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It wasn't good news

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Turns out my Mom does have breast cancer after all. Spent the entire day on the phone. The worst thing is being so far away.

Already researched one-way trips to Vancouver ...will be going home to help my Mom deal with things at some point in the very near future.

I have been a strong person in the past (surprised myself a few times), but I don't feel so strong right now. Asking for prayers, good wishes and good thoughts to help me be a wee bit tougher than I really am, so that I can support my Mom through this. Just need to buck up and be someone who's good to have around in the face of a cancer diagnosis.

Lost my uncle and my grandpa to this already. Not going to happen like that this time.

Asking for strength and courage - so that I can be strong for my Mom. Just need a vote of confidence and support to feel like I can do the right things and be strong.

Meanwhile, back-story is that my DH's first wife died of aggressive brain cancer, leaving her three kids without a Mom. Just brutal. I became step-mom to three grieving teenagers who'd lost their beloved Mom when I married my DH.

...

When I got the news, DH came home from work right away for a little while, and then went back to work. Later, he came home early from work - very, very upset. He's been triggered - remembering what it was like when his first wife was diagnosed with glioblastoma - severely bad brain cancer. She didn't make it.

So - at the same time, my Mom's freaking out because she lost her Dad and her older brother to cancer really quickly - my other uncle (Mom's younger brother) is having a hard time dealing with this - because he also experienced the same things my Mom did - lost his brother and Dad to cancer very quickly and brutally.

This time is going to be different.

Everyone around me has experienced nothing but really bad news when it comes to cancer. My DH is literally crying - having been triggered, remembers what it was like to deal with his first wife's severely aggressive brain cancer, Mom's reminding me that she lost her Dad and her brother really quickly - and that she thinks that the cancer they (her family) get is always the really bad kind, and nobody lives. My step-dad is also freaking out. My other uncle is having a hard time too - remembering losing his Dad and his brother.

I refuse to give up or give in. Like I said, this time - it will be different.

Just wanted to ask for a few prayers, good thoughts and vibes or whatever you want to call them to help me be tough and strong (I feel kind of weak and useless right now), and more importantly that my Mom's cancer gets eliminated.
...

I feel pretty selfish and stupid for complaining about not liking where I live (previous thread). I get to live, and that's what matters, instead of complaining about not "liking" the situation.

Just need a boost of strength ...and YLF'ers are the smartest, kindest and wisest group of people ever.

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61 replies

Latest reply was from Carole

anne

Veteran

Am praying right now. Your whole family is in my thoughts

Jules

Veteran

Your thinking seems quite rational to me. Clearly her male family members did not have breast cancer, which we all know has many long-term survivors. The diseases known as cancer are varied. I totally understand why the big C word is triggering for your DH and her, but you can be the strong and rational voice of reason and hope for your Mom.

Beth Ann

Veteran

My mom is a breast cancer survivor, 10 years cancer free now. It's a vile disease, and the treatment is long a arduous, but not all cancers are the same. I will pray that her case will be straightforward and her doctors brilliant and compassionate.

As for you, please look for little ways to "feed" your own spirit so that you have the fortitude you need to be there for your mom. Maybe it's taking long walks, or going for coffee with a friend, watching a favorite show, reading a favorite book.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Thank you.

This is what I'm hoping - my Mom's breast cancer is somewhat aggressive, but I think they caught it early. It's still 'in situ' even though it was graded at 3 with zonal necrosis. The 'in situ' means it's still contained. I think the prognosis is quite good provided they get it out of there ASAP.

Just that everyone is freaking out because of all the bad experiences and history in the family. Lots of past trauma.

Thank you for mentioning 'rational voice' - because it's so true - her cancer is not nearly as bad as what other people in the family faced. It can be fixed. It's just that they don't believe it, and think it's really bad news...

I am hopeful. It can be fixed. Just some ugly stuff - possibly a masectomy and chemo (we'll find out soon) but the type of cancer that my Mom was diagnosed with is the most treatable form, despite the fact that they said, "grade 3 with zonal necrosis." All that means is that they need to hurry up and get it out of there.

