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Is your style influenced by your husband?

Mel

The other day I sat down in a public square in my city -a very touristy and international place- to eat my ice-cream cone and people-watch. I noticed for the first time how many couples were dressed exactly the same or in a very complementary way. I'd say that 9 out of the 10 couples I saw (evidently couples because they were holding hands, walking very close together, or carrying their kids) were dressed alike or complementary.

"Goth couple": head to toe black, body piercings, wicked boots.
"Nike couple": the same exact bright yellow sneakers, jeans and sweatshirt.
"Cute suburban couple": he in a blue shirt and fedora, she in a matching blue and yellow dress.
"Mickey Mouse couple": he in a Mickey mouse tee, she carrying a Minnie mouse bag.
"Elegant couple": elderly couple out for a stroll: he in an impeccable suit, she in a dress, heels and fur.
"Boho couple": he in washed-out chinos and plaid, she in a boho dress, both in Birkenstocks.
"Don't really care couple": both in worn out jeans, worn out logo t-shirts, ugly sneaks, cross-body bags.
"Catwalk couple": both of them head to toe in mega-trendy clothes from top designers.
etc.

Interesting to note that the children were not necessarily dressed like their parents: little kids were usually in "standard" kid's clothes, and teens tend to wear whatever the current teen trend is. It was evident that the matchiness was something going on with the couple and not the whole family.

So, my question for those of you who are married is: who influences who? Do you dress your husbands, or do your husbands dress you, or do you kind of merge into an unspoken fashion consensus? Or did the two of you already have the same fashion sense before you became a couple?

47 replies

Latest reply was from Mel

harmonica

Veteran

Enjoyable observations, Mel! We sort of followed the norm in our student environment when we met. That said, my style is more eclectic, dressed up and experimental than DH. And I enjoy fashion and style as part of my interests. He has other interests.

Sal

Veteran

It sounds like a fun time people watching. I love doing that too.

I am naturally more dressy than my partner/hubby. He loves nothing more than casual tees and shorts. However he has become more interested in clothes over the last few years - we had a couple of experiences where some of our male friends were totally underdressed for some functions, almost in a disrespectful way, which resonated with us strongly (the host had asked people to get dressed up for a special themed meal and three guests arrived in beach shorts and tees on one memorable evening).

However I guess we both are smart casual/modern classic/sporty type dressers so we are not that different in a lot of ways!!

Anonymous

Great observations. My BF and I do dress very similarly ... especially in terms of color. This evolved slowly over time. I can't say which of us influenced the other because it was so gradual. In a way it makes me happy when I notice how well we suit each other.

Joha

What an interesting question :-). Made me think of a couple at my university workplace who are together for about nine months an showed up in coordinating outfits for the annual company outing.
While I don't think that my SO and I dress in any way alike or coordinated, there are definitely ways that his preferences do influence my style. What I find most interesting is, that while he updates his own style of dress shirts and jeans only ever so slightly , he loves to go shopping with me and gives great and often brutally honest advice on fit etc. What he usually finds challenging is keeping up with changing silhouettes. He tends to prefer classic cuts and shakes his head in amusement about concepts such as "ankle allure" or "cold shoulder" tops. So in a way he influences me in that I won't wear anything he really dislikes but there is no style matching going on. or so I think. Will ask our friends about that

Jenni NZ

Veteran

This is a fun thought! I would say I care more about what I wear than my husband does, but other than constant wearing of rubber jandals in summer( flip flops, thongs) he has been influenced by me a bit. He does try, and has developed a style of his own involving open necked shirts and either shorts or jeans. He has got pretty good at matching his colours and jokes with me sometimes how well stripes or checks on his shirts may match with his shorts or socks. We've been married 30 years and I think would look like a couple in our clothing style quite frequently. He's also got pretty good at dressing up eg Great Gatsby style for events.

Summer

Veteran

I had a wry smile on my face as I read this. My husband and I are chalk and cheese in most areas - clothes included! Although we both dress fairly casually, I tend to be more dressy, and generally more interested in my wardrobe. We do have similar colouring, though, so at least our colour palettes are the same!

