Deb, right on!

Just to expand on my moody style. I like so-called androgynous or masculine clothes, and I also like some gowns in the recent Christian Dior couture collection http://www.style.com/fashionsh.....CTR-CDIOR/

Also, my Mom picked my clothes when I was growing up, and she had a rather mod and unfussy taste. And my hair was cut short because I was supposed to swim (hah! I hated swimming). I was never mistaken for a boy, however.
I envied other girls who had customized school uniforms with lace and ruffles and etc - my Mom kept mine very mod and minimalistic (we had standard brown dresses with interchangeable black or white aprons, and white cuffs and collars. Kind of hideous). Did I grow up to be obsessed with ruffles and etc? No. I'm kind of leaning towards my Mom's mod style. It's interesting because I'm a little surprised that I haven't rebelled, so to speak. Hee, I did grow up to become obsessed with color, though. Sorry if this is off topic.

*chuckle*

See how loaded this question is! That's why I got a little stuck myself. It's been interesting to ponder and your comments are fascinating. So many perspectives on so called feminine, womanly and sexual dressing. What does dressing in feminine ways really mean? At the end of the day its what it means to you.

Deb, loved your comment!

I think we are doing injustice to ourselves if we limit feminine concept to sexuality. To me feminine means a lot more than that, including (but not limited to) motherhood, creativity, divinity, intuition, strength, gentleness, giving nurture, gracefulness, etc.

Dressing style of a women is a combination of a lot of these aspects just as a women is a combination of all of things. I can be dressed in many ways based on my different roles and different parts of my personality, as a professional, mother, academic, athlete, singer, camper, party lover, etc.I can say the common point in all these dressing styles is that reflect my femininity. Wouldn't the alternative be against our nature?

And yes we can also be sexy. I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting and enjoying that once in a while.

Hmm, one of my more embarrassing memories was being told by a man on a train (as a slim, short-haired 17 year old on jeans and a t shirt) that he thought I was a boy until he saw noticed my breasts. I was large breasted even then, and feel that no matter what I wear I still look feminine because of my obviously feminine shape.

Having said that, I do feel that I dress in a feminine way. I like clothes that flatter my curves, even if they are traditionally masculine items like trousers and suits. I also love shoes with heels. I don't like girly looks, but I definitely want to look like a woman when I walk out the door. I work in a male-dominated field, have cut my hair short and usually don't wear make-up or nail polish, but I feel very feminine.

I'm sure I dress feminine 100%. I wear voluminous dresses and oxfords too but the diference is in the details: Love make-up, have always my hands perfect, love accessories, love heels and bags.
I do not wear flowers, bows, pink or many colors. I prefer red and black but I'm 100% I dress in a very feminine way.

Hmmm... very loaded question.

I feel like a woman and therefore you could argue that no matter what way I dress, I am inherently feminine. However, looking at our cultural norms, I do dress in a feminine manner because I wear skirts, bright colours, ruffles, bows and so on. However I am aware of their cultural context so I guess the question is whether I wear them because of or in spite of the social commentary associated with wearing something like a pencil skirt or red lipstick.

However, I do wear certain items of clothing because they emphasise my womanly curves, and make me feel and look sexy. So where does that leave me?

I think that my personality and the way I carry myself is very feminine. But, I don't know that I always dress in a feminine way. It really depends on my mood. I am drawn to ruffles and lace, but in an understated way. If it's too frilly, I shy away from it. I don't know why but too much feminine frill and I think "granny", on me. I have always shied away from skirts and dresses, but that's mostly a comfort thing. I have sensory issues and hosiery and the footwear that accompanies most dresses isn't comfortable to me. Too bad too, because my husband loves feminine dresses on me.
I love makeup and styling my hair and my girls' hair (when they cooperate). I can't tolerate short hair on me, even a very feminine cut. I feel too "tough" or "exposed" in short hair. I am shy by nature so everything must be subdued for fear of "standing out" too much.

Thanks, Angie! It is a really thought-provoking question.

Thinking more on this, I think my name factors in there, too. (even though I'm Dusty by choice, not by birth) My husband has an androgynous name and people sometimes get confused who is who (the little old lady at church who sent out birthday cards address mine Mr. Dusty and Hubby's Ms. Korey for a couple of years until we got married and then she figured it out when it was my last name that changed.)

