It's OK if some things don't suit your body shape - YouLookFab Forum

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

It's OK if some things don't suit your body shape

Irene

Veteran

Isn't it?

Sometimes I feel like admitting that something doesn't look good on you equates to saying there is something wrong about you/your body, even when it's not the case.

I've been to shops with friends and when I say something like 'God, I love this dress but trapeze dresses make me look huge', the other person looks at me with sadness in her eyes and thinks I am bringing myself down. When I am not. I receive the same feedback after saying that a color or pattern doesn't do any justice to my body. Of course I know I could try to make them work, but I don't love anything so much that I will go the extra mile instead of looking easily fabulous in something that fits my body perfectly.

My point is, there is nothing wrong with some things not working for you! Just like there is nothing wrong with most people not becoming your SO or your best friends, or most houses not becoming your home...

Dressing

28 replies

Latest reply was from Carla

Anonymous

I think then you spin it as someone posted, that the clothes just don't get you! I can fit into lots of clothes that probably look just fine on me but I cannot bear to wear them.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I actually think it's a sign of self-acceptance and self-love and self-respect to be able to distinguish between what looks good on me (my body shape, my colouring, my proportions, my age, my practical needs and style preferences) vs. what merely fits.

MsMary

Veteran

Of course! It's not just okay -- it's the normal nature of things!

It's not you... it's the clothes!

trinity

What Suz said.

DonnaF

Veteran

Yup! DD and I are close to the same height, weight, and size -- but have extremely different body shapes. Yesterday, I asked to try on one of her tops because I had never tried on a trapeze shaped drapey tank with a high-low hem. It was pretty much the right size, but looked terrible on me but great on her. I know if I buy something not suitable for my body shape, I will probably end up not wearing it and it will be passed on to her.

Kim

Veteran

Yes, it's OK! If everything out there fit MY body shape what would you have to wear??

There are many shapes and sizes and we ALL need to wear clothes so I'm kinda glad there's a lot to choose from.

What I am wondering is where did the general idea come from that ALL clothes MUST look good on me for me to be perfect...?? (Not your question, just the general attitude...)

bj1111

Veteran

snap...wise women.

Peri

Veteran

What Suz said!

kkards

Veteran

yup...i can't tell you the number of times i have tried something on but decided it just "wasn't me"...

Jules

Veteran

What Suz said, again.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I struggle with this sometimes as a part of body image acceptance -- if I don't look good in something that seemingly everyone else looks fabulous in, I feel a little inadequate.

My rational brain knows that it's just how my body is shaped, and there are other things that look OK on me, but sometimes I admit, I feel a little judged by clothing. Ridiculous, isn't it?

Gaylene

Veteran

I totally agree with you, Irene. I think it's just realistic to realize not all shapes, styles, and patterns work equally well on on all body shapes and sizes. Knowing what works on my body helps me quickly sort through styles and shapes to find items that are most likely to work for me. It's the "grey area" between a no-brainer, flattering style and an out-and-out disaster that is tougher to navigate.

rachylou

Veteran

Amen. Sometimes a fact is just a fact. I don't write novels because I don't have anything to say. That's all there is to it. Lol.

DonnaF

Veteran

If ALL things suited, I'm sure the retailers would be happy, but what would that do to our budgets?!?

Isis

Veteran

Of course some things aren't going to fit your body shape! I like what Kim said!

But just to play devil's advocate, when you wrote, "'God, I love this dress but trapeze dresses make me look huge', the other person looks at me with sadness in her eyes and thinks I am bringing myself down. "

Perhaps the other friend is hearing "I look huge", which I doubt is ever the case for you. Maybe she even likes you in a trapeze dress and is sad that you can't see it. Maybe?

K. Period.

Veteran

Ditto what Ceit and Suz said! I really do love the "these clothes don't get me" line because it glides over the "not flattering on me bit" and gets to the point: you know that shape isn't a good shape on you. Not that you have anything wrong with yourself. When you are someone who knows, accepts and loves (or even is just fine with) her body shape, it is sometimes hard for other people to get that. You weren't being critical of yourself, just noting a fact.

Eliza

Veteran

The opposite side of the "this dress doesn't get me" coin is "I feel/look my best in ..." . For me, this is the gift of YLF. My goal of being an empowered consumer who can discriminate between it's okay and "wow" is a work in progress, but very satisfying.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I love the way Eliza puts it, and maybe if you phrase it like that, your friends will stop giving you those pitying looks. When I went shopping with a girlfriend recently, I simply said: I look best in higher necklines vs. plunging. She didn't take it to mean a self-critique. And then when I tried on a few dresses with lower necklines for comparison, she immediately understood what I was talking about and said, "You can do better."

