Inconsiderate neighbors rant - YouLookFab Forum

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Inconsiderate neighbors rant

JulieJohn

Veteran

I'm troubled and I want to vent. Why? I guess I want to hear I'm not crazy, and I want a little YLF sympathy. If you feel I'm out of line I want to hear that too, but be gentle with me. Sorry it's long.

Our neighbors have loud parties late into the night. One time it went till 4:30 am. The bass thumps in my brain and skin, and periodically they all scream like some hellish, hair-raising tribe of madmen. Our properties are really close to each other. So, it's not fun. Sometimes I call them, sometimes I bang on the heavy door. They don't answer. Ugh. You can't yell to get their attention even in the daytime because it's like a gated community of one house, behind a high fence with large dogs. I didn't used to call the cops in past years (they've lived next door for about 20 years), but now I do. I don't like involving the cops but I've found no other options.

Last night was another party. They told our landlord ahead of time it was party night, but didn't talk to us about it. They told the landlord to call if there was a problem with the noise. Well, yeah, there was a problem. Our law states 10pm is the time to quiet down. I waited till 10:30 pm then called, they didn't answer. I left a voicemail saying we couldn't sleep, please quiet down. Waited till 11:30, nobody called back and they were still very loud, so then I called the cops. The neighbors turned the music down after the cops arrived but kept screaming until 1:00 am. Screaming.

The neighbor called me today to tell me she thought our call to the cops was inconsiderate. I discussed it politely with her, thanked her for the call. She said we ruined the Sweet 16 party. I asked her what she recommends we do, and she said get some earplugs. She thinks it's perfectly normal to party loudly into the wee hours. She blamed me because she may be fined for her many infractions. I didn't engage at an emotional level, but told her I thought it was good that we were at least talking about it.

Yes, it was a weekend, but sometimes we work weekends in the wedding industry. True, these parties only happen occasionally, but I wouldn't want to be poisoned or beaten, even if it only happened occasionally. This feels like a beating. If you've ever been sleep-deprived and woken up by a scream time and time again, you know it makes your nerves raw.

My plan for next time: tell the neighbor ahead of time, by way of a note or voicemail if they don't answer, what time I'm planning on calling the cops. It will probably be 10:30 pm, which leaves 1/2 hour grace period beyond the legal limit.

I'm sure some of you girls are hard-rockin' partiers. Do you do it in close residential areas or do you go out to clubs where it's ok to make some noise after hours?

What solutions have any of you found for troublesome neighbors?

You are a good and fab person for reading this, thanks.

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60 replies

Latest reply was from Adelfa

MsMary

Veteran

Oh, I feel your pain! My next-door apartment neighbor has an 11-ish-year-old child who loves to THUMP at all hours! LOL

Honestly, though, I feel like 10:30 and even 11:30 is a little early.to call the cops on a weekend. If it were every weekend, that would be one thing. But if it's as infrequently as, say, three or four times a year, and they give you advance notice, I'd give them until 1:00 a.m. or so before making the call.

I think expecting total quiet after 10:00 seven days a week, 365 days a year, is a little unreasonable. I think part of being neighborly is tolerating infrequent disturbances with grace. (But yeah -- 4:30 a.m is WAY too long for it to go on!) Could you hold out until midnight, at least?

ETA: Have you told them you work on weekends? That might engender a bit more compassion on their part.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

My neighbours used to like to party until 4 am too, but they gave us 1 week warning and after I told them I had to work on one of their party days, they offered to put me up in a hotel! It was very nice of them and they got to have their party and I got my sleep in a swanky hotel

They also made similar offers/accomodations to other neighbours. On non-work nights, I sometimes find it annoying that they party late, but appreciate the advanced notice.

carter

Veteran

Call the cops again, and again, and again. Forget being nice. These folks don't deserve it. I would absolutely call the cops every 20-30 minutes until they were quiet. I don't know how much fines are in your area, but the second offense here is $600. It goes up from there. If you're a pushover, they will walk all over you. Call the cops next time.

ETA: I guess I'm not as nice as the other women, but I don't tolerate habitual rude behavior.

Gigi

Veteran

Julie, no one should have to put up with what you describe, whether you're working the weekend or not. If they want to have a party that's going to be that raucous, they need to rent some kind of venue. You don't need to create THAT much noise to have a decent party.

I would continue calling the cops, as Carter has suggested. It sounds to me like you've tried your best to resolve this without calling the cops, and it just hasn't worked. Like I said, if they don't want to be fined, they can rent a venue where they won't disturb anyone. That's what venues are for.

