I am so very, very sorry, VC. I know what it's like to have a Mum with 4th stage cancer. Chemo treatments, biopsies, pills, wigs, wheelchairs and lots of doctors and hospitals. The emotional strain on the caregivers is as tormenting. You have all my healing thoughts and empathy. Please PM me if you want to talk and share. And thank you for being a loving and caring daughter. xo

So sorry, hang in there. Sounds like they caught it early and there has been a lot of progress in treatments of breast cancer.

I'm praying for you VC! How overwhelming it all must be, and then you have the pressure to be the one who keeps it all together. You will rise to the challenge I'm sure, and yes, this time it will be different. My DH had already lost his Mom, sister, and a neice (sister's DD) when he met me, so these types of scares really trigger him too. I totally get that. Every night I assure him that I'm not going anywhere (figuratively).

PS Don't forget to pack some super comfy lounging clothes for hanging around the house with Mom in addition to authoritative "dealing with medical personnel" outfits to be taken very seriously when need be.

VC - I am thinking of you... my mom is going through some health issues that I am feeling a little stressed about so I can only imagine what you are feeling. Strength to you!

I am so sorry to hear this sad news. Your whole family is in my thoughts and prayers.

VC, this is terrible and I am so sorry. I am thinking of you.

Just chiming in to say that if one has to have cancer, it seems that there's a lot of data, research, treatment options, resources, etc., etc. about breast cancer vs. other kinds of cancer. That's one thing to be optimistic about.
There are also lifestyle changes one can make to increase one's chances of long term survival. Increasingly, treatment can be personalized to one's specific type of tumor and DNA. I'm 66 and had stage two breast cancer last winter. I'm absolutely fine now, and just go for frequent check ups.

Don"t give up and don't let your mom give up. You'll both get through this.

Big hugs to you, & lots of positive thoughts. Remember to look after yourself first so you can support your mum & family.

Just an aside to a couple of the comments - men do get breast cancer.

I am so grateful and overwhelmed by all of these replies - thank you *all* so much.

I've always known that the YLF community is something special, yet I am in awe of the caring, stories, support and wisdom I have received here. Thank you.

Less freaked out today - Mom's bone scan got done today and she has an appt. with a surgeon on Tuesday. She got the biopsy pathology results yesterday morning, and by noon - she was booked in for the surgeon, the bone scan, the blood work.

As a result, my DH thinks Canadian health care rocks.

Speaking of my DH - he has said that he's going with me, and wants to help as much as he can too. He's "been there" before, and has said that he wants to be there for me and my Mom.

We were planning a trip up to Vancouver in October - for fun, a vacation - we'd have Canadian Thanksgiving, celebrate my Grandma's 98th birthday - take "Gus" (our dog) to play with my Mom's "Mickey" (her dog) and so on. That might all be moved up. Turns out my DH is thinking he's coming with me to help deal with initial treatments/surgery or what have you. So... while I might be an only child, I *do* have an incredible DH who is going to be there, no matter what.

I'd sent my Mom and stepdad an e-mail last night saying, "I'll be there, for whatever treatments are needed, and you two won't be alone in this." I kind of assumed I'd be flying up there alone and hanging out for as long as needed etc. I already have flights picked out and so on.

Now my DH is saying I'm not going to be alone in this either, because he's coming with me to help.

Pretty great guy, eh?
....
I'm a little bit scared about the bone scan results, but we'll cross that bridge when it happens. In the meantime, I'll get myself organized to get out of here on the fly as soon as I'm needed. I don't yet know when I'd be leaving, but I'm getting ready to go. Will pack up non-clothing items, and have clothing items ready to throw into a suitcase at the drop of a hat.

Seems silly, but I will be looking at Angie's two most recent blog posts - casual OTG formula and the fall capsule to help me pack. I can't think straight and these recent blog posts are going to help me a lot.

...

Thanks again - you have all helped me so much. I'm all set for making sure I create some of my own rituals, and I'm feeling better about being an 'only' child thanks to Krista saying that it might work in my favour, given that we are called upon and need to be strong when the going gets tough. I will pack some empty paper journals too - so that I can write it all out as I go.

I will keep an open mind and hope for the very best.

Thanks.

Sending you lots of love and strength, VC. I know firsthand how difficult it is to be the caregiver for someone you love who is sick. Thinking of you and your family. xoxo

So sorry for the news about your Mom. Cancer just plain sucks. My Mom also has breast cancer, as did DH's Mom and sister. I understand what you're feeling....

Positive thoughts and prayers. My advice as a professional patient: Remember to chill. Eat ice cream. Think about other things. Life does go on and it's helpful to be a part of it.

I am so sorry to read about this, but I am pulling for you that the prognosis continues to look good. I am so happy that you have a wonderful supportive DH. Oh gosh, I feel for him too, having those painful emotions stirred up fresh. I am glad you can lean on each other.

Sending you and your family healing thoughts and prayers, VC. Best wishes to your mom, and a big hug to your DH for being such a supportive guy.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom's illness, VC! Wishing her and you strength and sending healing energy your way. You are a great daughter and your DH rocks for sure.
Hugs!!

I'm sorry to hear this! I don't normally use this language around here, but f%#@ cancer! I have three friends who are battling various forms and stages of it, and it's so sad and frustrating for everyone. I can't wait for the day when a real cure is found.

I am sending lots of good thoughts and vibes your family's way.

Hope your mother is doing well, VC. It sounds like you are lucky for DH, especially after he recovered from the shock. I just lost my Grandmother (probably closer to your mom's age) to cancer in December after a leukemia diagnosis in May and many months helping to caretake.