Brooklyn

Veteran

Great story. My husband doesn't care about fashion or clothing at all. He wears everything until it is shredded. But, when I eventually convince him it's time for something new, I am tasked with buying it. Which means there could end up being some consistency between us, especially in terms of colour, because I always buy him colours that I like. He does veto some of my choices though. And I am much dressier. Never fear, we are similar in other ways

Style Fan

Veteran

Interesting observations. My husband dresses in black or black with grey. He has dressy black jeans and regular black jeans. He usually wears black or grey tees. In colder weather he adds a black or grey sweater or hoodie. His footwear is black or grey. His outwear is black or grey. Occasionally he will buy something in a drab olive green. This is very rare. He does have a few navy blue coats (London Fog, Aquascutum) that he inherited from his grandfather. His dress shirts are dark blue, grey and white. His suits are grey.
I would say he is a classic uniform dresser.
I like simple styles as well but different colours. We probably look like we belong together but I am dressier.

Staysfit

Veteran

Absolutely not! DH is a college professor in a forestry school! He wears tees, hoodies, jeans, rarely a button plaid or for spirit Hawaiian shirt, and always the same two pairs of sneakers, Ugh! He doesn't replace anything unless it is threadbare. He definitely gets more than 30 wears! My late BIL took him shopping for two suits for our wedding. (30 years on June 19) They are his only dressy clothes and he wears both of them, regularly, including the coordinating shirts and ties. Now they're sentimental because BIL died 4 years ago. I cannot get him to purchase an updated suit!

(We are Lady and the Tramp! )

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I enjoyed your observations and am enjoying the replies!

My husband and I dress in a compatible but not identical way. He comes from New England originally and teaches in a university so he retained a modified preppy or professorial style -- he typically wears a plaid button down, a V neck navy, red, burgundy, grey, or black sweater and coordinating casual trousers. He used to wear jeans all the time but he doesn't wear them much any more because he hasn't found any with a fit he likes. In summer he has short sleeved shirts and linen pants or shorts. He also wears a hat when outdoors most of the time -- anything from a toque in winter to a fedora to a fisherman's cap. The hats are jaunty on him and get him noticed in a town where not many men wear them (except for baseball caps.) He used to wear big horn rimmed specs which I loved on him but in the last decade he has been wearing a pair of rimless glasses that I loathe -- not enough definition on his face. But they are the only comfortable pair he has been able to find, so...

His style is more classic, less trend driven, and less dynamic than mine. It's also less varied. I'm not an eclectic dresser but I do fulfill a lot of roles and need different types of clothing for the various activities I do -- everything from casual work-from-home to city meetings to presentations at various venues.

Anonymous

Not in the least. I wear what I want to wear. That said, we do happen to have rather conservative and traditional tastes in clothing and in other things. Architecture is a good example. We like the same thing, so whenever we move and search for a new home, we end up liking the same house. We both like the same decor, too. As for colors, when purchasing new clothing, my DH always takes me with him and asks me if certain colors go together.

dakotacheryl

Veteran

My DH and I couldn't be more opposite it clothing styles.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

My husband and I have very compatible styles. He does enjoy clothing and style, and he's a good shopper -- both for me and for him. When we met, he was not as style-conscious as he is now, but in fairness, he was an unemployed musician living on a boat at the time, wearing Navy-issue eyeglasses (what he always called "birth control glasses"), worn jeans, and visibly ripped sweaters.

Once he went back to corporate America, he got back into dressing well for his work, and stepped up his casual style as well. After he started his own company, he invested in a very nice wardrobe of custom-made shirts and carefully tailored jackets and suits (he's very hard to fit at 6'6" and slim, so the shirts were very nearly a necessity).

But his natural, preferred style is casual, rock'n'roll-tinged modern, much like my own. He has tattoos on his arms (I don't have any ink). Jeans and graphic tees dominate his wardrobe now that he's not involved day-to-day in running the company, and like me, he loves a great pair of shoes to give his outfits personality. Also like me, he's a sucker for a really cool, unique pair of sunglasses. And we both rock the leather jacket look. He got lasik surgery a few years ago, so he no longer needs prescription glasses, so the "birth control glasses" are long gone.

So I think we very much *look* like a couple, even if we don't ever consciously choose to dress alike. I skew a little dressier, but I think we always "go" even if we don't "match."

Author Linda

Veteran

My husband influences what I wear in the sense that my life with him (#2) is more casual than with my first husband. First husband was a symphony and opera/charity ball kind of person, whereas the love of my life now is a sports guy. We go to baseball games and street festivals and lots of family get togethers. Totally different lifestyle, so totally different clothing needs.