Thanks so much - I will just keep focusing on the reality and not on 'the past' and all the trauma that people in my family have experienced. The reality sucks, but it's also very treatable and fixable. I *know* this.

I feel better and stronger already! This isn't the same as past cancer issues in my family, and while I do have a good feeling that it will all get fixed up - it's my family that is freaking out on me.

Ok - I'm just going to put one foot in front of the other and focus in on what's really going on, and try hard not to get sucked into the past. My Mom's cancer diagnosis isn't too horrible as far as I know. She goes for a bone scan tomorrow and meets with a surgeon next Tuesday morning.

I will block out past stuff and just focus on what is. And you know what? The 'what is' is treatable and fixable.

Anonymous

It sounds like your mom needs to hear success stories and there are so many. Maybe the local hospital or your mother's oncologist or even her church would know of breast cancer survivors who will talk to her and help her to know what to expect. My thoughts are with you.

donnat

Veteran

Sending you love and positive thoughts . As Beth Ann pointed out not all cancers are the same. Many, many women survive breast cancer. Stay strong, just act strong and you will start to believe it yourself. Keep the positive thoughts flowing. It IS going to be different this time. Hugs

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I think I posted at the same time as you did Beth Ann - thank you for sharing your Mom's experience and for your support. I really appreciate it.

Thank you to ann and Jules too. It really helps just hearing from people - thank you so much.

What a day.

Time to get a good night's sleep, put myself back together and do what I need to do. I'm an only child (and only grandchild too), so I kind of need to get it together and keep it together.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Thank you Joy and donnat too - it helps a whole lot. I feel much better.

It will get fixed, I'm sure of it. Just kind of weird with my DH, my uncle, my Mom herself - all very scared because they've all had horrible experiences of cancer.

My Mom has cancer now too, but as far as I can tell, hers is very treatable. This doesn't mean it'll be easy, but it's something than can be healed.

Thanks everyone for your support - it means a lot to this random YLF'er (me) who is living in a strange place far away from her family and friends. You might think it's just a post on a forum - but it helps so much. Thank you.

Echo

Veteran

My thoughts are with your mother and you and your family. What a devastating diagnosis, and it is difficult for everyone to steel themselves for what is to come. I am hoping that with treatment she and her doctors can eradicate this disease, as breast cancer is VERY different from other kinds of cancer, and it can be far more successfully treated when caught soon enough. I hope you are able to get home soon; the hardest part is sometimes the distance.

Karie

(website)

Veteran

My mother-in-law was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, had surgery, and is now beginning treatment. While she is not my immediate family, I have lost my mother, grandmother, and one aunt to the disease. It is true for you and for me: This time it will be different. Repeat that every day, be supportive, demand the best care, get second opinions, and explore treatment options. Yes, This time it will be different!

Debbie

Veteran

I am keeping both you and your Mother in my thoughts and prayers.

I am hoping this story gives you and your Mom hope.
When I was 18 my favorite Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a double mastectomy and radiation. That was 41 years ago. She just celebrated her 97th birthday in June.

Please keep us posted on how she is doing and please take care of yourself too.

Lyn D.

Veteran

I have a friend who is on the other side of aggressive treatment and is looking forward to living a long and healthy life cancer free.
Best wishes to you and your family for the same outcome!

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Oh, hugs VC! Best wishes to your mom for a quick and speedy treatment and recovery. I agree with all the others. This time it will be different! Breast cancer is different from the other cancers your family members had and it sounds like they caught it early. In situ is good. I am sorry for the bad news your mom got but hopeful that she'll be cancer-free ASAP!

ManidipaM

Veteran

Thinking of you and wishing you... and her, and him, and him... strength from halfway around the world. I know a friend whose family is in a very similar position. Getting them to look beyond the family for success stories to identify with and to have a doctor explain how this is not a genetic doom but crucially different is all the difference.

I would also look at counselling for all four of you, separately. Sooner than later.