JulieJohn

Veteran

MaryK - thank you! You are wise and compassionate, I appreciate you taking the time to craft this answer.

Our normal bedtime is around 8:30 or 9:00. We need lots of sleep to feel healthy. So 10:30 feels later to us than it might to other people. I do get that. But I also feel somewhat validated by the 10pm legal code. Sure, it was probably made by some crotchety early riser like me, but it sounds sensible.

I could hold out till midnight and beyond because obviously I did -- last night they didn't stop until 1 am. I just don't want to anymore. They always have a DJ and it's just so freakin' loud with the screaming and all, that even three times a year is too much. For that one night we are both on edge and frazzled, and the next day we are so tired and drained.

If I had waited till midnight to call the neighbor, past evidence tells me the party would still have been going strong. The cops would still have eventually been called, and I'd still be in the same boat with my neighbor.

I haven't told them we work weekends, but I will. I doubt they will care one way or the other, but there's no sense withholding the information.

One of the neighbor's many comments to me was that DH and I are just renters. She owns her house and should have the right to make as much noise as she wants as late as she wants, since she only does it occasionally. Hey man, renters have feelings too!

Do you have a mantra you chant or any other advice to help when the noise gets so loud it reverberates in your body, since you have a similar problem?

I love total quiet, however I honestly don't expect total quiet after 10pm 365 days a year. I would settle for some light party noise, of course. I just want it quieter than bass that thumps so loudly you can feel it even with earplugs and two walls between us, and a DJ over a PA system, and loud screams. I am ranting again, thanks for listening. (sigh)

abc

Veteran

Is there any chance the sweet 16 party could have been a quincenera? If so I can add context that may help. If not totally disregard my reply!

JulieJohn

Veteran

Lyn* - thank you! Your reply made me smile. Your neighbors sound posh, mine just offered me earplugs. Unless mine are going to put me up in a swanky hotel I don't think advance notice will help. I appreciate your reply so much.

Carter - thank you so much! And you are super nice, I know from your track record here on the forum. But I appreciate your support, and firm stance. I have a bad habit of being a pushover, and I am trying to break myself of this habit which I believe others can sense. Thank you!

Gigi - yes, thank you! I appreciate your wisdom and support, you make me feel validated. I'm glad I'm not the only person who thinks this is wrong. If I was Rambo, I'd say they drew first blood!

MsMary

Veteran

Well, it sounds like the noise you are talking about is significantly louder than the noise I'm talking about. If it's so loud it sounds and feels like you're in the party room, then yeah -- that's too much.

Obviously she's wrong about her rights as a homeowner, and you really do have the upper hand here because you have the power to do as Carter suggests and just call the cops over and over again and get their parties shut down on a regular basis.

When my LIttle Mr. Thumpy gets too loud, too late, I bang back on the wall and fortunately that seems to shut him down. And also I have called the apartment management and asked them to speak to his parents.

Speaking of which... On thing you might try is to approach this as a problem between you and your landlord. Make a complaint to your landlord about the noise and put the ball in his or her court to deal with the problem.

JulieJohn

Veteran

abc - Thank you! It could have been a quince, please tell me the context, I would appreciate that. From my house it sounded just like all of their other parties with a DJ, loud thumping bass that permeates your body, and people screaming. I realize a quinceanera is a big deal to a young lady and her family, but does it need to be absolutely insanely loud? As a big deal, that's all the more reason to have it at a hall, though they said they couldn't afford it when we talked about that.

Gigi

Veteran

Julie, the fact that you're a renter has nothing to do with it. Just because they own their property does not give them the right to disturb other people.

IMO, this isn't much different from having to share close quarters with a smoker, if you are a nonsmoker. Both affect your health (the noise emotionally and also through lack of sleep), and you can't simply "escape" and go someplace else. If this was about nonsmokers smoking outside your house when there is some kind of nonsmoking law in force, I don't think anyone would bat an eye if you called the cops.

I agree that what you have described feels like a beating. When the bass is so loud that it reverberates in your body, that feels violating.

I have no patience for people who are so blatantly inconsiderate. This isn't a college dorm, people! I remember when my college friend and I were looking for an off-campus apartment our junior year. We were talking to the current tenant of an apartment we were interested in, and we asked her about noisy neighbors. She said, "When you're out in the real world, when it gets noisy, you call the cops." And that was that.

It sounds to me like you're a reasonable person, Julie, and have tried to do what you could on a reasonable level. However, the other party is NOT being reasonable. That's what cops are for, to rein in people who are not reasonable. Laws exist for a reason.