I had a pixie cut once upon a time and I felt I really had to girl it up while I had that because I just looked like a teenage boy. ( Hubby was never comfortable with that hair cut.) I can honestly say that I don't think I'll ever go back. I think I need the long hair to balance out the rest.

I try to add more feminine touches to my look recently. Paying attention to the cuts and shapes of clothing to add/bring out more curves. When I dress very preppy it is easy for me to look very masculine as those pieces tend to hide my not very pronounced curves. Although when I turn around, the bum, is woman all the way.

This is a very interesting question, and the responses point to how differently we all view terms like "feminine." To me, feminine does not equal womanly or "of or like a woman," it gets at what society thinks women *should* be (in other words, socially constructed gender norms), especially in polar opposition to masculine, or what men should be. I have always been more androgynous in terms of my personality and behavior (meaning, a mix of both traditionally defined "feminine" traits such as warmth and caring, as well as "masculine" traits such as authoritative, decisive, tough, etc.); my appearance reflects this, to some degree.

My answer may sound a little stuffy :). But, I can't help but think about it in terms that are both personal and academic, since gender is something I examine in my work.

Wow, interesting topic. It's got me thinking. I agree with Taylor -- 2 different things -- dressing in a feminine way vs dressing in a sexual way. If I am going out with hubby I think I feel more comfortable dressing in a sexual way. Not really sexual, just a bit flirtatious. If I am by myself or with a group, but w/out hubby, I decidedly do NOT want to dress in a sexual way. Feminine ok, sexy not ok. I used to ask hubby "does this look too revealing, too tight, etc.", because I felt like I didn't want to send out the wrong vibe and I wasn't sure what vibe I was sending! I think I have more confidence now.

About femininity -- if I am wearing flat shoes I feel unfeminine. I am low to the ground and more sturdy. When I have heels on I feel more feminine and my mom even said that my body posture, gait, etc. is completely different. So for me it's all about the shoes.

I don't like using words like "feminine" or "masculine" to describe clothing.
Feminine is an attitude to me. I'm proud of my femininity whether or not I'm wearing an androgynous look or a floral print dress.
And Angie, you are most certainly a lady. I want to be like you when I grow up.

I've written a lot about this here, so I don't want to just repeat what I've said on other posts. LOP, what you said about dressing for different roles resonated a lot for me, except I'm not sure that all the parts of my personality and roles are related to femininity.

There's also a division within myself, though, in terms of how I view gender intellectually and how I actually treat gender in my own life. Intellectually, I view gender as constructed, and even sex as largely constructed, with few essential or "natural" components. (There are exceptions, obviously, which is why I said largely.) Dress, then, is one way that we construct our gendered identity and, in turn, a way in which we are constructed as "female" or "male."

All that said, when it comes to the way that I carry myself, the way that I dress, and the way that I generally act, I think most people would say that it's very feminine. I've struggled with this in a variety of ways because in some ways I know that it undermines my authority in professional settings, especially since I'm also pretty petite. I also think that my appearance allows me to "get away" with some more radical views and still be accepted within pretty mainstream groups because I don't "look" like a radical feminist and therefore I don't seem threatening in that way. I feel, though, like I'm selling out in some ways - like I'm disguising myself for my own convenience, or for other people's benefit, or something inauthentic. Yet, I really really like heels, and sometimes I even like clothing that is sexy, as identified earlier in the thread - pencil skirts, form fitting tops, etc. (I don't think I ever dress in a way that is vulgar, though.) I'm not reconciled to the fact that I like these things, though - I'm always trying to resist it and examine my own reasons for being drawn to those silhouettes.

Finally, I'm starting to realize that I would like to incorporate a little more "toughness" into my look, which isn't exactly masculine but not feminine either (nor is it exactly androgynous). This is really new territory for me, though, and I think it's partly related to feeling a bit vulnerable in other areas of my life and wanting to compensate by looking less vulnerable at least.

Yes, I do. I don't really think about it though. I don't see myself as a girly person, but as a woman who makes an effort with my style, I feel inherently feminine. As far as style goes, I guess I see femininity as enhancing and flattering feminine features and this increases the more you dress well. The important point is that it is done with style.

