Is this OK, rude, inconsiderate, or ? - YouLookFab Forum

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Is this OK, rude, inconsiderate, or ?

always trying

Veteran

You have to walk a block or so to a destination along with 2 other people. The y walk their usual faster pace, but you can not walk that fast. So you trail along behind, and they just ignore the fact that you can't keep up. How would you feel if this was you?

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31 replies

Latest reply was from Janet

Laurel

Hmmm, well, it's BEEN me! I typically say something like, "I'm sorry, but my walking speed is a bit slower" and leave it at that. My partner walks MUCH faster than I do, and I generally attempt to keep up, but when it's irksome, I comment simply, "I'm not going to walk this fast, I'll see you later" and that usually works.

From the other perspective, though, I've often been told that just as my natural speed is slower, others are faster and they cannot help walking fast any more than I can help walking slow.

It doesn't hurt my feelings, or seem rude when others are quicker--- and even if they don't seem to notice that they have left me behind. We're all different and I'm typically the one in the group who finds things on the ground, or notices interesting things that others fly past. I'm not even sure the "fast" people realize that THEIR PACE is the reason I'm a straggler---they may think I stopped to tie a shoe, or who knows what.

fifthandfinest

(website)

Seems rude to not acknowledge it and check if you were ok. Sorry you experienced that.

Diana

Veteran

I think it's very rude! People should not leave their friends behind! Plus it's only a couple of blocks - it's not like they're going to save so much time by leaving you behind.

I walk pretty fast when I'm by myself but I always slow myself down when I'm walking with my friends.

JAileen

Veteran

I walk fast but when I'm with people who walk slower, I try to stay with them. I agree that it was rude.

RobinF

Veteran

Sounds rude to me too. If you are supposed to be walking with someone then walk with them.

Nebraskim

Veteran

Kinda rude of your friends to just soldier on, especially if they do not acknowledge you. I always try to adjust my admittedly fast walking pace to accommodate others who are more leisurely. That being said, I am the slowest runner in the history of running (my pace is more like jogging) so when I "run" with a group (which is rare, due to my slowness) I tell everyone to just go head and I will meet them back at the trail's end.

Anonymous

Yeah, that would not be comfortable for me as one of the faster walkers unless we had all agreed, out loud, that it was fine. Sometimes people get very involved in that two person dynamic and lose track of the reality that they're actually three people right now but it's inconsiderate.

It's kind of similar to the way parents will sometimes have super involved conversations without figuring out how to include their toddler who can't quite keep up with pace.

It's not that you can't keep up, it's that they're not figuring out how to be inclusive.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I know others may not think it is rude, but I think if agreed to *be* with someone and walking is involved, you walk at the same pace out of consideration and friendship. That said, it's hard to walk with more than two people and stay "together" without making it hard for other people who are also walking in the vicinity, so sometimes it is required for one person to back off a little and let others pass.

rachylou

Veteran

That’s rude. The only time it’s ok to separate is in a museum.

Anonymous

Totally rude. It happens to me quite often; being shorter than many, I can't always keep up. Mind you, as Texstyle points out, you can't really walk 3 or more abreast anywhere anyways, so.....

Jane

Veteran

I’m short and certainly in some shoes I need more time.

I can feel very uncomfortable with this type of thing; I think it is rude to not walk at the right pace for everyone.

April

Veteran

I have sometimes had this experience with my own husband -- who is an absent-minded fast walker.

AT -- I like Laurel's approach very much. Describing oneself always seems preferable to asking others to change their behavior.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

This has often been me. All my life. I’m short and even when fitter and young this happened. It helped me win my husband who had a medium pace tramping, our friends had taken off with their fast one and he thought he could walk alone at his medium one or with me at my slower one, which is what he did, and we talked. That was our first meeting 34 years ago.
It has made me not go on as many beach walks with our family. They leave me behind and it got lonely. They just forgot about me. It happened so much I started saying I wasn’t coming, rather than fussing about it. I thought I’d be alone anyway so why bother, I’ll stay home and read or something.
Just something I’ve accepted but it doesn’t feel nice and when you are out with people it can feel rude but what can you do? I take Laurel’s approach. Also you can’t always fit everyone in.

Anonymous

Yep-rude, or at the least, unmindful! DH walks a lot faster than me too, or worse, when we go grocery shopping he'll disappear to go hunt some random thing
If I'm the fast one, like with my mom, I'll turn round and wait if ahead.

MsMaven

Veteran

Even though he has shorter legs than I do, DH walks faster and often forgets about me. We were crossing a field with our nephew to get to a cafe and the two of them were way out ahead of me. I yelled at him that time--I could have stepped in a hole or fallen and he wouldn't know. He has done this in foreign countries too. I try to walk faster, but as I get older it isn't always so simple.

I keep reminding him and lately he's been trying to do better, especially since the night I missed the bottom step of a cement staircase and fell on my knees. Ouch. Could have been much worse though.

Glory

Veteran

I also feel it is rude and inconsiderate. Regardless of the reason - whether they were not aware etc. You need to wait for friends and colleagues.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What fifthandfinest said.