Man, I've probably written more than you have on this thread! This topic gets me going too.

JulieJohn

Veteran

MaryK - Thanks again! I appreciate the suggestion and the spirit in which it is given. xoxo

Our landlord is not impressed with these neighbors as well, and had the party been in the front half of the lot, the landlord would have been the one calling the cops!

We can't put the ball in our landlord's court because our landlord is my MIL and her boyfriend. They are getting up in years and we try to pamper them and shelter them from the vagaries of life as much as we can.

Gigi

Veteran

Grr, I just read your last reply, Julie, about how they couldn't afford to have it at a hall. If that's the case, then they need to tone it down! This is beyond what any neighbor should have to endure.

I can feel my blood pressure rising right now!

MsMary

Veteran

Ah. Well, then. Well if the neighbor tries to play the "you're just a renter" card again, you need to shut. her. down. but fast and tell her you speak for the owner as well.

I'm convinced. I'm joining Team Carter.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

We live in a condo, so shared walls. Nosy neighbors are annoying. But I agree 10:30 is too early for calls to police. I sometimes work crazy hours in Tahoe, and always weekends. 6am start shift at the golf course, home for a nap in the afternoon, then a 5pm start at the pub job until midnight or later. So I get the need for sleep. And the annoyance of not getting it due to others' inconsiderate actions.
Honestly, the last time I had 'woo hoo ing' neighbors out on the deck with their music blasting, I just turned up Black Sabbath REALLY loud on our awesome stereo system for half an hour. It felt good at any rate

JulieJohn

Veteran

Gigi - you are too cute! And I mean that with the greatest respect.

I loved what you said about the smoker/nonsmoker and nobody batting an eye. It's true some causes are more acceptable than others. But I thank you deeply for agreeing it feels violating, so true.

Thanks gals for the tete-a-tete, it is truly therapeutic! I am touched to know you care enough to consider this icky subject and write back to me with such intelligence and kindness.

JulieJohn

Veteran

Gigi - I'd love to have you as my protector!

MaryK - Thanks, good advice. Go Team Carter!

Mo - Thank you! To clarify, my 10:30 call was to the neighbors, all I got was voicemail. The 11:30 call was to the cops. The neighbor did not respond to our 10:30 pm call until 10:43 am this morning to tell me what a rotten person I am. Sheesh! Black Sabbath, hmmm... or how about Spinal Tap? I run the risk that if my music is annoying they might like it. Also, I might annoy other neighbors, thus adding to the problem. But I get that it felt good, you rebel!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

you need volume 11 for Spinal Tap you know . . .

Isabel

Veteran

Julie, when I saw that you were ranting, I thought, "this MUST be big because she never, ever rants. "

I am in total agreement with Carter. COMPLETELY. There is a noise ordinance for a reason. And you have been unbelievably gracious. The problem here is that you alone cannot do the right thing. It takes both parties ( excuse the pun ) and one won't negotiate and feels superior. Start documenting every, single incidence. Give them one more shot at communication and make it uber clear that since the two of you are having trouble coming to an agreement, you will let the police handle it professionally from now on. End of story.

You work ! Why should you have to hold out until midnight ? Why can't they hold down the screaming and bass ? Serioulsy.

XXXXXXXXX

Hugs ! And let me know if you need me to fly out. Nothing like a crazy, middle-age , Portuguese women from the East Coat flagellating them with limp kale !

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Isabel - What an image you left in my mind!

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I know that community norms vary, but there are parties and there are parties. Anything where there's a DJ and you can hear the bass inside your own house is definitely the kind of case that I'd consider calling the cops about. When my neighbors have parties, because of the way the houses are built (it's basically an entire street of duplexes back to back ), if anyone's socializing outside and it's warm weather and you have the windows open, you can hear what's going on. But that's conversation and reasonably pitched music and such, not something out of Animal House.

Tl;dr: your area has noise ordinances, and you did your neighbors the courtesy of calling them first and they didn't answer before you called the cops. I don't think you need to feel badly at all.

JulieJohn

Veteran

Mo - he he - Eleven would show 'em! Well, it's one louder, you see.

Isabel - what a great tonic you are for my soul! I will let you know immediately if I need you to fly out, and I will lay in a supply of kale. Thank you for caring, and for noticing I don't usually rant. You are a good friend, sweetie.

Lyn* - she painted quite a picture for us, you're right.