I was rereading some of the comments, and I don't really agree that femininity is elusive. I think it's just an aspect of our bodies, rather than our clothing. So I don't think it really matters what you wear but once again how you wear it. If one notices immediately a shapely leg or even a graceful neck, the look is inherently feminine. I'm sure even ruffles could cover everything up or just overpower all of the feminine features.

So many interesting responses!

Crwilson (and others mentioning social conditioning around femininity) --

>>>I feel, though, like I'm selling out in some ways - like I'm disguising myself for my own convenience, or for other people's benefit, or something inauthentic.

I really struggled with this for a long time, and as a result just "opted out" of the style stakes. Dressing in baggy black didn't really change the world around me, and in fact I don't think it did me any favors professionally or personally.

To a large degree I now dress quite at odds with my personality in terms of silhouette, but I really ENJOY the "disguise" factor as it catches many off guard. Maybe you could try embracing that!

Also, I really enjoy reclaiming womanly looks for myself vs having them be solely the historical/current currency of woman trying to "catch" a man. Having a closet that now contains streamlined, no-nonsense neutrals as well as bolder color + prints lets me play off *those** two aspects of my personality while the more traditionally female shapes distract to some degree.

[I swear I think I my recent Grandma's-bedspread-print-top purchase may have gotten me where I am in this job...maybe my now-boss figured anyone brave enough to wear it could handle dissent!]

I also think the above is why I'm not at all drawn to so-called tough/edgy looks; in mainstream America many of my beliefs are so edgy that I feel no need to advertise, ha. Instead of lipstick on a pig it's a flounce on a feminist.

Wow, what a great topic! I've read all the responses thus far, and I gotta say...I would lurve to have a tea party with all of you, and we could keep talking about this and so much more.

So many comments resonated with me, but I didn't make a list so I'll strike out on my own. I do dress in a "feminine" way, if that term means skirts & dresses. I look much younger than I am, and lately I have been making a conscious effort to avoid clothes that look girly, in favor of clothes that are womanly (i.e. grown-up). Generally, I am not a flouncy-feminine dresser, but rather a "Yep, I'm a woman"-feminine dresser.

Since the topic of dressing sexy has come up more than once in the comments...
My body is a petite & busty hourglass, and form-fitted clothing seems to give off a sexy vibe whether I intend it to or not. That used to be very upsetting, because it isn't always my intention to look sexy, but my physical attributes/shape fit a cultural norm that sends a very strong message of sexuality. When I was quite young I tried to evade that interpretation of my body with baggy jeans, big t-shirts, etc., but I learned that even if I do try to cover up my "sexy" features, people's curiosity for "what's under there" is endless.

So I let it go. I dress to please myself, and accept that it may also be pleasing to other people (even in a way that I don't intend it to be). It took a long time for me to be okay with being pretty, to feel like it wasn't taking away from my maturity, respect, intellectual, & feminist ideals. Now, I like to enhance that prettiness with styles that are beautiful to me - sometimes they're curve-hugging, sometimes not, but I definitely tend toward soft fabric, lovely colors, a general intention to create more beauty. To me, that is feminine dressing.

I definitely dress more masculine during "me" time (i.e. not working). Jeans, tee shirts, boots, plaid flannel. Part of it is because I was teased by girls at a young age and wanted to identify more with the boys. Part of it is because "dainty" and "graceful" just don't fit my personality. Part of it is because I grew up in - and often visit - an area where obvious femininity (e.g. short dresses, high heels, cleavage accents) will usually bring disrespect (e.g. catcalls, whistles). Part of it is that I feel my body is SO feminine that I need to tone it down.

However, I still like my clothes to fit my body well and flatter me in general.

I feel strongly (along the lines of Deb's comment) that femininity comes from within. So for example, to me, some men dressed as men are much more feminine than some women I know. Heck, some men are much more feminine than I am. My thinking isn't really clear on this yet, but I would answer, yes, I dress in a feminine way as is, but not to the degree that I would like. I think different gradations are right for different people.

I am no doubt 100% girlie-girl

I think my wardrobe is getting more feminine by the minute! For most of my career I dressed in business suits, which are by definition pretty masculine. But these days I am all about the whole bombshell thing. Which is interesting because I think most people would say my personality is anything but stereotypically feminine.