We don't dress alike, however. He's jeans and tee or sweatshirts. If I'm wearing jeans, I'm also wearing smart booties or shoes and a trendier top. Unless to a baseball game, where I wear a team jersey. Which is all on him, I suppose, since I otherwise would not wear one. But it makes him so happy and I look good in his team's color.

He's simplicity itself when it comes to clothing. A few suits, a few shirts, jeans and some tees. I swear his closet takes up two feet total. I... am a clothes horse. I like nice things and he likes to see me wearing nice things, so we're on the same page. I just wear what I like, and so does he. We sorta kinda match in the same appropriateness for any events we attend, such as the theater or a wedding, but I will have the better footwear and a designer scarf.

anchie

Veteran

My DH and I don't wear matching outfits, but our hair matches. We are both white/gray haired and lot of people comment on this. He is SAHD and dresses very casually. He is also uniform dresser - Levis jeans, dark color polo shirts and converse. He hates shopping and wears everything until it is threadbare. He does not have interest in fashion but has great eye regarding fit, quality and proportions so I always consult him and trust his judgment. His late father was exceptional tailor and worked in quality control and he also learned few tricks from him.

Christina F.

Veteran

In my case, no. My husband hates patterns and won't even wear a subtle stripe or plaid. He only likes plain black shoes. I... don't hate patterns, and my shoes aren't usually plain black. He also doesn't wear sandals unless it's the beach. He does like vintage style accessories - a fedora or panama, a vintage briefcase and a trench coat. And I got him to wear slim but jeans and tees that fit him, so he's more stylish than when we got together, at least.

Aziraphale

Veteran

We might sometimes come off as 90s throwback couple...or your category of "don't really care" couple. Except we do care. The worn-out jeans are worn out on purpose, and I don't think sneakers are ugly.

cindysmith

Veteran

Mostly, no, my Sunshine and I do not dress alike at all. He will wear things until they are a shredded rag, but not in a "dystopian" way similar to my shredded/dirty looking things. Since he is a brick mason, that actually doesn't take that long; all that sand and such just grinds on his work clothes so we never spend much on this.

For his not-work life, he wears a lot of jeans, the occasional pair of cargo shorts, or the very rare trouser. He pairs them with T-shirt that have native American graphics on them or button-up shirts that have native American patterns. If it's cold, he adds a hoodie or his beaded and fringed buckskin coat. It's a beautiful leather coat; it definitely looks like something out of an old Western film.

Sunshine also wears a lot of color. He prefers earth tones or camo; but he'll wear various shades of blues and reds and even orange from time to time.

And then there's me. Dystopian minimalist. I like tactical or shredded/dirty looking things for working at my job or in the yard. I'll also wear stuff like that if I don't feel well but have to go out in public anyway; it hopefully sends off a "don't mess with me vibe".

On days when I don't have yardwork, or I'm sick and stuck on the couch, or have to go out in public but don't feel too bad, then I go with my minimalist side. I keep a fairly tight color palette: black, grey, tan, brown, military green, blues. The pants I just ordered are a blush pink, but if my computer monitor represented it accurately then it reads more like a pink based beige that feels more neutral than pink and works with all of the lighter shades of the colors in my palette. I've gotten to where I don't want a lot of contrast in my outfits; tonally similar things soothe me.

If there are similarities in our style of dress, it's that we both value function very highly. His clothes LOOK more functional than mine quite often, but mine FUNCTION for me while still being true to my style sensibilities.

Anonymous

I enjoyed your people-watching report. You are quite a perceptive observer!

Mr. Xtabay and I are both really into clothes, and relentlessly critique one another. He's a professor and more of a prepster than I am, but seems to enjoy my little quirky forays into non-preppy territory. (We were going out for lunch and some shopping yesterday, and I tried to fool him into thinking I was going to wear my black sequined jacket with my jeans and sneakers. The look on his face was hilarious!) He keeps me from getting too odd, and I keep him up to date, I think.

JAileen

Veteran

My husband dresses very traditional/prep for work. In his off hours he's very casual. For example, to the ballgame he wore cargo shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and bought a Rangers ball cap. When we're hiking/birding, he wears jeans or nylon hiking pants, and these awful synthetic hiking shirts. On the other hand, I try to stick to natural fabrics which feel more comfortable to me.

