Kelly Reemsten's work - and my experience (long)

First of all, thanks to the YLF member who shared the link, loved her work. I was able to check the link only today...
Then, I am looking for an opinion on a fact that happened last week. If I am still thinking about it, it's probably still burning.
I love to wear dresses and I love nice shoes/boots. So naturally I wear them to work too. Sometimes I have to use "power tools" too, as the ladies in the Reemsten's portraits, but with lab shoes and a labcoat it's never a problem.
Second point I want to make, I am very focused at work. It's not I never chat with colleagues, it's just... I am there for working, I am paid for that, not to talk about my daughter, cooking, my new home, etc. I do mention these things, but not often.
So, to get to the point. I was wearing a dress and my black boots with black thick tights. We were talking all together with my boss about work (a particolar antibiotic impurities in that case). A colleague (female) said: you cannot be taken seriously if you talk about impurities while wearing that dress!
I heard her, didn't say anything and kept talking about the problem. But it did burn.
I am still wearing dresses to work. I just had the confirmation women are their worst enemies.

8 years ago

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Wow, so sorry. How limited and restrictive her attitude is.

Bijou

That comment says volumes about her and nothing about you. Jealousy is a very nasty emotion and I suspect that this is what is at play here. Attractive, beautiful women can also be very clever and should not be expected to hide either their beauty or intelligence. Good for you on progressing professionally in the meeting.

To deal with the situation, I would have a confidential chat with my boss to confirm that your work attire is office appropriate (which I am sure it is). Then, I would also have a coffee away from work with the co-worker to talk. I would simply state that her comment was hurtful and reflects a lack of professionalism on her part and could she please refrain from making personal comments you. Hopefully your boss has already had words with her.

rachylou

Wow. Not appropriate. Not permissible. I'd have a private word with the boss. And I wouldn't say 'I feel X's comment was not appropriate.' I would say straight up 'X's comment was not appropriate.'

Joyce B

It does not sound like she had anything to add to the discussion that was taking place. Did she miss something about the case you were talking about and took it out on you in a catty way? Shame on her!
I think you acted professionally but you may need to respond in public by throwing the negative focus on her if she insists on bullying you. You could ask her, for example, is that all you have to add about the case we are discussing? Hopefully talking to your boss will stop her but people who bully others may have overgrown anyone's authority. I would keep the focus on her inappropriate comments and not on you when you talk to the boss or when you address her about it.
I am sorry for you that you have to deal with this co-worker, she sounds like quite a gem.

Anonymous

Sigh. I agree with you about some women. The women I have encountered in life that were like that were terribly insecure in themselves and their work. I tend to ignore them exactly as you did. Nurse the hurt in private when you get home.

Although Bijou offers wonderful advice, I personally would be hesitant to have coffee with this coworker. There are some people in this world that are just plain toxic. You just cannot reason with them. Trying to do so results in them thinking they can get away with similar behavior in the future.

I am not saying this particular woman is toxic because I do not know her. She may just be a little girl in a woman's world and she is scared. But I am very sorry you have to deal with this sh*t.

It says a lot about her that she was focused on your attire rather than on the subject at hand. She might have shot herself in the foot at that meeting. It seems like there's always one person like this in every organization, and they usually aren't around very long because they self-destruct.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

(((HUGS)).

How inappropriate and rude. WOW. I'm sorry.

You were right to ignore the comment. I'm sure you weren't violating your dress code. I do like Bijou's suggestion to chat to your boss too. Hang in there.

Gaylene

Well, it's fairly obvious your colleague was not trying to be helpful. As for taking action, though, I'd give that some thought. You behaved professionally by ignoring the comment and concentrating on the topic at hand. Anyone who overheard the remark would be impressed by your coolness and confidence in an unpleasant situation.

Escalating the situation by talking to your boss and/or confronting your colleague could lead to some unintended consequences, especially if your colleague was having troubles of her own of which you were unaware. She might secretly be ashamed of her behavior, but, if confronted, could try to defend herself to save face. Unless this colleague is continually sniping at you in a public setting, I'd be inclined to say nothing, dress as I wished, and behave politely towards her. Sometimes a raised eyebrow can be a powerful weapon against bad manners.

Diana

Ugh. I'm sorry this happened to you. Some people are just nasty.

I agree with Gaylene though that you shouldn't do anything "official" about it unless it happens regularly. IMO she's not worth your time.

Kimberley

Sheesh, some people!

What Diana said.

kkards

I read this early this morning, and wanted to think about it before I commented.....i know that this is a fashion forum, and you asked a fashion question, but I want to comment about the non fashion part of your post.....mainly I wondering why you felt the need to explain that you don't really talk to your colleagues....I totally get that you are not at work to make friends but to work, but I've also found a little chit chat goes a long way, and honestly, you don't really have to talk about yourself, most people are more than happy to talk about themselves, you just have to look interested...i'd make a project out of winning this colleague over. it will make you feel better.

chirico (Chiara)

Hi ladies. I was able to read all your replies yesterday, but can only write something today (sick kids again).
Thanks a lot for your support.
I decided to not talk about this episod with my boss, since I know he would reply something like "why do you care?".
And if I addressed my colleague, she's say " oh, but you know I was jocking!" as she has said many other times when she does this kind of inappropriate comments in front of other people ("why do you wear such pretty shoes? Who do you want to seduce? Was a good one that enraged me, but "oh, she was just jocking").
I am positive I am not wearing anything inappropriate, since if this was the case I would be told (my boss' director really cares about appropriateness).
And to reply to kkards - yes, a little chat goes a long way. I do chat during coffee breaks, lunch, at the beginning of the day, during dinners woth colleagues and so on. What I meant is, during a meeting I do not chat, it's not the appropriate place and time!

I would talk to your colleague, because it is a persistent problem.
Of course you are not trying to seduce (!) or get noticed with your clothes. I understand that.

Janet

So infuriating. I agree with Gaylene. You handled it well. I'm disappointed to see this is a recurring habit for this colleague, but I'm not sure whether talking to her directly will help. I'm pretty non-confrontational, though, so take my 2 cents for what it's worth.

Every time this colleague says something like this, rest assured that it makes her look bad, not you. It sounds like she is insecure and trying to deflect any possible negative attention to you. I'm really sorry you're experiencing this. I've been the recipient of unfair, undermining treatment by female colleagues, and it's disheartening to say the least.

To reiterate, I don't think you should confront the colleague at all - only chat to your boss, if this is still bothering you next week.

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