RoseandJoan

Veteran

You are quite right Irene, accepting your body means not trying to force a round peg through a square hole. It also means that you can talk about your body parts with a level of detachment because you're accepting of the whole.

Thistle

Veteran

Some clothes get you, and some clothes don't. Those that don't, don't get to be in your closet

Irene

Veteran

Isis, I'm small all over but happen to have a pretty large bust. It's ok as long as tops taper at the waist, but trapeze dresses create a tent on me so, yeah, I look quite big. I used to wear them before because I wanted to camouflage my bust... not very smart of me. I don't say 'I look huge' though, that's what I think. I say something along the lines of 'it doesn't flatter my body/doesn't look good on me but would look great on you (if that's the case)'.

Suz & Eliza, you are right on spot. I just wish there were more flattering (for me) dresses and tops out there. Especially in the summer, with all those crazy/criss-cross/thin/hardly there straps that don't work with my bras. The oversize trend doesn't help either!! But when there is something I think will be flattering on me, I say so. It actually sounds a bit weird too, as if I am too happy and proud of my body. Boy, human beings are too complicated lol

Thank you all, wise ladies, for chiming in!

unfrumped

Veteran

I think it's hard to know when to "trust" someone else's eye or if they've been trained to never give any feedback that might be negative or imply that our bodies are at fault. So some people will never ever say, that's not flattering. OTOH some kind of feedback is helpful, as others noted, in case we're so overly sensitive about something that we're holding ourselves back too much.

What I liked about WNTW was that while of course it did operate on the premise that clothes matter, it also stressed that the right ones are out there if we just look hard enough. And paradoxically it showed how people looked "worse" and felt worse about themselves trying to "hide" figure issues under some kind of camoflage, which doesn't really work, instead of letting their bodies just be in clothes that fit well. But they did not think every garment worked for every person! So they could effectively say, oh, that does not look good on you, because they went on to find the things that did.
(Disclaimer: not a hidden paid advertisement for WNTW!) Before I had actually seen it, I thought is was a basher show, mean or something. Then I found it an interesting example of critique that moves people forward rather than being afraid to critique at all. Admittedly, it is very formulaic, but still.

Gaylene

Veteran

I think Unfrumped nailed the distinction between a critique and a criticism. If you critique your body in the way that Irene is talking about, we are talking about a relatively dispassionate analysis and assessment of what works best for your shape and preferences.

The more common way of hearing women talk about their bodies, however, is in a highly negative, exaggerated, overly critical way such as "I hate my thighs; they are enormous! I could never show them in public". That's the kind of self-hatred that bothers so many of us when we hear our friends talk about their bodies in that way.

That's why I like this forum. We discuss fit, fashion, body shapes, and flattery without bashing our bodies. But, what we have here, I'm afraid, is not the norm for most women.

Adelfa

Veteran

Totally getting the sad eyes! I inadvertently made myself sound pitiful when talking to a colleague with totally different build and coloring, comparing what she could wear vs what I.... couldn't. Thanks, Eliza, for offering the "I look best in..." phrasing. I'm going to try that. Pitiful is definitely not my goal.

Nicola

Irene- me too! I struggle to find flattering tops and dresses. Most of the time I rather like my shape and am quite ok forgoing all those clothes made for those of lesser chest. But just occasionally I have to revisit a few curvier role models to remind myself to stop moping about what doesn't work and celebrate what does.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I wish for a world where all women could say something doesn't look right without someone else hearing body issues...

Vix

Veteran

Hi Irene --

I get what you're saying...these days it can be a little controversial to say, "I don't like the way I look in X because of my Y" as someone with a Y might love the way they look in X, or think saying the former is oppressive to those with Y.

Me, I felt so much freer once I realized I didn't have to love any of my body parts as long as I accepted them. For me, "accepting" usually means trying to flatter them using standard tips and tricks, or playing up other features I prefer.

[My recent sandal thread is a good example of how uncomfortable I can get when I feel compelled to choose something that doesn't quite tick all the boxes I want vanity-wise!]

But for others accepting may mean going against the grain of traditional recommendations and being free to wear what they want how they want -- and I admit I see lots to admire in that. I'll admit that when I found I was criticizing myself for LACKING that attitude I just gave up on ever solving this 100% for myself, ha!

Carla

Veteran

When my youngest son was little, and wouldn't eat something because he didn't like it, he would say 'that's not my favourite.' He was always so careful not to hurt me ( the cook's) feelings. I would laugh, and accept his opinion.

Now some clothes suit me, and others--not so much. I just say "it's not my best look!" No condemning a clothing item that might suit someone else, and no self condemnation either.