DonnaF

Veteran

Good grief, no!!! DH dresses like a hobo most of the time, and a not too clean one at that. (He bathes daily, however.) Ancient sweats that are dirty around the cuffs, holey and stained t-shirts, you name it. He has presentable clothing (that I bought for him) that he will put on when we go to church or out together, but it's a struggle to get him to change when he goes to the market. Especially since he retired, he wears the equivalent of jammies all day. I guess that makes it easier when he takes his daily nap. I find his whole look at home rather depressing, but he's not going to change. I just need to nag him more about changing his sweatshirts more often because at a certain point they don't really get clean any more.

shiny

Veteran

My DH's fashion sense has evolved at a glacial pace since we met over 15 years ago -- but evolved nonetheless. All in all he is either Preppy Professor, or Cambridge hipster.

To work he wears a preppy uniform of Levi's (the kind for bicycling), button down, v-neck cashmere sweater, and boat shoes. For casual he'll put on a hooded sweatshirt over a button down, and don his Converses. He never wears short sleeves (not even to the beach), but will wear cargo shorts in the summer, or long khaki slacks. He also never wears sandals. He'll never wear a tee shirt except to bed. To dress up he'll wear colored jeans or khakis with a tweed blazer and tie, or his tuxedo kilt. To lounge around the house, he'll put on flannel pants and a plaid robe.

Lately he's been making a fashion statement with his frameless specs -- he has a couple of pairs now, which make him look professorial. And he now has an olive green jacket that he likes to pair with olive green Cons -- both bringing out the green in his eyes.

And lately I've noticed, when we go out together, he'll see how I am dressed, and go and change to match my level of dressiness. But that is a fairly new development.

Mel

I'm loving ALL of your posts! Such great insight.

Laughing when you speak of your husbands "wearing things to tatters". My Mom has to go through my Dad's closet every so often and throw out his old clothes and buy him new clothes. (Actually, she buys him the new clothes first so he isn't traumatized when his old stuff goes missing.)

I have a feeling most American men are not really the "dressy" type. Maybe it's that pioneer/huntsman/cowboy/adventure-man blood still running through them. Function and comfort are higher on the list than fit and trendiness.

Dressing alike could also have something to do with culture, work, social class, and environment, too. I don't have a hubby, but my male friends and I dress alike because we share a lot of the above.

StyleFan- maybe you could be the "pop of color" in complement to your husband's black and grey uniform!

Xtabay- I am dying to eavesdrop on one of your mutual "critiquing" sessions!

Anonymous

Mel, you'd be highly amused at our critiquing bouts, no doubt! We are merciless and it's no holds barred. It's fashion criticism as blood sport! All in good fun, of course. No real blood is shed, and we laugh a lot.

MsMary

Veteran

Yes! We have similar styles and he has really upped his fashion game since we met. We seem to coordinate pretty well, no matter what the occasion!

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The Cat

Veteran

Interesting and fun observations!

A while ago, a colleague of mine who had been on a one week cruise told me that while on board she couldn't help notice a family who was always dressed in beige. Imagine: A whole family - husband, wife and four kids. And all their items, including hats and shoes. In beige. Every single day! The mother had explained that dressing the whole family in beige was "so practical."

While I somehow admire people who are so well organized and coordinated, I just know that if I had grown up in a beige family, I would have felt a desperate need to wear all colours of the rainbow as soon as I got the opportunity.

The Cat

Veteran

Ms Mary, I enjoyed your charming pictures. You and your husband certainly are able to dress in a coordinated way for very different occasions!

Greyscale

Veteran

I'm really enjoying reading all your answers, and the original post!

My guy and I definitely dress similarly. He has more of a consistent uniform, but it's also all black. Not quite the goth look that you described, though he does have more clothes like that than I do, for going out to clubs. He's always taken care with his style, and he's much more set in his ways than me, so sometimes it's hard for him to find things that work with his precise look (and come in men's XS!).

Physically, our coloration is entirely different (his family background is Sicilian and he has dark olive skin and amazing dark eyebrows). But our size and proportions are on the same scale - on the short side and slender. So I think our overall effect is very matchy.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

My DH and I are similar in that we aren't any extremes, and different in that I usually am dressed at least a level nicer than him. In day to day life he prefers athletic clothing and I do not. I wish he would at least wear jeans and a nicer shirt. If we are going out he will dress up more, and occasionally he will dress up more than me.

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