Laurel

I wanted to add that quite some time ago, I learned that conflict resolution often goes smoother when parties express themselves from their own behavior/experience, as April mentioned, rather than someone else's behavior. I practice this SO FREQUENTLY in public situations. For example, I am really disturbed and bothered when people talk or text in movie theaters. Rather than ask them to stop talking or texting because it is rude, inconsiderate, against the rules, or numerous other valid reasons, I have had great success with the "Excuse me, but I CAN'T HEAR the dialogue when you are speaking above the actors" or "I CAN'T FOCUS on the movie with the light of your telephone screen, would you mind going outside to text?" Sounds like it's my fault for not being able to hear or not being able to focus or not being able to enjoy the movie, and it works so much better than my knee jerk reaction of old "Stop TALKING!" or "PUT UP YOUR PHONE!" etc. Likewise, explaining to the fast walkers that you are going to walk slower than them puts the ball in their court. Do they respect you enough to walk with you, or explain their own pace? You've said your piece, and the ball is in their court.

Joyce B

Veteran

That is rude. Can you not go with them since they leave you to walk by yourself anyway?

Mainelady

Veteran

I think it was unkind for them not to acknowledge your pace and not to slow theirs. If they had checked on you or the 3 of you had agreed to go at your own paces and meet at a certain location that would have been a different situation. I am sorry this happened to you.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Like April I sometimes have to remind my husband to slow down, but agree that this is rude, or at least thoughtless.

Gigi

Veteran

I think this was inconsiderate. I've had this happen to me, and it makes me feel unimportant.

Sisi

Veteran

I would feel irritated by their rudeness! Very inconsiderate.

Style Fan

Veteran

This happens to me a lot. I can't always walk very fast because of my foot problems. I rarely walk with other people now because I found it was bothering me to be left behind.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

When I met my son at the mall the other day, on his way home from somewhere, to buy him lunch and a backpack, I waited for him on his train platform and told him there was something I wanted to show him at a certain exit. He came, looked, said "let's get lunch" and headed off. Was faster than me. Never looked back. For 2 blocks. Not even when he got to the mall entrance. I sat down outside. Eventually he texted to ask where I was. He was irritated, but I insisted he come out and get me, or I could simply go home. He came out. Lunch was ok, and he was too tired to pick out a backpack.

That's probably not an approach you could use with other companions. Just telling you how I feel about this.

Jules

Veteran

My husband will choose to RUN across busy streets when jaywalking between lights - my feeling is that if you have to run, it's not safe to cross, so I stay behind (I have a bad ankle and sometimes will end up flat on my face out of nowhere, so it probably isn't safe for me. Nor do I want him modelling this for our kids). It's pretty much the only rude/inconsiderate thing he does and it drives me nuts. Recently we were out with his friends and 3/4 of them ran for a streetcar, while I stayed behind with the 4th who couldn't run due to an injury. They were at least embarrassed when they realized what they had done.
Years ago I had a roommate whose girlfriend would lag behind until I was far ahead of them, also annoying (it wasn't a matter of me slowing down for them to catch up, she wanted my roommate's full attention and I was definitely the third wheel in that situation). We had tearful young people conversations about this, but eventually I just stopped hanging out with them since they clearly wanted to be alone even when they invited me along. Ah youth in love.

Gaylene

Veteran

I’m not sure labeling others as rude or inconsiderate really helps in situations where you would like to alter another person’s behavior. Like Laurel and April, I think explaining my situation and leaving it up to the others to choose their response is sufficient. Expecting others to modify their behavior to meet my requirements or using passive aggressive strategies to show my irritation rarely leads to a satisfactory outcome.
The reality is that most people find it hard to walk at another person’s pace—be it slower or faster—if they are walking for any distance. Expecting slow walkers to speed up, or fast walkers to slow down, isn’t likely to be comfortable for either group for very long. Alerting everyone to the situation, on the other hand, gives people an opportunity to find ways to deal with the differences which suit the situation and the people involved. Maybe fast walkers rotate so there is always a person walking beside the slower walker—or maybe fast walkers wait at intervals for slower walkers to get caught up—or maybe slower walkers take a shortcut....the point being that every situation is different so what works in one setting doesn’t work for another.

Mr. G’s walking pace has slowed considerably in the past few years because of physical problems while I still walk at our former couple’s pace which is much faster. Both of us found it hard to adjust to this new situation but hated giving up walking together entirely. Discussion led to a solution which works FOR US. I get dropped off earlier, he drives to our end destination, and then we both walk at our preferred pace to a pre-determined mid-point. At that point, I adjust my pace to walk back more slowly with him. It’s easier for me to walk at his slower pace once I’ve had a chance to burn off some energy earlier. Not a perfect solution since part of our formerly joint walk is now solo, but a solution which leaves us both satisfied.

rachylou

Veteran

Distance walking is definitely different in my mind than traveling from car to a destination like a restaurant... Lilypup has just popped up in my mind. There’s definitely an instinctive point there where there’s a too far and it’s time to stop and look back... and on real treks, after initial zoomies, she’s always at heel no commands necessary... of course all bets are off on windy days. That dog races with the wind and forgets me entirely, haha!

taylor

Veteran

I am agreeing with Gaylene here.

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