The YLF family will be holding hands with you in spirit, I know.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Thinking of you and wishing you... and her, and him, and him... strength from halfway around the world. I know a friend whose family is in a very similar position. Getting them to look beyond the family for success stories to identify with and to have a doctor explain how this is not a genetic doom but crucially different is all the difference.

I would also look at counselling for all four of you, separately. Sooner than later.

The YLF family will be holding hands with you in spirit, I know.

Krista

Veteran

VC, I am an only child too, so I can just imagine how this is making you feel. The advantage of being an only is that we are very strong and independent people when we need to be and we can be extra strong for those around us who really need it. You don't have to be TOO strong, but your resolve that this time will be different is an excellent start. Best of luck - you are in my prayers.

kkards

Veteran

VC, sometimes life just stinks. i'm so sorry for your families hard times, and terrible experiences with cancer. but please remember that doctors can do incredible things, and every case is different. i know its easier to say then to do, but take it one day at a time. during a medical crisis like this, the best thing you can do if just keep doing.
my thoughts are with you and your family. please keep us updated.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh, VC. Big hugs. What a stressful time for you and all the members of your family.

My mother (and my aunt) both survived breast cancer. My mom's diagnosis was similar to your mother's. Her overall health was also poor for a variety of reasons. Yet she is doing well now, cancer free.

In this time it will be very important to find some calming ritual for yourself that anchors you. It sounds as if (once again) you may be called upon to be the emotional rock around whom everyone else is swirling. I hope you can find some way to protect and preserve a place of calm for yourself. Maybe a daily walk. Maybe a 10 minute mindfulness exercise. Maybe scribbling it all in a journal -- or here.

We are here for you.

Anonymous

Oh, what a stressful time. I am so sorry. I hope that you can gain comfort from the wise and sage people who have commented on this thread, and continuing with your mantras. This time will be different.

Kristin L

Veteran

I'm sending you big hugs and prayers. You're thinking very rationally (which is amazing).

Eliza

Veteran

Sorry it for what you are helping your mother face, VC and sending calming thoughts your way. Way too familiar with cancer in our family also, yet there are very good outcomes to be had. Happy that your mother's prognosis looks promising and hope that together you can take one step at a time. A friend once told me that the hardest time is when you have the diagnosis, but the plan is evolving. It will likely feel better to be together implementing a treatment plan than it is to be anticipating it all without details.

Best to you both.

Laurinda

Veteran

Warm hugs and positive thoughts!

ironkurtin

Veteran

Your mother is blessed to have you as her child. You are both in my thoughts.

Alexandra

(website)

Veteran

Hugs and good vibes!

Adelfa

Veteran

What a tough situation! So hard when a difficult thing *also* brings back awful memories. I am also praying for you right now and will continue.

Anonymous

Sending you all good thoughts, VC. You are a wonderful daughter.

MsMary

Veteran

Oh, dear. Sending all my love and good thoughts to you, your mom, and your whole family!

Diana

Veteran

I'm so sorry to hear this, VC. Sending you, your mom, and your whole family virtual hugs and good vibes.

But remember that it was caught early and cancer treatment these days is so advanced. There is a much better chance of recovery now than even a few years ago (when I'm assuming your relatives were diagnosed.) Keep your chin up!

My father was diagnosed with an aggressive and poor prognosis cancer (multiple myeloma) in late October, and we all panicked and freaked out (don't know if I mentioned it much here, but that was when we had a moment where we thought we'd have to plan a wedding in <2 months and getting married at Christmas). BUT he was immediately put on a treatment regimen that within six months put the cancer into remission. He still has lingering health issues but the big one is (at least for now) being held at bay. It's funny, I actually know the person who initially discovered that particular drug - he's a professor in my department who's well known for being grumpy, but I sometimes want to hug him when I see him!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Sending you warmest wishes and prayers for strength, courage and wisdom to help you navigate through this time. She is very lucky to have such a caring and considerate daughter who is willing/able to support her through this. Everyone handles illness differently - but feeling out of control is probably universal at first, so maybe you can help her feel more in control of her immediate future by helping her make her plan to overcome this and to be well again.

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