may have some students not able to go home that you could invite? My saddest Thanksgivings were at a small empty college town when even the college cafeteria was closed. I was, and still am, grateful to college friends who invited me to join their families.
Maybe you know someone with toddlers or a new baby that would be grateful for someone else to invite then for dinner?

chirico (Chiara)

(website)

Veteran

My story is the other way around: came to the States, loved Thanksgiving, decided to repeat the tradition here in Italy too once I got back. With some interesting adaptations to the local tastes. Thankfully my sister in law is half American and I get help from her too.
This year, however, we just moved to a new place and have boxes still around (I had an interesting week-end with my boxes and a half-sick toddler...), and we can't have people over. So, on Thu, I'll be cooking something simple yet traditional - turkey for sure, then I'll decide in the moment. Nothing I have to take the day off for. What I want the most is to create a small unique tradition for my little girl. I think that could be your goal too: I'd go to the parade (how I whish I could go!), get home to a simple, delicious meal, and spend Friday outdoors with the kids if weather allows.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Scarlet, you've received great ideas, and I'm sure you'll have a fun, special and memorable TG weekend after all. Good luck and safe travels.

FWIW, Greg and I are very happy to spend holidays at home alone with the doggies. No family and no friends. I cook up a storm, we take the dog(s) for a walk, and have a lovely time. Maybe that's because we don't have kids, and kids expect more "action" so to speak. Much love to you, sweet lady. xo

Scarlet

Veteran

I can’t emphasize enough how touching I find these thoughtful responses. You have collectively lifted me out of the malaise and helped me develop a plan.

Following the many recommendations here, I am planning on cooking a scaled down Thanksgiving. Mr. 5 has been asking for turkey for weeks (months?), so I better do that, although I might do stuffed breasts and drumsticks instead of the whole thing, much as I love turkey soup. Also we are checking in on a colleague who recently moved to the area with a toddler. I plan on breaking out all the special tablewares to mark the occasion. Even though we are fortunate to spend a lot of time together as a family, there is not so much time where we are truly focusing on being/doing something special together, so this is something to look forward to.I think we will do a hike on Friday and then start getting the house decorated for Christmas.

I really appreciated all the tips of fun things to do in New York, and I will be trying all of these things in the time to come.

As an aside, we had guests last night, so I put a special fall table runner on the table, usually kept bare due to the inevitable children’s messes. Mr. 5, stroking the runner, was like ooh, I love this! So at least he will appreciate the set table.

JAileen, thanks for letting me know about your experience at the parade. I have never been there in person! I used to love it on TV as a kid. That is a great and inspiring story about your FIL. Funny the things that bring out our finest moments

Rachylou, interesting that you have a museum tradition. I was considering going back to the Natural History Museum this weekend, because my boys, especially the older one, are deep into the dinosaur phase. I read about your hat tragedy on another thread, and I extend my sympathies. I love your description of busting out the crystal and all just for your own family. I decided now to do the same. Iron that white table cloth for the kids to muss and everything It is the right message to them to do these things also just for ourselves.

Annagybe, I used to have a polaroid that made miniature sticky photos. It was the best thing ever. They shouldn’t have stopped selling polaroids. There is something about a physical photo. I am a happy that they are starting to come back. Such a great idea! I am going to check out those Fuji things.

MsMaven, I am so sorry that this is a sad topic for you. I hope you are enjoying your holiday this year.

Echo, I guess one thing that became apparent to me from this thread is that I should create other occasions to entertain more. The holidays force me to get out of the day-to-day hustle, but really that’s just a question of will. And you are so right with the reminder to be happy for who IS there.

Fashiontern, yes, at some level I am indeed overwhelmed by the freedom to choose this year. Also thank you for the reminder to think of other people who might be at loose ends for the holiday.

Diana, ha ha, anything but shopping on that Friday. I think we will also go on a hike too.

Elpgal, that sounds lovely!

kkards, thanks for your perspective. I share your concerns about a 2 year old. Also I am not that great with crowds myself I didn’t know about the balloon inflation thing. That sounds cool! I can certainly see the appeal of going out to dinner.

Aquamarine, yes I think we will kick off the Christmas season on the weekend too.

Barbara Diane, I am so sorry that you are also feeling this way. I am also trying to refocus myself on gratitude.

Janet, I am sorry this is a sad time of year for you. It’s nice to hear that your stepson’s family is taking over the hosting.

delurked, you and others are convincing me that a little family gathering will also be beautiful.

danusia, thank you for the recommendations. That sounds like a fantastic trip to make. We should definitely spend more time exploring our new state. Geez, I can’t believe someone suggested you to order catering. People are incredible sometimes. I hope you do visit Colonial Williamsburg.

BrieN, that is a great suggestion. We both work with students.

Isabel, interesting. I feel like my best cooking is when I can be bothered to add that final touch of, e.g. a fresh sprinkling of herbs to provide the bright freshness as a counterpoint to the cooked flavors. My five year old loves to help in the kitchen, and actually loved it even as a two year old. My current two year old is more like a master of disaster, if I am honest. And yes, exactly, I need to be captain of my own ship here. That is the underlying dynamic of most of my frustrations these days, if I am honest.

Joy, you know I am almost embarrassed to say you reminded me that I do know a family who moved here recently with a toddler. I am checking with my husband about reaching out to them.

Chiara, I love your story of falling in love with Thanksgiving! I like your suggestions.

Angie, big hearted Angie, it sounds like you have a very lovely holiday tradition.

rachylou

Veteran

I can see your boy stroking the table runner in my minds eye, lol. Children love these things. It seems so grand.

You can get a small whole turkey. A family of four will eat that up. This year I’m going to my uncle’s, but I still have a 14-lb thawing in the fridge. My peeps have gotten too skimpy in their old age. No leftovers!

Also, I have to say something: I don’t remember taking my 4-yr-old godson for any bathroom trips on our day out. That can’t be right, right? Lol. What sort of godmother would I have been?!

Scarlet

Veteran

Rachy, that is possible. Kids can really hold it sometimes. My kid refused to toilet for 8 hours the first time we went to NYC. And he would probably love an art gallery too Going to the grocery tomorrow to see what's to be had. At least being in the U.S. I don't need to special order two weeks in advance.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Chirico, sick little ones who don't understand what's happening are so sad! Is there a traditional Thanksgiving day in Italy? I know that Switzerland and Germany have church-related designated days of giving thanks that are not holidays.

MsMary

Veteran

The mental picture of Mr. 5 stroking the table runner makes me so happy! I am sure you and your little family will have a lovely holiday!

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