I think the most feminine part of me is my penchance for high heels.

I'm often described as a feminine dresser, even my tattoos are quite feminine in style, I'm softly spoken and can count on one hand the number of times I have sworn BUT I deal with the finances in my household and I'm the problem solver. I like to be a book which is slightly different to it's cover!

With my build, I probably couldn't look masculine even if I wanted to!! The constant presence of jewelry, cheerful colours and a decidedly girly perfume cements my status as a feminine dresser, I'd say. I'm not a huge fan of gender stereotyping in general (I don't believe in feminine music or literature, for instance), but when it comes to my own fashion choices I think there's very little room for interpretation. Angie and others, do speak out if I project a wholely different vibe from the one I think I send out!

Hello, Dress Queen here! I guess that makes my answer a big "yes." In fact I think my boyish cropped hair helps cut through the potentially over-the-top girlie-girlness of my dresses and my facial features. It's all about the contrast, right?

I don't care for girly girl styles- ruffles, lace, bows, but I think I dress femininely. I prefer a cleaner interpretation, slim pants which hug the hips or a boat neck which opens up the neck. I'm not a fan of overly rugged boots but I also don't like high heels. My body is angular and thin so it could be considered feminine in a delicate or elegant way, but not in a voluptuous way. So I don't know, I guess I'm feminine in an understated way?

LoP, I guess I just don't find anything you mentioned other than motherhood to he exclusively feminine or even relating in any way to femininity.

Nor does all of that necessarily translate when I dress.

I see feminine and masculine dressing as having to do with body shape and basic biology, which is why I associate it with dressing sexually. Darkening and plumping up the lips and striving to create that perfect .7 W:H ratio in women, or bulking up the shoulders and slimming the waist in men, among other things.

Everything else about daintyness, grace, softness, etc. is just stereotyping. It wasn't my intention to bring in all sorts of feminist philosophy into this conversation, but it's almost impossible not to.

Ultimately my answer remains unchanged. Sometimes I dress stereotypically feminine and sometimes I don't.

I don't like to wear florals, or lots of ruffles or lace. But I love skirts and dresses and darts and seaming ( shaping ).....I also like a restrained ruffle here and there.

My little girl, who is seven, LOVES frippery ! Pink, glitter, pretty shoes, bows, chiffon....you get the idea. But she will take down a teenage boy at the park if he pisses her off. I remember once when she pinned her much larger brother to the wall while she was wearing a pink tutu. ( Ahhhhh.....she's going to grow up to be like MaryK, makes me proud !!! )

I've not read the other replies yet. Angie, you always look very feminine. I think bone structure, body type, age, hair and features enter into a femine look just as much as clothing does. As a small busted rectangle I've never looked good in feminine touches like puffy sleeves, tiered ruffled skirts, ditsy florals, gathered waists, the color pink etc. much to my mother's dismay. Tailored bows such as the bow blouse, beads, bangle bracelets, cute flats or low heels, coral and turquoise help me to feel that I've added a feminine touch.
I like tailored clothing in soft fabrics like silk or cashmere or made of lace. If the clothing in these fabrics also has ruffles or gathers, it's too much for me.

I think Michelle articulated what's on my mind better than I can.

That being said, I am learning that one of the plus sides to being a busty hourglass who is comfortable wearing form - fitting clothes is that I can incorporate some aspect of stereotypically masculine clothing into my style - such as a waistcoat - and feel like I can make the look feminine.

I know that this thread is mainly about style, not about cuts, but it's also become clear to me that I cannot possibly wear clothing that is not cut to countour the curves of a woman's body. Shapeless shirts or sack dresses make me look awful, like my entire body is as wide as my bust and hips. Trying to find trousers/dress pants is a joke right now. So even if dresses and pencil skirts are going out of fashion, I will happily continue to wear them because they suit me and my shape.

I also don't think that short or long hair is inherently "masculine" or "feminine." Angie's very short crop makes her delicate, ladylike features and perfectly lipsticked smile a center focus. I've sported a short crop before (not as short as Angie's, but still short) and never felt for a second that I was less feminine for it. I've also seen many long-haired women that seem aged or dragged down by their hair because they don't bother to maintain it - it's always pulled back in a harsh tight ponytail - and I really don't understand how merely keeping long hair makes a person more feminine.