JulieJohn

Veteran

Laura - Animal House - ha! That's an apt descriptor. Also you taught me the meaning of tl;dr: which I looked up - thank you! I appreciate your reply.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Oh, I can so empathize with you. I would wait until 12 to call the cops but, I also understand the blatant way they ignored you. And I understand the frustration and how it builds.

April

Veteran

Ugh. I am not a party girl or a late night person and can so sympathize with this, JJ. The house that we're selling is in a waterfront community that has several neighborhood parties a year -- sometimes right outside our windows. We only endured a couple of those before we decided not to be at the house on those occasions.

I realize that may not be an option for most people, but is there any other place you could plan to be on party nights? Maybe the neighbor would give you advance notice of party dates.

In the meantime, I think you're completely within your rights to report these noise violations. Peace at home is critical!

Claudia

Veteran

What a PITA. JJ, I think that you need to ask yourselves if a possible neighbor feud is worth it. Nothing can destroy enjoying your home and peace of mind like an escalating situation like this.

Since this is only an occasional happening, even though you are not in the wrong, nor the problem here, maybe the wise thing is to let it go, or wear ear plugs on those nights.

I live in the suburbs next to some town owned greenbelt protected wetlands. Some neighbors have bought their kids ATVs (all terrain vehicles) which they illegally ride in the woods right behind our house. On the weekends in the middle of winter with all the windows closed it sounds like someone using a chainsaw in the backyard for hours on end, or a race car speedway. You can surely imagine what it sounds like in the middle of summer with the windows open. It is illegal. A real noise nuisance, not to mention the damage to the environment and wildlife. I got fed up and called the police. The officer that took the call sounded irritated with me for reporting it. Within the week our house was paintballed at night, a drive by shooting that left neon paint all over the lower and upper levels of the house. Ours was the only home vandalized and these neighbors with the ATVs kids also owned paintball guns. Did I see them actually do this to our house? No. But I have no doubt what happened. It cost hundreds of dollars to hire someone to get up on a ladder and clean the paint off the wooden shingles. Thankfully nothing more happened, but we were waiting for the next shoe to drop for some time after this.

Anyway, I feel for you.

Irene

Veteran

Whoa. I lived in an eight-people flat when I had my Erasmus year (we had our own bathrooms) and the girl living right next to my room was incredibly noisy. She had just her room, which didn't allow for huge parties, obviously, but she would have her friends over all the time and they were just sooo loud. Like, when they watched TV programs like American Idol I could actually sing along with the singers (the girls weren't singing, they were just laughing, so imagine how loud it was). It would last until three or four sometimes, on weekdays (I had classes the day after). A couple of times I had to come out and bang on her door... I won't go into details, but it didn't turn out so well.

You have to be understanding, and if it's only three or four times a year, well, I would probably suck it up. But it is sad that they don't even try to make it more bearable for you. I would be ashamed of myself if my neighbours came to me with complaints, it would make me feel really bad. My current flatmate doesn't complain but when I asked her if she had heard me come home from the airport (suitcase, stairs, etc) on Thursday at midnight and she admitted she had I still felt bad.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Unfortunately living near other people can suck. They feel entitled to party; you feel entitled to sleep. I doubt they will stop partying, nor will you stop sleeping. So what, pragmatically, can you do if neither of you will change? Think about actions you personally can do, since you can't control the other person (besides calling the authorities). How can you soundproof your bedroom? Would earplugs help? Can you spend those nights elsewhere?

I understand the annoyance of horrible neighbors, I've had them. It is infuriating.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

We used to have neighbors like this - they weren't even right next door, but three doors down and we could STILL hear the parties because the parties were like outdoor rock concerts, complete with rock band on stage! It was a college town and much more casual in central Austin way back then. And they didn't even invite us.

Luckily, we weren't the only ones complaining and after the last really BIG party I imagine the cops came based on many phone calls besides just our own. You should have seen them scatter! I assume they were worried about being arrested for much more than loud noise. They moved out not long after that - in this case they were the renters so we lucked out I guess.

I wonder if your other neighbors are also complaining? I'd find out.

JAileen

Veteran

We have a neighbor like that. Loud parties that went until 5 am. Once, a couple of guys were still passed out on the front lawn when we went out to pick up the paper in the morning. A bunch of neighbors got together and talked to him. That did nothing. We and other neighbors just regularly started calling the police until it stopped. He was breaking the law pure and simple. Disturbing the peace. Further, there's a law against public intoxication. He still lives there but hasn't done this for some time. He's not invited to the annual block party. I wonder if he even knows.

Don't worry about being "nice" to your neighbors because they sure aren't worrying about being nice to you.

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