I'm so glad to hear about the treatability of your mother's cancer, and only remind you to take care of yourself as well.

Sending good thoughts and prayers to all of you that are affected by this sad news.

Thank you all so much!

Treatment plan is in place, and it's not looking too bad so far (considering). There will be a lumpectomy/possible 'partial' masectomy (Sept 16th), and depending on whether "the margins are clear" - she might need a re-excision. Once the lumpectomy/partial mastectomy is done to their satisfaction, my Mom will need to go for 5 weeks of radiation treatment, 5 days per week.

Trip to Vancouver is still as planned for the first couple of weeks of October, just that I will probably stay longer and help out due to icky radiation treatments and fly back on my own a few weeks later. We'll see what happens on that front. I will stay for sure - depends if DH can get time off etc. to stay as long as I do etc. I might even go a wee bit earlier - things are still in flux.

Again, thank you all so much for your support and kindness - and yeah "^&*)%*!@##%$%^**##^*! cancer" is right (thanks Janet).

I also really appreciate all the messages suggesting ways to look after myself too - haven't slept all that well, and have been battling a bit of stress.

That said, when the going gets tough, the tough go to Stanley Park (pic #1).

So, I will take her to radiation appointments and then take her to Stanley Park afterwards. We'll drive, walk, wheel or whatever. She'll see the ocean, the sun, the fall colours and she will be well taken care of and very well loved. Might even go for lunch at the Tea House if she's feeling up to it. When we get back to Mom's house, Gus (my goofy black lab in pic #2) will be there to jump on her bed and snuggle up to her while arguing with Mickey (Mom's pug) over who gets cuddling rights.

Here's hoping it'll all be ok in the end.

Thanks again for being so kind and supportive, and for being there for me - you have no idea how much it helps ( a whole lot). There's just something about being far from home, being the only child and so on. Never mind that - it would be a tough deal no matter what. I'm glad it was ok to post here and I'm especially grateful for all of the "YLF wisdom and support" I've received.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

VC- So glad that you can share that time with your mother and that the plans are starting to shape up. She is blessed to have your support and you are right to keep your eye on self-care going forward as well. Building in breaks from the beginning often works well and the reality is that you will need them. I was lucky enough to accompany my mother to her 7 weeks of radiation and we made it quality time. Best to each of you.

Thanks Eliza - I really appreciate it. I liked what you said about creating some quality time in the midst of all this. I will do the very best I can to make sure Mom is well taken care of and feels loved and supported.

And yes, I will try to include breaks in there too.

Thanks

Hi VC - Just writing to say I'm glad this is sounding more manageable for you.
Your mom's treatment plan is exactly what I had. There will need to be a month or so of healing after the surgery before radiation begins. It's tedious showing up 33 times for the treatments, but one is in and out in less than 1/2 hour. I always drove myself, there was no reason not to. My good friend also having radiation drove herself every day and also had to put on a big Christmas celebration for her family. I had fun with the radiation people, they liked my shoes, there was a lot of laughter & kindness throughout. Best to the both of you.

Classically Casual - thank you *so much* for sharing. You've made me feel much better, and the knowledge and experience you've shared is extremely helpful and useful. Thank you!

One of my dearest friends just finished treatment like CC describes, and she also had as positive an experience as can be with it. Like CC, she drove herself every time and took the opportunity to lunch with her dad afterwards, so she always incorporated a happy element into the day (she even visited me in the same hospital after I had my surgery a couple of months ago). The nurses and other people working in the treatment centers were wonderful. I think this can help a lot, and I truly hope your mom's treatment goes similarly. You are a wonderful daughter.

Thank you Janet! I am feeling much more relieved about this than I was a few days ago.

Just talked to my Mom on the phone and she's in much better spirits too. She's going into work today to give the staff a hard time.

Looking forward to my visit in October. Gus will be coming along too - so he can hassle mom's "Mickey" (spoiled pug). DH has said we'll put on Thanksgiving dinner while we're there. This can be done at Mom's, my uncle's place or my aunt's place. We'll decide that when we get there, but we're doing the dinner (shopping, cooking, cleaning, decorating).

Whew - this has been a fright. Still is in some ways, but much better now than it was.

Thanks everyone. YLF is an amazing place with wonderful people.

Big hugs to you, VC. Just went through cancer with a friend's husband, now another friend's mother. All I can say is to call on your resources and don't be afraid to take up offers of help in any form. You have a great grounded attitude.

I am so sorry to hear this news but like how encourage you are that this time will be different. The triggering all around you is so hard and is natural under the circumstances.

My husbands best friend just fell off a roof and landed on his feet, literally shattering all the bones in his feet. This is triggering things for him about his brother who became paralyzed and nine years later ended his life. This has been a tough week right after our wonderful vacation together.

What devastating news! My mom didn't have cancer, but my dad did, and I remember how awful it was for him--before, during, and after treatment. It's difficult. I will most definitely keep you and your mom in my prayers. Please keep us all posted on how things go.

VC, I'm really late to this thread as I've been away on holiday, but I wanted to chime in and say that I'm thinking of you, your mum and your family. You seem to have put a lot of plans in place already and seem very organised so far, so I'm sending more positive vibes for you to be strong and get through it all while helping your mum. ((( hugs)))

I am de-lurking to support you and your family. You are a lovely daughter, and your DH sounds great too! I will pray for your mom. I am coming up on 11 year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. Had lumpectomy, 6 months of chemo, and radiation too. Then mastectomy two years later. Yes it really is scary, but I am healthy, and never even think about it (except for appreciating my fake but perky boobs, cause the real ones were heading in to my waist region!).

I love the photos you posted, so calming. Cute dog! If you have any questions, let me know.