I remember how I felt when we lived in Central America for 8 years. An American professor and his Brazilian wife always hosted Thanksgiving dinner and invited all the Americans that were there at the college he and my DH worked for. It was a big event, but each family brought something, so there was not too much work. It made me so happy that he did this.

We've been invited to our DD's future in-laws' house for Thanksgiving, but I'm going to do our own scaled-down vegan dinner the day after. My DH and I don't care for turkey anyway, so I'm hoping it will go well.

I'm sure whatever dinner you prepare will be great. Family togetherness and giving thanks for what we have are what truly matter.

@fashionterm: kid is ok now, but she was so confused when sick while we were packing the whole house. Unfortunately we don't have a holiday dedicated to giving thanks.
What I loved about Thanksgiving is that I have always been invited by friends and always felt welcome and had a great time!

I'm way too late to this but the last 10 years we've had many years that seemed sad because our kids were at their dad's (share custody) and traveling home for T-day just seemed too much and local in-law's had health issues. Last 5 years we did a lot of restaurant T-day's bringing the ailing in-law's out for a few hours early in the day. Could've gone to relatives but the in-laws couldn't make the travel for it (even just an hour away) so we took it on ourselves to take them out, and skip the broader family celebration. Or were invited to other's T-day fests, but they got divorced, so that's not happening now...

This year is our first year in a long time we are hosting, now that FIL is dead and MIL is in hospice and can't be taken out for even an hour... and now I have adult daughters!!! Who are bringing half the dishes, so I don't have to cook much, which is nice, but brings it's own weirdness. Like how did time pass that fast...

I'm in my 50's but I still miss the childhood version of T-day. My mom would cook. Rarely any relatives because they lived way too far away. Instead, a set of "adopted" relatives-- family friends.

Scarlet, how did it go?

I’m kind of sad today myself. My sister (necklace sister) and her husband and their kids are at my parents’ house, just over two hours from here. Mom didn’t want to cook, didn’t want anyone else cooking, so they went to a buffet. We were not invited.

I’m undecided what I wanted to do for Christmas. When my son was little, we lived places that had direct flights to my parents’ house in Ohio (they winter in Florida, but go north for Christmas, because dad finds the palm trees incongruous). So my son and I had Christmas morning at home, as did my sisters with their husbands and kids, and then we all went to my parents’—them in cars, us on a plane. Mom was always very nasty about that, couldn’t see why I thought Christmas morning at home was special. She made it very clear every year that it we were delayed, there would be absolutely no waiting for us.

Now we have lived here for (ugh!) eight years. There is no direct flight, so we go up a couple of days ahead. Mom already has the table set and house decorated. Christmas Eve we eat cookies, recite The Night Before Christmas, and Dad reads from Matthew. Christmas morning my son opens his stocking and then we wait.

My sisters arrive around 2. Neither of them has the slightest interest in getting there earlier because they want to be with their families. The year my son kept his pjs on, waiting to open the things under the tree, it got a very poor response. He’s in high school now, so it isn’t as bad as a little kid hanging out and being bored Christmas morning (I talked to my parents about it every year and every year they said the next would be different, then made no attempt) but I’d still like that to be a special time for the two of us, instead of being shown how much we are second fiddles in the family as we wait for the important players to arrive.

The direct flight would get us there after presents, around dinner time. My sisters, especially the one who vacations in my parents’ Fla house for a couple weeks every summer (pj sister—one kid got married this summer and the other is splitting the pjs with me), will complain and give me so much flak. She claims to want to spend time with me, and wants me to purchase tix so we can do so before Christmas and she can go skiing the next day (also a sore spot) but can’t bring herself to even tell me when they are coming down, much less arrange their schedule around mine.

There are many reasons I want to move back to Germany. This is definitely one of them. We have dear friends on that side of the ocean who I would love to be near.

Thank you MsMary Mr. 5 is clearly a little aesthete, so it will be interesting to see what he grows up into.

BC, I know what you mean. It is almost more important to observe the traditions when you are so far away from home. I hope you had a lovely dinner with your future family and a lovely vegan celebration at home too.

Chiara, I hope the move is going as well as possible. I know how it is moving with toddlers. It sounds like a tremendous amount going on, so you deserve a gold star for any home cooked meal!!

Shiny, oh, life is full and strange. I am sorry to hear your FIL has passed on and that your MIL is not well. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It goes to show how one must keep on adapting to life as it is. Like you, I grew up in a house without “relatives”, but then any reason was an excuse for a big get-together of family friends. Perhaps that is what has been going on with my brain about this holiday.

Fashiontern, I am sorry to hear that. Oh my gosh, really I can’t imagine making a little boy wait and wait and wait for people who already had their celebration at home Both of my grandmothers played major favoritism games, and I was always sad to see my mother hurt by it. I can’t help thinking that for you spending at least Christmas in Germany might be a lovely change of pace.

I'm happy to report I worked my way through my sadness/hurt and enjoyed cooking my first Thanksgiving and first turkey. And the lack of timing pressure and not needing to clean the house helped for a first attempt. The meal was delicious and DH was impressed, which made me happy.

Barbara Diane, good for you! Congratulations on your first turkey. I have probably made ten by now, but sometimes it goes better than others. It seems like the biggest variable is the turkey itself. It's hard to know ahead of time what you are buying. I wish I had been keeping notes all these years about recipes and what worked and what didn't. I also enjoyed having the pressure off of cleaning the house and getting a big dinner ready at a certain time. I did feel quite sad in the middle of cooking, but by the time dinner was served I had recovered. After dinner I fell asleep on the sofa for an hour, and after that I felt A LOT better.

I've only hosted Thanksgiving dinner a few times, but my mother kept copious notes: number of people, weight of turkey, oven temperature, time, side dishes, etc., for each year, starting in 1958. When I did host, I kept notes, too. It's fun to look back. 1 and 2 are my notes from a few years ago. Please note that I *plan* for leftovers. I don't want to cook for a week! 3 and 4 are from last year. It was fun but also a ton of work. This year we drove 250 miles (each way) to join family, and I made a salad, and helped with cleanup. Despite the drive, it was much easier.

I’m glad it went well for you. We had a good time, and the recipes we made turned out good—except the loaf. We will never make that one again.

Scarlet, I'm glad you had a good day.

I always keep notes, too. It really helps when I'm all higgledy-piggledy and behind in my preparations!

Also late to the party, but some combination of a tradition and a changeable part can be fun. So maybe dinner on the day, and every year the family plans something g for the weekend— like the picnic, or some kind a short trip, maybe to a rural spot, or kids museums. My kids loved a “ staycation we did one year and did stuff they wanted to do.
Also, for the feast day, it’s a great time for simple kid crafts- our kids made placecards with markets and stickers, or rolled napkins. Look for “ fun food” like fresh fruit in
turkey shape, or holiday cupcakes, sparkling apple juice. These can be along with several very traditional foods. Or try a dish from another country each year and learn about the country.

I have also struggled with holidays because I’ve always had to work several holidays each year, not the same ones each year, and have family in other states less able to travel. So every year is s different combination of holiday at home with just family, sometimes hosting visiting family, sometimes long days in the hospital, or going out of town and so skipping “ home preparations and decorating “ as there would not be time to do it all. I have done traditional decor and cooking but might skip years doing it! I can never really say “ every year we always...”.
A funny thing re: kids abilities- one Thanksgiving when I had to work all day, DH and kiddos made meatloaf for Thanksgiving supper! We had a feast they loved and they were so proud to have made dinner for mommy!